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I vow I will take this fair hart
To be fucked till her hindquarters smart;
Nor shall be annulled
Until she be culled,
Or rutted to death, shall us part.
--- David Miller

I'm going to create my own zoo;
For fellows who like something new.
Who're fed up with women
But have peckers brimmin',
And longing for something to screw.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So come lads, if you're wanting to
Find something exotic to screw;
Though Bessie's engaged,
We've sheep and goats caged,
And for athletes, a bush kangaroo!
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now just leave the churning of Bess
To me who is used to the mess.
It's not just the butter
(I sit here and mutter);
There's parts that I love to caress.
--- Archie

Then who was it buggered poor Dobbin?
Some pervert there pokin' and bobbin'?
He never said neigh;
Just munched on his hay.
Poor Bessie just stood there a-sobbin'.
--- Marlene Lewis

I guess it was Christopher Robin
Who buggered poor innocent Dobbin,
When Alice said nay
To a roll in the hay,
And Eeyore said no to a knobbin'.
--- Peter Wilkins

Beastiality's advocates quote
A motto that's worthy of note:
When vacationing France,
Unbutton you pants,
And remember, "Chacun a son goat".
--- David Miller

The French love the "Red, White and Blue,"
Aussie flag is the same color too;
But French goats cannot beat,
Marsupials in heat.
At night here it's "Chacun a son 'roo!"
--- David Miller

A big manly man I am now;
No longer a cub-scout, I vow.
'Twas Akela who taught
Me the masculine sport
And I practised on Bessie the cow.
--- Anon

And then it was on to Bo Peep
(After trying my hand at her sheep).
She guided me in
To her quivering quim;
I assure you she didn't fall asleep.
--- Anon

So Kitten, my bonny wee maid;
Come out from that foresty glade.
Leave the scouts to their singing
Of ganging and ginging
Their goolies and come and get laid.
--- Anon

At the zoo there are fun things to note,
Like: Zebra is warmer than goat.
It's utterly true
What they say of the gnu;
The giraffe has a mighty deep throat.
--- John Miller

And that's when I started to laugh;
You certainly don't do things by half.
It sure got my goat
That lump in its throat.
You've been swallowed by the giraffe?
--- Wobbly

Animal lovers, Unite!
If you're screwing a creature tonight,
Please join our crusade
And before you get laid,
Make sure you are doing it right!
--- John Miller

Tonight I'll be screwing a sheep;
It's cheaper than payng Bo-peep,
And further I find
That a ewe doesn't mind
If I have a post-coital sleep.
--- Peter Wilkins

I'm glad to see Peter has blurted
This out: That he's now been converted
To warm wooly twats,
In pastoral plots.
His pleasure won't now be averted.
--- Tiddy Ogg

One evening a pervert called Daniels
Was frantically searching sex-manuals;
And what did he seek?
A sure-fire technique
For buggering fractious young spaniels.
--- Anon

Yes, he was perverted, and how!
Chasing some little poor bow-wow.
But I know one or two,
Who like to hear "Moo";
They line up for Bessie the cow!!!
--- Anon

My own predilection's for sheep;
A woolly twat's fine and will keep
You warm, but our Bess
Is still around, yes.
She's in constant use by our Pete.
--- Anon

Perverted? These pleasures bucolic,
We tell in these lims epistolic.
This form of coition's
A hallowed tradition,
Amongst we who rurally frolic.
--- Anon

Dr Ruth took a trip to the zoo,
To conduct a strange interview--
She even asked rabbits
Their sexual habits,
And broke up a really fine screw.
--- Bill Edwards P9101

A bull, with his bellowing calls,
And butting the fences and walls,
Said, "Cows, don't be nervous,
I'm here to give service,
Can't you see by the swing of my balls?"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

A jackass was munching on hay.
He snorted, and let out a bray:
"Huge dicks may be fine,
But with one big as mine,
It's hard to find a good lay."
--- Bill Edwards P9101

