MORE

Lined up in a column of two's,
He proceeded to service the ewes.
He skipped over the lambs
Just to bugger the rams,
Then scraped off the shit from his shoes.
--- Sambo Didley

Of ovines I've oft sung in praise;
They just need a meadow to graze.
No trinkets or clotheses,
No chocolates or roses,
That cost you for womanly lays.
--- Tiddy Ogg

To the very north-west of wild Wales
Came a man trained in financial sales,
He'd help men to borrow
Or save for tomorrow,
As he moved through old Anglesey's dales.
--- Anon

Of course, in that land full of sheep,
He soon found that he couldn't keep
From exploring the creases,
Of their lovely white fleeces,
As all round the valleys he'd creep.
--- Anon

And lads, he just cannot be blamed,
When a sweet little ewe his heart claimed,
He found her so cute,
With her legs in his boots;
After a wood nymph her he named.
--- Anon

I wonder if that was old Robbie,
Who now raises sheep as a hobby.
He trains each male lamb
In hopes that some ram
Will bleat "Let us ride, Kimo Sabe."
--- Anon

So if you should go down to Wylvia,
The locals will certainly fill ya
In on the tale,
Of this quite errant male...
The loan arranger who mounts on his Sylvia.
--- Peter Wilkins

'Twas a warm summers eve when I met 'er;
My body was longing to pet 'er.
We rolled in the grass;
She was such a nice lass;
All the young lads were longing to get 'er.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

But I was the first one to vet her,
She'd enough wool to knit me a sweater.)
I thrust in 'er deep,
(She was such a tight sheep.)
But I still like my Black Beauty better.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I hope you don't think I will weep;
I've got an appointment to keep.
I'm off for the day
For a roll in the hay,
With Barbara, my favorite sheep.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Do you enjoy an after-shag smoke?
Does she bleat really loud when you poke?
What puzzles me so
Is: when down you go,
Doesn't the wool make you choke?
--- Jule

Admitted it's best if you clip
Their fleeces before you let rip,
But giving a ram
To a cute wooly lamb's
Tradition...They call it sheep dip.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So there I was, minding my flock,
These angels came, yelling "Let's rock!
Praise God!" My peace shattered;
The sheep have all scattered.
'Twill take days to round up my stock.
--- Tiddy Ogg

And due to those damn noisy grock-
Les, Barbie took off like a rock-
et, butting my head
As yonder she fled,
And pretty near ripped off my cock.
--- Tiddy Ogg

While both of us share beastly vice,
You name all your ewes, gee that's nice.
Anonymous, my
Loves squeak, and then die --
I bugger, but don't name my mice.
--- Archie

Your sheep are okay, they've just fled,
It's them cows and asses what fed
In the manger. The smell!
What a racket as well!
And I'd just put the baby to bed!
--- Tobias Ware

Rude interruptions and all,
We'd just settled ourselves in the stall,
When there was a knockin'
Outside, something shockin';
Some kings from the East came to call.
--- Tobias Ware

You talk about angels a crying!
Your night weren't disturbed, I ain't lying'
Them things blooding winging
And out of tune singing,
The lot of them yelling and flying.
--- Tobias Ware

This year I've resolved not to harbor
A wooly ewe under my arbor,
Unless I can find
A skilled, nude, and kind
Young woman who'll work as her barber.
--- Anon

I started my year with a Ewe
Who gave me one hell of a screw.
Her pulverised meat
Was too tough to eat,
So we had to use it for stew.
--- Anon

An undercooked stew of boffed mutton,
Will run through your colon and butt 'n'
Leave in your pants
The scent of romance,
For which, we all know, you're a glutton!
--- Anon

Some girls hate it and some dote;
While others say no in a note.
But you cannot go wrong
To impale on your dong
A big highland sheep or a goat.
--- Tim Chimera

Or possibly thing that go Moo;
But maybe wild haggis will do.
They're easy to catch
With a tickle and scratch,
And are soft in the center to screw.
--- Peter Wilkins

