If eating a duck gets you down
In the mouth, you can wipe out that frown
With a taste of wild beaver
Or send your retriever
To pick up some pussy in town.
--- John Miller 0335a

In season there's always young lamb.
(Out of season you'll get in a jam:
Like under-aged quail,
It can land you in jail;
Better leave it alone, as I am.)
--- John Miller 0335b

Nearly no man I know ever knocks
The joys of a tender young fox.
A slender young vixen
More tricky than Nixon,
Can blow you right out of your socks.
--- John Miller 0335c

If you like, you might get in a deer,
To enjoy in your home without fear.
Which, however, ages
In unpleasant stages:
Endure then your game without cheer.
--- John Miller 0335d

You can always make do with a pig,
If you're not too much of a prig,
And think them "unclean"
And other things mean,
Till your sense of disgust gets too big.
--- John Miller 0335e

Or turning away for the hog,
There is always the plain homely dog.
Though no feast for the eyes,
It's enough for the wise
When fortified with enough grog.
--- John Miller 0335f

The boys from the factory lube crews
Grease Monkeys, while their full of booze.
The lads from the army
Fuck hippopotami,
And pressmen are out making gnus.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Those giraffes are such marvelous neckers
And I love Sitatunga, muff Duikers.
And a Serval Okapi
Makes my Hartebeest happy,
And my Dikdik gets Hyrax on peckers.
--- David Miller

And when you Impala young Cheetah,
You can't Jackal, you must be neetah.
But I love to screw
And Elephant shrew.
Now that's a Kudu you can't beat-ah!
--- David Miller

When wanting courtship in the Congo,
Try antelopes, known as the Bongo.
There's not many left.
I am sadly bereft...
"The last one to fuck is a Drongo."

(Amateur or a Madagascar bird)
--- David Miller

Take warning from this neutered shepherd,
If sneaking up on a she-leopard;
If she's not heard your sound,
And then turns around,
Your balls with cat claws will be peppered.
--- David Miller

Er was eens een juffrouw in Groningen
Die had gruwelijk het land aan verschoningen.
Zij waste haar fluit
Maar eens per jaar uit,
En dat was men Driekoningen.
--- L1711

Well, Mickey, I'm sorry to burst
Your bubble, though hardly the first.
Attempting "bel canto"
In fine Esperanto,
You're certainly one of the worst!

This dumb Esperanto is crap,
Invented by some foreign sap,
For purpose nefarious.
You simply need various
Translations of "Sit on my lap."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Il y a une jeune fille amoureuse
D'un homme qu'a une conduite honteuse.
Il la mene chaque soir
A son caveau noir
Et la bad avec plainges crapuleuses.
--- Edward Gorey

There once was an amorous young girlfriend
Of a man with a disgusting colon.
He led her each night
To his dark vault
And bombarded her with villainous complaints.
--- Edward Gorey

There was a young lady of Nantes,
Who was tres joli et piquante.
But her thing was so small,
It was no good at all,
Except for la plume de ma tante.
--- Anon

A hungry cunnilinguist named Mays,
Played with a fruit salad for days.
"To hell with a cherry,
I seek a red berry,
If I'm permitted to coign a fraise."
--- G2422

In Paris, some visitors go,
To see what no person should know.
And then there are tourists,
Who think they are purists
Who say it is quite comme il faut.

(??) Frog phrase
--- Anon

Un jeune homme de Ste-Anne-de-Bellvue
Demandait a les filles, "Screwez vous?"
Il sourit, quand les belles
(Ou meme n'importse quelles!)
Respondaient, en effet, "Oui, we do!"
--- Keith MacMillan 51a

Ah, zis girl que je trouve, she iz drole,
To foudre her chatte iz my goal,
But her temps du moi's there,
Je la prends par derrière,
Then she donne moi branlette espagnole.
--- Anon

Digerie, digerie, doge,
Le souris ascend l'horloge;
L'horloge frappe
Le souris s'chappe,
Digerie, digerie, doge.
--- The Limerick Makers P0506

On s'tonne ici que Caliste
Alt pris l'habit de Moliniste
Puisque cette jeune beaut
Ote chacun sa libert
N'est ce pas une Janseniste?
--- Anon

Je vous aime, Beau and coup, tous les deux
You have both, naughty belles, juicy creux
I long for your cons
They're so wonderfully bons
And your seins, their mamelon, light my fux.
--- TuttaGioia