A rooster came prancing in view,
And said, "Those who beat me are few;
I've laid all the hens,
And guineas and wrens,
And for kicks, a hummingbird, too!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

Remarked a small-voiced giraffe,
"You think we're just good for a laugh,
But while you are checking,
We're better at necking,
Than any ten guys on your staff!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

An ostrich, while preening his plume,
On hearing this, started to fume.
"You may be a necker,
But I've a strong pecker,
And can outrun you, too--gimme room!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

From Sidney, the male kangaroo:
"Since you've brought up the subject of woo,
I've leaped to conclusions
And sometimes contusions,
But the gals that I missed are quite few!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

An anteater stopped slurping ants,
Straightened up, took a hitch in his pants.
"You may be well hung,
But with my super tongue,
I'm ensured of eternal romance!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

A turtle protruded his head,
Adjusted his pince nez, and said,
"I broke my poor cock
On a good-lloking rock;
Without glases, I'm staying in bed."
--- Bill Edwards P9101

A fish swished its tail and he sighed,
"You know nothing of being denied!
She lays her own eggs,
I can't spread her legs,
And we both end up broiled or fried."
--- Bill Edwards P9101

The octopus opened his beak,
And bubbling a bit, did he speak:
"When I wrap all my arms
Around Genevieve's charms,
All she does is giggle and shriek!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

A snake slithered up with a rattle:
"I know naught of horses or cattle,
But when I entwine
Her slim body with mine,
They can hear us both hiss in Seattle."
--- Bill Edwards P9101

A worm spoke up then: "Oh, I know,
Though we seem handicapped, even so,
When we do oral sex,
It's not so complex --
We call it the Marvelous O."
--- Bill Edwards P9101

This is file obk

A tomcat stretched lazily out,
"You don't know what loving's about!
To get Pussy, by heck,
I chomp down on her neck,
Let her whine, let her yowl, let her pout!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

Ole Hound Dog could stand it no more,
Decided to reveal his score:
"With a wee bit of luck
I may not get stuck,
But, wow, if I do, I get sore."
--- Bill Edwards P9101

Now comes a ridiculous duck,
His head under wing did he tuck.
"Because of my name,
I'm living in shame,
So you'll not get a rhyme for this line.
--- Bill Edwards P9101

The big boar said, "Speaking of dorks,
There is something unique to us porks:
Ours has a twist,
And please, I insist,
It might work for pulling out corks."
--- Bill Edwards P9101

To this group came a couple of skunks,
Who were wearing striped bathing trunks:
"Do you think if we went
And got rid of our scent,
We might get some gals in our bunks?"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

Said the mink to the shrink, with a wink,
"We are not as bad as you think.
If we're not just jumping,
Then we're humping and pumping,
For with sex, we live on the brink!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

Dr Ruth said, "My, Woody, you're quiet,
But surely you now and then try it?"
"My pecker got strained
On trees too hard-grained;
Guess I need more nuts in my diet."
--- Bill Edwards P9101

A microbe squeaked next: "Our delight
Is to breed multitudes overnight.
It was nature's decision;
We increase by division.
So that's why we get you: for spite!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101

Dr Ruth spread her notes out and read,
Of all that the animals said.
"Vot you know?" she decided,
"Dis got me excited,"
And took her vibrator to bed.
--- Bill Edwards P9101

I've always been 'Travis' who'll plow
With ewes or a sow or a cow,
Or women who're sleazy
With boobs nice and squeezy;
So, call me, m'dear, 'Jack-Me-Now!'
--- Travis Brasell

Jack the Lad? No offence was intended.
Forgive me? I'm down on knees bended.
To show I'm sincere
I'll keep pouring beer,
Until the offence is all mended.
--- Michelle

And if you still smart from the slight,
I'll come 'round to yours tonight,
With oils of sweet clover,
A massage all over,
And some wine to ensure you sleep tight!
--- Michelle

