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A dazzling young harpist named Dick A self absorbed harpist named Mott There was a musician named Scarp It's hard to play harp, and no doubt, "I know what I want for my present!" My ex-girlfriend, Winona M. Donkers, Such music she played on the harp; A most musical Greek named Demeter, (oud - stringed instrument like a mandolin)
A violinist chum has, unhappily, A man with a gift for the fiddle Jean de Beaucaire, a creature aloof, A comedy fiddler named Ray Vanessa, if only I may The Flaxen-haired Girl by Debussy For sale: One viola. As new. Violas, get proud and get mean! A lovely young girl from New Delhi If a fiddle you try to scrape, A young violinist named Biddle There was a musician named Brad There once was a man with a fiddle, The world loves a violin, of course; A repellent young fellow named Bellow, An authentic performer called Kyle To old supervisor McBiddle An amateur fiddler named Brad Pinkas Z., a violinist with broad A clumsy virgin maid from Riddle A musical soldier named Bager Lawrence Welk has got something quite new; A bandleader out in Lahore A depraved old Jew from Estretto, A young violinist in Rio, She gets meat to the beat of Purcell, There was a young fellow named Gibb Every night, King Alphonse the something (cantigas - Iberian folk songs of love)
Though I'm blessed with a tight little trio, A trio that's twice normal size? There was a young lady named Lena Sometimes there are airs grave and gentle, (panegyric - eulogy)
You start pianissimo, lento, Before our Fugue, play your Toccata, I'm told by the ladies of Salz- While banging away, common meter Although Randog may be aghast, (Dave Brubeck - Take Five)
Six-eight signatures are quite renowned I once knew an Argentine whore, A lady from West Oklahoma, You just let me between your legato, When a musical student of Berkeley A musical harlot was Polly; In Paris, a man called Jerome A maestro directing in Rome, The Minute Waltz, I use all day. That sexy conductor, Fernando, Accordion to your innuendo, An oddball musician from Lytham (to busk - entertain with music)
There was a young cat from Carlisle, In Versailles, the young Baron Des Fesses There was a young Royal Marine, At a concert one night in Eindhoven, Ker-plinkety plunkety plinks... The two of them get down to business, There was a young fellow named Dondeau; An obstreperous couple named Cassian "No ugly noise," Sir John did proclaim. Dieter Kraut, a nice guy but Teutonic,
Appears to the audience quite chique.
When not plucking the strings
And such mundane things,
He is playing around with his prick.
--- Karl Ludvig Kjelsen
Is famous for smiling a lot;
When not plucking strings
And such mundane things,
She covertly plays with her twat.
--- Armand Singer P0402
Who taught many lads to play harp.
He enlarged his department
In a rented apartment
And the flats that he rented were sharp.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8302
Much harder to lug it about.
It's tuned to C-flat
And the reason for that
Is to keep all the amateurs out.
--- Ron Rubin
Said the wife in a rage, incandescent.
"When I said 'something to pluck,'
What I meant, you big schmuck,
Was a harpsichord, not a damn pheasant!"
--- FCA T9712
Hated Padre Soler. Drove her bonkers.
"Stop those harpsichord bits!
This stuff gives me the zits!"
I now live in Vermont. She, in Yonkers.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It was soft, it was sweet, in C#.
And in rapture we all
Of us listened in awe...
Then I farted a terrible PARRP!
--- Peter Wilkins
Composed motets, rondeaux, lais, and lieder.
Whilst ingesting his food
He'd run modes on the oud;
He could tune harpsichords with his peter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Acquired his Italian scrappily;
He thinks pizzicato
Is made of tomato,
And pasta, and eaten in Napoli.
--- Ron Rubin
Liked his steaks very rare on the griddle.
He played tunes multifarious
On his fine old Guanarious,
Which had a present from Rhyl in the middle.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Liked to play violin on the roof.
