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Night or day, "piece of mind" most guys pass; There was a frosh fullback from Wooster It is nice to visit The City, Lil' Italy was my next stop; The Irish gals soon would be bitchin' The Village I managed to miss, My last stop I saved for Uptown, A man's desire to fuck I've a hunger I often must feed, There once was a fellow named Drew, "Leggiero," he started to say "Prestissimo! Please, vigoroso!" There was a sexy stud named Matt, A sadly afflicted young stutterer We asked a young cockster named Rand, There once was a fellow named Drew, A vibrant and virile young Viking, A critic of Lit, by named Trilling Shrinks cannot handle Bill Kidd; An outdoorsman of St. Boniface A man had a pickle, he sucked it. I shared an apartment with Ted, A young cocksman of Havre de Grace Better to have sex on the brain, An insatiable monster is Corning; I met Joe last night on the street Behind the barn, Willy fucked Binnie, A handsome TV star named Dave, At ten forty-three in Arvider This year all you girls are in luck, One dollar gets you just a glance On matters of sex, young Darius On matters of sex, good old Darius There once was a fellow called Neville A young senorita from Padua, A Paul Bunyan from wild Matapedia There was a young fellow named Eddy, But if you like to spend hours talkin' Oh, it's who, and what, where, when, and why -- A man has returned from his slumber There once was a man called McEwen, Fred wanted her -- body and soul -- Dismounting a maid in Astoria, Laughed consummate lecher, Bill Biddle, A Wizard is loyal, undue, You're badly serviced by a Wizard? Wizards, my dear, aren't scorish, There once was a fellow called Owen, Takes a man who can know his condition, An arrogant fellow of Guelph There is an old teacher named Ken; "Girls should be seen and not heard", A blind man in a lift, goes to jail Self-help books were loved by Tom Cage; There was a young man from Tyrone I know a young man from Texas, 'Round a campfire the skin-head boys sat; Said a worldly old broad of Oahu Of all creatures that walk, swim, or fly, So you'd rather things didn't get heady, There was a young man I'll call Dave, There was an old yokel called Zeke, A clever school pupil named Freud, A fellow who lived in New Guinea, The complusive old Malcolm McKay I've pondered the wisdom of sages,
Their goal, in terms rather more crass,
Is that they's rather try
Before time goes by,
To get them a "good piece of ass!"
--- Chris Papa
Who thought of himself as a rooster.
If he saw a free chick,
He had just one trick;
He goosed her, seduced and dejuiced her.
--- Larry Wilde
To partake of cooz and some titty.
I once spent a week
With a Chinese girl sleek,
Who wanted not more itty bitty.
--- Frank Fazed
I went to see Tony the cop.
But he wasn't there,
So with time to spare,
I gave his young sister a pop.
--- Frank Fazed
If I didn't visit Hell's Kitchen,
Where young Colleen so fair
Acted out a sex dare,
That left my poor tally whack twitchin'.
--- Frank Fazed
And before you boo and you hiss,
They'd ask, was I gay,
But I'm not that way;
It's women that I like to kiss.
--- Frank Fazed
Where they really know how to get down,
And in spite of my hue
I fit like an old shoe,
And lived large with no reason to frown.
--- Frank Fazed
Is a game of considerable luck,
The promises he makes,
And the interest he fakes
In the name of hormones run amok.
--- Anthony Tanaka-Burns
As a baker, his dough he must knead.
I'll probably burst
If I don't quench my thirst
To deposit my seminal seed!
--- Friar T9801
Who knew what he wanted to do.
If he had half a chance,
He'd get into your pants,
'Cause he's sure in the mood now to screw.
--- Anon
As deftly his fingers did play
A Prelude d'Amore,
But this svelte signore,
Con fuoco, had swept her away.
--- Randog
He eyes begged this love virtuoso.
Crescendoing passion
Preceded a smashin'
Finale con lust furioso.
--- Randog
Who could have women in no time flat.
He'd get them all drunk
And fill them with spunk;
A notch for his bed, just like that!
--- Stephen Cordwell
With a wish, but unable to utter 'er,
Showed his favorite tart
The appropriate part
Of the drawings in his Kamasutra.
--- Isaac Asimov
"Two bush birds or one in your hand?"
Loud and clear his repiy,
"Keep them close to your thigh;
They're quicker to screw on demand."
--- Armand Singer
Who broke through the floor and crashed through.
With pelvises bumping,
He continued on humping-
Now that's what I'd call a good screw.
--- Anon
For intercourse had a great liking.
He would shatter the asses
Of sweet Viking lasses,
As though he were lightning a-striking.
--- G0792
Said, "Lead me to pussy, I'm willing;
Of the things that do gruntle,
Close encounters up frontal,
Are far and away the most thrilling.
--- Armand E Singer 688
Superego's no match for his id.
First among his top goals
Is to penetrate holes,
Just the scent of which blows his whole lid.
--- Armand Singer
Was imbued with a love for the chase.
And especially in spring
It would make his heart sing,
Just to think of a good piece of ass.
--- Keith MacMillan 80b
That man saw a ball, he ducked it.
The man was so lucky,
To be a good hucky, (?)
So he took his women and fucked it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who spent most of his time in bed.
If it wasn't one girl, 'twas two,
And he'd shag, bore and screw,
And the bed sheets were torn to a shred.
--- Mushroom
Keeps packed in his car a suitcase.
For one never knows
If there's time to grab clothes,
From the looks on the girl's father's face.
--- Grizz
Than to be criminally insane.
A natural act,
So common in fact;
To try and hide would be in vain.
--- Anon
From the time he wakes up in the morning
To the last gleam of light
And down through the night,
He's so horny, the guy needs dehorning.
