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I'll tell you 'bout Jake the fishmonger, Now down in the valley of Teale, The notorious Duchess of Peels, Another young girl, named O'Shea, A virtuous maid name of Quinn, There was a young man from Brazil Now that silly old man from Brazil There was a fat wench of Capri, There was a young lady of Wales, A fisherman's wife said to stow it, There once was an ugly great flounder A goldfish whom circling frustrated, A lecture on love by two swamis A horny old hammerhead shark There was a young redskin, Strong Bough, To the madam said old man McNish, A fisherman off of Cape Cod, There once was a fish with a notion, There was a young man from Tirana Says a diver; "My dear, you are sore, eh? From spermatozoa and the roe I have to admit, roe is mushy, A fisherman queer, name of Fife, Sex for a fish is so squishy, The salmon go upstream to mate There was a young woman of Tonga, At sea, starved for sex, a young sailor Noah was heard to remark, I love how the fishes all swim, A bluenose from Antigonish There once was a man from Brazil, A fisherman baited his line A trout with extremely large mass A man on a zoo-keeping staff, Folks thought it was just a crude gaffe, His story could not have been sadder, To its height, the giraffe owes its fame. There once was a timid bull calf, A sideshow performer named Fleck, There was a young man named Dom The prick of the lordly giraffe There's a question designed to perplex, Giraffes have more freedom, I say, A wonderful word is that "snaffled" .. After the zoo closed at ten, There's a question designed to perplex: A zookeeper, often thought dotty, When giraffes condescend to make love, For me down in Afrique del Sud, The pole vaulter said, with a laugh, Bob, the zookeeper from Bath, There was a young woman named Sheba, A fetish for fish had old Newt There was a young lady named Peaches, Lay a frustrated lobster, off Chester, A lobster of breeding enjoys The sight of these lovely lobstresses, One guy at this fish bar was Ryan, The denizens of this deep den He gets to his feet and she grabs Now bachelors may think it crim- Well, maybe I've been quite audacious, Oh, everyone knows that "cretaceous" In Woomera there used to be found Two worms, their love burned like a furnace, An adventurous fun-loving polyp There once was a handsome Samoan,
Who sniggled a lot after conger.
He'd catch the best eels,
Then hear his wife's squeals;
She found that in bed they last longer.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Lived a woman who loved to reveal,
With her curtains well drawn,
Standing bare as a fawn,
A really neat trick with an eel.
--- Scott Hendricks
Saw a fisherman fishing for eels.
Said she, "Would you mind?
Shove it up my behind.
I am anxious to know how it feels."
--- L0629
Liked sex in an aqueous way.
When out for a swim,
She opened her quim
And the eels had a great holiday.
--- G1295
Waded into the lake for a swim.
But a fish wormed inside her,
And started to ride her,
Now seaweed grows out of her quim.
--- G1293
Who took a Viagra pill.
To fulfill his wishes
Of diddling fishes,
But the damn things just wouldn't stay still.
--- John Miller
Should try giving the fish that pill;
They would stiffen, no doubt,
And stop flapping about.
Then his wishes and dreams, he'd fulfill.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who tumbled one day in the sea.
She returned from the splash,
With a fish in her gash,
And her face was transfigured with glee.
--- G1211
Who caught a large fish without scales;
When she lifted her hook,
She exclaimed, "Only Look!
It's just like those things on the males!"
--- Edwardian Leer 099 P9306a
When he asked if she wanted to coit.
The next night he found her
In bed with a flounder,
appendtually seemed to enjoy it.
--- Actaeon
Who hounded a sprat and near drowned her.
He pounded her senseless;
The poor wee defenceless
Young immature fish; what a bounder!
--- Peter Wilkins
Wishing to be sexually elated,
Said "Humans have all the luck,
'Cause they get to fuck;
We don't even get masturbated".
