To a Paris bank large semi-trucks
Delivered male deer, hay, and shucks,
Because their books showed
That a Yank client owed
Their customers three hundred Bucks.
--- Arthur Deex

At a Greek restaurant as they cooked dinners
Arrived sausages, both thins and thinners;
Their books, when they looked,
Showed an agent had booked
A meal with two hundred Berliners. (hoagy-type sandwiches)
--- Arthur Deex

I once had a checking account
And overdrew the amount.
I had a bad day --
The bank wouldn't pay --
When I learned bouncing checks makes a mount.
--- Robert Grob

Since then I have quite writing checks,
But notice the gov' smart alecks
The lesson have spurned.
They still haven't learned
That rubber economy wrecks.
--- Robert Grob

Goodbye to pesetas and francs;
To punts and escudos, no thanks.
I'll miss all the fun
Changing lira at one
Hundred thousand to the penny in banks.
--- Peter Wilkins

What with diet fads making the rounds,
It neither shocks nor astounds,
That with proclivitIes
For wild derivities,
That old Barrings did drop a few pounds.

(Barrings bank dropped a billion in currency exchange)
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9504

She worked in a bank at the mall;
I took her home one day to ball.
The deposit was made
But I was, I'm afraid --
Penal-ized for early withdrawal.
--- Anon

I don't use the bank ATM;
Can't get satisfaction from them.
I just cash my check
In person, by heck.
The young teller there is a gem!
--- Anon

A frog called the bank for a loan.
Pat Black really gave him good phone!
The terms she recited
Got him all excited --
Pat really gave that frog a bone.

(goddamn Frenchmen)
--- Marlene Lewis

How much do I have in the bank?
My memory of this is now blank.
I must now presume
That it's up in my room.
I'll shake it and judge by the clank.
--- Al Willis T9801

J P Morgan with schnozzola nose.
Big elsewhere? His brain we suppose.
Big bold deals, he'd foresee 'em.
Now his home's a museum --
Sumptuous sanctum enchants friends and foes.
--- Esther Koch P0204

There was an old man of Kilkenny,
Who squandered each week just one penny.
He often would swank
Of his wealth in the bank;
It was one way to save, Note bene!
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

All the money the Bush regime spends
To pursue their vainglorious ends,
Doesn't vanish when spent;
It's indirectly sent
To the ccounts of synchophants and friends.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508

If you asked where he normally banked,
Simpson always relied and was thanked.
But he's noted, of late,
His account has lost weight...
Now he keeps inside dope sacrosanct.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

A loan please? But Lloyd's said, "No thanks."
Said Barclay's: "It's one of your pranks.
No way." What to do?
Turned down by those two;
Like a river, I'm trapped between banks.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A studious lady convincible
That her studies would make her invincible,
In her courses on banking
Maintained the top ranking;
Her main interest, of course, was the principal.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2520

My overdraft threatens to be
Detrimental to sound industry.
I surrender all claim
That stands in my name;
Mr. Banker, I trust you'll agree.
--- S Tonkin

My bank sent a note before dawn
Stating, "Matey, you're well overdrawn."
As I stared at the figure,
(six digits or bigger)
I went back to bed with a yawn.
--- Peter Wilkins

A smart clerk with an evil design,
With vanishing ink a check signs.
The bank, quick on the take,
An arrest soon did make.
The clerk was then told to resign. (re-sign -- got it?)
--- Gunjan Saraf

Pity the plight of the poor,
Now that the Wolf's at the door.
Forget debt relief
From this World Bank Chief,
And howl as the blood hits the floor.
--- Jarmo

Said the banker to customer Schmeck,
"You're in trouble right up to your neck!
Your account's overdrawn!"
Says Schmeck "Funds all gone?
No problem, I'll write you a check."
--- Observer

I know a young fellow from Kent
Who, now that his money's all spent,
In lodgings, won't stay
For more than one day.
He's no sooner arrived than he's went.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

If you're rich, but see bankruptcy coming,
With the din of your creditors drumming,
The homestead exemption --
A Florida mansion --
Keeps your nest egg alive, well, and humming.
--- Dr Limerick

I went to the Bankruptcy Court.
What assets do debtors purport
They do not still hold?
Not silver or gold,
Those aren't on the asset report.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

They've listed a couch and a chair;
They must be a devious pair.
They have no TV?
This I have to see;
Been living like some millionaire!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The creditor covets his buck;
I think he is shit out of luck.
The Debtor's big money
And some little honey,
Ran off to the Island of Truk.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The Debtor's wife might rat him out,
If I tell her 'bout Honey, no doubt.
She will want her share,
And not just the chair.
She'll give him a rolling-pin clout!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The Court Information Exchange
Works in ways exceedingly strange.
Its one special vice?
It does not like mice.
The keyboard, it uses full-range.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The screen said it's searching for cases,
So, I just sat there pulling faces.
I'm cross-eyes and mad.
I think I've been had;
Send me on some wild goose chases!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I think that you should pay what's due
Or we'll sue the pants off of you.
We'll shout and we'll holler
To get the last dollar,
So pay up or you're in a stew.
--- Richard Collier

Oh, what a spot to be in;
I blew all my dough C. O. D.'in.
Then I lavished the girls
With diamonds and pearls,
And I haven't a pot to pee in.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young teacher named Nash
Who stated a theory not rash.
He said people did sicken
And were poverty stricken,
At the time when they ran out of cash.
--- Albin Chaplin

"I can't pay," said the lass, "Not a cent.
Though you rant, I've no money for rent."
Watch him pant, while she's pent;
He's made scant use of scent,
Saying, "You're what I want!" Then he went.
--- Val Burns P0509

