I vow I will take this fair hart I'm going to create my own zoo; So come lads, if you're wanting to Now just leave the churning of Bess Then who was it buggered poor Dobbin? I guess it was Christopher Robin Beastiality's advocates quote The French love the "Red, White and Blue," A big manly man I am now; And then it was on to Bo Peep So Kitten, my bonny wee maid; At the zoo there are fun things to note, And that's when I started to laugh; Animal lovers, Unite! Tonight I'll be screwing a sheep; I'm glad to see Peter has blurted One evening a pervert called Daniels Yes, he was perverted, and how! My own predilection's for sheep; Perverted? These pleasures bucolic, Dr Ruth took a trip to the zoo, A bull, with his bellowing calls, A jackass was munching on hay. A rooster came prancing in view, Remarked a small-voiced giraffe, An ostrich, while preening his plume, From Sidney, the male kangaroo: An anteater stopped slurping ants, A turtle protruded his head, A fish swished its tail and he sighed, The octopus opened his beak, A snake slithered up with a rattle: A worm spoke up then: "Oh, I know,
This is file obk
A tomcat stretched lazily out, Ole Hound Dog could stand it no more, Now comes a ridiculous duck, The big boar said, "Speaking of dorks, To this group came a couple of skunks, Said the mink to the shrink, with a wink, Dr Ruth said, "My, Woody, you're quiet, A microbe squeaked next: "Our delight Dr Ruth spread her notes out and read, I've always been 'Travis' who'll plow Jack the Lad? No offence was intended. And if you still smart from the slight, That Mary she was such a whore; Mary got bored with the grind The bear ate the lamb in one bite. "My husband," said Jane, "screwed the mare; But Jane, dear. Such strong condemnation! Jane barked, "Don't preach me a damn sermon, The shepherd I suck is a German; The Cowboys, they round up the Bovines; Admittedly, horses are nice, Enough of that old, me old mate! All of us will meet our fate: Dim Bob does not know what's Ovine. Don't know, but that may be too rude, That's right lad, you need have no fear, I'll pass on old Bessie for now; My choice now is much simplified -- Young Florence presented her rump Next up her, last Sunday at dusk, And now I am next in the queue, "Next patient", the doc said, and laughed "Oh please don't tell mom; she'll go mad." By then lad, I'm sure you'll progress,
To be fucked till her hindquarters smart;
Nor shall be annulled
Until she be culled,
Or rutted to death, shall us part.
--- David Miller
For fellows who like something new.
Who're fed up with women
But have peckers brimmin',
And longing for something to screw.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Find something exotic to screw;
Though Bessie's engaged,
We've sheep and goats caged,
And for athletes, a bush kangaroo!
--- Tiddy Ogg
To me who is used to the mess.
It's not just the butter
(I sit here and mutter);
There's parts that I love to caress.
--- Archie
Some pervert there pokin' and bobbin'?
He never said neigh;
Just munched on his hay.
Poor Bessie just stood there a-sobbin'.
--- Marlene Lewis
Who buggered poor innocent Dobbin,
When Alice said nay
To a roll in the hay,
And Eeyore said no to a knobbin'.
--- Peter Wilkins
A motto that's worthy of note:
When vacationing France,
Unbutton you pants,
And remember, "Chacun a son goat".
--- David Miller
Aussie flag is the same color too;
But French goats cannot beat,
Marsupials in heat.
At night here it's "Chacun a son 'roo!"
--- David Miller
No longer a cub-scout, I vow.
'Twas Akela who taught
Me the masculine sport
And I practised on Bessie the cow.
--- Anon
(After trying my hand at her sheep).
She guided me in
To her quivering quim;
I assure you she didn't fall asleep.
--- Anon
Come out from that foresty glade.
Leave the scouts to their singing
Of ganging and ginging
Their goolies and come and get laid.
--- Anon
Like: Zebra is warmer than goat.
It's utterly true
What they say of the gnu;
The giraffe has a mighty deep throat.
--- John Miller
You certainly don't do things by half.
It sure got my goat
That lump in its throat.
You've been swallowed by the giraffe?
--- Wobbly
If you're screwing a creature tonight,
Please join our crusade
And before you get laid,
Make sure you are doing it right!
--- John Miller
It's cheaper than payng Bo-peep,
And further I find
That a ewe doesn't mind
If I have a post-coital sleep.
--- Peter Wilkins
This out: That he's now been converted
To warm wooly twats,
In pastoral plots.
His pleasure won't now be averted.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was frantically searching sex-manuals;
And what did he seek?
A sure-fire technique
For buggering fractious young spaniels.
--- Anon
Chasing some little poor bow-wow.
But I know one or two,
Who like to hear "Moo";
They line up for Bessie the cow!!!
--- Anon
A woolly twat's fine and will keep
You warm, but our Bess
Is still around, yes.
She's in constant use by our Pete.
--- Anon
We tell in these lims epistolic.
This form of coition's
A hallowed tradition,
Amongst we who rurally frolic.
--- Anon
To conduct a strange interview--
She even asked rabbits
Their sexual habits,
And broke up a really fine screw.
--- Bill Edwards P9101
And butting the fences and walls,
Said, "Cows, don't be nervous,
I'm here to give service,
Can't you see by the swing of my balls?"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
He snorted, and let out a bray:
"Huge dicks may be fine,
But with one big as mine,
It's hard to find a good lay."
--- Bill Edwards P9101
And said, "Those who beat me are few;
I've laid all the hens,
And guineas and wrens,
And for kicks, a hummingbird, too!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
"You think we're just good for a laugh,
But while you are checking,
We're better at necking,
Than any ten guys on your staff!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
On hearing this, started to fume.
