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All winter, the eunuch from Munich,
Went walking in naught but a tunic.
Folks said, "You've a cough;
You'll freeze you balls off!"
Said he, "That's why I'm a eunuch."
--- L1198

A silly young man from St. Paul,
Who claimed he had one golden ball,
Was robbed in the night,
Though he tried to fight,
And now he has no balls at all.
--- Anon

Her husband is in the Hussars,
A colonel all covered with scars.
But it isn't his weals
For which nightly she feels;
It's those privates he lost in the wars.
--- G2026

There was a young soldier from Munich,
Whose penis hung down past his tunic.
And their chops, girls would lick
When they thought of his prick,
But alas! He was only a eunuch.
--- L0200

Old Gomez did naught to elate
The heirs of his massive estate.
From a trip to the Prado
He'd returned a castrato
And then quietly died -- intestate.
--- Anon

We've been told to forgive and forget
But I think that advice is all wet.
'Cause what he did to me
Like a dog to a tree,
And I'm going to get back at him yet.
--- John Miller 0106

Though vengance, we're told is all wrong,
His crowing would not go on long.
If I could just get
Him to the right vet,
He'd be singing a higher-pitched song.
--- John Miller 0106a

Laughed housewife June Gibbs from Seattle,
"My man used me like a mere chattel,
But with knife and deft cuts,
I just lopped off his nuts;
Reprisal is half of the battle."
--- Armand E Singer 143

There was a young fellow named Dag,
Who built a machine that would shag.
On the twenty-fifth stroke,
The connecting rod broke,
And it ripped out the balls from his bag.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1769

The one-balled new spouse of our Kitty,
We feel is deserving of pity.
Except that the catch is
His one-balledness matches
Our Kitty, who has but one titty.
--- G0376

There once was a fellow named Zeke,
Who wore a jock strap of plastique.
Alas, when it blew,
Sent his penis to Crewe,
And his balls to the middle, next week.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A

Brother John is real "down in the dumps";
Last month he came down with the mumps.
Usually John stands his ground
But this time around
It's the meds who'll be taking his lumps.
--- John Miller 0058

There was an Old Person of Booder,
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder.
Till at last with a hammer
They silenced his clamour,
And converted him into a neuter.
--- Edwardian Leer 058

A gentleman, Howard H Hall,
Thought he was right on the ball.
With lots of elan,
He said: "I am the man!"
But alas, he had no balls at all!
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0402

In the harem, a lonely girl calls,
But the guard, all-unheeding, just sprawls.
When he's asked if he cheats
On the Sultan, he bleats,
"Oh, I would - but I ain't got the balls!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

A Turk caught Joe Blow in his harem,
And snarled, "Man, are you harem-scarum!
I'm calling my wranglers
To bite off your danglers--
From now on, you ain't gonna wear 'em!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 551 G0678

The impetuous Martin from Messina
Wanted to impress his Christina.
He jumped over a fence,
Which was just to high, hence
The change to the name of Martina!
--- Laughing Stock

The wife of a red-headed Celt,
Lost the key to her chastity belt.
She tried picking the lock
With an Ulsterman's cock,
And the next thing he knew, he was gelt.

(gelt - past tense of geld = castrate)
--- L1146A

So thrilled was a fellow named Spence
When the widow next door cried, "Come hence,"
That he leaped like a deer
So the fence he would clear,
But his scrotum hung up on the fence.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1821

An unfortunate fellow named Dennis
Is missing his eggs like a hen is...
He's still good in the hay,
And his bedbunnies say
Impregnation, at least, is no menace!
--- Grand Prix Lim 534

I once asked a man from Antietam
Why he cut his nuts off and then beat 'em.
"She's pregnant again
With kid number ten.
My wife says I won't ever need 'em."
--- MrMalo a

In a ratty bordello in Venice,
An oversexed tourist named Ennis
Met a fate that still jangles...
They cut off what dangles,
Which the girls now employ to play tennis.
--- Grand Prix Lim 156