Now don't in your lims, go too deep,
For New Zealanders screw all their sheep.
In Oz, we don't screw 'em,
We only will stew 'em
Or roast 'em and then go to sleep!
--- Archie

We really can't believe this of ewe;
This truth you ram down on us too!
Now be a good ovine,
Sweet lambsie divine;
Tell wether you're from Zealand New.
--- Archie

If ever in Wales you are stuck,
Find a sheep and then you're in luck!
Put its legs down your wellie
And belly to belly,
You'll have such a wonderful fuck!
--- Tiddy Ogg

That shepherdess Little Bo Peep
Sold herself ever so cheap.
So she was right there
With her drawers in the air,
When a soldier came by in a jeep.
--- Tutta Gioia

In the afterglow, She said "Please,"
As she scrambled up from his knees,
"Oh dear Corporal Clive,
Can I have a drive?"
And he handed her over the keys.
--- Tutta Gioia

The engine gave out such a roar,
As she put her foot to the floor.
She sped through the farm;
Caused a great deal of harm
To three hens, fourteen ducks, and a boar.
--- Tutta Gioia

A dangerous bend lay ahead,
But Bo Peep drove straaight on instead.
They hit the farm gate,
But I'm glad to relate,
That neither one ended up dead.
--- Tutta Gioia

Bo Peep and her Little Boy Blue,
Were rescued by the local Fire Crew,
From the large stack of hay
Where the two lovers lay --
How they'd got there, they hadn't a clue.
--- Tutta Gioia

So little Bo Peep lost her jeep;
It ended up all in a heap.
And Little Boy Blue
Is in deep trouble too;
His corporal's stripes he'll not keep.
--- Tutta Gioia

Now this tale you may think is mythical,
On a theme so stereotypical.
But Clive tells the tale
Of his time spent in jail,
For miss use of a military vehicle.
--- Tutta Gioia

This is file oik

If you had a large flock of sheep,
One would always be eager to (bleep!).
If you'd really be fair,
Not unwilling to share,
We'd enjoy one resembling Meryl Streep.
--- Mark Bowers

You may prefer bonking your sheep,
And in this group, may not seem a creep.
But I find them too hairy,
Altogether quite scary.
As for me, I prefer Little Bo Peep.
--- Ward Hardman

From my perch in the barn on a rafter,
The way you guys talk brings me laughter.
I do not give voice
To "which" as a choice,
But which comes before and which after.
--- John Miller

But whether the girl or the ewe,
The following statement rings true:
I enjoy stuffing quim
Right up to the brim,
As long as it's done before you!
--- John Miller

The foregoing lim has a meaning
Unmeant, and is very demeaning.
"Done before you,"
Means you get to screw
While my tool is just out for the cleaning.
--- John Miller

No matter how much a snatch beckons,
Ah do like a fresh one, Ah reckons.
No matter my thirst,
Ah has to be first --
Ah really detest sloppy seconds.
--- John Miller

Since Christmas there's no fun at all;
Before, there was nothing since fall.
So maybe tonight
I'll seek an invite
And go to the Sheep-Shaggers Ball.
--- SFA

To be frank, it does sound like no fun,
To have months living life as a nun.
Go forth, multiply,
And then wonder why
Your offspring's hair trimmings are spun.
--- Fluffy

The pain of love (this ain't no rumor)
Is often a hellish consumer
Of all that is giddy;
For instance, there's Tiddy
Distraught 'cause he's stuck in his ewe more!
--- Travis Brasell

Don't mock us poor perverted wretches,
Who for pretty sheep have such leches.
To get stuck's a plight
Oft met when they're tight.
Make sheep, please, of fabric that stretches.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Cloned Dolly will let you molest her
But you must continue to pester
Those cloners for cloth
That stretches. Get wroth
And tell them you want "dollyester."
--- Travis Brasell

Ah, innocent lad, let me tell'ee,
You go at it belly to belly;
Hold the sheep 'gainst a wall,
So as she don't fall,
And stuff her hind legs in your welly.
--- Anon

