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Why did you do something so drastic A couple in bed in London Polyisoprenes, alias rubbers, Abu, a young dapper Afghan, Disposable condoms? Not me! Said my girlfriend last night, "Dear I wish you In ancient Japan, I hear tell, Requiring a condom in Moore, Young Amy from Sturminster Newton, Said a prissy young miss of Delaware The erstwhile maid, formerly, QUONDAM, Billy and Jim Bob and Bubba, While cleaning inside of his Lincoln, "A chapeau is a hat," Frenchy said, A madam named Kay, of Green Turds, When the nipples we fingered grew spry; The athlete, both handsome and young She created a wild WILLIWAW, In the wild, there's no looking back; Disposable condoms? Not Me! A young man embarked on a date, He utilized thin latex aids, Such deep foreknowledge or PRESCIENCE I went 'round to Sally's last night, Oh where can SFA's condom be? A silly old maid in Penn Yan There was a young man of Penzance, (Published 1870)
All the streams that water the lea, At Vassar, sex isn't injurious, A thrifty old Scot was MacDubbers "Disposable condoms? Not me! A co-ed whose thinking was cool, In Spring, Miss May marries Perse. Each morning the messy pavement showed There was a girl named Denise A lecher, decrepit and wizen, There once was a modern young chick, (Sheik - brand of rubber prophylactics)
When young Jack got it on with sweet Jill, "This condom is worthless!" yelled Jack, There once was a handsome Haitian, A slick condom salesman named Gample, Young Jesse prepared for a screw, Laughed an easy young woman named Mae, Without wishing to lame your machismo, How could my machismo be lamed I once had a PRUDENTIAL pal, With caution, your pal so PRUDENTIAL I'll continue on till I am loved, The advice of your mom I won't follow; I've sad recollections of France where She winked as she smiled and then said, Or maybe (tee-hee) worn by Clyde, We phallus who live here in Texas And woe to the fellow who lacks his, Join Tids in the used condom racket! (Ogg latex company)
I've spit out my gum in my palm. Ingredients too small to read; Examine the packet some more -- I've been to the dentist today. Then just as he laid them aside, I thought that the stuff was a waste When condoms and bras, you landlubbers, I've found this fine fact quite perusable, While shopping for rubbers, young Wise So Wise slipped his prick in her twat. So Lew, by the lady unwitting,
Just so you could be orgiastic?
You should take more care
When working down there.
Ain't you and your wife heard of plastic?
--- Anon
Did not think to first buy a condom.
With a clear plastic bag
Tied on with a rag,
They made do -- they did it -- it stayed on!
--- Thunderwing
Were first worn on the feet of landlubbers.
Now they're use to appease
Venereal disease
Much better than pharmaceutical scrubbers.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Has affairs in his mule caravan.
Since no condoms exist
In that cold mountain mist,
He makes do with a wrap called Saran.
--- The Sailor P0310
Saran Wrap is my cup of tea!
I use it just once
In assholes or cunts
Then hang it to dry in a tree.
--- Oddo von Schlong TP9802
Would use something stronger than tissue
To stifle the squirm
Of your wriggling sperm,
Else I fear we'll be faced with an issue!"
--- Norm Storer
For condoms they used tortoiseshell.
Enjoyment was rare,
Except when the pair
Were masochists; must have been hell.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The G.I. rushed into a store.
"No, not Durex," he said,
"Give me Pyrex instead --
I got a hot dish out the door."
--- Hugh Oliver A096A
Whose hot little pussy's a cute 'un,
Lies down with her thighs
Spread apart, but the guys
She insists put a Wellington Boot on.
--- Anon
To her panting young men, "I am well aware
You're for contact direct,
But since you're erect,
Put on this, which I make every fella wear."
--- Keith MacMillan A030BA
Had many lads -- frequently conned 'em.
But you can be sure,
'Twas her practice pure
To always be safe with a condom.
