MORE
Said a salty old skipper of Wales, Tails have uses unguessed, The passionate ass on Miss Day This girl who once lived in Strensil, There once was a man named Porter, There was a young man from Granner The asshole's exceedingly smart; Her rare derriere is ALL REET! There was a young lady of Norwood, (Like a tart or a trollop or whore would.")
This sphincter was really quite tricky, There wasn't a soul with a fatter ass, "The regret that I had," declared Joe, A singing instructor named Glass There was a young lady from Wheatley If you have plans to mix and to mingle A young lady who lived in Astoria, There was mad ape from the moon, Dreadlocks of poo 'round her bum; There was a young fellow of Tarsus, Well once I did court a fair lass, There was a young man from Snodgrass, When she saw just what I had got, Most of the time it is hairy, When petticoats once were in bloom When hairs git filtered in poo, He baked it until it was done, There once was a man from Peru, There was a young lady named Wise My interview today was quite keen, Some of you are so very funny, A certain young lady named Daisy, Her pussy and gaping caboose A well-pierced and tattooed young girl, Now lads! That is truly disgusting; A man with his cock on the rise, I once had a sister named Maggie A man has a hairy behind. Remember that some folks don't bathe, Making love on the beach on your back A Lesbian on the divan, I had a problem like this too; An anal young woman named Kelly, Though she needed Depends, on my word, Stay away from that Douglas M. Bloom, In the woods he was caught in a bind. When the Polack was through in due time, There was a young gal from Belfast An icthyologist fellow named Fred Been sleeping with pencils. Guess what?! There was a young fellow named Primmer Diseases have taken their toll, "Why yes, I know Lulu McScrew. A handsome young lady from Russell A man from around Lake Superior A thin Michigan stew named Jane Drew There was a young fellow named Kissel This gal could've modelled for Reubens There once was a man from Newcastle There was a small girl called Louise There one was a Frenchman from Pau At 90, old Daniel, alas, The chorus line sponsored by Bas- Now the Holy See will have no truck I never said I was a saint; Sign in a lingerie store: (THAT'LL LIFT YOUR ASS UP OFF THE FLOOR.)
A girl, name of Liv, from Alsace,
"Number One, It's all right to chew nails.
It impresses the crew.
It impresses me too.
But stop shitting holes in the sails."
--- John Ciardi
When wielded by tigers, they're best
At softly caressing
Or deftly undressing.
You'll have to imagine the rest!
--- Tygrr
Is a great place for sexing and play.
Voicing animal sounds,
As her comely bum bounds,
She insists you repeat right away.
--- G0306
Her asshole is quite a utensil.
With this sphincter of steel
She can strangle an eel --
For a dollar she'll sharpen your pencil.
--- Par Svensson a
Who, with his anus could suck up water.
When he pushed it out,
The water would spout.
He could fire off his turds like a mortar!
--- Puff Adder
Whose ass had a curious manner.
It could strangle an eel,
Make a stronger man squeal,
And undo large bolts like a spanner!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It is tuned to a fine state of art.
It can blow a sweet tune,
Or can blast a monsoon,
Or distinguish a turd from a fart.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1232
It upsets every fellow she'll meet!
Its undulant motions
Give bedroomy notions,
As they go off alone down the street...
--- Grand Prix Lim 379
Whose ways were provokingly forward.
Said her mother,"My dear,
You wiggle, I fear, (You wiggle your rear)
Your posterior just like a whore would.
--- G1844
For not only was it quite quick, see,
At crushing a nut,
'Tween cheeks of the butt,
But when farting, could whistle Dixie.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Than a maiden who lived at Cape Hatteras.
When stroked, it would wiggle
And shiver and jiggle.
Men lined up, by the score, just to pat 'er ass.
--- Isaac Asimov
"When our company took on the foe
Outside of Verdun
Was that I had but one
* for my country, you know."
--- A N Wilkins P9411A
Taught a student to sing through his ass.