That Mary she was such a whore;
With sheep, billy goats and a boar.
She fucked the whole farm
But came to no harm,
In fact she still cried out for more.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Mary got bored with the grind
Of farming so she went to find
Fun on the hill
With Jack and Jill,
But found a big bear right behind.
--- Karen

The bear ate the lamb in one bite.
Still hungry and Mary in sight,
He licked his bear lips,
Then nibbled her nips,
And beared her behind with delight.
--- Karen

"My husband," said Jane, "screwed the mare;
I married a pervert, I swear!
Because he has thrusted
That horse I'm disgusted,
And ready to pull out my hare!"
--- Anon

But Jane, dear. Such strong condemnation!
When you've used the family Alsatian,
And next door's jack russell,
To give you a tussle.
You're hooked on that canine fellation.
--- Anon

Jane barked, "Don't preach me a damn sermon,
Since you screw mares, pigs, sheep, snakes, vermin,
And every stray beast
But I know, at least,
When I'm tongued by shepherds -- they're german!"
--- Anon

The shepherd I suck is a German;
His name in translation is Herman.
With big furry ears,
He doesn't drink beers,
And barks whenever he's curmmin'
--- Anon

The Cowboys, they round up the Bovines;
And shepherds chase after the Ovines.
But for a great ride,
You'll feel deep inside,
The critters of choice are the Equines.
--- CM

Admittedly, horses are nice,
And camels I've humped once or twice.
Bit I prefer llamas,
Both youngsters and mammas,
And old Aussie Arch buggers mice.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Enough of that old, me old mate!
I'm fit and I'm young I can state!
It's just that the Geishas
Of so many species
Have stamped me with "Past Use-by Date!"
--- Archie

All of us will meet our fate:
That most dreadful Please Use-by Date.
Finally a nice excuse,
When we only produce
A powdery ejaculate.
--- Dirruk

Dim Bob does not know what's Ovine.
And he has not "herd" what is Bovine.
He'd be better off,
If he'd know how to boff
A genus that's other than Canine.
--- Marlene Lewis

Don't know, but that may be too rude,
For bestiality is, per se, crude.
But throw in to boot
The under-age root,
And I'm liable to find myself sued.
--- Anon

That's right lad, you need have no fear,
There's plenty of that around here,
Like Betty, thirteen,
The pig fucking queen,
Who also takes goats in the rear.
--- Anon

I'll pass on old Bessie for now;
She's not ripe enough, anyhow.
As long as she moos,
I'm having to choose
'Twixt nieces, old hens, and a sow.
--- John Miller

My choice now is much simplified --
On reading my lim, one niece died:
"The whole world can see
What you do with me!
How could I be so mortified?"
--- John Miller

Young Florence presented her rump
To a pony who started to hump
Her some two weeks ago,
But insatiable Flo
Merely wore out its knob to a stump.
--- Irish

Next up her, last Sunday at dusk,
Was a fucking great elephant tusk;
The poor pachyderm pumped
'Til he finally slumped;
A mere shadow; exhausted; a husk.
--- Irish

And now I am next in the queue,
But I know what I'm going to do...
I shall use as my pecker
My new Black and Decker
Pneumatic jackhammer to screw.
--- Irish

"Next patient", the doc said, and laughed
As young Joe sidled in feeling daft
With his trousers a-flapping
Revealing a yapping
Chihuahua impaled on his shaft.
--- Peter Wilkins

"Oh please don't tell mom; she'll go mad."
"Why of course not, young Joe; don't look sad.
It's quite normal and soon
When you're older (next June)
You'll grow out this puppy love, lad."
--- Peter Wilkins

By then lad, I'm sure you'll progress,
To things much more normal, I guess.
This puppy love's half
What you'll soon get from calf
Love, when boffing the daughter of Bess.
--- Anon


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