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A young man in frustration and shock The payment of all of that bread It's simply unfair, don't you know I guess that I'm now on the spot. A sensible view of inflation, Here's to Patriots - Bang drums, blow saxes, We voters just tightened the screw, High taxes, with which they have stuck us, Yes, the budget ax now needs to fall, Accountants most always imply My teachers, through life, always taught She withheld her affairs with fullbacks. Losing money is bad, you would think, There's a point many people deplore I have finally paid all my tax; Whether or not said by old Thoreau, "Good taxation," said Senator Keating, The government took a big slice Income tax, diabolically trying, Our leader chops wood with an axe (leader is Ronald Reagan)
A taxpayer, Max, from the Queens By a five to three margin, those polled If your business is lousy, don't sweat it. The cruelest month, so they say, The tax forms that Congress create My thoughts while I'm signing 1040-- Henry Block told stockholders, "Don't laugh. Of tax refund we're on the brink, The cost of this wrong hesitate, Calm down and suppress your anxiety; "As the farmer who lives in the dell Those Pentagon contracts are lax; Said a fellow named Ira S. Green, The brand new 1040A They're coming on like a Greek chorus; (Against rich people's tax cuts)
Though we make tax revisions galore This millennium at IRS, The billions owed at its audit Three cheers for the old IRS! Towards April fifteen the clocks tick, That's right but still pay you must; This year new IRS rules direct My accountant said, I've been quite brash, No problems with servants have we. Now the IRS superintendents From 8 to 5 the IRS (Form 1040 for tax calculations)
You woke feeling down in your luck; Behold a remarkable sight: Now there, friend, I must draw the line The IRS causes me dread -- When the IRS questions your taxes, As congressmen are no great shakes But now we believe President Willy. Be careful of me; I'm a Fed. I'm Government and darned proud of it; You think I'm a bureaucrat, oh? There's nothing like big government! As one who works for the G., I think that I know more than you; I'm a grossly fat bureaucrat, see? Oh, how will the IRS do us? It's a bureaucracy somewhat perverse As a Bureaucracy in its purity A local pub with a history longest, That neighborhood bar had then offered Some tried--truck drivers, weight lifters, Said he, "I'd like to try that bet!"
Took his tax form to H. & R. Block
Said old Block, "Please comply
And unfasten your fly --
I'm afraid there's a tax on your cock."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0615
Is something, I too, really dread.
Yeah, the taxes sure cost
But I must of got lost,
I thought it was taxis you said.
--- Michael Polo P8704
That Grace evades paying tax dough;
She provides a swell time
(Often damn near sublime),
Gosh, I'd love to be that kind of pro!
--- Mark Levy P9705
I must tell Uncle Sam what I've got.
The money I made,
The tax I prepaid,
And the three sets of twins I begot.
--- William N Nesbit P9705
Arrived at by deep cerebration,
Shows those at the top
That spending must stop.
As must all that Up-Fornication.
--- Larry Davis P8705
Toot flutes, send out E-mail and Faxes!
We don't have any clout
But they'd perish without
Us suckers who pay all the taxes.
--- Ann Gasser P9501
While our reps have a quite different view.
The initiative's flaws
Stopped their right to make laws,
Unless taxes is all that they do.
--- John Paulk
Are causing a citizen's ruckus.
Good management skill
Can balance the till;
Taxes weren't intended to pluck us.
--- John Paulk
Without bringing good things to a crawl.
If considering waste
Contemptuously placed,
Check the guards in our fair county hall.
--- John Paulk
That figures do not ever lie.
But tax time is here
And one thing is clear;
It's time we all falsify.
--- Al Willis P9705
That logic should always be sought.
But I read the tax law,
With its blah, blah, blah, blah;
I think I shall soon be distraught.
--- Al Willis P9705
She withheld how she felt about climax.
She withheld from her mate
Every secret bedmate,
But she pays a huge withholding tax.
