All winter, the eunuch from Munich, A silly young man from St. Paul, Her husband is in the Hussars, There was a young soldier from Munich, Old Gomez did naught to elate We've been told to forgive and forget Though vengance, we're told is all wrong, Laughed housewife June Gibbs from Seattle, There was a young fellow named Dag, The one-balled new spouse of our Kitty, There once was a fellow named Zeke, Brother John is real "down in the dumps"; There was an Old Person of Booder, A gentleman, Howard H Hall, In the harem, a lonely girl calls, A Turk caught Joe Blow in his harem, The impetuous Martin from Messina The wife of a red-headed Celt, (gelt - past tense of geld = castrate)
So thrilled was a fellow named Spence An unfortunate fellow named Dennis I once asked a man from Antietam In a ratty bordello in Venice, A millionaire surgeon named Straight There was a young student of Yale, The weight of Greg's balls is quite small, At the Ball they will find a quiet place, And both of them are very tonguey, This guy Sydney from Mulholland Falls Oh pity poor Corporal Frost, "Though many strange things may befall One evening a workman named Rawls, From his harem the sultan cried, "Yech! It follows. It came from your sister,
This is file oam
An unfortunate marksman from Ottawa 'Twas a gentleman farmer's sad fate, A sharpshooting marine named Malone A pain-crazed young fellow named Dunn, For guarding the harem use Eunuchs; I see by your look, you're distraught; When chefs cook Risotto, we need In a park, near Niagara Falls, A dwarf man who called himself Houghton: (Corton - chardonnay)
A callous soprano from Crete, The vicious south-westerly squalls, There was a young man of Bengal, (Published 1870)
My bollocks have shriveled up, too, The Centurion grimly recalls One summer while visiting Austin, A masochist Simon Fraser There once was a eunuch of Roylem, An uxorious fellow named Fife (uxorious - undue fondness for one's wife)
A perverted young fellow named Joe There once was this man named John Burls, While seducing the Queen of Siam, Said a gentleman from Angor Wat: There was young man from Reading A farmer of walnuts, James Butts, There once was an African Queen, There was a young man from the West, There was a young sailor from Munich, If the superlative of "placid" is "placidest" I talked to a eunuch online; Nonuki, the eunuch, is crackers; You know that you are the best poet. Though knackers attached has he none, Life's tough in this old city's ghetto;
Went walking in naught but a tunic.
Folks said, "You've a cough;
You'll freeze you balls off!"
Said he, "That's why I'm a eunuch."
--- L1198
Who claimed he had one golden ball,
Was robbed in the night,
Though he tried to fight,
And now he has no balls at all.
--- Anon
A colonel all covered with scars.
But it isn't his weals
For which nightly she feels;
It's those privates he lost in the wars.
--- G2026
Whose penis hung down past his tunic.
And their chops, girls would lick
When they thought of his prick,
But alas! He was only a eunuch.
--- L0200
The heirs of his massive estate.
From a trip to the Prado
He'd returned a castrato
And then quietly died -- intestate.
--- Anon
But I think that advice is all wet.
'Cause what he did to me
Like a dog to a tree,
And I'm going to get back at him yet.
--- John Miller 0106
His crowing would not go on long.
If I could just get
Him to the right vet,
He'd be singing a higher-pitched song.
--- John Miller 0106a
"My man used me like a mere chattel,
But with knife and deft cuts,
I just lopped off his nuts;
Reprisal is half of the battle."
--- Armand E Singer 143
Who built a machine that would shag.
On the twenty-fifth stroke,
The connecting rod broke,
And it ripped out the balls from his bag.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1769
We feel is deserving of pity.
Except that the catch is
His one-balledness matches
Our Kitty, who has but one titty.
--- G0376
Who wore a jock strap of plastique.
Alas, when it blew,
Sent his penis to Crewe,
And his balls to the middle, next week.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
Last month he came down with the mumps.
