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So pleased is the boa constrictor; A noble magician named Jake There was a young sheik from Kuwait, A torrid young doll from Samoa She said I like my sex ophidian; There was a young lady named Knox, Now I know it was all a mistake Minnehaha was washing her clothes, There once was a merchant from France, There once was a gay young Parisian, The snake charmer had a fair daughter; It was rumored that she was half snake, 'Twas deep in the wild wood I saw her, Her eyes were snake-like and yellow; Flora looked lissom and young, I said, "Oh my God! Fucking Hell!" There was no doubt that I was sore smitten, Her tongue flickered close to my waist, I watched as her tail writhed and coiled, Determined to achieve my endeavor, Said I to the snake-maiden Flora, Said Flora, the pythonesque miss, Flora stood and I heard her tail rattle, I felt her scales close to my skin The whole process didn't take long, Flora rose to her feet with a hiss; "You see, I'm in love with my tail; I felt the blood rush to my head, Now I don't need a maiden to fuck; To a doctor to cure my vexation, It was deep in the forest I saw her, She looked so lissom and young, There was no doubt that I'd been smitten, The whole process didn't take long; There once was a coed from Drake, There once was a priestess of Set Adam stared in complete disbelief There once was a girl from Samoa, There was a young person of Wyper, Once, bathing nude in a river, A curious mammal's the beaver; Old trappers were oft heard to say The Canadian beaver female The female Canadian beaver I heard that old Santa knocking I started with wild kangaroos, I've decided 'roos ain't worth the price, It's true, Arch, that buggering mice When properly stuffed, I use spice When plundering little mouse creases, A lazy old rat, for a stunt, Mrs Gopher repined with a whine, There was a young man from Argento Cried a guinea pig, cursing his fate, An innocent chap named McBean, Bill's pet mouse chewed a hole in his pocket, A porcupine, when she's in heat, To the pig it was just so unkind... The HORRENT hairs of porcupine A porcupine spied sexing FOLKS, An oversexed porcupine lush Porcupine sex needs a seasoner A horny old trapper named Rex, Sheep are great but better yet still, A lecherous pervert named Pat Said an old taxidermist in Burrell,
With his forked tongue he twice gets to lick her.
But his two-headed member
Makes it hard to remember
Which one of his hemipenes dicked her.
--- Actaeon
Was sexually involved with a snake.
His organ was eaten
And his pride took a beatin'
Till revealed, it was merely a fake.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who kept a pet krait in a crate.
His wife found him handy
When all wet and randy,
And Abdul could not get it straight.
--- Tutta Gioia
Has barrels of fun with a boa...
She claims, "Men are fakes;
Any day I'll take snakes.
For they don't excrete spermatozoa!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 731
The wiggles! They just make me giddy 'n
When I climax,
For more I ring Max --
A numidian hard as obsidian.
--- Tutta Gioia
Who kept a pet snake in her box.
It was trained not to hiss,
When she sat down to piss,
But would bite the head off of cocks. (nibble the noggins)
--- L1458
Laying Kay yesterday on the lake...
For we weren't nearly through
When we tipped the canoe,
And she came...with a big water snake!
--- Grand Prix Lim 684
Unexpectant of sorrows or woes.
A snake, a sidewinder,
Crawled in her behinder,
Wiggled 'round and came out her nose.
--- L0587
Who kept a life snake in his pants.
He'd get English whores
To feel in his drawers,
And all three would then madly dance.
--- H Welchel
Who came to an awful decision.
For his sexual joys
He'd have women and boys,
And snakes too, and no supervision!
--- L1507
He claimed that no man had caught her.
I swore she'd be mine,
His daughtwer so fine,
And a fine fucking lesson he taught her.
--- Anon
But I thought this a lie or mistake.
Had she rattle or fangs?
Would she hiss when we banged?
In plain anticipation I ached.
--- Anon
The snake charmer's daughter named Flora.
She spat and she hissed
To make me desist,
When first I attempted to paw her.
--- Anon
The looks that she gave me wern't mellow.
Her pupils were slits;
She had scales on her tits,
And she spat when I simply said "Hello."
--- Anon
As her bosom towards me she swung.
With hands on her hips,
She parted her lips,
And I saw that she had a forked tongue.
--- Anon
When I saw she'd a tail, as well.
But I turned this half-serpent
Into my sexual servant,
And I'd have a fine tale to tell.
--- Anon
And when I got to where Flora was sitting,
There was no need of telling,
'Cause she'd seen the swelling,
And the ways that my trews were tight-fitting.
--- Anon
As she sampled my masculine taste.
She gave a coy glance
So I dropped my pants,
And from now on, this tale gets debased.
--- Anon
Glistening, just like it was oiled.
Would I win her or tricker --
This lady constrictor,
Or would my sex urges be foiled.
--- Anon
I chose to be cautious and clever.
My humor and charms
Would win her to my arms;
A case of 'when' rather than 'whether'.
--- Anon
"My serpentine sweeet, I implore ya'.
I've a snake of my own;
To ten inches he's grown.
If you pet him, I'm sure he'll adore ya'.
--- Anon
With a barely perceptable hiss,
"Snakes have forked pricks,
Not single straight wicks.
I won't screw but I'll give it a kiss.
--- Anon
As she knelt to commence sexual battle.
Like a cobra, dick reared.
Flora's forked-tongue face neared;
She sucked and my brain grew quite addled.
--- Anon
And wondered if this was a sin.
Then I saw her tail-tip,
As it played with her clit,
Flora sighed and the tail slipped in.
--- Anon
And I soon knew that something was wrong.