He would fiddle the gig
In a large orange wig;
This was odd. But then, he was a poof.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In an orchestra started to play,
But a rival, 'tis said,
Struck poor Ted on the head,
And he swore in a 'VIOLINT' way.
--- Ted Ray
With your unclothed Amati hold sway.
Your octaves I'll finger;
My bow-shaft will linger;
"Tzigane" on your G-string to play. (Tzigane = Gypsy)
--- Ward Hardman
So sweetly I'd croon -- douce, sans souci;
Then Moto Perpetuo,
Col Legno, will get you so
Hot in that f-hole, your pussy.
--- Ward Hardman
Would exchange for Jew's harp or kazoo.
In perfect condition
Above first position.
Tuned recently. Box 32.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Paint your instruments luminous green.
Dye your hair, spread the word;
Though we may not be heard
There's no way that we'll fail to be seen.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Makes love to violas and celli;
She fiddles and sings
While she fingers their strings,
And she clutches them close to her belly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Be ready to make your escape.
For one slip of the bow,
Means the end of the show.
You'll get Marlene complete with duck tape.
--- Fred
Played exceedingly well on the fiddle.
Yet 'twixt women and art
'Twas the girls won his heart
Hands down, and hands up, and hands middle.
--- Isaac Asimov
Played music so sad on his Strad.
But his organ was best
As the girls did attest;
'Twas the finest that anyone had.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who played because his dick was little.
Then he broke a string,
And played with his thing,
And soon he found out how to diddle.
--- Anon
But just think: that tone is perforce
Produced by a cat
When its lower anat.
Is scraped by the hair of a horse.
--- Ron Rubin
Was kicked out of a Paris bordello.
He sawed his bow fiddle,
Across a whore's middle,
Insisting that she was a 'cello.
--- G2254
Had a harpy's head scroll on his viol.
It was hard to hear
And it spat in his ear,
For some minor infringement of style.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The office, he found, was a riddle.
It was filled with musicians
With many ambitions,
For they all seemed to know how to fiddle.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2693
Once bought what he thought was a Strad.
Said his wife, "Look, my dear,
It says 'Made in Korea' --
Too bad, Brad -- I think you've been had!"
--- Ron Rubin
Tone and fingers quite nimble cried "Fraud!"
When he heard Ludwig van
At 430. He then
Played his versions of Mozart. We snored
--- Anon
Was playing a song on her fiddle;
But she couldn't play
Not a thing but "Hey,"
Without the normal "diddle, diddle."
--- Lims Unlimited
Once took out his cock on a wager.
He quipped, "Though A Minor,
I find nothing finer
That stuffing this thing up A Major.
--- Ferris T McMilford P8308
A rhythm to which old folks can screw.
There's no syncopation
In this fornication;
The beat is "A one an' a two."
--- Jim Menger P9205
Played every darned tune in five-four.
The other musicians
Quite liked these renditions,
But the dancers all found them a bore.
--- Ron Rubin
Buggered every young man in the ghetto.
He once had his hose in
A musician, composing,
Who said, "Not so slow--allegretto!"
--- L0465
Was seducing a lady named Cleo.
As she took down her panties,
She said, "No andantes,
I want this allegro con brio!"
--- Anon L0092
This is file ojl
As crescendo they reach you can tell.
It really does pain her
When Joe tries to Stainer:
His baton's too big, poor Michelle!
--- Anon
Performed in a manner quite glib.
With a girl from Karachi
It was Allegro Vivace,
With Cadenza Con Brio Ad Lib.
--- Albin Chaplin
Practiced his favorite sport, which was humping.
Trying out new positions,
He'd command his musicians
To play Cantigas for the royal pumping.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They are often mistook for Doppio.
If you're still having doubts,
Ask the girls hereabouts,
Who still love how I play with Con Brio.
--- Anon
That must be a sight for sore eyes.
A sextet, I'm guessing?
(Unless you're undressing,
I'll just have to extemporize.)
--- Anon
Who loved with a sweet concertina.
