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Laughing into silence did pass; The crowd's cheering added to his stress, I'm a mean, nasty, bad-talkin' bastard; "From my youngest days I always knew "Dear IRS Bureau," wrote Kate, The IRS took my cash, see? (PC - politically correct)
Spring is a time of rebirth, "The IRS magnates convey The IRS wasn't above A young man, newly rich, still despaired Information? Reprisals Suppress; I composed a limerick for the I.R.S., Said a working girl, often quite nude, Tax returns of a hooker, Miss Blanding, I once was naive, I confess. Phillip Donald just loved patronymics, Those scavengers you chance to meet, Behold the Collector of Taxes! My tax bill, I'd sure like to throw it! I'm singing the Revenue Blues; On the box, the Turbo Tax icon I once was afraid, I confess, Since most of us think it is cozier The I.R.S. agent was new, Senate hearings on the IRS "Now what did you earn? Let's begin. As tax time rolls around, In the mountains lives a hermitess, There was a young girl of Madras, There once was a girl who played bass. I once knew a girl from Aruba, A tory backbencher called Sands, When a dreadful brass band in Wood Green With saxophone, trombone, and flute, (costive - constipated)
A bugler waking up camp, A bugler named Dougal MacDougal A lady by name of Su-chin Did she not think to try the French horn? At the zoo I once played the euphonium; My grandpa plays bass and euphonium, Young Jenny sat at the harmonium; A very strange man is McDougal, Said the orchestra leader, "Let's fiddle," A boy once caused a fuss; A symphonic musician named Dorn, And then there is lovely young May; To music I must have been born, There once was a codfish from Seattle, In a cave lives a man in Aruba An eager young man in La Grande My neighbor's son, Harold MacDougall, Two dance hall musicians in Butte There is a musician named Doc. A pygmy once purchased a drumkit, There was a young man named McCarty, A pretty young girl played the trumpet. The favorite of this little strumpet There once was an old antique trumpet, The guy in the band who plays trumpet The string section all want to know: The answer girls give them is gracious, As Humph licked the marge off his crumpet, In the Route 66 town of Kingman, A strange-looking female from Cuba A musician fleeing from Cuba, There once was a bald tuba player,
Awe overcame each lad and lass,
As the man clenched his fist
Around the lemon grist,
And SIX drops fell into the glass.
--- Daniel Ford
As the barkeep paid off under duress.
He asked, "How is this possible
Such a great feat collossable?"
He replied, "I work for IRS."
--- Daniel Ford
It's a life-style I've thoroughly mastered.
But I have to confess
That the old IRS
Has me beat even when I am plastered.
--- John Miller 0084
That my ship would come in, and it's true,"
Said a tycoon named Sid,
"And of course, when it did,
It was docked by the IRS crew."
--- A N Wilkins P8704
"Please, ASAP, my rebate.
Last night while in bed
My CPA said
That prostitutes depreciate."
--- Irving Superior P8704
And they're keeping it all in DC.
Without my consent,
They took every cent,
But I guess what they did was PC.
--- Al Willis P9705
A time for rejoicing and mirth;
But it's hard to relax
When you've filed your tax
And you future home's in Leavenworth.
--- Latte Lady
The impression distinctly that they
Like poor people best,"
Complained Mr. West.
"They're making so many, that way."
--- A N Wilkins P8704
Giving two lovers a shove.
They decided the way
They tax fortunes today,
You might as well marry for love.
--- A N Wilkins P8704
The good fortune and fame that he fared.
Said the Income Tax Chief,
"For your fame, I'm no thief,
But you fortune, I fear, must be shared."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9708
Inquisition Redouble Success;
Invade Residence, Seize;
Inland Revenue Sleaze...
Four new ways to define IRS!
--- Paul Hoffman
But my courage failed me I confess.
You see I thought it
Might result in an audit,
And who would want all of that mess?
--- Anon
"So you think my profession is crude?
Well, I work when I choose,
I get no W-2's,
And the IRS also gets screwed."
--- William N Nesbit P9705
Earned a strong IRS reprimanding.
When defining career,
She was not, they said, clear,
Being clever, she said, notwithstanding.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410
Thought I owned what I earned, nothing less.
But experience teaches
There are blood-sucking leeches--
I'm owned by the I.R.S.
--- Ann Gasser P9311
Used them freely with suf or pre immix..
What with Mc, Mac and son,
He deceived everyone,
Until IRS charged him with gimmicks.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Swoop from IRS perches in heat;
No conscience borne,
They choose not to mourn.
You're just carrion, plucked clean of meat.
--- Larry McGrath
He seldom, if ever, relaxes.
His favorite fun
Is to sit in the sun
And sharpen the blades of his axes.
--- John Dole P9705
I send money, then government blows it.
The money they seize
Does NOT grow on trees!
But I don't think the IRS knows it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The tax man is after his dues.
He'll turn a blind eye
Though, if I can ply
Him with one or two gallons of booze.
--- Peter Wilkins
Is a top hat, with stars and the stripes on.
But on your CRT,
It's all lips and teeth,
Looking for a taxpayer to bite on!
--- Anon
Of vampires, but now, more or less,
I am sure their blood letting
Is about what we're getting
Each year from the old IRS.
--- Ann Gasser P9010
To live without public exposure,
We all wish bad cess
To the dread I R.S. --
You never saw anyone nosier!
--- Norm Storer P9812
He dropped by the bar for a brew,
Got hot for a blonde,
For her body was fond,
So he whispered "I want to tax you."
--- Anon
Have dug into a genuine mess.
Testimony has shown
What we've always known,
And the rest of it, we could have guessed.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Did you claim you supported one twin?
And what about tips
On those business trips?
No, I did not refer to foreskin."
