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A village just ten miles from here Her future is now looking grim -- There once was a sad youth from Blades A vapid young man from Pierre There was an old farmer of Watton Two Arabs insulted each other; So then Omar said, "Abdul, you cow, Now Mecca, like Baghdad, has petro; In Iran and Iraq and in Yemen, Old Arafat said, with a grin, The Iranians fight the Iraqi Most people do nothing but pan An exalted Imam is Khomeini, (Is also a CIA trainee.)
Khomeni derides coke and hash, 'Tis said, from Iran to Korea, The old Ayatollah Khomeini Iran's press has been slightly erroneous, Khomeni's traditional retort Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini Ayatollah did further instruct -- Although he's a senile old loon, Here's to our leader, Ayatollah, In Iran, a young man Bani-sadr A mullah, who daily inveighed The careless bomb-maker Fazil, Bomb martyrs think they have it made; Those Muslims, they wouldn't allow But it isn't ass-fucking the cow The pig is unclean, don't you see; The Saracen's battle caparison (caparison - rich trappings, battle dress)
Perhaps the Dutch press made an error, The numbers of martyrs has led What I've heard's more gruesome: instead Mostly from shrapnel, I'm told; A fatwah has been issued by now; To bargain with Sons of the Prophet There once was a Moslem fanatic Shall we risk a swift kick in the can The Sons of th Prophet, in truth, Arab marriages always come late, Here's the Ballad of Fatima and Clyde There was a Arabian sheik A sultan said sadly, "One strives The Arabian kingdom named Saudi A sultan who governed Sudan Some mad "martyrs" can scarcely wait, There's a hairyfaced Moslem named Simon Is this the right tent I am in? An Iranian shoe clerk, Abdullah, "Your conduct, Mustapha, was shoddy; "So what, my dear father of mine? On the caravan route to the East, The worst Arab man's a Kuwaiti; Let's hear it for leader Khomeni, The manager fired the clerk Though he lived in a charming oasis, (someone explain this one to me - McW)
Sheik Ahmed, it's worthy of note, Not satisfied just to rebuke us, Would you guess that Mohammed was lurkim' Arabian prince, name of Ali, A desert can grow cold and scary. When threatened by a squirt gun of lard, Muslim men prize their beards above rubies; Shouldst thou write verses Satanic A paranoid shiek named Abdul A Mohammedan screwed his nine wives
Has been searching for nearly a year
For their favorite son
With an IQ of 1,
For they're missing their Saturday jeer.
--- Anon
Her new boyfriend is so dim;
I told her, "I fear
He's an idiot, my dear --
Some village must be missing him!"
--- Anon
Who liked to be watching parades,
But then so would I
If I was eight feet high,
And doing quite poorly in grades.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was neither all here nor all there;
On the days when he knew
Which way the wind blew,
He wasn't too certain from where.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who planted his fields full of cotton.
But when nothing would grow,
He wanted to know
If the reels he had planted were rotten._
--- C K Thompson
"For one thing," said Abdul, "Your mother
Frequently mates
With camels on dates.
And she charges too much, for another."
--- Michael Weinstein P8407
About your mom-- I've heard told it how
She took pure camel shit,
Made perfume of it,
And it worked! She smells much better now."
--- Michael Weinstein P8407
Their music is kind of, well, retro.
Their skies dusky hazy,
Their camels are lazy,
And ridden by bumpkins named Jethro.
--- Matthew Montchalin
They say all the men there are he-men.
The camels are swell,
But they really do smell
'Cause they're full of Arabian semen.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"A nice meal should please kith and kin.
Since I must get thinner,
I won't eat much dinner
And then I'll become Arathin."
--- John Dohner P8901
And to keep the war on its tracky,
Khomeni retorts
To US Navy escorts,
"The Great Satan must die, by cracky."
--- Roy Shaw P8711
Khomini, a hard-hearted man.
When they asked, "Would you help
To get rid of this whelp?"
I just couldn't take it, I ran!!