Je non parle le francais too well
Mais les BeauCoups sound wonderfully swell
If je flashed them mon percy
Would either say,"Merci"?
Or would they say, "Allez a hell"?
--- Anon

In the shade of a palm tree at Sousse
He said, "J'aime tes deux pamplemousses";
With langourous sigh
She murmured reply,
"Je pense que ta banane est douce".
--- Harold C Bibby

The Queen's man, somewhere near Zaighen,
Asked, "Leibling, wolllst du dich legen?
Dann, erste den Kampf
Und nachste den Krampf,
Geshlechliche Wolluste pflegen".
--- Harold C Bibby

The Girton Girl, just outside Gabes,
Said, "Membrum virilem habes;
Cunnem habeo:
Animo meo
Nunc conjuctemus per labies."
--- Harold C Bibby

Bon Noel: en anglais: Happy Yule.
C'est magnifique: en anglais: Real cool.
Honi soit, mal y pense:
Evil thoughts, evil wants...
So few gains, from my French pains in school.
--- Cyber Geezer

Been promised wild sex ce soir,
(Sur mon lit, dans un ménage á trois)
I hope they are wettish,
To indulge my fetish..
And with their teeth, deéshabillez-moi.
--- Anon

A handsome young bastard named Ray,
Was conceived on the Rue de la Paix.
According to law,
He can name you his ma,
But as for his pa, je ne sais.
--- John F Moore

A learned and truly exquisite
Young miss paid her tutor a visit.
When, testing her thesis,
He suggested syncresis,
She responded, in form, "Vidilicet."

(syncresis - union of conflicting views, vidilicet-??)
--- John Ciardi

Une jolie epousette a Tours
Voulait de gig-gig tous les jours.
Mais le mari disait, "Non!
De trop n'est pas bon!
Mon derriere exige du secours!"
--- L0109

This is file oak

There was and old man of Marseilles,
Who said to a demoiselle, "Hey!
I'll pay you beaucoup,
Give you jewelry, too,
If only you'll do it my way."
--- Isaac Asimov

With a smile, said the lass of Marseilles,
"I admit it's my business to play,
But voila tout les hommes,
All waiting to commes,
So I cannot oblige you today."
--- Isaac Asimov

The tarts in the town of Marseilles,
Are brunette from the sun every day.
White wine is their piddle,
For ten francs they'll diddle--
But their tickets of health, where are they?

(And there's lots of them. Let us play.
--- L1033

Les cocottes de la ville de Marseille,
Sont brunettes de l'ardent soleil.
Elles pissent du vin blanc,
Couchent pour dix francs--
Mais ou sont les patentes de sante.

(Parody of Villon's 'Where are the snows of yesteryear?')
--- L1032

Les salons del la ville de Trieste
Sont vaseux, suraigus, et funestes;
Parmi les grandes chaises
On cause de malaises,
Des estropiements, et des pestes.
--- Edward Gorey

Il y a une jeune fille amoureuse
D'un homme qu'a une conduite honteuse.
Il la mene chaque soir
A son caveau noir
Et la bat avec plaintes crapuleuses.
--- Edward Gorey

BASTILLE La jour del glor-i-e
Egal---, Fratern---et Liberte
A bas le roi -- marchons
A bas le grosse couchons
A bas lim-riques en mal Francais.
--- Irving Superior P8907

There was a young man of G.B.
Who spelt the word villa with v
Ein Herr von der Au
Aber schrieb es mit V
Andres Land, andre Sitten, you see!
--- Cesar Keiser

Der Himmel mit Lightnung brach uber
Als ich kam von mein' Mutter's Tuba.
Ich war ein schones Kind
Und sie war en sehr blind
Mich zu nahmen Herr Schickel-Gruber.
--- Clifford Mortimer Crist

Ich war immer in Schule der besser.
Und in Paintung scharf wie einMesser
(Es ist gekommen aus
Ich hab paintet nur Haus.)
Ich war auch ein Expert Treppichfresser.
--- Clifford Mortimer Crist

In Gefangnis hatte ich ein Krampf
In der Hand seit das Gaol war sehr dampf.
Aber tief in mein Zell
Ich ~rbeitet' wie Holl
Und schreibe das KiassikMein Karnpf.
--- Clifford Mortimer Crist