So throw off that smart city suit;
Come join me in rural pursuits.
Experience fully
A twat warm and woolly;
Be sure to remember those boots.
--- Anon

Now Tiddy, I don't want you deep
In trouble -- I'll say not a peep --
But on the sly,
Can you tell me why
A teenager's better than sheep?
--- John Miller

Well john, I must tell you the truth,
'Twas down to the follies of youth.
I then didn't fully
Appreciate wooly
Sex, like now when I'm long in the tooth.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Among some, there's fear running deep,
So much so that they're losing sleep.
I'm not one of those,
My fear, overseas goes;
I'm worried 'bout Tid and his sheep.
--- Frank Fazed

Don't worry, Dear Frank, about me;
I haven't yet caught BSE.
And that Foot and Mouth,
Didn't get that far south.
Of anthrax too, so far I'm free.
--- Tiddy Ogg

But face it, we all have to die,
And if that's the way I say 'bye,
It takes but days seven
To send you to heaven,
And over me sheep will not cry.
--- Tiddy Ogg

In fact, they'll be somewhat relieved;
No more Ogg-like lambs to conceive,
That turn out randy,
Fuck anything handy,
Including the cat, I believe.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So ladies, if you happen by,
And some handsome ram winks his eye,
Unless sex you like,
Get back on your bike,
For to mount you the bugger will try.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Poor lambkins were looking forlorn
In yon meadow, this bitter-cold morn,
Seeming sad and depressed
And quite lacking in zest,
Like they wished they had never been born.
--- Peter Wilkins

"Dear lambkins," I said, "pretty lass..."
(Sympathetically? Bet your sweet ass.)
"...I can offer you more
Than that meadow so poor;
Look, my lawn here has much lusher grass."
--- Peter Wilkins

Sweet lambkin, so fluffy and white,
Is now bouncing around in delight
On my lawn, unaware
That her sweet derriere
Will be mine before midnight tonight.
--- Peter Wilkins

"I'm Pam. A sweet baa-lamb I am.
I'm a cute little virginal ... " -- WHAM!
"It is I, Sam the ram,
Up yer clam, little Pam;
You're no longer a virginal lamb."
--- Anon

You dare to call yourself a ram?
I've got some sad news for you, Sam.
I, of course, have seen dad,
He has thrice what you had.
Grow a bit, I'm still cherry, Love, Paaaaam.
--- Anon

In Montana, a cowboy named Vince
Took a Hollywood actor in tints,
For a short horseback ride,
And a ewe they espied,
With its head firmly wedged in a fence.
--- Crazy Legs T9711a

In a flash, Vince dismounted his filly,
Unzipped his fly, took out his willy,
Grabbed the ewe with a hoot,
Dropped a hoof in each boot,
And proceeded to shag the sheep silly!
--- Crazy Legs T9711a

When the spectacle came to an end,
Old Vince didn't even pretend
That this might be unique,
He just turned 'round to speak,
Saying, "Now it is your turn, my friend!"
--- Crazy Legs T9711a

So the actor, a little unsteady,
Dismounted on legs of spaghetti,
Gave Vince a quick glance,
Then hiked down his pants,
Stuck his head in the fence and said, "Ready!"
--- Crazy Legs T9711a

This morning I woke from my sleep
After dreaming of Little Bo Peep;
As I reached down to play
With my ... how can I say
It? I think I've been screwing a sheep.
--- Anon

It must have crept in overnight
For I know that I didn't invite
It. I checked (as you do)
To make sure 'twas a ewe,
Then succumbed to it's woolly delight.
--- Anon

There was a young girl from Decatur,
Who was fucked by an old alligator.
No one ever knew,
How she relished that screw,
For after he fucked her, he ate her.
--- L1664

A brave but quite odd gladiator
Fell in love with a young alligator.
His friends said, "You fool,
Get out of that pool,
You're expected to fight her, not mate her."
--- Dean Walley P9007

MORE