A millionaire surgeon named Straight
Laughed, "Piling up dollars is great;
Now for your orchidectomy
Simply write a fat check to me --
It's scheduled tomorrow at eight."
--- Armand E Singer 938

There was a young student of Yale,
Whose features were sickly and pale.
He was caught in a frost
And his balls were both lost,
While his pecker was battered by hail.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1828

The weight of Greg's balls is quite small,
While Gonzo has no balls at all.
Their miniscule dicks
Will never do tricks,
Yet they're always asked to the Ball.
--- Archie

At the Ball they will find a quiet place,
(Not one that is harder to trace.)
And lay side by side,
While the girls come outside
And gleefully sit on a face.
--- Archie

And both of them are very tonguey,
On clit and velvet and cunny,
Fulfilling girls dreams
And making them scream,
And sometimes they do it for money.
--- Archie

This guy Sydney from Mulholland Falls
Suffers from something he calls
"Testiculus no praesens"
Which, in English, in essence,
Means a singular lacking of balls.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Oh pity poor Corporal Frost,
Whose troop was ambushed as they crossed
The lands of the Sioux;
He lived, it is true,
But most of his privates were lost.
--- G2015

"Though many strange things may befall
Your college examiners, Paul,
They do not ever die,"
Said a prexy named Frye,
"They just lose their testees, that's all."
--- A N Wilkins P8311

One evening a workman named Rawls,
Fell asleep in his old overalls.
And when he woke up he
Discovered a puppy
Had bitten off both of his balls.
--- L1211

From his harem the sultan cried, "Yech!
This guard I've appointed is feck.
We'll soon see how he struts,
When I've lopped off his nuts,
And he finds he's a strange breedless wreck.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9804

It follows. It came from your sister,
Who said the first time that I kissed her:
"That's all that you get,
Or I'll see that the vet
Removes what you have down there, mister."
--- Anon

This is file oam

An unfortunate marksman from Ottawa
Had his masculine trophies all shottawa;
And the girl he adored
Very quickly grew bored,
And although he pursued her, she gottawa.
--- Hugh Oliver 54a

'Twas a gentleman farmer's sad fate,
To be held by the balls by one Kate.
She told him to cough,
Pulled his bollocks right off,
And threw them both over the gate.
--- Professor

A sharpshooting marine named Malone
Could shoot standing or sitting or prone,
From shoulder or hip.
He made only one slip,
But the balls he shot off were his own.
--- June Sullivan P8406

A pain-crazed young fellow named Dunn,
Who'd blown off his balls with a gun,
Tried doses of Demerol
But it all proved ephemeral,
And now he's right back to square one.
--- Armand E Singer 257

For guarding the harem use Eunuchs;
They work best if left with their pricks.
So a slide down two planks,
Then they only fire blanks;
Their bollocks are squashed 'tween two bricks.
--- Anon

I see by your look, you're distraught;
This tale a new question has brought.
"I don't want to be curt
But doesn't it hurt?"
"It won't 'less your fingers get caught!"
--- Anon

When chefs cook Risotto, we need
To invoke the kitchenhands creed,
And using two bricks
Use the sultans old tricks,
And quickly, before they can breed.
--- Anon

In a park, near Niagara Falls,
You'll hear some exotic bird calls.
But this I have found,
If you squat on the ground,
A squirrel will make off with your balls.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A dwarf man who called himself Houghton:
His balls in his boyhood were caught on
His mothers false teeth
In a foul sum in Leith;
She stewed them with truffles and Corton.

(Corton - chardonnay)
--- G2024

A callous soprano from Crete,
Men find is no great sexual treat.
In erotical frenzy
With poor young MacKenzie,
He ripped off his balls with her feet!
--- G2000

The vicious south-westerly squalls,
Which blasted their way through his smalls,
Caused Bert, the old codger,
Dislodgment of todger,
And blew away both of his balls.
--- Peter Wilkins

There was a young man of Bengal,
Who swore he had only one ball,
But two sons-of-bitches,
Pulled down his britches,
And the bastard had no balls at all.

