Night or day, "piece of mind" most guys pass;
Their goal, in terms rather more crass,
Is that they's rather try
Before time goes by,
To get them a "good piece of ass!"
--- Chris Papa

There was a frosh fullback from Wooster
Who thought of himself as a rooster.
If he saw a free chick,
He had just one trick;
He goosed her, seduced and dejuiced her.
--- Larry Wilde

It is nice to visit The City,
To partake of cooz and some titty.
I once spent a week
With a Chinese girl sleek,
Who wanted not more itty bitty.
--- Frank Fazed

Lil' Italy was my next stop;
I went to see Tony the cop.
But he wasn't there,
So with time to spare,
I gave his young sister a pop.
--- Frank Fazed

The Irish gals soon would be bitchin'
If I didn't visit Hell's Kitchen,
Where young Colleen so fair
Acted out a sex dare,
That left my poor tally whack twitchin'.
--- Frank Fazed

The Village I managed to miss,
And before you boo and you hiss,
They'd ask, was I gay,
But I'm not that way;
It's women that I like to kiss.
--- Frank Fazed

My last stop I saved for Uptown,
Where they really know how to get down,
And in spite of my hue
I fit like an old shoe,
And lived large with no reason to frown.
--- Frank Fazed

A man's desire to fuck
Is a game of considerable luck,
The promises he makes,
And the interest he fakes
In the name of hormones run amok.
--- Anthony Tanaka-Burns

I've a hunger I often must feed,
As a baker, his dough he must knead.
I'll probably burst
If I don't quench my thirst
To deposit my seminal seed!
--- Friar T9801

There once was a fellow named Drew,
Who knew what he wanted to do.
If he had half a chance,
He'd get into your pants,
'Cause he's sure in the mood now to screw.
--- Anon

"Leggiero," he started to say
As deftly his fingers did play
A Prelude d'Amore,
But this svelte signore,
Con fuoco, had swept her away.
--- Randog

"Prestissimo! Please, vigoroso!"
He eyes begged this love virtuoso.
Crescendoing passion
Preceded a smashin'
Finale con lust furioso.
--- Randog

There was a sexy stud named Matt,
Who could have women in no time flat.
He'd get them all drunk
And fill them with spunk;
A notch for his bed, just like that!
--- Stephen Cordwell

A sadly afflicted young stutterer
With a wish, but unable to utter 'er,
Showed his favorite tart
The appropriate part
Of the drawings in his Kamasutra.
--- Isaac Asimov

We asked a young cockster named Rand,
"Two bush birds or one in your hand?"
Loud and clear his repiy,
"Keep them close to your thigh;
They're quicker to screw on demand."
--- Armand Singer

There once was a fellow named Drew,
Who broke through the floor and crashed through.
With pelvises bumping,
He continued on humping-
Now that's what I'd call a good screw.
--- Anon

A vibrant and virile young Viking,
For intercourse had a great liking.
He would shatter the asses
Of sweet Viking lasses,
As though he were lightning a-striking.
--- G0792

A critic of Lit, by named Trilling
Said, "Lead me to pussy, I'm willing;
Of the things that do gruntle,
Close encounters up frontal,
Are far and away the most thrilling.
--- Armand E Singer 688

Shrinks cannot handle Bill Kidd;
Superego's no match for his id.
First among his top goals
Is to penetrate holes,
Just the scent of which blows his whole lid.
--- Armand Singer

An outdoorsman of St. Boniface
Was imbued with a love for the chase.
And especially in spring
It would make his heart sing,
Just to think of a good piece of ass.
--- Keith MacMillan 80b

A man had a pickle, he sucked it.
That man saw a ball, he ducked it.
The man was so lucky,
To be a good hucky, (?)
So he took his women and fucked it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I shared an apartment with Ted,
Who spent most of his time in bed.
If it wasn't one girl, 'twas two,
And he'd shag, bore and screw,
And the bed sheets were torn to a shred.
--- Mushroom

A young cocksman of Havre de Grace
Keeps packed in his car a suitcase.
For one never knows
If there's time to grab clothes,
From the looks on the girl's father's face.
--- Grizz

Better to have sex on the brain,
Than to be criminally insane.
A natural act,
So common in fact;
To try and hide would be in vain.
--- Anon

An insatiable monster is Corning;
From the time he wakes up in the morning
To the last gleam of light
And down through the night,
He's so horny, the guy needs dehorning.
--- Armand E Singer 878

I met Joe last night on the street
And the bastard looked horribly beat.
Said the wench happy rogue,
"Sex is always in vogue,
And I never retreat from hot meat..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 124

Behind the barn, Willy fucked Binnie,
Though she's bowlegged, crosseyed, and skinny.
He's been heard to declare:
"Out this way, cunts are rare,
And with a hardon, you'll fuck any."
--- G2677

A handsome TV star named Dave,
About whom the listeners rave,
Despite two days' stubble
Gets sex without trouble,
Although he could stand a close shave.
--- Armand Singer

At ten forty-three in Arvider
The fast-working lecher first spyed her.
Then at ten forty-four
He'd his hand at the door,
And at ten forty-five was inside her.
--- Hugh Oliver 38a

This year all you girls are in luck,
I'm not charging you for a fuck!
But there's better news:
For all of my screws,
I'm willing to pay a whole buck!
--- Anon

One dollar gets you just a glance
Into my green eyes, not my pants.
Not even so much
As one single touch,
And that dollar I want in advance.
--- Anon

On matters of sex, young Darius
Took women without any bias
Toward language or race
Or fairness of face,
But rejected the unctously pious.
--- Isaac Asimov

On matters of sex, good old Darius
Had tastes both eclectic and various.
All sexes and races,
All figures and faces,
Suited him -- so he found life hilarious.
--- Isaac Asimov

