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It's not just the winning that counts, The supermodels down on the beach For me, I woke bitchy today. A taxpayer taxed to the brim, There once was a writer named Max; The taxman has not caught me yet, Mr Levy bumped into Mr Cohen, The wealth of a man we appraise, Without representation as such To all those who for fortune have burned, It was with apathy I awoke; This time of year might cause some tension, A meticulous madam named Sax A dry cleaner in financial distress A fuck-tax was passed by old Keating The rich, between e-mail and faxes, Oh, why must our suffering be, A helpless taxpayer was Mazey, How much did my wife and I earn? The reason for chronic inflation, To a whore, said a tax man named Zend, Death and taxes are certain, they say. "I once set aside against need Inflation means limerickers must -- Preserve every verse on Inflation. Forget all the lies you've been told -- The prospect that makes my pulse quicken, Tax reductions, while so highly vaunted, Well, I just paid all my taxes, and then My deductions I find are not lawful; It isn't all bad, that inflation, There are two things quite certain, it's said: Off to pay taxes you tarry, An old millionaire dignified, In life, you should certainly try There once was a lucky soothsayer Many people are ticked off, I hear, If bracket 35 you should rate, I woke up today with a groan; There was a young man with an ax "Joint returns do include womenfolk. Uncle Sam, today, finally said There's one thing I'm willing to bet, Post plowing through receipts in stacks, Sound the alarm! Send out the faxes! The farmer for years used to plow On taxes, if ten percent cheat, He finally got down to brass tacks. I'm Davy and with my friend Max, is Defining an adult, it's fair You must see that it's right to inspect Now Max is the one who is gay, see, And drove our lascivious two I know it's now April the oneth. If your taxes you pay without fail, Our taxes, whatever becomes The governments waste all their dough She has a shoe business, my Honey. The Sheriff's collector, called Max, "It's tax time," cried King George the Third. Our system of taxing, one hears, In the clinic I stood there unclad It's tax time, but don't evidence it. The Dems finally are in the debate; Cut the hype, cut the hoke, cut the chatter! Tax Freedom Day is finally here.
But appearance fees in large amounts.
I'm a tax exile
On a small sunny isle;
Hardly room to do my accounts.
--- Tony Burrell
Are conviently within my reach.
I get my exercise
Sun-creaming their thighs;
An old dog with new lessons to teach.
--- Tony Burrell
Never mind taxes to pay.
Not one single one
Of taxforms I've done,
'Cause I'd much rather have a good lay.
--- Ruby Tuesday
Exhorted our posts to be trim.
Please curtail your emoting!
No fairy-tale quoting!
The recourse is Oh Brother! Grimm!
--- Anon
On seasons poetic he'd wax.
Regarding the spring,
He said not a thing;
He was too busy paying his tax.
--- Srakowitz
'Cause I smarter that he, I can bet.
I keep roaming around
To avoid the bloodhound,
But Shit! It's cold here in Tibet!
--- Friar TP9807
"Tell me, Max, are you comin' or goin'."
My tax inspector's due;
That's always a to-do;
I'm not sure if I'm to-ing or fro-ing."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
By viewing his antics and ways.
One can tell he has riches
By the way that he bitches
And complains of the taxes he pays.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2425
Taxation has more than a touch
Of tyranny bloated,
As our Forefathers noted,
But it didn't cost nearly as much.
--- A N Wilkins P8704
Or at least for stability yearned,
Remember the times:
Spend you nickels and dimes,
And recite: "Dollar saved, penny earned."
--- Laurence Perrine P9004
The tax man could no longer provoke
A need for Kaopectate;
I paid Federal and State;
Small wonder that I am flat broke.
--- S C Saint
So if you need help, may I mention
For just one dollar,
Just give me a holler,
And I'll help you file your extension.
--- Anon
Proceeded to fill out her tax.
She totalled the wear
On each girl's derriere,
And deducted the wrinkles and cracks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1862
Said the tax on his shop was B.S.
He put up a good fight
And demanded his right,
To invoke the freedom of the press.
--- Tom Patton
But a check proved the tax self-defeating.
There was no tax collected
By collectors dejected,
For the men switched from fucking to eating.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0837
Find charity often relaxes:
Making broken folks whole
Is good for the soul --
And also reduces their taxes.
--- Norm Storer P2005
So painful and mercilessly,
My "ass it does frost",
To see the high cost,
Of life in the "Land of the Free!"
--- Chris Papa
His income tax form left him hazy,
And the greatest perversion
Was the simplified version,
Which he tried to fill out and went crazy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9708
I tried very hard to discern.
I got down to brass tacks
When I figured my tax,
Then I had an attack of heartburn.
--- Al Willis P9705
Is Federal disinclination,
To hold spending down.
And then go to town
On budget reorganization.
--- Larry Davis P8705
"On the sinful diversion you vend,
An assessment you'll pay."
Said the whore, in dismay,
"You have syntax? I don't comprehend."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2408
But what if modern science some day
Cures the causes of why
We grow old and die?
That leaves taxes forever to pay!
--- William N Nesbit P9705
A nest egg," explained Mr. Speed.
"But to my chagrin
Inflation set in
And reduced it to mere chicken feed."
--- A N Wilkins P8704
As though it were their sacred trust
Ordained by Ed Lear --
Inflating their sneer,
Start thinking of pecker and bust.
--- Irving Superior P8705
Some months they may theme us deflation.
Each Inflation verse
Re-type in reverse
And that month, a well earned vacation
--- Irving Superior P8705
America's mine, bought and sold.
If you think I am kidding,
Then who'll start the bidding?
Surprise me? I knew you would fold.