(Published 1870)
--- Norman Douglas L0130

My bollocks have shriveled up, too,
And I just can't believe that it's true.
They're no bigger than peas.
When I give them a squeeze,
They just vanish away from my view.
--- Anon

The Centurion grimly recalls
Legionaires who have lain with the Gauls,
Either women or men.
"First their pricks get a wen,
And they all end up losing their balls."
--- A N Wilkins P8512

One summer while visiting Austin,
A young man who came there from Boston,
Tripped over a rock
Which tore off his jock
So his balls fell out and he lost 'em.
--- Frank

A masochist Simon Fraser
Castrated himself with a razor;
But managed despite,
To rekindle his light
By the use of two eggs and a laser.
--- Hugh Oliver 108a

There once was a eunuch of Roylem,
Took two eggs to the cook and said, "Boil 'em.
I'll sling 'em beneath
My inadequate sheath,
And slip into the harem and foil 'em."
--- L1341

An uxorious fellow named Fife
Found a stranger in bed with his wife.
He exclaimed, "Wanton creature,
Perhaps this will teach yer!"
And chopped off his balls with a knife.

(uxorious - undue fondness for one's wife)
--- G1785a

A perverted young fellow named Joe
Thought he would get him a blow,
From his wife's vacuum cleaner,
But it sucked off his weiner...
So now he's a eunuch, I know.
--- Blowcephus TP9802

There once was this man named John Burls,
Who was born without his two pearls.
In his scrotum he made cuts,
Inserted to walnuts,
And was chased 'round the block by two squirrels!
--- Laurence Craft

While seducing the Queen of Siam,
An imprudent American named Sam
Was deprived of his nuts
By two deftly place cuts,
And what dangles there now is a sham.
--- G0689

Said a gentleman from Angor Wat:
"I seem to have caught jungle rot!
My limbs are all present,
A fact which is pleasant;
But some of my what-nots are not!"
--- Don Boen P8201

There was young man from Reading
Who used to come on his bedding;
His new wife Kate
Went mad and ate
His balls on the night of his wedding.
--- Anon

A farmer of walnuts, James Butts,
Had a habit of sleeping with sluts.
One morning when he
Slept under the tree,
His angry wife cut off his nuts.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0406

There once was an African Queen,
Whose feasts were a sight to be seen,
And what she liked most
Were bollocks on toast--
Her eunuchs, of course, were less keen.
--- Michael Horgan

There was a young man from the West,
Who just loved to fondle his breast.
His boobs were alarming,
Their beauty disarming,
But his groin was testes-less.
--- Peter Oz

There was a young sailor from Munich,
Who carried a sword 'neath his tunic.
The fandango he tried
And he severed his pride;
Now the sailor from Munich's a eunuch.
--- Anon

If the superlative of "placid" is "placidest"
And the superlative of "flaccid" is "flaccidest",
Then a eunuch, serene,
Credentialing the Queen,
Might be the Placidest, Flaccidest Ambassadtrix.
--- Theo M Heller P9407

I talked to a eunuch online;
He said he was feeling quite fine,
Since his wiener was cut,
And he'd lost both his nuts.
Just the thought caused great pain to mine!
--- Wildman TP9802

Nonuki, the eunuch, is crackers;
Displayed on a shelf are his knackers,
Protected from tarnish
By eight layers of varnish
And colorful Japanese lacquers.
--- Peter Wilkins

You know that you are the best poet.
Your balls on a shelf and you show it.
But varnish you're sayin'
Eight layers -- insayun!
Vinegar's better -- you know it.
--- Dudesdead

Though knackers attached has he none,
Looking up at the shelf is his fun.
Admiring the luster
Of his fine cluster --
They're blinding when caught by the sun!
--- Chuck

Life's tough in this old city's ghetto;
Each kid wields his own sharp stiletto.
One erstwhile bum
A eunuch's become;
He speaks in a lovely falsetto!
--- Mark Levy P9601


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