Usually John stands his ground
But this time around
It's the meds who'll be taking his lumps.
--- John Miller 0058
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder.
Till at last with a hammer
They silenced his clamour,
And converted him into a neuter.
--- Edwardian Leer 058
Thought he was right on the ball.
With lots of elan,
He said: "I am the man!"
But alas, he had no balls at all!
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0402
But the guard, all-unheeding, just sprawls.
When he's asked if he cheats
On the Sultan, he bleats,
"Oh, I would - but I ain't got the balls!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
And snarled, "Man, are you harem-scarum!
I'm calling my wranglers
To bite off your danglers--
From now on, you ain't gonna wear 'em!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 551 G0678
Wanted to impress his Christina.
He jumped over a fence,
Which was just to high, hence
The change to the name of Martina!
--- Laughing Stock
Lost the key to her chastity belt.
She tried picking the lock
With an Ulsterman's cock,
And the next thing he knew, he was gelt.
--- L1146A
When the widow next door cried, "Come hence,"
That he leaped like a deer
So the fence he would clear,
But his scrotum hung up on the fence.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1821
Is missing his eggs like a hen is...
He's still good in the hay,
And his bedbunnies say
Impregnation, at least, is no menace!
--- Grand Prix Lim 534
Why he cut his nuts off and then beat 'em.
"She's pregnant again
With kid number ten.
My wife says I won't ever need 'em."
--- MrMalo a
An oversexed tourist named Ennis
Met a fate that still jangles...
They cut off what dangles,
Which the girls now employ to play tennis.
--- Grand Prix Lim 156
Laughed, "Piling up dollars is great;
Now for your orchidectomy
Simply write a fat check to me --
It's scheduled tomorrow at eight."
--- Armand E Singer 938
Whose features were sickly and pale.
He was caught in a frost
And his balls were both lost,
While his pecker was battered by hail.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1828
While Gonzo has no balls at all.
Their miniscule dicks
Will never do tricks,
Yet they're always asked to the Ball.
--- Archie
(Not one that is harder to trace.)
And lay side by side,
While the girls come outside
And gleefully sit on a face.
--- Archie
On clit and velvet and cunny,
Fulfilling girls dreams
And making them scream,
And sometimes they do it for money.
--- Archie
Suffers from something he calls
"Testiculus no praesens"
Which, in English, in essence,
Means a singular lacking of balls.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose troop was ambushed as they crossed
The lands of the Sioux;
He lived, it is true,
But most of his privates were lost.
--- G2015
Your college examiners, Paul,
They do not ever die,"
Said a prexy named Frye,
"They just lose their testees, that's all."
--- A N Wilkins P8311
Fell asleep in his old overalls.
And when he woke up he
Discovered a puppy
Had bitten off both of his balls.
--- L1211
This guard I've appointed is feck.
We'll soon see how he struts,
When I've lopped off his nuts,
And he finds he's a strange breedless wreck.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9804
Who said the first time that I kissed her:
"That's all that you get,
Or I'll see that the vet
Removes what you have down there, mister."
--- Anon
Had his masculine trophies all shottawa;
And the girl he adored
Very quickly grew bored,
And although he pursued her, she gottawa.
--- Hugh Oliver 54a
To be held by the balls by one Kate.
She told him to cough,
Pulled his bollocks right off,
And threw them both over the gate.
--- Professor
Could shoot standing or sitting or prone,
From shoulder or hip.
He made only one slip,
But the balls he shot off were his own.
--- June Sullivan P8406
Who'd blown off his balls with a gun,
Tried doses of Demerol
But it all proved ephemeral,
And now he's right back to square one.
--- Armand E Singer 257
They work best if left with their pricks.
So a slide down two planks,
Then they only fire blanks;
Their bollocks are squashed 'tween two bricks.
--- Anon
This tale a new question has brought.
"I don't want to be curt
But doesn't it hurt?"
"It won't 'less your fingers get caught!"