This is file nwl

There once was a fellow called Neville
Who claimed to be on the level.
But when he kissed Sue,
He gave me one too.
That Neville is rather a devil.
--- Anon

A young senorita from Padua,
Told her boyfriend, "Oh, what a cadua.
My mum gave me warning,
But it took me till morning
To find out for myself just how badua."
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A Paul Bunyan from wild Matapedia
Shoots it into his girl, like a metia. (meteor)
"I'm just making the most,"
He will blatantly boast,
"Of my principle salient featia!" (feature)
--- Keith MacMillan 36a

There was a young fellow named Eddy,
Who said to his girl, "I am ready.
As you see I am just
At the point of the thrust,
So for God's sake, my darling, hold steady."
--- Isaac Asimov

But if you like to spend hours talkin'
Or goin' to beaches and walkin',
Then do all that crap
With some other chap;
And drop round after that for a porkin'.

Oh, it's who, and what, where, when, and why --
For whom would you unzip your fly?
That is to say who
Are you willing to screw?
I hope it's your girlfriend, not I.
--- Neal Wilgus P8511

A man has returned from his slumber
Of years, many thousand in number.
He opens his eyes;
A woman he spies.
The wood of the morning shall plumb her.
--- R Rezel

There once was a man called McEwen,
Whose target in life was go screwin'.
He bragged of his skills,
And by carpenter Mills,
That seemed to be all he was doin'.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0410

Fred wanted her -- body and soul --
Right down to the cute little mole;
While she wanted Fred
Like a hole in the head...
Fred wanted the head in the hole.
--- SFA

Dismounting a maid in Astoria,
The youth lay in blissful euphoria.
As she climbed out of bed,
He restrained her and said,
"You come back here. I want a lot moria."
--- Hugh Oliver A099B

Laughed consummate lecher, Bill Biddle,
"With girlfriends a man can't help diddle;
One thinks of the wonder
Of what lies down under
The plumage that graces their middle."
--- Armand E Singer 681

A Wizard is loyal, undue,
And fair, kind, and thoroughly true.
We're long in the dong
And last all night long,
And always have time for a screw.
--- Anon

You're badly serviced by a Wizard?
It's not the first time I have, this, heard.
Our lofty, grand Thought
Can't lightly be caught
By a lowly member of the 'miss' herd.
--- Anon

Wizards, my dear, aren't scorish,
So if you wish a Wizard to florish,
He'll mightily grow
And go, go, and go,
If he you will gently nourish.
--- Anon

There once was a fellow called Owen,
Who never knew what he was knowin'.
It was always the same,
When he thought that he came,
In fact, he was actually goin'.
--- Mr E

Takes a man who can know his condition,
Who stands firm without showing contrition,
But we are aquainted,
And you "ain't" so tainted,
As you describe yourself in your admission.
--- Anon

An arrogant fellow of Guelph
Would brag of his conquests and pelf.
He left no job undone --
He'd complete every one,
And he made a big ass of himself.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2607

There is an old teacher named Ken;
He'd more affairs than many men,
But his lovers all leave.
Why? It's hard to conceive,
But he just bored their pants off again!
--- Libby Corrie

"Girls should be seen and not heard",
That was my famous last word;
She upped and she left
With these words, so deft:
"Boys are obscene - you're a turd."
--- Anon

A blind man in a lift, goes to jail
For pinching the seat of a female.
He said, "I must confess
That her tight beaded dress,
Made me think I was just reading Braille."
--- Tom Patton

Self-help books were loved by Tom Cage;
His income was minimum wage.
When he ran out of fuel,
He wasn't a fool,
He made a fire and burned every page!
--- Waukesha Don T9801

There was a young man from Tyrone
Who called himself up on the phone;
When he heard his own voice,
He said, "I have no choice,
But to ask you to let me alone."
--- Lims Unlimited

I know a young man from Texas,
Who can't tell the difference in sexes.
Even his own
Is completely unknown,
No matter how much he inspects his.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

'Round a campfire the skin-head boys sat;
Shouting "Sieg Heil" they pissed and they shat;
Better mark these here words:
That the scruffy rat turds
Wanna pull off a "coop-duh-ee-tat!"
--- Anon

Said a worldly old broad of Oahu
To her daughter, "I hated your pa, who
Tried to bolster his id,
With the things that he did
As a horny, detestable yahoo!"
--- Keith MacMillan A040D

Of all creatures that walk, swim, or fly,
I'll take cats, though I can't tell you why.
I'd not alter my course
For a dog or a horse,
Yet for one little pussy, I'd die!
--- John Miller 0031 a

So you'd rather things didn't get heady,
But you'd like him to be around steady.
Well I'd have to say
The most logical way
Is to tell him that dinner is ready.
--- Anon

There was a young man I'll call Dave,
Who never had time for a shave.
With the girls he's lost hope,
'Cause he didn't like soap,
And more time in his bed he did crave.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was an old yokel called Zeke,
Hadn't washed or changed clothes for a week.
As he passed the pig sty,
The pigs started to cry;
They thought that he was the freak.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A clever school pupil named Freud,
During lessons could be quite annoyed.
He was expected to know,
Like an expert on show,
That his mind was like a humanoid!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A fellow who lived in New Guinea,
Was known as a silly young ninny.
He utterly lacked
Good judgement and tact,
For he told a plump girl she was skinny.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

The complusive old Malcolm McKay
Is remembered quite well to this day.
He kept all his files
In neat well-structured piles,
And his life in complete disarray.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0312

I've pondered the wisdom of sages,
Sagaciousness down through the ages,
And I now conclude
That water and food
And boffing are women's best wages.
--- Anon