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The young girl who screwed a banana There once was a fairy name Cyril, There once was a student named Lynn, There was an odd fellow named Gropper A steaming young stallion named Gentry There once was a man that I knew, A beaver has mighty long teeth; There once was a young man named Cyril A wealthy young madam called Rouse I'm loving just buggering mice; Hamsters are more to my taste. Don't tell me I'm vile and disgusting; There once lived a certain Miss Gale, I know you'll think I'm a louse, You hold them in gloves made of velcro, It works like a treat with most mice; You're better off buggering mice; Please tell me, just how do you get When plundering little mouse creases, I've never tried fucking a bear; And I shudder to think of the mice Mickey Mouse heard a horse whinny, Said the famous composer, R. Strauss, There was an old spinster named Rice Dear Teacher, Tidd won't be at school. While repairing his automobile, A dune buggy fan at the wheel, An Eskimo up in Inuvik A lady lay on the beach A young Eskimo lad from Siberia A round-bottomed babe from Mobile A walrus shaft hides a bone "oosik" I've caught me a nice baby seal; An old Eskimo driving his jeep, A lecherous damsel named Kelly A horny old maid named Lucille A man on the beach after dusk There was an old sow in the barn An old desert rat called Burdew, The madam looked very askance "Old Fellow", she said with a grin, The prospector's eyes went aglow, So they led him out back of the place, Burdew shoved everyone aside, At daybreak, Burdew poked his head There was an Old Person of Cheadle A pig in a poke got to thinking There was a young man of Nantucket, A sodomite pervert, Lord Horning The Earl of Sandwich one day got high 'Tis one happy habit of mine My morals, agreed, are quite loose. James loves his Canadian bacon; There was a pig farmer named Gary; A randy pig farmer name Frye, Oinked the boar, "This I know will concern ya, There once was a fellow named Fogg, While out on the farm, Mr. Jay My old hog, she sure ain't no chicken, When performing with human pig fuckers, My tool had a terrible ache on; That sow Dick was trying to sell us, There once was a farm boy, achin'; A warped taxidermist from Stoke Though we may be slightly porcine, Though mankind be related to ape, Your adjustment I gladly accept,
Lived somewhere out on the savannah,
And had just a squirrel
To pleasure and drill
Her, lacking a good sized Havana!
--- Anon
Who was had in the woods by a squirrel.
And he liked it so good,
That he stayed in the wood
Just as long as the squirrel was virile.
--- L0590
Whose prick was the size of a pin.
It was no good for girls
But just great for squirrels,
Who squealed with delight with it in.
--- Anon
Who was famed as a maidenhead popper.
When he couldn't get girls,
He was known to chase squirrels--
A whimsy some felt was improper.
--- Grand Prix Lim 788 G1248
Confessed while effecting an entry,
"Where once I jabbed squirrels,
Now I jab only girls,
Squirrels being so damned elementary..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 30
Who tried to teach squirrels to screw.
His bruises and cuts
And cracked open nuts,
May prove a good lesson to you!
--- Phil T
Plus, Gawd knows what else, underneath;
She'll nibble your woody,
Like choice tooty fruity;
The shavings will hang like a wreath!
--- Anon
Who was had in a wood by a squirrel.
And he liked it so good,
That he stayed in the wood,
Just as long as the squirrel stayed virile.
--- Archie
Ran an extremely tolerant house.
For ten bob a show,
You could let yourself go,
And bugger a little pet mouse.
--- Anon
They're best when they're held in a vice.
But always take care
With those over there;
They bite and they're covered in lice.
--- Archie
I screw them and then I make haste
To wrap them in foil
And set them to broil,
With peppers and anchovy paste.
--- John Miller
The laws and the morals I'm busting,
By making what smells
What I know full well,
Like the ladies for whom I am lusting.
--- John Miller
Who turned most exceedingly pale,
For a mouse climbed her leg,
(Don't repeat this, I beg,)
And a splinter got caught in its tail.