--- Anon
To invoke the kitchenhands creed,
And using two bricks
Use the sultans old tricks,
And quickly, before they can breed.
--- Anon
You'll hear some exotic bird calls.
But this I have found,
If you squat on the ground,
A squirrel will make off with your balls.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
His balls in his boyhood were caught on
His mothers false teeth
In a foul sum in Leith;
She stewed them with truffles and Corton.
--- G2024
Men find is no great sexual treat.
In erotical frenzy
With poor young MacKenzie,
He ripped off his balls with her feet!
--- G2000
Which blasted their way through his smalls,
Caused Bert, the old codger,
Dislodgment of todger,
And blew away both of his balls.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who swore he had only one ball,
But two sons-of-bitches,
Pulled down his britches,
And the bastard had no balls at all.
--- Norman Douglas L0130
And I just can't believe that it's true.
They're no bigger than peas.
When I give them a squeeze,
They just vanish away from my view.
--- Anon
Legionaires who have lain with the Gauls,
Either women or men.
"First their pricks get a wen,
And they all end up losing their balls."
--- A N Wilkins P8512
A young man who came there from Boston,
Tripped over a rock
Which tore off his jock
So his balls fell out and he lost 'em.
--- Frank
Castrated himself with a razor;
But managed despite,
To rekindle his light
By the use of two eggs and a laser.
--- Hugh Oliver 108a
Took two eggs to the cook and said, "Boil 'em.
I'll sling 'em beneath
My inadequate sheath,
And slip into the harem and foil 'em."
--- L1341
Found a stranger in bed with his wife.
He exclaimed, "Wanton creature,
Perhaps this will teach yer!"
And chopped off his balls with a knife.
--- G1785a
Thought he would get him a blow,
From his wife's vacuum cleaner,
But it sucked off his weiner...
So now he's a eunuch, I know.
--- Blowcephus TP9802
Who was born without his two pearls.
In his scrotum he made cuts,
Inserted to walnuts,
And was chased 'round the block by two squirrels!
--- Laurence Craft
An imprudent American named Sam
Was deprived of his nuts
By two deftly place cuts,
And what dangles there now is a sham.
--- G0689
"I seem to have caught jungle rot!
My limbs are all present,
A fact which is pleasant;
But some of my what-nots are not!"
--- Don Boen P8201
Who used to come on his bedding;
His new wife Kate
Went mad and ate
His balls on the night of his wedding.
--- Anon
Had a habit of sleeping with sluts.
One morning when he
Slept under the tree,
His angry wife cut off his nuts.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0406
Whose feasts were a sight to be seen,
And what she liked most
Were bollocks on toast--
Her eunuchs, of course, were less keen.
--- Michael Horgan
Who just loved to fondle his breast.
His boobs were alarming,
Their beauty disarming,
But his groin was testes-less.
--- Peter Oz
Who carried a sword 'neath his tunic.
The fandango he tried
And he severed his pride;
Now the sailor from Munich's a eunuch.
--- Anon
And the superlative of "flaccid" is "flaccidest",
Then a eunuch, serene,
Credentialing the Queen,
Might be the Placidest, Flaccidest Ambassadtrix.
--- Theo M Heller P9407
He said he was feeling quite fine,
Since his wiener was cut,
And he'd lost both his nuts.
Just the thought caused great pain to mine!
--- Wildman TP9802
Displayed on a shelf are his knackers,
Protected from tarnish
By eight layers of varnish
And colorful Japanese lacquers.
--- Peter Wilkins
Your balls on a shelf and you show it.
But varnish you're sayin'
Eight layers -- insayun!
Vinegar's better -- you know it.
--- Dudesdead
Looking up at the shelf is his fun.
Admiring the luster
Of his fine cluster --
They're blinding when caught by the sun!
--- Chuck
Each kid wields his own sharp stiletto.
One erstwhile bum
A eunuch's become;
He speaks in a lovely falsetto!
--- Mark Levy P9601