--- Daniel Ford
Are all fond of gals. Hubba! Hubba!
Their kinship is caring,
Their motto is: sharing,
And Tuesday's Jim's turn with the rubba.
--- Lims For Year - 01
He spotted the source of the stinkin';
A rubber, all spent,
Had been lodged in a vent,
Left there on a night of hard drinkin'.
--- Cap'n Bean P9808
"A capeau is a condom in bed.
Get the two switched in Paris
And it's sure to embarrass,
And your hat will be tight on your head."
--- Don Moore P0211
Threw old cundrums out for the birds.
When ten thousand collected,
Her neighbors objected
In a torrent of four-letter words.
--- G2359
When the very first condom -- awry;
And our very first her --
Magnificent blur;
How the days of our youth hurry by.
--- Irving Superior P9607
Was really respectably hung.
To the druggist's surprise
Asked for condoms half size;
"I need them," he said, "for my tongue!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410
When to her great horror, she saw
That her handsome don
Had his condom gone,
When time came for him to withdraw.
--- Chris Papa
For a harem, the studs never lack.
But the stud farm's main tactic
Is a big prophylactic,
So the horse shoots his seed in a sack.
--- Actaeon
I use washable ones, and have three
They're holey and glow,
But all just for show,
'Cause I've had a vasectomy.
--- Friar T9801
Had PRESCIENCE to anticipate
Protection of sorts,
For Love's little sports,
And not leave his chances to fate.
--- Chris Papa
From motherhood to protect maids,
Who also might keep
Bad germs down there, deep,
Like syphilis, clap, and feared AIDS.
--- Chris Papa
Shows great awareness and conscience,
For that covered hose
Will save him and Rose
From damnation and excrescence.
--- Daniel Ford
To sample an evening's delight.
So deep was the screw
That when I was through,
The condom was nowhere in sight.
--- SFA
Is it stuck in some poor girl's kidney?
Or has it found room
To lodge in her womb...
With some other assorted debris.
--- David Miller
Once dreamed she was made by a man,
Who hopped into bed
With a rubber, she said,
That was clearly stamped "Made in Japan."
--- Grand Prix Lim 255
Who rogered his three maiden aunts.
Though them, he defiled,
He ne'er got them with child,
Through using the letters of France.
--- L0952
Are quite pestilential with pee.
But the gallons of sperm,
Spread nary a germ;
In rubber they float to the sea.
--- G1410A
Though of love, we are never penurious.
Thanks to vulcanized aids,
Though we may die old maids,
At least we shall never die curious.
--- L1279A
Who looked like he'd been through the scrubbers.
He spent nights on the benches
Carousing with wenches,
And his days he spent patching his rubbers.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0252
I find them restrictive, you see...
When I've just had a screw,
And then dash to the loo,
I'm still hard and they fill up with pee!"
--- Friar
Seduced a young man at her school.
To avoid her conception,
And prevent an infection,
A condom was put on his tool.
--- Anon
'Til then, their pash' they disburse,
With a thin piece of rubber.
There's no need to scrub 'er.
Of course, there's no harm to rehearse.
--- L0954
This is file omm
Lover's Lane rendezvous have not slowed.
Where used condoms are thrown,
Locals call it Firestone;
It is where the rubber meets the road.
--- Bob Aldrich P0606
Whose twat, pro hockey did lease.
I don't know who taught her,
Must be a goal tender's daughter,
So many rubbers had passed through her crease.
--- Anon A
Spent much on young gals to BEDIZEN.
They loved the old bore,
While he, condom wore,
To make sure their kids weren't his'n.
--- Chris Papa
Who wished above all to be chic.
She thought it much neater
(Not to mention discreeter)
To do it with a sheik with a "Sheik."
--- L0919
By the well that was up on the hill,
On his very last stroke
'Twas his condom that broke,
Causing semen, not water, to spill.
