The best place is down by the shore,
Where the shoeless are found by the score.
When I see all those toes,
My phallus just grows,
And those ankles are so very hardcore.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Of course we fought for a prize,
Mostly chicks with big beautiful eyes.
Be they fair-haired or red,
Our aim was the bed,
And boobs of considerable size.
--- Anon

"Success is a journey"'s my mot';
I'm proud of what I've got.
I am glad I'm not you
With your weak assed poo-poo;
Your views mean to me, diddly-squat!
--- Anon

Some men are so full of conceit
That they cannot accept a defeat.
To get out of a mess
They must needs acquiesce
And indulge in a glorious retreat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2513

I once knew a rotten old miser,
Who hired me as his advisor.
For money in my bank
I have him to thank;
He simply was never the wiser.
--- Marlene

We're vicious low lithperthon, we Hunth;
We thpit on all women, thoth cunth;
We beat `em, we bed `em,
But don't pay or wed `em;
They're gone by the end of the month.
--- Armand Singer

So this guy didn't make a big splash
In maligning your big hairy gash.
He had no right to slam
On your poor bearded clam.
Like I always say "Fuck him! He's trash!"
--- Anon

A simple young lad was bereft
Of knowledge that makes a man deft.
Said his girl, "Let me know
When you're ready to go."
He said, "Now," and he got up and left.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0041

Within a cellular space,
His ass is in place of his face.
That bassackwards sport
Is forced to comport
With his head in a very dark place.
--- Peg Kay

A poor goon from North Cambridge named Trapp
Has an FM show, "Morning Pro Yap."
Not for him Dowland pure,
No Dufay, that's for sure --
He, instead, programs hours of crap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

For ten years I was humble, till when
I saw myself the humblest of men.
That filled me with pride;
I burst, and near died.
Now I'm proud to be humble again.
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim

An ill-conceived Dutchman from Weerd,
Turned out as his mother had feared.
His hair had the greasies,
His pants stank of feces,
And vermin swarmed thick in his beard.
--- Armand E Singer 345

There was an old man of Fort Knox
Who sat all his life in a box.
For years he crouched there
Till birds filled his hair
And ivy grew out of his socks.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

His legacy hung like a towel:
Waterlogged, filthy, and foul.
His infamy spread
Like butter on bread,
Till disrepute dripped from his jowl.
--- Heather McCabe

Women fold maps into piles,
And for me, that really riles.
But in truth, only
A man can see
An inch as one hundred miles.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

He spoke in a fashion frenetic
And made his grand plans sound poetic.
Promises did abound
Although none left the ground,
Since he was inert, not kinetic.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9807

There was a young pilot named Jack;
His head did encounter some flak.
But the matter got worse,
He was rendered perverse,
And could not tell the front from the back.
--- Albin Chaplin

You have heard of little green men?
All women have seen 'em -- know when?
When some other guys
Stare at your bare thighs --
It just means he's jealous again!
--- Anon

Jim Smith must think he's a hero,
An artist, just like Rome's Nero.
Of this newsgroup's vast host,
Those who want Jim to post
Add up to exactly zero.
--- Ward Hardman

Jim Smith is a pitiful moron;
A bum you would slam your front door on.
With all his slimy sleaze,
You can be sure that he's
A creep that I love to wage war on!
--- Ward Hardman

Jim Smith is a defective retard,
And from UseNet should surely be barred.
He moans, "I'm low in repute
And I've lost the dispute.
My image as troll all will see marred."
--- Ward Hardman

Jim Smith is a defective retard;
His organ will never get hard.
When he wants some good smut,
He must play "up the butt,"
And afterwards moans "Oh thank you, pard."
--- Ward Hardman

Jim Smith is a defective retard;
In gay bondage films he'll soon be starred.
"Ward gave me a beating,
But it was too fleeting.
I need pain beyond poems from the "Bard."
--- Ward Hardman

If you're one of that group, the henpecked,
The best thing to do -- join a sect!
You'll get away from the house;
Be a man, not a mouse;
It will help you get back self-respect.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There once was a guy named Joe,
Who didn't know when to say "No."
He has stupid excuses
For his repeated abuses.
But no more, Pal, just GO!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My Charlie is such a damn slob.
The poor man thinks that it's his job
To sit on his butt
And polish his gut,
While Archie is buffing his knob.
--- Marlene Lewis

I have placed, men into three groups:
There's fodder, the dupes, turdish poops.
These guys are half-wits,
Still suckling moms' tits,
Gene tree branches knotted in loops.
--- Anon

He started in work as a chauffeur;
He retired and became the firm's gofer.
He wasn't dependable;
He became expendable;
He was far more at home on the sofa.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A fellow named Jezebel Beers
Was never discreet with his leers;
He ogled each dame
With an absence of shame,
As he uttered his lecherous sneers.
--- Cap'n Bean P0111

That time of year seems to have come;
I need to start studying some.
Yes, finals are here!
Forget it! Pass me a beer!
I think I'll like life as a bum.
--- Anon

I believed the scoutmaster, Fred Rhee,
When he taught all the scouts, also me.
But then I was tossed
In a forest and lost;
I found moss on ALL sides of the tree.
--- L C Fitz P0209

An obsessive old man of Toledo
Is sustained by the tenuous credo
That the functional aim
Of a beautiful dame
Is to bolster his fading libido.
--- Keith MacMillan A094B

There once was a teacher named Lex,
With muscles he'd constantly flex.
But his arms would droop,
And then he'd stoop.
No wonder he never had sex.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