--- John A Dohner P8711
Religious, devoted, and brainy;
So it seems rather odd
That this prophet of God
Doesn't know to come in when it's rainy.
--- Ed Potts P8711
Claims he doesn't need Westerners' trash';
'Cause HE gets a good high
Watching infidels die,
And a war's is HIS kind of bash!
--- Ann Gasser P8711
"Khomeini has got gonorrhea!"
The old Ayatollah
Was eating granola
And ended up with diarrhea!
--- John Dohner P8711
Declared, "I will put on my beanie,
And I'll sit for a bit,
Since my wit's turned to shit.
They tell me that I am a meanie!"
--- John Dohner P8711
True, we're bigots and most sanctimonious,
But our most daring feats
Are beneath the black sheets,
Where our zeal is most un-Parsi-moan-ius.
--- Ann Gasser P8711
To US Navy escort:
"The Great Satan
Is sure blatan'
And soon must die," he exhorts.
--- Roy Shaw P8711
Published rules for his followers zany:
Wipe your ass with a bone
Or a fine polished stone,
And fuck sheep, not with lions, if you're brainy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8711
And this from his works we deduct --
You can fuck on demand
Any beast in the land,
But you can't eat the sheep that you fucked.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8711
Khomeini may not die off soon.
His momma's alive
At one hundred five,
They both are alive but jejune.
--- Larry J Davis P8711
Though he's ruthless, this thought may console ya:
He may be infernal,
But he isn't eternal,
He'll be history like real Coca Cola.
--- Ann Gasser P8712
Would drink Ayatollah's foul water,
Then he'd turn facing Mecca
And he'd pull out his pecca,
And he'd fuck with his mudr and fadr.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2939
Against sin while he chanted and prayed,
Would, when it seemed discreet,
Venture forth on the street,
Lightly perfumed and black negligeed.
--- John Sandler P9106
Blew himself up, accomplishing nil;
Made his wife a poor widow,
Blew his dick through a window,
But his testicles rest on the sill.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Virgins wait in a heavenly glade
To fulfill their needs,
But OMINOUS deeds
Suggest it's the Devil they've laid.
--- Chris Papa
My pic of the prophet, and now
They pray I am dead,
For showing Mohammed
Ass-fucking a pig and a cow.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That got those Muslims in a row.
No, it's just that the pig
Has a dick twice as big
As the one in his ass (he's no sow).
--- HMMWV
To them, not to you or to me.
There'd be nary a peep
Were he fucking a sheep,
But just seeing a pig makes them flee.
--- HMMWV
Will suffer a lot by comparison
With soldierly dress
(Designed to impress)
Displayed by an Ottoman garrison.
--- R J Winkler P84O7
And we wish their cartoons would prefer a
Much funnier groove.
But at least it did prove,
That humour is stronger than terror.
--- Doug Harris
To a shortage of virgins, it's said.
The proposed substitute
Yet is almost as good;
They're promised young ewes now instead.
--- Dirruk
While there's girls from those martyrs to bed
And virgins abound,
They make not a sound,
For all of those virgins are dead!
--- John Miller
This is file nsl
All torn up and moldy and cold.
It's martyrs, they say
That made them that way.
(What a sad bill of goods they've been sold!)
--- John Miller
They'll all want to kill me, and how!
But I'll rhyme and I'll riddle,
And the Emir's harem diddle,
In a limerick, just not good enow.
--- Q
Will seldom afford you a profit.
Why bother to try it,
And hazard a riot?
Forget it -- you'd better come off it.
--- R J Winkler P8407
Who kept dynamite in his attic.
With a wink and a nod,
He said that Jihad
Was a matter completely dogmatic.
--- Phil T
When we call it "EE-RON" or "EYE-RAN"?
Take whichever versions
Cast the dumbest-ass Persians
In the worst light that we can find, man.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8711
Are rude, crude, and terribly uncouth.
The rule that they live by
Is AN EYE FOR AN EYE --
Though it's sometimes AN EYE FOR A TOOTH.