"You may be a necker,
But I've a strong pecker,
And can outrun you, too--gimme room!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
"Since you've brought up the subject of woo,
I've leaped to conclusions
And sometimes contusions,
But the gals that I missed are quite few!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
Straightened up, took a hitch in his pants.
"You may be well hung,
But with my super tongue,
I'm ensured of eternal romance!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
Adjusted his pince nez, and said,
"I broke my poor cock
On a good-lloking rock;
Without glases, I'm staying in bed."
--- Bill Edwards P9101
"You know nothing of being denied!
She lays her own eggs,
I can't spread her legs,
And we both end up broiled or fried."
--- Bill Edwards P9101
And bubbling a bit, did he speak:
"When I wrap all my arms
Around Genevieve's charms,
All she does is giggle and shriek!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
"I know naught of horses or cattle,
But when I entwine
Her slim body with mine,
They can hear us both hiss in Seattle."
--- Bill Edwards P9101
Though we seem handicapped, even so,
When we do oral sex,
It's not so complex --
We call it the Marvelous O."
--- Bill Edwards P9101
"You don't know what loving's about!
To get Pussy, by heck,
I chomp down on her neck,
Let her whine, let her yowl, let her pout!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
Decided to reveal his score:
"With a wee bit of luck
I may not get stuck,
But, wow, if I do, I get sore."
--- Bill Edwards P9101
His head under wing did he tuck.
"Because of my name,
I'm living in shame,
So you'll not get a rhyme for this line.
--- Bill Edwards P9101
There is something unique to us porks:
Ours has a twist,
And please, I insist,
It might work for pulling out corks."
--- Bill Edwards P9101
Who were wearing striped bathing trunks:
"Do you think if we went
And got rid of our scent,
We might get some gals in our bunks?"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
"We are not as bad as you think.
If we're not just jumping,
Then we're humping and pumping,
For with sex, we live on the brink!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
But surely you now and then try it?"
"My pecker got strained
On trees too hard-grained;
Guess I need more nuts in my diet."
--- Bill Edwards P9101
Is to breed multitudes overnight.
It was nature's decision;
We increase by division.
So that's why we get you: for spite!"
--- Bill Edwards P9101
Of all that the animals said.
"Vot you know?" she decided,
"Dis got me excited,"
And took her vibrator to bed.
--- Bill Edwards P9101
With ewes or a sow or a cow,
Or women who're sleazy
With boobs nice and squeezy;
So, call me, m'dear, 'Jack-Me-Now!'
--- Travis Brasell
Forgive me? I'm down on knees bended.
To show I'm sincere
I'll keep pouring beer,
Until the offence is all mended.
--- Michelle
I'll come 'round to yours tonight,
With oils of sweet clover,
A massage all over,
And some wine to ensure you sleep tight!
--- Michelle
With sheep, billy goats and a boar.
She fucked the whole farm
But came to no harm,
In fact she still cried out for more.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of farming so she went to find
Fun on the hill
With Jack and Jill,
But found a big bear right behind.
--- Karen
Still hungry and Mary in sight,
He licked his bear lips,
Then nibbled her nips,
And beared her behind with delight.
--- Karen
I married a pervert, I swear!
Because he has thrusted
That horse I'm disgusted,
And ready to pull out my hare!"
--- Anon
When you've used the family Alsatian,
And next door's jack russell,
To give you a tussle.
You're hooked on that canine fellation.
--- Anon
Since you screw mares, pigs, sheep, snakes, vermin,
And every stray beast
But I know, at least,
When I'm tongued by shepherds -- they're german!"
--- Anon
His name in translation is Herman.
With big furry ears,
He doesn't drink beers,
And barks whenever he's curmmin'
--- Anon
And shepherds chase after the Ovines.
But for a great ride,
You'll feel deep inside,
The critters of choice are the Equines.
--- CM
And camels I've humped once or twice.
Bit I prefer llamas,
Both youngsters and mammas,
And old Aussie Arch buggers mice.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'm fit and I'm young I can state!
It's just that the Geishas
Of so many species
Have stamped me with "Past Use-by Date!"
--- Archie
That most dreadful Please Use-by Date.
Finally a nice excuse,
When we only produce
A powdery ejaculate.
--- Dirruk
And he has not "herd" what is Bovine.
He'd be better off,
If he'd know how to boff
A genus that's other than Canine.
--- Marlene Lewis
For bestiality is, per se, crude.
But throw in to boot
The under-age root,
And I'm liable to find myself sued.
--- Anon
There's plenty of that around here,
Like Betty, thirteen,
The pig fucking queen,
Who also takes goats in the rear.
--- Anon
She's not ripe enough, anyhow.
As long as she moos,
I'm having to choose
'Twixt nieces, old hens, and a sow.
--- John Miller
On reading my lim, one niece died:
"The whole world can see
What you do with me!
How could I be so mortified?"
--- John Miller
To a pony who started to hump
Her some two weeks ago,
But insatiable Flo
Merely wore out its knob to a stump.
--- Irish
Was a fucking great elephant tusk;
The poor pachyderm pumped
'Til he finally slumped;
A mere shadow; exhausted; a husk.
--- Irish
But I know what I'm going to do...
I shall use as my pecker
My new Black and Decker
Pneumatic jackhammer to screw.
--- Irish
As young Joe sidled in feeling daft
With his trousers a-flapping
Revealing a yapping
Chihuahua impaled on his shaft.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Why of course not, young Joe; don't look sad.
It's quite normal and soon
When you're older (next June)
You'll grow out this puppy love, lad."
--- Peter Wilkins
To things much more normal, I guess.
This puppy love's half
What you'll soon get from calf
Love, when boffing the daughter of Bess.
--- Anon