--- Armand E Singer 878
And the bastard looked horribly beat.
Said the wench happy rogue,
"Sex is always in vogue,
And I never retreat from hot meat..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 124
Though she's bowlegged, crosseyed, and skinny.
He's been heard to declare:
"Out this way, cunts are rare,
And with a hardon, you'll fuck any."
--- G2677
About whom the listeners rave,
Despite two days' stubble
Gets sex without trouble,
Although he could stand a close shave.
--- Armand Singer
The fast-working lecher first spyed her.
Then at ten forty-four
He'd his hand at the door,
And at ten forty-five was inside her.
--- Hugh Oliver 38a
I'm not charging you for a fuck!
But there's better news:
For all of my screws,
I'm willing to pay a whole buck!
--- Anon
Into my green eyes, not my pants.
Not even so much
As one single touch,
And that dollar I want in advance.
--- Anon
Took women without any bias
Toward language or race
Or fairness of face,
But rejected the unctously pious.
--- Isaac Asimov
Had tastes both eclectic and various.
All sexes and races,
All figures and faces,
Suited him -- so he found life hilarious.
--- Isaac Asimov
This is file nwl
Who claimed to be on the level.
But when he kissed Sue,
He gave me one too.
That Neville is rather a devil.
--- Anon
Told her boyfriend, "Oh, what a cadua.
My mum gave me warning,
But it took me till morning
To find out for myself just how badua."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Shoots it into his girl, like a metia. (meteor)
"I'm just making the most,"
He will blatantly boast,
"Of my principle salient featia!" (feature)
--- Keith MacMillan 36a
Who said to his girl, "I am ready.
As you see I am just
At the point of the thrust,
So for God's sake, my darling, hold steady."
--- Isaac Asimov
Or goin' to beaches and walkin',
Then do all that crap
With some other chap;
And drop round after that for a porkin'.
For whom would you unzip your fly?
That is to say who
Are you willing to screw?
I hope it's your girlfriend, not I.
--- Neal Wilgus P8511
Of years, many thousand in number.
He opens his eyes;
A woman he spies.
The wood of the morning shall plumb her.
--- R Rezel
Whose target in life was go screwin'.
He bragged of his skills,
And by carpenter Mills,
That seemed to be all he was doin'.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0410
Right down to the cute little mole;
While she wanted Fred
Like a hole in the head...
Fred wanted the head in the hole.
--- SFA
The youth lay in blissful euphoria.
As she climbed out of bed,
He restrained her and said,
"You come back here. I want a lot moria."
--- Hugh Oliver A099B
"With girlfriends a man can't help diddle;
One thinks of the wonder
Of what lies down under
The plumage that graces their middle."
--- Armand E Singer 681
And fair, kind, and thoroughly true.
We're long in the dong
And last all night long,
And always have time for a screw.
--- Anon
It's not the first time I have, this, heard.
Our lofty, grand Thought
Can't lightly be caught
By a lowly member of the 'miss' herd.
--- Anon
So if you wish a Wizard to florish,
He'll mightily grow
And go, go, and go,
If he you will gently nourish.
--- Anon
Who never knew what he was knowin'.
It was always the same,
When he thought that he came,
In fact, he was actually goin'.
--- Mr E
Who stands firm without showing contrition,
But we are aquainted,
And you "ain't" so tainted,
As you describe yourself in your admission.
--- Anon
Would brag of his conquests and pelf.
He left no job undone --
He'd complete every one,
And he made a big ass of himself.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2607
He'd more affairs than many men,
But his lovers all leave.
Why? It's hard to conceive,
But he just bored their pants off again!
--- Libby Corrie
That was my famous last word;
She upped and she left
With these words, so deft:
"Boys are obscene - you're a turd."
--- Anon
For pinching the seat of a female.
He said, "I must confess
That her tight beaded dress,
Made me think I was just reading Braille."
--- Tom Patton
His income was minimum wage.
When he ran out of fuel,
He wasn't a fool,
He made a fire and burned every page!
--- Waukesha Don T9801
Who called himself up on the phone;
When he heard his own voice,
He said, "I have no choice,
But to ask you to let me alone."
--- Lims Unlimited
Who can't tell the difference in sexes.
Even his own
Is completely unknown,
No matter how much he inspects his.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Shouting "Sieg Heil" they pissed and they shat;
Better mark these here words:
That the scruffy rat turds
Wanna pull off a "coop-duh-ee-tat!"
--- Anon
To her daughter, "I hated your pa, who
Tried to bolster his id,
With the things that he did
As a horny, detestable yahoo!"
--- Keith MacMillan A040D
I'll take cats, though I can't tell you why.
I'd not alter my course
For a dog or a horse,
Yet for one little pussy, I'd die!
--- John Miller 0031 a
But you'd like him to be around steady.
Well I'd have to say
The most logical way
Is to tell him that dinner is ready.
--- Anon
Who never had time for a shave.
With the girls he's lost hope,
'Cause he didn't like soap,
And more time in his bed he did crave.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Hadn't washed or changed clothes for a week.
As he passed the pig sty,
The pigs started to cry;
They thought that he was the freak.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
During lessons could be quite annoyed.
He was expected to know,
Like an expert on show,
That his mind was like a humanoid!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Was known as a silly young ninny.
He utterly lacked
Good judgement and tact,
For he told a plump girl she was skinny.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Is remembered quite well to this day.
He kept all his files
In neat well-structured piles,
And his life in complete disarray.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0312
Sagaciousness down through the ages,
And I now conclude
That water and food
And boffing are women's best wages.
--- Anon
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