I cried out in pain --
Punctured, poisoned, insane,
From Flora's fangs deep in my dong.
--- Anon
Said, "Did I tell you I bite when I kiss?
It won't take too long
To work up from your dong.
I lose all my lovers like this."
--- Anon
It's far better than any male.
It's prehensile and thick,
So I don't need your prick.
I can climax alone without fail."
--- Anon
Or maybe it's venom instead.
And so I left Flora,
My pricked prick grew sorer,
And I know in a day, I'll be dead.
--- Anon
I just need a stroke of good luck.
If I can't get good head,
I fear I'll be dead,
From not finding a woman who'll suck.
--- Anon
I proceeded with no hesitation.
The words that he said --
Well they filled me with dread.
"The only cure is amputation!"
--- Anon
The snake catcher's daughter named Laura.
She spat and she hissed
To make me desist,
When first I attempted to paw her.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As her head toward me she swung.
With her hands on her hips,
As she parted her lips,
I saw that she had a forked tongue.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As I went over to see where she's sittin'.
There was no need to telling
'Cause she'd seen the swelling,
And 'round my dick her lips were fittin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file ogk
I soon knew that something was wrong.
I cried out in pain,
Thought that I'd gone insane,
As her fangs were sunk deep in my dong.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who spent the whole night with a snake.
It entered her twat
and got her red hot,
But three feet was all she could take.
--- David Miller
Whom a shaman pursued on a bet.
Though she turned into a snake,
He won the stake,
But it's something he'd rather forget.
--- G0754
As Eve put a snake up her reef.
"You're human, by God!
Using snakes is so odd!"
Said Eve, "I've turned over a new leaf."
--- Actaeon
Who did naughty things with a boa
Crammed in her butt.
They would both get in rut
As she wriggled her ass 'cross the floa.
--- Robert Cuzzort
Who fell madly in love with a viper.
With screams of delight,
He'd retire each night,
With the viper concealed in his diaper.
--- L1667
Young Jen was attacked by a beaver.
And it used to be told
That the beaver was bold.
Jen's parents continue to grieve 'er.
--- Anon
So unhygienic I had to leave her.
'Cause when I gave it a kiss,
It tasted of piss,
So I chopped off my tongue with a cleaver!
--- Anon
The beaver was not a bad lay.
For the bugger ain't easy
For the timid or queasy,
For the tail always gets in the way.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is a prospect before which I pale;
But her mate I suppose,
Through his spectacles rose,
Sees only a cute piece of tail.
--- Hugh Oliver 118b
Displays an unlikely spring fever
When she cuts down a spruce
And converts it to use
As a sort of vibrator-cum-lever.
--- Hugh Oliver 118a
And putting some things in my stocking.
So what did I get?
What I wanted, you bet;
A boxfull of mice for some focking!
--- Archie
For they have a slippery cooze.
But then I was fined
While trying the kind
They keep in the cages in zoos.
--- Archie
So I took and old man's advice.
Now I'm filled with joy,
Since I started the ploy
Of carefully buggering mice.
--- Archie
Is rewarding, but I find it nice
To boil 'em (quite drastic!)
To make them elastic
Or else they will split in a trice.
--- John Miller
And a very sharp cleaver to slice.
Then atone for my sin
Having street people in,
And serve on a deep bed of rice.
--- John Miller
A large application of grease is
Essential, no doubt,
Or fixing your spout.
You'll be fucking them meeces to pieces.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Built a nest in a prostitute's cunt.
The cat, with much laughter,
Came tumbling in after,
And got himself lost in the hunt.
--- G1332
"Picking YOU for a mate was just fine.
For a gutsy young gopher,
YOU'RE a bum and a loafer...
You dig holes but you never dig mine!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 11
Who performed an experiment-o;
He was labeled perverted
When -- gerbil inserted --
He was caught in flagrante rodento!
--- Anon
"If Nature had just made ME great,
I'd use man to experiment
And breed him to weariment,
To see what odd things HE'D create."
--- Grand Prix Lim 665
In sex ways is terribly green.
With a choice between girls
And all else, he picks squirrels,
Which in parks makes for quite a rare scene!
--- G1273
And his pecker went off like a rocket.
Though you laugh at the site,
He laughed with delight!
Until you have tried it, don't knock it.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Will grasp any stick she may meet.
She'll straddle the twig,
While attempting to frig;
When you're horny, it's really a treat.
--- Actaeon
His wife left him in such a bind...
With a rodent all prickly,
And quills covered thickly,
She ran off leaving Porky to pine.
--- TuttaGioia a
Are very more useful than mine;
They ward off fierce foes,
Like armored clothes,
And block out UV from sunshine.
--- Chris Papa
And said, "Humans are sure Nature's jokes.
If you're lacking in quills,
Sex can't give you the thrills
That a porcupine gets poking pokes!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 887
Tried to woo a long-handled hairbrush.
She nibbled its dong
All day, all night long;
Now her mouth is encrusted with thrush.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9307
To make the encounter more pleasoner.
Of his nibbling he's fond
And if she responds,
He stands on his hind legs and peasoner.
--- Actaeon
Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex.
But incredible luck,
His dick never got stuck,
But his balls were just pitiful wrecks.
--- L1555
A porcupine is the ultimate thrill.
Once you have tried
Such a prickly ride,
You will possess real skill with the quill.
--- John Henry
Attempted to fuck his pet rat.
He wrapped it in tape
So it couldn't escape,
But it split 'cause his cock was too fat.
--- Anon
As he skillfully mounted a squirrel,
"The excess of tail is
Obstructive to phallus;
One's much better off with a girl."
--- L0583
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