Kanzler war ich in drei und dreissig;
Ein Post. das war gut aber heissig.
Ich und Freunde all' felt
"Morgen die ganze Welt,"
Eine Zukunft das scheinte sehr neissig.
--- Clifford Mortimer Crist

Czechoslovakia kam bei nechst
Und die Western Welt war gevext
Aber ich won den Krieg
Und wir shouteri Heil! Sieg!
Aber Gott gab mir nur einzig bad Czechs.
--- Clifford Mortimer Crist

Das Dritte Reich war jetzt geboren
Aber trustete ich Freunden kein moren.
Spazalalist in Huring
Ist gross General goring.
Ein andere hureman

Ist gut Martin Borman.
--- Anon

Zu ein Serpent ist simmler
Der bos' Esel Himmler.
Der stinkende Goebbels
Hat Ballen wie Pebbles.
Zum Tcefel mit Eichmann,

Nur etri tierisch Kikemann.
--- Anon

Etwas krumm is mit Speer,
Denken Sic er sei Queer?
Ich hause Von Papen Und diplomatisch Krappin'.
Vielleicht der grossest Mess Ist der Maus, Doktor Hess --
Kein Wunder die Welt war verloren.
--- Anon

A maiden sat under a tree
And played with the lad's fiddle-dee,
His little wood post.
Soon her jewel is lost
From the casket where it used to be.
--- L0802

Sass Madelein unter den Aestchen
Und spielt' mit dem Knableinmastchen,
Dem niedlichen Zweck--
Bald is der Kranz weg:
Blieb nichts davon nur das Kastchen.
--- L0801

Ein lustiger Geck namens Franz,
Er zerre einmal seinen Schwanz.
Um sein mannliches Glied
Verband er ein Ried,
Nun also ficken er kanns.
--- L1720

Der Kamel ward entzuckt
Als hatt' er den Sphinx erblickt.
Wonnige Lust
Wallt' in der Brust.
Hochste Wollust ward sein' Pflicht.
--- Jim Jambor P9107

Erat miles olim in Italia
Qui magna hagebat genitalia.
Cum puella negabat
Coitum: copulabat
Elephantos aliaque animalia.
--- G1257

There's adverts intended to tempt, or
To offer you wealth you've not dreamt, or
Success with the gals.
Remember though, pals,
That Latin tag, caveat emptor.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Ovarium testisque sunt
Dissimilis et differunt.
Ad inguenem ictus?
Mulier est invictus!
At viri nimis sentiunt.
--- Anon

A botanist from old Tallahassee
Found his dick turning into a cacti.
When His friends said "Who did it?"
He said, "I don't know yet,
But undoubtedly, Dux femina facti."

(a woman did it - FB)
--- Anon

Erat Romanorum dictator,
Qui hated his uxoris mater,
Cum leo her edit,
A holla he didit,
Et dixit, "Vale, Ma, till later."
--- Art of the Limerick P9207

A horny old bastard from Brest,
Showed up at the track meet undressed.
When the girls ran away,
He was heard to say,
"Dum vita est, spes est."

(while there's life, there's hope - FB)
--- Anon

Atlanticam transvollitavi
Et Angliam totam lustravi.
Mihi prosit est omen
Quod Monarchus est nomen --
Reginam semper amavi!
--- Chairman Steve

You've flown across the Atlantic
I`d lighted up all of England.
I hope it is a good sign
That Monarch is my name --
I always did like the Queen!
--- Chairman Steve

As dull as the life of the cloister,
(Except it's a little bit moister),
Mutatis mutandum
Non est disputandum,
There's no thrill in sex for the oyster.
--- Anon G1215

Being accurate is the best way
To comport oneself, I always say.
Trust in my acumen,
"E Pluribus Unum,"
Though you may not know, means, "Seize the day."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105

Puella Rigensis ridebat,
Quam tigris in tergo vehebat;
Externa profecta
Interna revecta,
Sed risus cum tigre manebat.
--- Art of the Limerick P9211

Olim vir Veronensis erat
Qui puellae nugas scribebat.
Amoribus inventis
Versubusque relictis,
Nunc Ipsitillam meridie amat.
--- Anon

Apud Rege tutor veteramus
Puellaria odit profanus
Semper optandus
Pueri sperandus
Gellifactur in siliis anus.
--- L0554