--- Bob Birch P0208
As he handed the unopened pack
To the clerk at the store;
"It the same as before,
The package falls out of her crack!"
--- Travis
The luckiest dog in creation.
He worked for the rubber trust,
Teaching the upper crust
The science of safe copulation.
--- L0930
Believed he should set an example.
To prove his reliance,
He dazzled his clients
By thoroughly testing each sample.
--- Blair Borden
Not wearing one condom but two.
His girlfriend did ask:
Why do you that task?
He said: I must wear one for you....
--- Anon
After having a romp in the hay,
"I know all about grief:
This time, what relief --
No damned brat over nine months away.
--- Armand Singer
You could use a soft rubber gizmo,
That'll stop this extrusion
From-cock-in-cunt fusion,
And neatly wrap up all your jizmo.
--- Jon Pendrous
By that little gizmo that claimed
The fruit of my passion
In businesslike fashion,
While letting me shoot where I aimed?
--- Randog
Who said, "Before I have sex, I shall
A nice condom use,
Lest erotic Muse
Be a dire, disease spreading gal."
--- Chris Papa
Did exercise judgment essential
To skip at low cost,
When possibly sauced,
Life-altering facts consequential.
--- Daniel Ford
No matter how hard I am shoved.
Mama spoke of the day,
I'd be deep in the fray,
And to be sure all feelings are gloved.
--- Req
While probing the depths of her hollow,
The girl who is loved
By a hand that is gloved,
Most often won't suck, much less swallow.
--- John Miller
A stripper stripped out of her dancewear,
And asked, "Got protection?"
Then I, with dejection
Said, "Oops, I forgot to bring lancewear."
--- Travis Brasell
"No problem. I've condoms, instead!"
She then, from her crack,
Pulled out a used pack
And quipped, "Worn last April by Fred."
--- Travis Brasell
A syphilis patron I tried."
I heard as I scurried
Away: "Don't be worried --
The jizz in these rubbers has dried!"
--- Travis Brasell
Are careful to use PROPHYLAXIS.
We'll slip on a condom
As we've grown quite fond 'em.
We feel that it really protects us.
--- Gary
Or installing it, sloppily packs his.
For it ain't PROPHYLACTIC.
This tactic will lack stick.
I know a smart fellow who tacks his.
--- Gary
Recycle those wee rubber jackets!
Put them in a blender,
Press flat, then you'll render
Them fit for a chewing gum packet.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It does not look like a used condom.
It's cinnamon red,
But I look with dread
At the packet where it came from.
--- Anon
Some magnification I need.
I still cannot see,
But think there might be
A "recycle" symbol to heed.
--- Anon
Ain't Wrigleys ner Beeches for sure.
It's something with "X"
Oh, NO!! Ogg Laytex!!
I'm taking it back to the store.
--- Anon
He poked in his usual way.
His rubber-gloved hand
Tasted typically bland,
As he perused my state of decay.
--- Anon
He looked at the label and cried,
"These gloves aren't Playtex!
They're made by Ogg Latex!
I thought they felt squishy inside!"
--- Anon
But Mabel would beg for a taste.
"Oh please get me some
Of Ogg's Latex Gum",
And here I had thought she was chaste.
--- Anon
Get tangled in the laundry scrubbers,
'Twill be a big mess,
I'd say nonetheless,
For then you will have 'cups and rubbers.'
--- Travis Brasell
And I've pondered it here feeling musable...
I was shocked, even so,
To find out that you know
That a condom can be quite reusable.
--- Jeanie
Was asked by the lady, "What size?"
He replied, "I'm not sure."
Said the lady demure,
"I will check -- slip your prick in my thighs."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2387
"Size seven," she said, and he bought
A dozen or two.
Then he told his friend Lew
What a wonderful bargain he got.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2388
Was checked, but he blew before quitting.
When she asked him how many,
Came the answer, "Not any,
I simply came in for a fitting."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2389
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