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It is a curse havin' these; When I was just a wee fart, A fellow name T. Jethro Hart, A fellow from Britain of yore, An innocent bride, all shy smiles, I'd advise a nice club and two balls, Far away where the baobab grows Young Jack was a laddie whose balls "OK", he said, swinging his sack A fellow from Niagara Falls, A horny young man from St. Jude A young man from Sioux City Falls Tommy Jones has two balls, each eight oz. The man who danger defies The Viceroy's Major factotum There once was a man named McNall, An ancient old mariner, Fred, And there he would drift in the sun, There was a young man from St Helens A well-endowed fellow of Dunn I'm starting to climb the walls; A man by the name of Odum There was a young man of Coblenz, There once was a man from Coblenz There once was a man from New Halls, There was a young fellow of Perth An Eskimo trapper named Ned, There was a suave swinger named Nello, There was a young man from Cape Tongas, If hard questions stump Webster-Merriam, A giant of a man named Pete A luckless torero named Torem A lad from Niagara Falls At puberty poor little Joe He now keeps his balls in a wheel- An old Injun Chief of Sioux Falls, A foolish young man named McClain There was an old man from Robles, An unfortunate bugger named Cowl If you have sex with great expectation, There was a young man from Halz A nasty young man from Japan There was a young man from Tahiti, An athletic young man from Woonsocket, Last Summer I done lost my balls Accordion to Sue, I understand I once met that Croydon lass, Sue; That Sue (so Al Fine) got quite wet Orchestral manouvres, do tell! There was a young fellow from Munich A bull calf who wasn't too wary yet, A dirty trick to play on a man; CASTRATION stops sexual pursuals, This young Spanish dancer, Collette, A young girl, though none would believe her, To disprove of the charge he was gutless, The concept of Father's castration To the ape house a man took his wife, He gasped "Why?", as he turned rather blue, I lost my arm in the army, A fragile neurotic from Murray A divorcee, as cold as popsicles, An explorer returned from Australia, There was an old Bishop of Bridge He sneaked into the Bedouins' tent, There once was a boat with a sail; It's cold in the Straits of Malay;
I can do nothin' with ease.
They hang and they hang
And dwarf my poor wang;
Perhaps I should set them on tees.
--- Anon
I used to use just a cart.
But now that I'm gray,
I need a stout dray
To lessen the strain on my heart.
--- Anon
Supported his balls in a cart,
But his dick dragged behind,
Until he could find
A wagon to transport that part.
--- Bob Birch P0410
His testicles hung to the floor.
'Twas a terrible thing,
For they tended to swing,
And collisions would render them sore.
--- Cap'n Bean P0012
Asked the old family medic, Doc Wiles,
"Now what things are these
That hang down to his knees?"
Said the doctor, "On me, they'd be piles."
--- G0454A
For this is the game that enthralls.
If your club is quite large,
Charge a buck covercharge,
And display it in one of the malls.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Lives a tribe of nomadic negroes;
Less quick on their feet
Than most natives you meet,
'Cause their bollocks hang down to their toes.
--- Michael Horgan
Were so large they filled crapper stalls;
So a Dutch firm of builders
Said, "Here's fifty guilders;
Now swing 'em and knock down these walls."
--- Peter Wilkins
Of enormous great bollocks; "Stand back."
And with that he let go
Of his scrotum, but woe;
For those walls tumbled down upon Jack.
--- Peter Wilkins
Had prickly gargantuan balls.
When he walked throught the sand,
They would drag 'cross the land,
Leaving great heiroglyphical scrawls.
--- Mick
Carried both of his balls in a snood.
They were so big and round,
That they dragged on the ground;
He was scared to go out in the nude.
--- G0440
Once boasted that he had huge balls.
Enormous in size,
All covered with flies,
They drew big crowds into shopping malls.
--- Anon
And a penis that jiggles and boz.
The trouble is that
There's no meat, it's all fat
And instead of walking, he floz.
--- John Miller
To embark on a great EMPRISE
Is said to possess
(A bit crude, I confess)
Balls of enormous size.
--- Norm Brust
Was in charge of his lord's massive scrotum.
To transport those balls
Down the length of the halls,
The factotum did, in fact, tote 'em.
--- The Grand Duke P0310
Who had those magnificent balls.
Said a woman he knows,
"Hey, what good are those,
When your dick is as flat as the walls?"
--- Ed Hirsch
Had testicles heavy as lead;
A seafaring wanker,
He used them to anchor
Himself and his yacht in the Med.
--- Anon
The zip in his trousers undone;
And using his rod,
He'd go fishing for cod
Or red snapper for pleasure and fun.
--- Anon
Afflicted with shrinkin's and swellin's.
His dick was so small,
(Hardly there at all)
But his balls looked like honeydew melons.
--- Anon
Has ballocks that each weigh a ton;
And the size 'round his flies
Is a nasty surprise
To the ladies, who turn tail and run.
--- Hugh Oliver A089A
I'm looking for new men in malls.
But what do I find?
They are all the wrong kind,
For this lusty gal, he needs balls.
--- Lusty Gal
Had balls too big for his scrotum.
He thought and he thought,
But all was for naught,
'Cause he never figured how to unload 'em.
--- Lims For Year - 01
Whose ballocks were simply immense.
It took forty-four draymen,
A priest and three laymen,
To carry them thither and thence.
--- L0143A
Whose balls were so very immense,
That it took a wheelbarrow
And a Chevy Camaro
To carry them thither and thence.
--- Theo Heller P9203
Who loved to twist on his balls.
They grew to the size
Of eskimo pies,
And splattered all over the walls.
--- Blain
Whose balls were the finest on earth.