"You know it's a pity;
That last ditty was shitty,
So I'm keeping you in after class."
--- Anon
Who perfumed herself so discreetly,
From her head to her toes,
She offended no nose,
But her rectum, alas, smelled less sweetly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1481
At Yule parties, with bells all a-jingle,
You must be quite keen
On personal hygiene,
And get rid of those berries-a-dingle!
--- John K Roberts P9212
Took a fancy to Fletcher's Castoria.
She partook of this drink,
With her ass in the sink.
Now I ask you, ain't that forsight for ya?
--- L0668
Who wiped his own ass with a spoon.
The spoon was too rusty,
It caught on a crusty,
And degutted the poor stupid loon!
--- Ben
Mattings of crispy brown come.
Smeg of prick-collar
She like to swaller,
Mining her ass with her thumb.
--- H Welchel
Who felt that he needed catharsis.
To achieve the purge royal,
He took croton oil,
Discovering, too late, 'twas for horses.
--- Anon A
But decided to give her a pass.
For often there'd cling
That chuggy-nut thing,
From the blond wispy hairs 'round her ass.
--- Anon
Who had dingleberries hanging from his ass.
He threw them at people
And shouted from the steeple,
I fuck you all up the ass!"
--- L1539
She screamed and yelled out "Mein Gott!"
And right to this day
Has nothing to say,
'Bout the danglies I've got near my bott!
--- Anon
And the size of it somewhat does vary.
From my butt it hangs
Alone or in gangs;
It is called a dingleberry.
--- Alexander the Poet
And bathing was rare, we assume
That both lady and wench,
To combat the stench,
Would drench themselves well with perfume.
--- A N Wilkins P8802
There is only one thing you can do:
Leave the toilet
Then get on the net,
And search for help on Yahoo!
--- Martin V Jensen
Then Francois began to have fun.
He kneaded his erection
Till he glazed the confection,
Inventing the first sticky bun.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who laid a young maid on the dew.
She said "I've a cramp
And you've got my ass damp;
The things I go through for a screw!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose ass would have won a First Prize,
But you needed a swatter
And an oversize blotter
To get past the juice and the flies.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0492
As I proposed this to Mr. Sheen:
If I must kiss your ass,
Just because you're the brass;
Do you think you could at least keep it clean?
--- Anon
That I laughed until it hurt my tummy.
I got through the pain,
Then laughed once again.
And now my bottom's all runny.
--- Kim and Sam
Who is really infernally lazy,
Said, "I haven't the time
To wipe my behind,
But the way I can hump drives 'em crazy.
--- L1394
Were both so incredibly loose,
They flapped in the breeze,
And when she would sneeze,
Leaked tuna and chocolate mousse.
--- Randog
Had lovely brown snakes in a whorl
Around her rear enna.
Said she, "That's not henna.
I just like to fart while I twirl."
--- Anon
This is file nqm
The sight of his excrement crusting.
A cling-on and a half!
He should take a hot bath,
Poor hygeine won't get the gals lusting!
--- Jayne
A tart on the street did apprise.
He raised up her kilt
But his pecker did wilt,
For on patting her ass, out flew flies.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2923
Whose tits were all stretched-marked and saggy.
Her ass had a pump
That took many a dump.
Her pants were all shit-filled and baggy.
--- Dr Limerick 01-31-96
Hairs that get dirty you'll find,
When covered with poo,
They get knotted like glue;
Into a long plait of poo they bind.
--- Bezz
Or ream off their butts with a lathe.
If they'd just buy soap,
They might have some hope
Of escaping without a scathe.
--- Marlene Lewis a
May be fun but, alas and alack,
It sure ruins the mood
When after you've screwed,
You have all of that sand in your crack!
--- KJ a
Held her lover's face to her can.
But for lunch she had beans
And she burst at the seams.
So you could say "The shit hit her fan!"
--- Mad Max
I was in urgent need of the loo.