--- Al Willis
I plant my feet on the ground.
Not fudging a number,
Nor wanting to encumber;
I just want to whittle them down.
--- Nancy Cee
Whose parents christened her Bess.
In her cave she relaxes,
Never pays taxes,
And worries not about the IRS.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who was blessed with an oversize ass.
When the symphony played,
Her fat ass was displayed
For enhancing the boom of the brass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0528
A woman who knows that her place
Is on down below;
Give the tube a blow.
Then she's gone to wipe off her face.
--- Tom Myers
Who was fond of the snorkel and scuba.
Though this girl is a diver,
I would sure like to drive her.
And then let her blow on my tuba.
--- Tom Meyers P0506
Detested the sound of brass bands.
When they started to play,
He'd run far away,
And cover his head with his hands.
--- Michael Palin
Struck up with 'Begin the Beguine',
The people all stood,
As well they should,
For it sounded like 'God Save The Queen'.
--- Ron Rubin
This is file oal
A costive old codger named Newt
Sailed into the can
For this was his plan:
If he couldn't crap, he could toot!
--- Grand Prix Lim 504 G1386
Used a microphone and a big amp.
He bugled so loud,
That it upset the crowd.
But his instrument made a nice lamp!
--- Tillmanator
Found ingenious ways to be frugal.
He learned how to sneeze
In various keys,
Thus saving the price of a bugle.
--- Ogden Nash P9002
Took up playing on the violin.
She was simply so bad
That we all said "So sad,"
So she threw it into the bin.
--- Wobbly
Then we'd say, 'stead of laughing with scorn,
"The embouchure! So
Why not give us a blow?
My cock says -- for this, you were born.
--- Jester Jon
I'm afraid that it made people groanium;
Then at the bear's cage,
One flew into a rage;
I'd caused complete panda-monium.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My grandma plays horn and harmonium;
My father plays flute,
And my mother plays lute:
The result is complete pandemonium.
--- Ron Rubin
I watched her and got me a bonium.
She saw, said "That's cute,
But 'tis only a flute.
The man I want has a euphonium."
--- Tiddy Ogg
With his time was always quite frugal.
He'd comb hair on his head,
Read a book, make his bed,
While his ass played "Feelings" on a bugle.
--- John Chastaine
But the pianist said, "You're too little."
Then she shoved in a flute
And said, "You're an old coot,
Go find a French hornist to diddle."
--- Bob Birch
He left his French horn on the bus.
The conductor unhappy,
In fact he was snappy.
But it saved him from shouting at us.
--- Jane Herbert
Was the target of audience scorn;
For the hapless chap's pitch
Had been queered by a bitch
With the Frenching she'd given his horn.
--- Anon
She's like a harmonium play.
Whenever I go 'round,
She'll make a lovely sound,
As long as I'm pumping away.
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Cause, man, I love blowing a horn!
While cornets get cornier,
Horns make me hornier;
My mouth's full-time pursed, I must warn.
Who lived in a big copper kettle,
In which he was playing
His drumkit and saying:
"This is what I call heavy metal!"
--- Rob Elsas
Whose dick can be used as a tuba.
Says a tough INS. (Immigration and Naturalization Service)
"Not in the US!"
After playing for Castro in Cuba.
--- John Miller
Decided to make up a band.
He found a young strumpet
Who played a fine trumpet,
But that was the end of the band.
--- Glen Hughes P0201
Plays taps every night on his bugle,
Believing thereby
That he's shutting my eye,
Whereas only a descant or fugue'll.
--- Lims Unlimited
Were paid to play cornet and flute.
But they drank lemonade,
Beer and whiskey, which made
Those two tooters too tight to toot.
--- P8302
Who has an unusual cock.
It looks like a trumpet,
And when the girls hump it,
It blasts them right out of their sock.
--- David Miller
Then found that he just couldn't hump it.
And his arms were too short
For the trombone he bought,
So he finally settled for trumpet.
--- Ron Rubin
Who ate too much beans and felt farty.
With his ass he played trumpet,
While he fucked an old strumpet,
And was known as the life of the party.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2185
I hear she's a bit of a strumpet.
The back of her throat
Has blown more than notes;
She's the girl most likely to hump it!
--- Tom Myers
Was the odd fellow playing the trumpet.
He'd purse his strong lips
With his hands on her hips;
He'd much rather eat it than hump it.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
That was played by a beautiful strumpet.
She blew it so hard,
They heard it in the yard.
Then she oiled it and then she said "Pump it!"
--- The DMs
Never needs to go search for a strumpet.
At the end of each day,
He can roll in the hay
With the choicest selection of crumpet.
--- John E Mayhood P9901
Don't girls swoon at the stroke of my bow?
And doesn't my fingering
Keep them all lingering?
What can those horns do but blow.
--- John Mayhood P9901
But more than a little salacious.
"What you do is all right,
But for reaching the height,
Triple-tonguing is more efficacious!"
--- John Mayhood P9901
He rubbed vaseline on his trumpet.
He said, "Fancy a blow?"
She said, "Well, I don't know..."
He said, "You can like it or lump it!"
--- Bill Wall
There's a guy who can make trumpets sing, man!
And a girl can be sure
With his embouchure,
She has met a first class cunilingman.
--- Jemstone P2006
Had one small and one very large booba.
While the small one was cute
And played like a flute,
The large one you blew like a tuba.
--- Ken Elwood P8302
To start a new life in Aruba,
Packed most of it all,
But the bag was too small.
He couldn't quite fit in his tuba.
--- Ogden Nield
Who went to a whore just to lay her.
With an Ump Pa Pa Pa,
He came seeing her bra,
But the whore said he still had to pay her.
--- Bob Birch
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