They grew to such size
That one won a prize,
And goodness knows what they were worth.
--- L0215
Had balls just as big as your head.
They'd drag in the snow,
Everywhere he would go,
So he pushed them around in a sled.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With balls like a great luscious Jello
He'd screw, chew, and shunt
Each available cunt--
A peculiarly randy-assed fellow.
--- G0412
Whose balls were really humongous.
Needed sling and a hoist
And wheelbarrow, of course,
In order to just walk among us.
--- Lassie's Lover TP9901
He rather adroitly can parry 'em.
When asked for the weight
Of eight balls, he said, "Wait!
I don't know but it takes four men to carry 'em."
--- G0481
Had a penis, a huge hunk of meat.
Both his balls, no surprise,
Were of elephant size
And hung down to the top of his feet.
--- Tom Patton P0609
Had balls so huge, bulls loved to gore 'em.
Since fighters enhance
Their style with tight pants,
His big problems was where to store 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 512
Had a pair of spectacular balls
Which he kept in condition
For non-stop emission --
Inspired, no doubt, by the Falls!
--- Keith MacMillan 64a
This is file obm
Found his testicles hanging too low;
And despite the refinement
In jock-strap confinement,
For years they've continued to grow.
--- Anon
Barrow of cast iron and steel,
Lest they scrape on the floor
And get terribly sore,
Or get crushed beneath somebody's heel.
--- Anon
Was known for the size of his balls.
"Too heavy to tote 'em,"
He said of his scrotum.
Wherever he goes, he just crawls.
--- David Miller
Fell beneath the wheels of a train.
It sliced off his nuts
With no if's, and's, or but's,
And caused him a horrible pain.
--- G2036
Who sent out to dine with some nobles.
He would risk his life,
And fucked the host's wife
And now, so 'tis said, he has no balls.
--- L1215
Took a shit while as drunk as an owl.
He stumbled, alack!
And fell flat on his back,
And his ballocks slipped into his bowel.
--- L1151
And your arousal brings out perspiration,
Stay away from your house
And watch for your spouse,
Whose thoughts will be for your castration.
--- Anon
With one asymetrical ball.
He played with it nightly,
Left handed and rightly,
Until he had no balls at all!
--- Anon
Attempted to rape Marianne,
But the end of his gender
Snapped her suspender
Which shot off his balls with a twang.
--- Michael Horgan
Who went for a swim with his sweetie,
And as he pursued her,
A big barracuda
Swam off with his masculinity.
--- L1224
Caught his balls in his bicycle sprocket.
They fell to the ground,
But he snatched the first bound.
Now they're worn 'round his neck in a locket!
--- Dave the Knave
To Sue in the orchestra stalls.
She blew my bassoon
One hot night in June,
While playing in yon Fairfield Halls.
--- SFA
That she oft plays with boys in the band.
Your organ was ready;
Your balls looked quite steady,
But they just came off in her hand.
--- Ericka
She told me she knew what to do.
And she looked so cute
As she massaged my flute,
But then, 'stead of sucking, she blew.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As I stroked her throbbing Spinet.
But here on my Largo
She slapped an embargo,
'Cause it was not squelching Tacet. (??)
--- SFA
I have fallen under their spell.
I can't really place
The look on your face,
But your Glockenspiel sure rings a bell.
--- Ericka
Who everyone thought was a eunuch.
But loudly he cried,
With a note of hurt pride,
"Just look at that bulge in my tunic!"
--- G0407
Got caught in the loop of a lariat;
Ignoring his squalls,
They cut off his balls --
Of offspring he hasn't a nary yet.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
CASTRATION, so that he never can.
No coitus nice
After wedding rice,
No matter how much he might plan.
--- Reddog
A fix, no further renewals.
The job must entail,
If you would not fail,
Removal of family jewels.
--- Chris Papa
Was assaulted by the boy, Manolette!
But he failed his attempt,
And now walks with a limp;
Got his balls caught in Collette's castinet!
--- Laurence Craft
Had psychoses regarding her beaver.
When a man grabbed her panties,
She turned vigilante,
And whacked off his balls with a cleaver.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
A drunken pirate with a cutlass,
Started swinging around,
Up, over, and down,
Swish Swack! He was buttless and nutless.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Would fill her with morbid elation,
And strange nameless fears,
Till with fairly big shears,
She cut off the source of frustration.
--- Beelzebub
Who'd had headaches for most of her life.
He dared her to tease
The big guy with the fleas,
So she cut off his balls with a knife.
--- Anon
"Have you ruined our day at the zoo?"
She replied, "The gorilla
Was more of a thriller,
And longer and stronger than you!"
--- Anon
I lost my leg in the navy,
I lost my balls
In Niagara Falls,
I lost my cock in a lady.
--- L1130
Was plagued by a terrible worry
That if he should cough,
His balls would drop off.
And he did. And they did. End of story.
--- Hugh Oliver A054B
Waived all her ex-husbands's nickels.
She transplanted instead,
To each side of her head,
Earrings made from his testicles.
--- G2723
Reported lost paraphernalia:
A Zeiss microscope,
And his personal hope,
Which had vanished with his genitalia.
--- L1131
Who had no more balls than a midge.
Turned out that some fairies
Had rotted his berries,
So he kept them both in the fridge.
--- Dennis M Hammes
With the daughters, he came. Then he went.
When the Bedonin dads
Caught him, both his gonads
Were extracted, without his consent.
--- William N Nesbit
It was caught in a terrible gale.
Down fell a man,
His name was still Stan,
But he was no longer a male.
--- Anon
I'm freezing my nuts off today.
They dropped in the mud
With a glorious thud.
With what will I play with all day.
--- Peter W
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