But public ones were shut,
So I went to Pizza Hut
And did one in full public view!
--- Funny Bone
Her butthole was terribly smelly.
It sputtered and spit
Little pieces of shit,
And globs of petroleum jelly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My ex-wife refused: "How absurd!"
Wherever she sat,
There was odor of scat;
I, punster, called her "Undeterred."
--- Tom Morrow TP9807 a
'Cause he smells like a beast from Khartoum.
I suggest you stay clear,
As he don't wash his rear,
And the smell that I smell ain't perfume.
--- Al Willis
"I must crap!" the dumb Polack had whined.
So he had to depend
On advice from a friend --
"Use a dollar to wipe your behind!"
--- Michael Polo P8908
He returned with his hands full of grime.
Said his friend, "You dumb fuck!
I said use a buck,
Not three nickels, six bits, and a dime!"
--- Michael Polo P8908
Who had trouble getting it past
The warts and the scabs
That she got from the lads
Who were wiping their tools on her ass.
--- Anon
Had a crusty old skank in his bed.
The smell of her ass
Made him think of sea bass,
So he ate her with salad and bread!
--- Jeeves TP9802
It gave me the unkindest cut.
It wrote on my tummy
"You sure are a dummy!"
Can't read what it wrote on my butt.
--- Anon
Whose arsehole was all of a skimmer.
On a cold frosty night,
It would sparkle quite bright,
But in daylight 'twas only a glimmer.
--- G0423
On your creaky old body and soul.
But you won't have the trials
That are brought on by piles --
All know you're a perfect asshole.
--- Ed Potts P8602
But I didn't know Lulu knew you.
She's sure quite a gal,
But tell me this, pal,
Is that 'X' on her ass your tattoo?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 831 G0124
Appeared to be wearing a bustle;
When I said, "It's so charming!"
She replied, "I've been farming,
And that, my dear sir, is all muscle."
--- Lims Unlimited
Felt, to fireflies, man was inferior.
So with day-glo paint bright,
And hang gliding at night,
He now flies with a glowing posterior.
--- Michael Polo P8604A
Wore padded girdles whenever she flew.
One day over Maine
She fell from the plane,
And bounced back to Kalamazoo.
--- Michael Weinstein P9005
Whose asshole was ripped by a missile.
It was mended in strips
Which they took from his lips,
And now through his ass he can whistle.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1801
But she hated her size-42 buns;
She requested a fanny
A la Modigliani
From her surgeon, who carved her brand-new buns.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8402
Who had a collapsible arsehole.
It was handy, you see,
When he farted at tea,
He could bend down and make up a parcel.
--- G1431a
Whose backside was stung by some bees.
She rushed home to Mother
Who proceeded to smother
Her bottom with tubs of cream cheese.
--- Anon
Who went for a slide in the snow.
He traveled so fast
Down the old Simplon Pass
That his asshole developed a glow.
--- G2452
And his wife, 89 year-old Cass,
Were exceedingly poor
And subsisted on spoor
And the mushrooms they farmed on her ass.
--- Peter Wilkins
kin & Robbins is truly first class.
Thirty one gorgeous girls
Wearing nothing but pearls,
With a flavor tattooed on each ass.
--- Michael Weinstein P9208
With him and he's denounced as bad luck.
Fearing their flock might drift
Toward his moral uplift,
Should they see the dear Friar's fanny tuck.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0409
I like to hide signs like 'wet paint'.
Who doesn't though,
It is a good show,
When dumb people's rumps get a taint.
--- Fredrico
FEAR NOT LADIES. WORRY NO MORE
OUR FITTING EXPERT'LL
HELP FIND YOU A GIRDLE
THAT'LL MAKE YOUR ASS HARD TO IGNORE.
--- Michael Weinstein P8802
Who had no left cheek to her ass,
Once loved a New Yorker,
A Tiffany worker,
Who blew her prosthetics of glass.
--- H Welchel
MORE