--- Stiffy Joe
And makes my poor arteries thicken,
Is his busy load,
(The clients "just growed")
Impels us to last minute "chicken".
--- Chris Papa
Are trumpeted by the undaunted.
Plagues on both houses
And what they esposes;
I'm convinced their plan will leave mine haunted.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9709
I paid all my bills (there were ten).
Now I feel very proud,
And I say this out loud,
Do you think you could lend me a fin?
--- Al Willis P9705
Of taxes I sure have a crawful.
Should have first got the facts --
Now I'll just pay the tax,
But isn't this limerick just awful!
--- Monique de Plume
Although it does lower our station.
As prices go up,
On less I can sup,
And so I lose weight -- oh, elation!
--- Sam Shaffe P8705
One is taxes, and two, you'll be dead.
When someday modern science
Defeats death's forced compliance,
It's the taxes forever I dread.
--- William N Nesbit P9604
Ever larger the burden you carry;
Blame the County Assessor,
Who knows greater, not lesser,
And disclaims, "Your millage may vary."
--- KBrews TP9901
This is file ocl
In saving up cash took great pride.
The more money he made,
The more taxes he paid,
And the louder he moaned and he cried.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2545
To laugh a bit more than you cry.
But the tax man was here
And I stifled a tear,
As my money's in quite short supply.
--- Al Willis P9705
At cards; she's a hell of a player.
The townsmen complained,
"No fair!" "Just the same,
More taxes for us," said the mayor.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Calling Tax Day, a "pain in the rear";
But creative deductions
Can reverse those effluxions;
It's the most profit I make in the year!
--- Mark Levy P9705
And want to be in 28,
Then hire a CPA
Ane he'll show you the way
And income tax law he'll negate.
--- Irving Superior P9705
If tomorrow I could only postpone.
You see, I've been lax
About paying my tax.
Can someone out there make a loan?
--- Puff Adder
Who rebelled against filing a tax.
"Just think of the cost
And the time that is lost!
Next year I shall just file my ax."
--- Laurence Perrine P8704
If I said that they don't, I misspoke."
"But I think you should know,
These joints cost me dough."
No, you should not declare what you smoke."
--- Al Willis P9705
The surplus has been pronounced dead --
Recession and war,
And giveaways for
Bush's friends, have pushed us in the red.
--- Dr Limerick 01-23-02
The taxman cannot always get;
Those who don't send returns,
And it nether concerns
Me, 'cause he ain't nabbed me ye...
--- Friar
And fending off panic attacks,
It's off and away
To my C.P.A.
To prepare this year's income tax.
--- Chris Papa
The Congress is increasing taxes.
The're giving weight
To a new rate;
One hundred percent the new max is.
--- Tom Patton P9705
These fields to raise feed for his cow.
But as they're all asprawl
With a huge shopping mall,
All the folks raise is taxes there now.
--- A N Wilkins P8704
The Congress the shortage must meet.
A ten percent raise
In taxes repays
The ten percent lost through deceit.
--- Irving Superior P9705
"You don't have to pay any tax.
Those two hundred clams
Are not Uncle Sams.
You must pay it to my partner, Max."
--- Al Willis P9705
The government's collector of taxes.
Each adult must pay
So we've come this way,
And trust that you serfs will grant access.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To claim that it's them what has hair
Down there, 'neath the navel.
And so me and Dave'll
Examine the youngsters down there.
--- Tiddy Ogg
These youngsters, and we can detect
If they are hirsuty;
It's plainly our duty,
To test and accept or reject.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So while I grope Sharon and Tracy,
He'll check if young Darren
And Kevin are barren
Of fuzz...But they thought it too racy.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Away, swore they'd run the pair through
For causing disquiet.
Thus started the riot,
And all of this stuff, folks, is true!
--- Tiddy Ogg
The day when that deception is funth.
But this tale I heard
Last week -- twenty third
Or fourth, of the preceding month.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The poorhouse will be your travail.
If you choose to contrive
To deceive to survive,
You will find that you languish in jail.
--- Albin Chaplin P8704
Of them? The thought just benumbs.
The pork barrel crew
Take most, not a few,
And leave you and me with the crumbs.
--- Chris Papa
And the tax bite continues to grow.
The way we are headed,
Once their teeth are imbedded,
Don't expect them to ever let go.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9708
She takes in just oodles of money.
We report every dime,
Plus my cash overtime,
And that's why they call me "Dumb Bunny."
--- Al Willis
Got into the village girl's slacks.
They gave him their honey
'Cause they had no money
And somehow, they had to pay tax.
--- Anon
And colonists, hating the word,
In Boston threw tea;
Quoted Patrick Henry;
And fired the shot 'round the world heard.
--- Irving Superior P9705
Rests solely upon volunteers.
But if you should refrain
From tax-paying, you'll gain
Room and board in the slammer for years.
--- John Sandler P9203
While the doctor made notes on his pad.
"Sputum, sera, and choler --
You're sound as a dollar!"
I replied, "Am I really that bad?"
--- Arthur Deex P8705
Just closing your mind circumvents it.
Don't cry 'bout spilt milk.
It's too late, it's been spilt.
And there's no way that you can condense it.
--- Al Willis
300-buck, pay-it-now, rebate.
Tax cuts -- we got 'em,
For those at the bottom --
Now be still, watching GOP take the bait!
--- Dr Limerick 03-27-01
Bottom line: Campaign speeches don't matter.
Just cut to the chase
And make sure you replace
The tax code with one fairer and flatter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
From now on it's our money -- let's cheer.
But while that is good news,
In the end we still lose --
Tax Freedom Day comes later each year.
--- Anon
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