She preferred pieces long
To a beat that was strong,
And demanded Da Capo al Fine.
--- Albin Chaplin
Religious, or perhaps, sentimental,
Or the limerick's lyric,
Or else panegyric,
Or struggles with things elemental.
--- E O Parrot
And slowly you accelerendo,
Allegretto nontropo,
'Til you're reaching the top-o,
And end with a forte crescendo.
--- Anon
Ad Libitum e passionata,
Then, con amoroso,
This deft virtuoso
Will launch, all breve, penetrata.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Burg, rhythm like that has its faults.
It's best to relax
When you're in the sack
So one-two-three, one-two-three waltz.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is best for her poon and your peter.
A rhythm in four
Brings wetness galore,
That felchers find markedly sweeter.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Five beats can be done if you're fast.
And four birds you pull,
With hands and mouth full,
While your peter plays host to the last.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For their oom-pah-pah oom-pah-pah sound.
And stiffen the gland
Of Bob in the band,
When it's blown while he's playing around.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who worked with the rhythm 7:4.
She said with a gleam,
"I fucked one soccer team,
Seven forward, four back...What a score!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Always came when she heard "La Paloma."
Once, in Mexico City,
Ah! More's the pity,
The lady stayed in a deep coma.
--- G2448
And I'll stir you with my Agitato.
Just like women before,
You'll be begging for more
And then show far too much Obligato.
--- Frank Sfa
Made it known he'd a taste for the quirkily,
His betrothed made it clear,
As the moment drew near,
She preferred it lagato to jerkily.
--- Keith MacMillan A129A
Her students found sex classes jolly.
She taught the legato,
And rapid vibrato --
The crescendo was saved for finale.
--- Albin Chaplin G2459 P8302
Works in subways close to his home.
He's dwarfish, too,
At four foot and two,
And he's called a Metro gnome.
--- Al Willis P9506
Had a quaint way of driving it home.
Whomsoever he climbed
Had to keep her tail timed
To the beat of his old metronome.
--- L0340
For soft boiled eggs, three times I play.
For "Wait a minute!"
I'll then begin it.
And when "Take five," the boss will say...
--- Irving Superior
Loved playing the virile commando;
But as he got bolder
He also got older:
His tempi got much more lentando.
--- Armand E Singer 396
You're offering me a Crescendo?
Where's my guarantee
Your Organ will be
Grandioso and not Diminuendo?
--- Anon
Has just about no sense of rhythm.
Now he busks in the Strand
With his own one-man band,
For nobody else will play with him.
--- Ron Rubin
Who only played once in a while,
He made little bread,
For, as I have said,
He only played "Once In A While."
--- Ron Rubin
Played on treble viol, wearing a dress.
He had one other trick:
He would wiggle his dick
Every time that the tempo would press.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose musical ear was obscene.
He said, "Isn't it odd,
But I never know 'God
Save the Weasel' from 'Pop Goes the Queen.'"
--- Anon
A virgin was raped to Beethoven.
As he kept to the beat,
She took note that his feet,
Had no shoes, and no socks, and were cloven.
--- Anon
She's practicing Mozart methinks.
Ker-plinkety PLONK!
She's having a bonk
With her musical tutor, the minx!
--- Peter Wilkins
The tutor and his randy mistress.
The neighbor he harks:
'Tis the beast with two Bachs;
He hears and he feels kind of Lisztless.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With sex he did like a rondo.
He desired a refrain
Played again and again,
And be spiced with a sudden sforzando.
--- Albin Chaplin
Got it off to the St. Matthew Passion.
Nude 'cept for boots,
They'd dig Kurt Equiluz,
'Til the mirror above them came crashin'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To the galleries, he told both the same.
But last night at the hall,
Birty panicked them all
And even put prommers to shame.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would have sex to loud ticks metronomic.
In strict time, one two three --
That was his cup of tea!
His ex-wife is in South Taconic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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