This is file nvl

There was an old fellow named Edam;
His family was his special freedom.
He raised full twenty-eight
And he thought it was great,
But he did not have money to feed 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin

My uncle has riches galore;
In fact, he just can't want for more;
But he's boring as shit.
He lacks warmth, wile and wit.
He needs much more than money to score.
--- Mark Levy P0204

I'm a person of great muscularity,
Which means I have great solidarity;
My brain is sufficient,
Though hardly omniscient,
For I don't know the meaning of parity.
--- Limber Limericks

Well, greetings to you, doctor Tommie,
It sounds like you need an old swami
To give you the knowledge,
You spurned while in college,
Or just never got from your mommy.
--- Anon

There was a young man from Dieppe;
In the army he was never in step.
He had never been bright;
Knew not left from his right,
One foot, then the other, he'd schleppe!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young man from the coast;
"I'm strong as an ox," he would boast.
"To prove it, I'll now
Lift this Hereford cow."
His coffin is flatter than most.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

It seems that young Willy's a bore
And unsure right down to his core.
Indecisive he'd been
But now he came clean
He admitted he just wasn't sure
--- Anon

A guy by the name of Big Tex,
Was obsessed by females in specs.
Didn't notice their asses;
Was obsessed by their glasses,
Which is why his wife's now his Ex.
--- Michelle

The stupid student stood still and grinned,
As his teacher and advisor sinned.
The two had joined forces
To change grades on his courses,
When the one thing he had passed was wind.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508

The doctor looked kind and then said,
"There's nothing at all wrong with Ned.
He just does not study;
His grades are quite cruddy,
His pants are just loaded with lead."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man of Purdue
Who bragged of the women he slew.
But a nymph from DeWitt
Forced this man to admit,
"One more victory like this and I'm through."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0302

A young engineer named Ambrose
Had problems he could not dispose.
He could never decide
How the job should be tried,
So he stood there, just picking his nose.
--- Albin Chaplin

An artless young fellow named Rose
Was given some work to dispose,
For he lacked any vision
For a simple decision,
So he stood there just picking his nose.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2774

There is a young Artist named Jones
Whose conduct no genius atones:
His conduct in life
Is a pang to his wife,
And a plague to the neighbours of Jones.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Joe Donald, while chewing his cud,
At the same time was pulling his pud.
Joe, slightly confused,
Has a cud now contused,
And a pud sporting toothmarks and blood.
--- Anon

A conceited young boy called Rob
Was commonly known as a snob.
When asked to make tea,
He'd say, "No, not me,
That certainly isn't my job."
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Bob
Who was a world champion slob;
A six-pack of beer
He would ram in his ear
And commend himself for a good job.
--- Anon

There was a young man from South Wales,
Who wanted to save all the whales,
And on the farm,
Save the turkeys from harm.
And, concerned, he soon flooded the mails.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0402

You espy the old dream and you chase it;
If you have any doubt you erase it.
Then it sours and withers;
He's reduced you to blithers;
You're attracted to assholes, let's face it.
--- Anon

Judge Hemp and Reverend Lockjaw
Once lectured our class about tort law;
They stood bloviating,
Same time, masturbating;
They didn't know shit from Shinola!
--- Anon

The men that I know, none emit
A modicum sliver of wit;
With a healthy supply.
Each and every guy
Is endlessly spouting out shit.
--- Goin2

When alone, you're your own guardian shepherd.
Human thugs are more common than leopards.
So be cautious, alert,
With spray ready to squirt,
Because those who assault should be peppered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a loner called Ricky
Who said human love is too tricky.
I'm not having sex--
We could both break our necks,
And I'm sure it would be rather sticky.
--- Chris Young

Have you met Melba from Melbourne?
She makes songwriter's hearts yearn.
He cannot show it;
She does not know it;
The songwriter's to oft taciturn.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My wife's learned to tolerate me.
She "Tsk tsk's" very frequently,
But knows men are "Boys"
And among their toys
Is talking like they're spirits free.
--- Chris Papa

A 'Good Old Boy' from Tennessee,
Is now in my office with me.
All night he does pitter,
About his new litter,
Of coon dogs that bark up a tree.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow of Graney,
Incredibly clever and brainy.
When he put up his gamp, (large umbrella)
If he found it was damp,
He could tell that the weather was rainy.
--- Langford Reed (Bibby)

I'll be rich, van Dyke screamed to the frogs,
There's treasure (beep-beep) in these bogs!
Croaked one, "Your detector
Would beep in each sector.
It's sensing the nails in your clogs."
--- David A Brooks Q

When his friends call him backward, he sneers;
"I am very advance in some spheres.
With my jigsaw technique,
I can do in six weeks
Puzzles clearly marked '2-4 years'."
--- Anon

One Edmonton man that I knew
Was a pet, but he hadn't a clue!
Apprehensive in bed,
He was frequently said
To persuade the young maid to unscrew.
--- Keith MacMillan 92c

I splooge in the street and on walls,
While naked, out walking, in malls.
I shouldn't so taunt 'em --
The visions must haunt 'em --
They'd queue just to smell of my balls.
--- Anon

I wish I had perfect good health;
I wish I had infinite wealth.
I finally wish
For a lover delish --
Or thousands to keep for myself.
--- Peter

You buy a book; send him to school
And ask him to follow the rule.
At all this, he'll scoff;
His thinking's just off.
Too late, he has turned out a fool.
--- Anon

I told him if he'd take a hike,
I'd lend him my two-wheeled bike.
He can go roun'
To your side of town;
His propensities you'd probably like.
--- Jim Weaver Collection