--- Bic Willis TP9806
But tax write-offs color the ink.
When his auditor said,
"This account's in the red,"
Mr. Richman was just tickled pink.
--- Laurence Perrine P8704
'Bout the tax system we have in store.
And you shouldn't relax.
If you're lax with your tax,
All the others must pay that much more.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8705
They hauled away money in sacks.
(I bamboozled the Fed;
I held on to some bread,
And I plan to buy more Cracker Jacks.)
--- Al Willis P9705
It is wiser to beg than to borrow.
How patently plain
Taxing capital gain
Today will tomorrow bring sorrow.
--- Arthur Deex P9502
"Is like shearing sheep with the least cheating,
So that in the long pull,
We collect the most wool
In a way which will cause the least bleating."
--- A N Wilkins P8704
In taxes that squeezed like a vise.
But the Senate astute
Made them hard to compute,
And so some people paid the tax twice.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2794
Has over the years been supplying
Honest Christians incentive
To be wildly inventive
And take refuge in creative lying.
--- A N Wilkins P8704
And he also chops cruel income tax.
So the new form 1040
Will just be a shortie --
Send in all you have, plus your snacks!
--- Neal Wilgus P8607
(Reduced to a diet of beans),
Took a shuddering breath,
Said, "I'll say this for Death,
It's not worse each time Congress convenes."
--- Number Two P9011
Say that back the tax cut should be rolled.
We're not consenting
To deficit spending,
So the rich can collect all the gold.
--- Dr Limerick 01-22-02
The future my bring you some credit.
If some profits should come,
You are under their thumb.
Have no fear, but the Feds will sure get it.
--- Al Willis P9705
Is April, when warm breezes play;
I spend precious hours,
Ignoring spring flowers,
While I fill out my 1040A.
--- RDH9995
Not only make Einstein gyrate,
Their goals seem to be
Both non-clarity
And to CPA lobbies placate.
--- Irving Superior P8704
"These years and they haven't yet caught me."
So feeling quite smug,
I sign with a shrug,
Forgetting Capone and John Gotti.
--- Irving Superior P9705
Whenever the IRS staff
In another bold sortie
Simplifies the 1040,
Our profits grow nearly by half."
--- A N Wilkins P8704
A pittance of what you might think
Is a fair share of loot
From your labor's fruit,
A large governmental hoodwink.
--- Chris Papa
Is even more onerous fate,
To which I'll resign,
The post office line,
Where I'll be assured a long wait.
--- Chris Papa
Pay your income tax in its entirety.
As Justice Holmes said:
"Taxes are the main thread
Binding a civil society."
--- Dr Limerick
Is paid not to raise crops for a spell,"
He said, "I don't see
Why Congress can't be
Paid not to raise taxes as well."
--- A N Wilkins P8704
Many millions just fall through the cracks.
With windfalls for Halliburton,
While poor folks are hurtin',
Makes me sorry I paid income tax.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0305
"My sex-life is terribly lean...
I'm a chaste little lamb,
Save for Old Uncle Sam
Who screws me each April 15!"
--- Rowdy Jack Eggerton P0103
This is file obl
Will speed up collections they say.
With each form comes a vice
Which has jaws so precise
And you squeeze your own balls till you pay.
--- Al Chaplin P9708
Gates Sr, and Buffet and Soros;
Though villified as
Traitors to their class,
They're heroically standing up for us.
--- Dr Limerick 02-15-02
In order to settle the score
With that son of a bitch,
The fellow who's rich,
We're the ones who end up paying more.
--- A N Wilkins P8704
Back taxes will be assessed.
On that great day,
I'll be glad to pay.
My 1900 tax bill is less.
--- Marsha Magee TP9804
Have earned the tax office no plaudit.
What cheats IRS
Are accounts in a mess,
And itself best knows how to defraud it.
--- Prof M-G
Their instructions leave nothing to guess.
"Send in the greater amount:
Schedule G cost account
Or the total of all you possess."