--- Archie
But lately I've found it just grouse
To use a new trick
And pleasure my dick,
By carelessly fucking a mouse.
--- Anon
Inserting yourself fairly slow.
They stretch and they squeak;
Their ribs give a creak --
That's when they will burst, don't you know.
--- Anon
They come when I've done it just thrice.
I couldn't care less
'Bout all of the mess --
The cat licks it up in a trice.
--- Anon
Their bum is as tight as a vice.
And don't ever worry
About saying sorry;
They never come back for it twice.
--- Anon
Your dick into a wee mouse slit?
Must be needle thin,
To get that thing in,
And guess it's a really tight fit.
--- Anon
A large application of grease is
Essential, no doubt,
Or, fixing your spout,
You'd be fucking them meeces to pieces.
--- Anon
It simply does not seem quite fair.
So my latest vice
Is buggering mice,
And the cat will clean up what's left there.
--- Archie
You've deflowered without asking twice!
Even my cat
Turns his nose up at that --
It's hardly a civilized vice!
--- Anon
And up the stud's cock he did shinny.
The tiny horse sighed,
As the mouse opened wide;
For this mouse was quite used to Minnie.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When asked why he buggered a mouse,
"Though its cunt is quite tiny,
On occasion its heiny
Will stretch quite as big as a house."
--- L0651
Who was frightened of little grey mice,
Till one crept up her cunt,
And she cried with a grunt,
"Oh God! What a thrill beyond price!"
--- .G1332
With rodents he's playing the fool.
The kid ought to check, er,
Where he puts his pecker:
A mousetrap's attached to his tool.
--- Anon
A zoologist couldn't conceal
Unmistakable panic
When a mechanic
Suggested that he'd blown a seal.
--- Don Moore P9203a
Lost control of his automobile.
He crashed into the sea,
Woke up and got free,
And found he had blown a few seals.
--- Actaeon
Was richly endowed and to pruvik,
He harpooned a seal
Which so loved the feel,
That nothing on earth will remoovik.
--- Hugh Oliver 112d
With her jar of K-Y within reach.
She lubed up a seal
And came with a squeal,
When he put his ramrod up her breech.
--- Actaeon
Saw his love-life grow drearier and drearier;
For his passion was split
Betwixt polar bear tit
And a certain male walrus' posterior.
--- O Parrish O'Mann P8410
Longed for years to be screwed by a seal.
But out at the zoo,
They just said, "No can do."
Though the seal is all hot for the deal.
--- Grand Prix Lim 347 G1285
Which stiffens his rod to make music.
With a flipper he pointed
At some sheep he'd anointed:
"Just the sight of it made that poor ewe sick."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The cute furry thing's my next meal.
Before she is cooked,
She's going to be fooked.
It sure makes the little one squeal!
--- Kim and Sam
This is file ofk
Broke down while in Wales (makes you weep).
The AAA said, "For real
You have just blown a seal."
"Well, so what?" he replied, "You shag sheep!"
--- Doug Harris
Loved the feel of a seal on her belly.
She sighed, "It's celestial,
Though horribly bestial,
And when coming in heat, are they smelly!"
--- G1263
Took up with a runaway seal.
She love to give head
To her pet pinniped,
While tickling his ass with an eel.
--- Ogni Gioia
Was consumed with aquatical lust.
A walrus emerged
With a similar urge,
And the two took each other to tusk.
--- Actaeon
Had twenty three piglets, by darn.
"I curse that old boar,"
She said with a roar,
"Oh, when will ever I larn!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Came to town one day for a screw.
He threw down a quarter
And drawled out, "That orter
Cover a quick poke or two."
--- Nick Scales
At the grime on his shirt and his pants,
His scruffy grey beard,
The eyes that went weird,
And the odor that wasn't from France.
