From the day that Sir Robert was born,
No pajamas had he ever worn.
When from fire one night
To the street he took flight,
He wished night clothes he hadn't forsworn.
--- Warrick Elrod

A curious old maid named McKesson
Walked in while a man was undressin'.
His face turned beet-red,
But she smiled and said,
"I'm too ancient to find this distressin'."
--- Big Little Playoy Lims

There was a perverted young prude
Who could not get it up in the nude.
His bare kit and caboodle
Resembled a noodle;
But in leather pants -- Whoo! What a dude!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8312

He wears nothing, not even a snood,
Or a loin cloth, and some think this rude.
Women hire him to clean,
(I could sure dig that scene)
What's his number? I need the Nude Dude.
--- Ann Gasser P9408

Who the "Nude Dude" is, I cannot say,
But he made a small headline today.
He cleans homes a la buff,
Which I think might be rough,
'Cause his own hose might get in the way.
--- Ann Gasser P9408

Does he do windows? Mine are a sight.
And I'm partial to bums smooth and tight.
I love biceps that flex,
And admire super 'pecs'
And a clean house would be a delight.
--- Ann Gasser P9408

He says nothing 'funny' goes on,
And most customers watch him and yawn.
Yeah, elephants fly,
Raccoons live in a sty,
And brains are admired over brawn.
--- Ann Gasser P9408

A nudist's proponent named Reece
Was railing at hostile police:
"Those mean sons of bitches
Will make you wear britches;
Stay naked, you guys; hold your piece!"
--- Armand E Singer 877

A sales representative bare
Deplaned on time at O'Hare.
He proclaimed with a hiss,
"Ladies, I know I'm amiss
But I'll thank you please not to stare."
--- Clif Gauss P8401

Oh! What have I done with my pants?
I surely look rude at a glance.
But I pranced around nude,
Was wonderfully screwed,
And that made it worth all the chance.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

At the verdict, Marie came unglued.
She had shot a young man in the nude.
In her room and in court,
Marie came up short.
She was scrod (That's the past tense of screwed).
--- Al Willis P9605

At the gym, brawny Walter won't wear
Any clothes, which makes bystanders stare.
This exposure of skin
Can cause major chagrin,
For Walt's fitness is sinful to bare.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0608

I peeked through a knothole and saw
Six cavorters athwart in the raw.
So I summoned the sherrif
Who said "I don't care if
They've suborned the short arm of the law."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8312

My friend slept in a tent in the rough;
He said that it made him feel tough.
When he turned in at night,
His girlfriend was contrite,
When she saw that he slept in the buff.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

While punting about on the backs,
I purposely took off my slacks,
In hopes that the sun
Would tan either bun --
But all I received was snide cracks.
--- Norm Storer P9812

Sir Hubert of Hagglestone Hall
Attended a masquerade ball.
All his friends stood agape
When as the "Naked Ape"
He wore no mask nor costume at all.
--- Warrick Elrod

In college I'd streak without care;
It was fun just to run being bare.
Today I'm so old
And the weather so cold,
That I streak in my long underwear.
--- Tom Patton P0001

The dogs like to bark in the park,
The lovers to spark in the dark.
Hark! Hark! The dogs bark.
They are having a lark.
And the streakers flash by in the stark.
--- Laurence Perrine P8610

Big Harry was far from unique,
In lacking athletic physique.
One day in the sun,
He took a nude run;
'Twas more like a blob than a streak.
--- Tiddy Ogg

As Harry went bobbling by,
An old lady shrieked, "What do I
See when I'm about
With a camera without.
The star of "The Blob"! That's the guy!
--- Marlene Lewis

Well dear, you've a right to complain,
I quite understand; I'll explain:
My streaking's abated,
With dick lacerated,
That barbed wire sure gives you pain.
--- Anon

And further, in times long since hence,
With urges to streak quite intense,
Across fields I'd sprint,
With never a hint
I'd encounter a damn 'lectric fence.
--- Anon

There was a young man named Duane,
Who was nude at the beach once again.
He burned his left bun
In the noon day sun,
And now he can't sit without pain.
--- Richard D Ladner

A young man from Kensington way
Went out in his backyard to play.
He's such a cool dude,
He romped in the nude
And sunburned his toys, yesterday.
--- Marlene Lewis

A half-dozen near-naked dudes
Were out trick-or-treating all nude.
A cop found the lads
Somewhat scantily clad,
And sent them away freshly clued.