--- Arthur Deex P8407
For it's hard for them finding a mate,
When you can't see detail
Under her veil.
So they end up eating their date.
--- D K Gurney
And their wild, sordid, trans-desert ride.
How they robbed with a smile
The banks of the Nile --
How they took all life's pleasures astride.
--- Arthur Deex P8407
Who entered his harem and spake:
"A loud cry I heard,
In here it occurred.
Are my fifty-two children awake?"
--- Linda Marsh Coll
To please all my fifty-six wives.
But alas, intromission
Gives me the condition,
That's commonly known as the hives."
--- Isaac Asimov
Had a sheikh who was swollen and gouty.
When a toe ached
His pain was not faked;
He was fidgety, gripy and pouty.
--- R J Winkler P8407
Commanded a timorous clan
That lewdly pursued
All the girls in the nude.
Whenever they caught one -- they ran.
--- Philo Logue P8407
To have an explosive end fate.
Each young man, sure he
Will get an HOURI,
And sixty nine more on his plate.
--- Chris Papa
Whose tones are not those of a shy man
When with cast iron lungs
He howls twentyfive tongues--
But he's not at all easy to rhyme on
--- James Joyce P9008
She wondered with mounting chagrin.
She answered a shout,
"Did you, sir, bid me out?"
"Not at all, madam, I bed-ou-in!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8407
Gave sarcastic advice to his mullah;
"If you think the shoe fits,
Just do not call it quits...
Simply ask for a different color."
--- J Maynard Kaplan
My daughter you dragged to the wadi,
And there you seduced her
And thoroughly juiced her
And ravished her sweet little body."
--- Peter Wilkins
Are you jealous perchance of my nine
And a quarter inch dong ..
Yours is two inches long
Which she tells me is hardly divine."
--- Peter Wilkins
You will meet an Iranian priest,
Who, when morals are lax,
Makes the beast with two backs,
But in holier times sticks to beast.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8711
If he asks you out on a date, he
Will think you free tail,
If you don't wear a veil,
And won't treat you at all like a lady.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407
He has made things perfectly plain. He
Loves war and its glory,
If it's not he who's gory,
But like Hitler he's slightly insane-y!
--- Ann Gasser P8712
Who read the Koran while at work:
"While lost in the Prophet,
You've cost us the profit
You ought to have found in your work."
--- Laurence Perrine P8407
The Arabian phoneman made faces
And complained to his wife
Of the evils of life,
Though his lines fell in quite pleasant places.
--- A N Wilkins P8407
'Round his harem constructed a moat.
He had misses and misters
And both of his sisters,
But his favorite was Nelly, the goat.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0204
There's those who have set out to nuke us.
Could it be 'cause our views
As Christians and Jews
Paint those guys as lower'n mucus?
--- John Miller
To tempt the young boys with some virgins.
"Just blow someone up;
Your friends and your pup,
And Allah will take care of your urgin's!"
--- Dave Miller
With camels suspiciously pally,
Got wed to a four
Legged creature, he swore
Was a pantomime artist called Sally.
--- Peter Wilkins
Or alone at night on the prairie.
Looking good for a pump,
Is a female one hump,
Next you know, in-laws dromedary.
--- Anon
An Islamic bomber would have to think hard.
"If I won't be mergin'
With a heavenly virgin,
Should I play the martyr card?"
--- Norm Brust
They're useful for tickling girls' boobies,
And bellies, and snatches,
So they grow beards; the catch is --
They also must shave off their pubes.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407
Thy troubles wilt blossom titanic.
By the olive and fig,
Vile infidel pig,
Thou wilt need a gonadal mechanic.
--- Arthur Deex P9006a
Was fearful of loosing his tool.
So he wrapped it up tight
All day and all night,
And he never did use it, poor fool.
--- Julia Strawn P8708
And gave them the lay of their lives...
Then thoroughly drained
He grinned and explained,
"They're cheaper than chippies in dives!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 420
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