--- Nick Scales
"For a quarter, I'll let you right in,
To a room that's just ripe
For a man of your type,
And a gal that's ideal for your sin."
--- Nick Scales
As the fires began burning below.
His hands started shaking,
And his knees were a-quaking.
It was plain he was raring to go.
--- Nick Scales
To a shed with just enough space,
For the fattest pink sow,
He'd seen anyhow,
With a sort of sweet smile on her face.
--- Nick Scales
Slammed the door and was quickly astride
His porky delight,
Where he spent the whole night,
In a passionate piggyback ride!
--- Nick Scales
Out of the tumbled-down shed,
With a satisfied sigh,
He said, "Miss Piggy and I
Will be having our breakfast in bed."
--- Nick Scales
Who was put in the stocks by the Beadle,
For consorting with pigs
Wearing makeup and wigs,
In positions both astride and foetal.
--- Edwardian Leer 085
That his sausage would do better linking
His groin to a sow,
So he boinked one and pow --
Five piglets popped out. They were stinking!
--- Anon
Took a pig in a thicket to fuck it.
Said the pig, "Oh, I'm queer,
Get away from my rear.
Come around to my front and I'll suck it."
--- L0623
(His cronies are all in deep mourning)
Attempted to score
Cornholing a boar --
An action that quick died aborning.
--- Armand E Singer P0010
And screwed his prize pig in her sty.
From this shameful coitus
Came a very strange foetus --
A gigantic ham sandwich on rye!
--- Michael Weinstein P8308
To frolic with fat, fertile swine;
But, lo, my derangement
Has caused an estrangement
Between me and all of my kine.
--- Travis Brasell
However, I shant with a moose.
Nore even a gander
Endeavor to pander,
For risk of not getting a goose.
--- Travis Brasell
The pigs leave him sweaty and shakin'.
Their round porcine asses
Sure fogs up his glasses,
'Cause they fart like the dickens when taken.
--- James
When his sow's were in heat, wouldn't tarry.
Charlotte sure did protest
When he fondled her breast,
And refused his proposal to marry.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Liked to get off his rocks in the sty.
Though polite in the main,
He was heard to complain,
"The sows won't look me in the eye!"
--- Joe Long
But since I've developed a hernia,
I'm so dad-blamed sore
I can no longer bore,
So I'm forced at this moment to spurn ya."
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Who attempted to bugger a hog.
While engaged in his frolics,
The hog ate his bollocks,
And now he's a eunuch, by God.
--- L0602
Saw a lad fucking pigs in the hay.
Said Jay, "Why you brat!
Tell me who taught you that?
Stand back and I'll show you the way."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1151
And so, when I go put my dick in
Her twat, she don't feel
A thing, yet she'll squeal,
Which adds to the joy of pig stickin'.
--- Anon
Most pigs demand cash when they puckers.
They don't take a chance,
They get paid in advance;
Pig fucking's killed plenty of suckers.
--- G1301
A Sow I decided to take on.
I was passing her sty
When she gave me the eye,
And said: "Hey big boy, let's make some bacon!"
--- Anon
His wife hates the sight of, they tell us.
For he diddles this pig
With a stick or strong twig,
Till the smile on its face makes her jealous!
--- G1317
No girls were there for the takin'.
Save for a pig
That he really did dig;
Now our dear boy's making bacon.
--- Les Stewart
Was stuffing a pig in a poke.
Said the porkee, "Hey Fred!
I'm quite far from dead.
Is this your idea of a joke?"
--- Bill Wall
By percentqge at least sixty nine,
I would say, by and large,
On a bestial charge,
We are still not allowed to fuck swine.
--- Donald McGill
By percentage at least ninety eight,
I would say by and large
On a beastial charge,
Such statistics won't help you escape.
--- Donald McGill
A hard copy of which I have kept.
Your side would be achin'
Watching me makin' bacon,
When onto this pig I just leapt!
--- oOOo
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