(discovered by Jerry Nordhal)
--- Arcata Police Log P0302

There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore off his hair,
And ran around bare,
In the hope he would find a loose screw.
--- Edwardian Leer 014

A man on a sun-bed in Florida
Lay stripped to the buff in the corridor.
The people who passed
Were amazed and aghast
For they'd never seen anything horrider.
--- John Dole P9705

A gay lost his clothes in a bet,
In Vegas, playing roulette.
He had to walk nude
Into Siegfried's room,
And he ain't come out of there yet!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old fellow said, "There
Are fellows who like to go bare.
So I sits and I watches
Their beautiful crotches,
While they stroll in the warm summer air."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

A horny young fellow from Brest,
Showed up at Down-Downs undressed.
When the girls ran away,
He said, "There'll be another day;
Dum vita est, spes est."

(while there's life, there's hope)
--- FB

Now Walloons can be found in Wallonia,
And most are in bed with pneumonia;
Comes from speaking in French
In the rain to some wench,
While wearing just one white begonia.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

So he said, "Come with me, let's go nestle
In the grass underneath the train trestle."
She replied, "Bring a blanket
Or you might have to yank it.
And that won't be much fun, will it, Cecil?"

There once was this grease-painted clown
Who painted a smile on his frown.
He used this expression
To hide his depression,
But his friends still knew when he was down.
--- Virge

This is file nzl

"That's not right!" he said with a snarl.
"My name should be said just like Carl,
But start with a 'D'--
Repeat after me,
d-A-r-r-E-l-l, Darrell!"
--- Scott Oliver

The lady bent over to blow,
He said, "You must do it just so,"
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant,
"Why waste a big cake on this ho."
--- Joe McEwen P9505

He smiled at her curved little pinky,
Then said, "Here's another small drinky."
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"When you're drunk, we'll do something kinky."
--- Tom Patton P9505A

My Dad said, "Now listen, Joe,
Off to school, you really must go,"
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant,
I didn't know what I didn't know.
--- Joe McEwen P9505

When he hired Miss Julie Lampeer,
He said, "I will further your career."
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant:
"I'm going to fuck you, my dear."
--- Tom Patton P9505

To a lady whose tee-shirt said "Schlitz,"
He said, "I admire how it fits.
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"Now, that is a great pair of tits."
--- Norm Storer P9502

To his partner he said, "I am very
Impressed. Why, you dance like a fairy!"
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"Your legs are disgustingly hairy!"
--- Norm Storer P0502

To a lady whose shape was uncanny,
He said, "You remind me of Granny."
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"I've never seen such a huge fanny!"
--- Norm Storer P9503

To a lady he wooed with great zeal,
He said, "To your beauty I kneel."
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"Oh please let them hooters be real!"
--- Norm Storer P9502A

"Why, your sunburn looks great!~ Really fine!
And your red, ruddy cheeks are divine.
But he was a gent.
The guy really meant,
"You've a face like a baboon's behind."
--- Theo Heller P9504a

To a lady he fancied, he said,
"Your lips are incredibly red." (talents truly high-bred)
But he was a gent,
What he really meant:
"No doubt you give marvelous head!"
--- Norm Storer P9505

There is an old timer called Andy
Who often get desperately randy.
So he walks 'round the streets,
Hailing all that he meets:
"I may not be cute, but I'm handy!"
--- Chris Young