--- Arthur Deex P8702
In the envelope taxes I stick
With a check; By the way,
Cause I had to pay
Even more to those IRS dicks.
--- Anon
You're underwear you must adjust;
As you bend over and take it
Just smile and fake it;
You're being screwed though its not just.
--- Anon
Every Schedule D box must be checked,
To discover at great length
That my capital gain strength
Of one dollar has zero effect!
--- Prof M-G TP9804
Even taken deductions for gash.
These red figures show
The fortune you owe.
They won't accept lims, only cash.
--- Anon
The butler am I; the maid, she.
For home-site employing,
Our pay is enjoying
Deductibles on our 1040.
--- Irving Superior P9912
Named some guy and his wife codefendants;
They've a tomcat, three dogs,
A green parrot, five frogs --
And deducted the lot as dependents.
--- Armand E Singer 310
Each day your tax returns assess.
At 10 they take
No coffee break,
But at 1040 they recess.
--- Irving Superior P8704
That mean IRS you must buck.
Put the forms away,
You have one more day.
Stop by for a 1040 fuck.
--- That Guy
And IRS guy who's polite;
If fact he's quite gay,
One thinks that he may
Create a new kind of "tax bite"!
--- Mark Levy P9705a
Since the IRS cannot define
Their miserable mess,
And it's anyone's guess
What procedures will draw you a fine.
--- Anon
They leave me no cash, not a shred.
But I'm not one to grieve,
I've an ace up my sleeve,
And I'll truly be glad when I'm dead.
--- Al Chaplin P0007
Before you forget what relax is,
With stomach in knots
And Alcatraz thoughts,
Your first gut reaction -- Exlax is.
--- Irving Superior P8704
At econmy, clearly it makes
Them happy to know
At the IRS show
That the taxpayer has what it takes.
--- A N Wilkins P8704
The IRS will not audit willy-nilly.
A gentler gathering of taxes
After they have the faxes.
You're innocent until proven guilty, silly!
--- Anon
Come tax time, I wire-tapped what you said.
If the IRS's sneaking;
Through files they are peeking;
You might just be better off dead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Take care if you tell me to "shove it";
I'll take over your lives,
Make 2 + 2 equal 5.
And like Winston Smith, soon you'll love it!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I'm grossly fat, stupid, and slow?
Well, you'd better talk nice,
And you'd better think twice,
'Cause Big Brother's alive, don't ya know.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
More taxes! More programs! More spent!
And I say with some glee,
That one day It will be
A tax rate of one hundred percent
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Rest assured, you've no threat from me.
Go on with your lives,
Your sons, daughters and wives,
Are quite safe in my fine company.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
What a true loving parent should do,
Since without programs and dollars,
Child abuse with kid's hollers,
'Cause the parents do not have a clue.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
All your taxes and fines go to me.
I spend and I spend
On programs without end,
Till your kids are in hock eternally!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Without foreplay, will they dry screw us?
Or oral cheeks?
Anal techniques?
Oh, how will the IRS do us?
--- Roy Shaw P8809
That writes letters extremely terse.
Although you've fought it,
You'll go to the audit
By the Internal Revenue Serverse.
--- Roy Shaw P8809
It will always, in the futurity,
Have the propensity
To use assininity
For promoting its own job security.
--- Roy Shaw P8809
Felt its bartender was strongest.
He would lemons squeeze,
Then customers tease,
Saying more drops they could not one wrest.
--- Daniel Ford
A thousand dollars it kept coffered,
To anyone loose
Who squeezed one drop juice,
From spent lemon the barkeep proffered.
--- Daniel Ford
Arm wrestlers, locals and drifters,
But no one did win
Till in came a thin
Scrawny, bespectacled scrifter. (scrivener)
--- Daniel Ford
Patrons laughed until they their pants wet.
Then squeezed the bartender,
And teased the pretender,
As the wrinkled rind was before him set
--- Daniel Ford
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