--- Anon
So raptured two kissing gouramis,
Whenever they pucker,
They make such a sucker,
Their fish tank's enjulfed by tsunamis.
--- Anon
Tricked whales into sex as a lark.
When asked, "Is that right?
You're a shark! Don't they fight?"
Said, "Nope! They can't tell. It's too dark!"
--- Actaeon
Who had fucked squaw, moose, snake, and cow.
When he first saw a mermaid,
The remark he to her made,
Was simply, and wonderfully, "How?"
--- Anon
"A fuck that is novel I wish.
I've fucked sheep, goat and gnu,
And a jackrabbit too.
Tell me, what do you have in a fish?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1164
Cried, "I'll bugger that tuna, by God!"
But that high-minded fish
Resented his wish,
And nimbly swam off with his rod.
--- L0585
Who gave his girlfriend some love potion.
It worked really fine;
They had a great time;
Now there's lots more fish in the ocean.
--- Kevin Kerrigan
With a fondness for wriggling piranha.
On just one occasion
He achieved consumation,
And now he has half a banana.
--- Robert Elliot
From some dildoing on the sea floor, eh?
And pray tell me," he cries,
"What's that 'txixt you thighs?"
"That's no snake," she replies, "That's a moray!"
--- Rowdy Jack
Spring little fishes that grow.
It is really too bad,
Their mom and their dad
Do not have the fun that we know.
--- Azul
And I guess fish jizz is squshy.
Not much fun to be had,
So I guess they're just glad
Not to wind up a someboey's sushi.
--- MrMalo
Preferred screwing fish to his wife.
Though he wrote a report
On the fish-screwing sport,
He did not have a porpoise in life.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1132
That I've not met a fish who was dishy.
So they call me a woosie
But I'll just eat pussy,
If I want my sex to be fishy.
--- MrMalo
When sex is the obvious bait.
Swimming upstream must tire,
But it seems to inspire,
As they seem very pleased with their fate.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who had it away with a Conger.
When asked how it felt,
She said, "Though it smelt,
It was just like a man only longer."
--- Kevin's Limerick Page
Grew steadily paler and frailer.
Till at last he went stark
Raving mad for a shark,
And did his goddamndest to nail her.
--- Norm Storer P9606
As the last of the zoo left the ark,
"I got a blow job
From most of that mob,
But I took a fast pass on the shark!"
--- Irish
Although their small brains are quite dim.
I think they're all blonde
For when faced with my frond,
Their mouths are a substitute quim.
--- Anon
Had a torrid affair with a fish;
I just swim in the nude
And we couple, in lewd
Consummation, whenever we wish."
--- Keith MacMillan 28b
Who took a Viagra pill
To fulfill his wishes
Of diddling Fishes,
But the damn things just wouldn't stay still.
--- Anon
And pulled a big trout from the brine.
Said the fish, "Let me go,
And I'll give you a blow,"
But his teeth slashed his big rod in trine.
--- Actaeon
Was attracted to a certain hot bass.
When they did mate
Trout crushed his fine date;
In grief, he killed himself -- alas!
--- Anon
This is file nrk
Hung around with the doe-eyed giraffe.
Some people would note
That he called her "Deep Throat,"
Which he'd say with a wink and a laugh.
--- Cyd
By a lout they considered riff-raff,
But nobody asked the giraffe.
--- Cyd
And our hero could not have been madder.
'Twas a terrible gaffe
When he screwed a giraffe
And got worse when he fell off the ladder.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412
It may be impossible to tame.
But it could be done;
It'd be rather fun
To put other deep-throaters to shame.
--- Macsam
Thought heifers too virtuous by half.
So he trekked to the Niger
To diddle a tiger,
And bugger a kneeling giraffe.
--- G1209
Was tall and had a long neck.
I'm informed by the staff,
He screwed a giraffe,
And his feet never rose from the deck.