This is file ohl

There was a young girl called Hortense,
Endowed with more money than sense.
When a guy she called Sunny
Conned her out of her money,
There went all her pounds and her pence.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

I once had a great aunt named Maud,
Who lost all her fortune by fraud.
She once had a lot
But now she has not;
She lost it to the one she adored.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

We stood at his grave and remembered
His body was found so dismembered.
If only he'd paid,
His life could've been saved,
And this is not how 'twould have ended.
--- Donna Ellis

To pay for the high cost of fuels
I took out two mortgage renewals;
Don't laugh -- it ain't funny;
And now for more money
I'm selling my family jewels!
--- Anon

Are your jewels all 24K?
Please lay them out here for display.
Give us a look see,
So we can agree,
On a rock bottom price here today.
--- Anon

My jewel bag holds a collection
Too great for a quick-peek inspection;
Let's enlarge your case
To give it more space;
Will you help me do the erection?
--- Anon

His family jewels, I am sure,
Are clean and they're sparkling and pure.
But what if they're not?
What if they've the rot?
Then you'd need a medicinal cure.
--- Anon

There once was a boy of Tibet
Who built up a very large debt.
He bought a gold ring
That was fit for a king,
And a horse, and a car, and a jet!
--- Anon

I used to sing on the dole;
A pasttime that soon took its toll.
'Twasn't at all funny
To be without money,
Stuck in a deep financial hole.
--- Funny Bone

Won the lottery! So Cindi Sue
Threw big parties, was generous, too.
Gave her fortune away!
Now what do her friends say?
"The name don't ring a bell. Cindi who?"
--- Bill Nesbit P0205

A man with a headache named Thayer
Worried about bills and got grayer.
Things he bought on the net
Kept him deeply in debt.
Who cares, the headache's gone with Bayer.
--- Tom Patton P0506

Not once have you tried to refute
What our statements show we compute.
We've received no reply.
Are you trying to imply
That your unpaid amount's in dispute?
--- Michael Roberts

An angry young housewife from Kent
Said, "I'm broke; I haven't a cent.
I just made two stops
In a couple of shops --
And I'm dashed if I know where it went".
--- Anon

Is it me or the nature of money
That's odd and peculiarly funny;
For when I have dough,
It goes quickly, you know,
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.
--- Peter Wilkins

An abstemious heiress named Best
Was ignorant how to invest.
She put all her money
Into locusts and honey;
The losses were hard to digest.
--- Graham Lester

There was a young couple from Grambling,
The wife was well known for her rambling.
The husband they say,
Last week ran away;
He lost all their money while gambling
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Economist theories expound
Of how coins are made round to go 'round.
But if a few more
Came 'round to my door,
My position once more would be sound.
--- Robert Maxwell

Yesterday I was off work, ill;
I had just got my winter gas bill.
They say I owe a lot
'Cause I like my house hot,
And now my bank balance shows nil!
--- Anon

When the catalogue arrived through the mail,
It had plenty of items for sale.
I leafed through the pages,
But I believed in my sages;
Without cash, my son, it's no avail.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

My checkbook has turned a bright red;
I'm getting in over my head!
Haven't balanced my books,
But just by the looks
Of the numbers, my credit is dead!
--- Runningonmt

If you want to get out of the red,
Take the bank's CEO to your bed;
And then whisper the news
That you'll pay off your dues
In installments, by giving him head.
--- Anon

But what if he tells me today
That he really wants a good lay
Do I send him the bill
So my debt could be nil,
And agree when he asks me to stay?
--- Anon

No, I think that first she must offer
A "taste" 'fore he'll open his coffer.
She must nibble his head,
Then go lie on the bed
So he'll sample, then pay, and then boff her.
--- ROE

When Hubby's retiring affair,
His wife said, "Honey, I declare
On just what they give,
We barely will live,
And not have one dime we can spare.
--- Burmah Teague

Bad times I'm afraid, m'dear friends.
Awfully hard, I must say, to make ends
Meet. I've spent my dough
On a floozy y'know,
And I might have to ask you for yens.
--- Anon

I have not enough cash for the rent;
The money I had is all spent.
Like a river fast flowing,
The money kept going,
I shall have to stop living for lent.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Now there's one that sure caught my eye!
It's one that I would like to try
For soothing my nuts,
Soon after young sluts
Offer goods that I'm too broke to buy...
--- Anon

For groceries, I went to the store,
Where my bill just continues to soar;
Such prices -- my ass!
I was once middle-class,
But now I'm in line with the poor!
--- Cap'n Bean

Oh I'd love to live near Adrigole
And draw fifty a week on the dole,
And to hear the birds sing
And the waterfalls ring
And a big cosy fire of free coal.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

A beggar, while chanting a psalm,
Approached me extending his palm;
His song was extensive
And sounded expensive,
But he got me for only one alm.
--- Lims Unlimited

There once was a man they called Chuck,
Who was constantly needing a buck.
When asking for money,
They looked at him funny,
And told him he's shit out of luck.
--- Chuck Golding

Dear valued customer of mine,
Your bill's overdue at this time.
Please pay the amount
As per the account,
Thus bringing it back into line.
--- Marie Ward

It's money you owe us, you see.
You'll not get our products for free.
We'll dig up your lawn.
We'll take your firstborn.
So pay up or get on one knee.
--- Ci-Anne McNaughton

You're obviously a man who forgets
How to pay all your outstanding debts.
You'd better pay now;
We do not care how,
So we can stop all our bullying threats.
--- Michael Roberts