There was a young man of Montclair
Said, "I have that freedom from care
That to be understood,
Comes to only the good,
For I don't smoke, drink, chew nor swear.
--- Stuff and Nonsense P0604

To the shepherdess, he said, "To sleep
With you, is a dream I must keep."
But he was a gent.
The guy really meant,
"I would much prefer one of your sheep."
--- Theo Heller P9504

Marquis Guy, to the Comtesse Renee,
Did declare, "Je suis tres enchante,"
But he was a gent,
The guy really meant:
"I would bet you're a really great lay."
--- Thomas G Keller P9505

He said to his friendly landlady,
"You're dark and mysterious, Sadie."
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant,
"You're past is jet black, not just shady."
--- Al Willis P9505

To a lady whose walk didn't make it,
He said, "You're a dancer, I take it?"
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant:
"Just shake it a bit, you won't break it."
--- Norm Storer

To a lady whose fancy he'd tickle,
He said, "I'm quite sure you're not fickle."
But he was a gent,
What the guy really meant:
"I'll bet you would spread for a nickel!"
--- Norm Storer P9505

There was a young lady from Powiss,
Who asked of her lover, "Just how is
It possible for you
To perform as you do?
Quoth he, "An amalgam of ability and prowess."
--- Linda Marsh Coll

When it comes time to pay, its the guys
Overcharged in our stuffed shirts and ties.
Most pussy I've seen,
A fair trade would have been
To McDonalds for burgers and fries.
--- Anon

A crafty young bugger is Sam:
He claims that he don't give a damn.
But when all's said and done,
He always has fun,
And then leaves, with polite "Thank you, ma'am."
--- Anon

A pimply young fellow named Glover,
Who fancied himself quite the lover,
Informed all those who said
He'd be lousy in bed,
"You can't tell a book by its cover."
--- Armand E Singer 368

There once was a fellow so vile,
All our maids lost their heads for a while.
Somehow what he lacked
In breeding and tact,
He made up for by sheer lack of style.
--- John Ciardi A

There lives a young man in La Paz,
Who is known for his carnal pizzazz.
You might think such exuberance
When employing his protuberance
Would cause problems. Well guess what? It has!
--- Robert Elliot

A randy but careless tycoon
Hired whores out in outer Kowloon.
With no care for his wealth,
And less for his health,
He spent all his life chasing poon.
--- Anon

The wisest of poon chasers cease
The chase when they ask for a piece
Of tail from the 'lookers',
They think are real hookers,
Who say, "Gotcha, John, we're police!"
--- Travis Brasell

A base-looking fellow named Bostick
Was asked why his manner was caustic.
He replied with some guile
And an acidy smile,
"The gum that I chew makes my jaws stick!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2458

Take a lesson from Timmy O'Berk,
Who would not do all his homework.
He'd goof off in classes
With all the sweet lasses;
`oday he's a Congressional Clerk.
--- Lynn Mostafa

Guess you won't believe that it's true
And I probably can't convince you,
But there's thousands of gals,
And all my E-pals,
Lining up for a good Cybe R. screw.
--- Anon

That's usually not what I do,
I'd not be abnormal with you.
But I'm such a prude
That if I got screwed,
It'd be when my taxes came due.
--- Anon

Just give a poet a chance,
And he'll detail his latest romance!
We met on the net,
So you all know the set...
It's like deja vu in advance.
--- Writerman

Said a young man, "I'm really delighted
To find that my love is requited
By all twenty-eight
Of the girls that I date.
Were there fewer, I'd feel myself slighted.
--- Isaac Asimov

A businessman based in Biloxi
Was known far and wide to be foxy.
He transmitted his orders
Via two tape recorders,
While he stayed home and diddle his doxy.
--- Isaac Asimov

In Dublin, the young Michael Byrne
Decided his girlfriend to spurn.
His philosophy:
Was there's more in the sea.
Now he doesn't know which way to turn!
--- Arthur Pattaffy