--- Joseph Eldridge
Who had a fourteen foot schlong
One night for a laugh
He shagged a giraffe
Now its only two inches long
--- Anon
Measured only an inch anad a half.
However his smile
Hinted sexual guile,
For he used his long neck as his staff.
--- Isaac Asimov
And it springs to mind when I have sex.
I once bonked a giraffe
For a bit of a laugh.
Is it OK to shoot on their necks?
--- CyberCelt T9710
Than humans in sexual play.
While we must get close
(An arm's length at most)
They can fellate from ten yards away!
--- Actaeon
I bet it leaves somebody baffled;
Like zoo-keeper Scrote
After hours of deep throat,
Who said, "Jeeze, I feel truly giraffled."
--- Anon
She entered the male giraffe's pen.
On a ladder she stood
And blew him off good,
And his rod made her hair stand on end.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Why giraffes always smile during sex?
Some scientists surmise,
It's the commensurate size
Of their sexual organs and necks!
--- H Myers T9712
Was seized with a notion quite naughty.
He filled a carafe
With semen of giraffe,
Creating a double-tall latte.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The action begins with a shove.
Then comes the foreplay,
Which leads to more play,
And mute moans emanate from above.
--- Tom Patton P9604a
My sheep-shagging skills are no good.
With four feet and a half,
I shag the giraffe,
'Cause that's where it fits best and should!
--- Rick Limmer T9711
"I can do many things with this staff --
It's truly sublime,
One stroke at a time,
Boffing a full-sized giraffe!"
--- John Miller Q
Was known to have trained a giraffe,
To sit on its knees
And stay still with ease
While poked with his very long staff.
--- Arcadia Flynn
Who loved a Teutonic amoeba.
This primordial jelly,
Would crawl on her belly,
And murmur, "Ich liebe, ich liebe."
--- L0982
And for women he cared not a hoot.
But he met with frustration
When he fucked a crustacean,
And it snapped off his prick at the root.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1810
Who frequented the very best beaches.
She refused the lifeguard,
Though he breast-stroked her hard,
She preferred to be sucked off by leeches.
--- L1715
With his mate, in the mood to molest her,
Thinking, "How in the hell
Did I get past the shell
When I last got the itch, and undressed her?"
--- Keith MacMillan 26d
A Saturday night with the boys.
They'll all drink delicious
Prawn cocktails, like fishes,
With ladies of charm and of poise.
--- Anon
In skimpified sea fern made dresses,
Plus bladder wrack wrapper,
Will charm the most dapper
Of males, as she offers caresses.
--- Anon
Who'd love gals and then leave them cryin'.
He was the king lobster,
The top honcho mobster:
To take him on no man was tryin'.
--- Anon
Were filled with astonishment when
A barnacled whore
Threw open the door,
And yelled "Who's this Ryan? I'm Bren."
--- Anon
His eel, which he skilfully jabs
Into her pudenda,
And wrestles with Brenda,
And catches a dose of the crabs.
--- Anon
inal But his future's now dim.
The two settled down
In a cave outside town,
Since she got her claw into him.
--- Anon
To tell of these creatures cretaceous,
But I swear by the belly
Of Eskimo Nelly,
There isn't a word that's fallacious.
--- Anon
Describes a gal, blond and curvaceous,
Who'll bob on a lobster
Until his red knobster
Squirts hot buttered sauce on her faceous.
--- Anon
A rocket and bomb testing ground.
But now I suggest,
The boffins should test
For a leech in a plastic tart's mound.
--- Anon
In the trash of a children's internist.
Till one said "Enough
Of this sticky kid stuff,
Let's go and make love in dead Earnest!"
--- John Miller 0156 a
Propositioned a cute little scallop
Down under the sea;
"Nothing doing," said she;
"By Triton -- you think I'm a trollop?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In love with a cute protozoan.
But when he discovered
Both genders were covered,
He said, "Ma'am...uh, Sir..., I'll be goin'"
--- Merriam
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