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So he thought to himself, "Am I gay?" But his audience thought it was lame. Now poor Palmer sits home all alone, A scholarly person named Finck A man had a wart on his nose; The neighbor made him a bit edgy. The ghouls and goblins got rained out. There was an Old Man of Kilkenny, With the girls, our poor Jimmy's lost confidence. To get Jimmy's sex hormones back working, I'm boring, I fart, and I'm crude; Laughed an old Casanova from Bellingham It's always the same tearful story: A rich but shy bachelor named Horn Party man Craig is a nudist, I went to the old mausoleum, My brother's name is Martin, A statistical fellow of Erie Jack performs mental rape, the lewd lout, A miserable lad is Gonzales. There is Herkin's love for his dipstick; Having wrapped up and sent off the only Although he was good with his mouth, A man of his dear wife, was tired; A jew with muscles of steel There once was a guy from Pipe Creek, At last he met Grandma Kate, He rocked her and he rolled her, In each and in every locality, Why is it that people named Meek Moaned a cowardly lecher named Pape, There once was a sickly young git, He climbed out of the pants he beshat, Dora's groom, a small, bald intellectual, Sugar rotted my teeth -- now I'm toothless. It's taken me most of the week, You jerks think so little of "janes" A young fisherman near Port aux Basques A pleasure-bent lecher named Luft, There was a young fellow named Beckwith There was an Old Man of Apuliar, There was a young man named Trelawny; The accident prone type of man-- There was an old man from Shegrin A young man who's know as McNares The studliest fellow from Nome Once there was a man named Wood The Great Global Warming Limerick Debate And the sweat dribbled down his cravat.
His opponent, unflappably cool, "Sure, cycles exist", said the first, "Just put all your worries on ice", The outcome, my friend's up to you. Aeronomists study the skies Two thousand miles northwest of Dallas, These dreary cold days of November I've never been fond of cold weather; So picture me snug in my bed, "Now here is the weather", he said I nervously peered round the room I shivered and quivered in fear; "Typhoons and flash-flooding!", he screamed. Then suddenly over the air The fifth season is filled with earthquakes; A weather forecaster with plans, he A meteorologist one stormy night It's hazy 'round here, that's no jokin';
And he quickly responded "No Way!"
But to hide his sick fear,
He said "Cyberfruits here!
Nuke that gay old John Davis today!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They said, "Homophobia's a shame!
You're all twisted and sick;
You're afraid of your dick!
It's your own guilt and fear that's to blame!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Calling 900-lines on the phone.
Sadly yanking his meat
In the shame of defeat --
He STILL can't get up a good bone!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Went mad if the effort to think
Which were graver misplaced,
To dip pen in his paste,
Or dip his paste-brush in the ink.
--- Carolyn Wells P9003
He belched whenever he chose.
The man was a cad;
His manners were bad.
When his friends saw him coming, they froze.
--- Gordon Nelson TP9806
He called the guy "Damn toothless veggie."
Claimed, "I can be rough;
A carnivore's tough!"
Then threatened to give him a wedgie.
--- Anon
There's lighning and thunder about.
No Holloween deal;
No chocolate to steal.
On this man's face is a pout.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all his money
On furs for his honey --
But the truth is, he never got any.
--- Edwardian Leer 060 P9206
(In that field, did he ever have competence?)
It's not only simply
That he has turned pimply,
But he suffers right now from incontinence.
--- Anon
While he at his "Playboy" is smirking,
Just dial up his phone,
And you'll hear him moan,
As he sits there compulsively "jerking."
--- Anon
Irreverent is my attitude.
I am quite suspicious
Of things superstitious,
But I'm sorry for seeming so rude.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who runs out on his loves without telling 'em.
"Sure they scream, squawk, or yell,
But it beats all to hell
Hunting up some rich Arab and selling 'em."
--- Armand E Singer 114
A blind date -- and more that a bore, he
Was ugly and broke
And he schpritzed when he spoke;
He was -- well, the Poor Girl's Peter Lorre.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8405
Has had it all since he was born,
But gets most of his jollies
Perusing girl's follies
In tabloids devoted to porn.
--- Armand Singer P0106
Who at parties has hopes to be kissed.
We tell him our troubles,
While soaking in bubbles;
If he misses partys, he's missed.
--- Anon
To utter a pious te deum,
Examine each tomb an'
Perhaps find a woman,
And fill up her rot-twat with creum.
--- Anon
With girlfriends he is always partin'.
His relations are hard
When you're a lump of lard,
And your asshole is always fartin'.
--- Funny Bone
Made his clients decidedly leery
When he found that his pals
Rated more than the gals,
In response to his poll-taking query.
--- Keith MacMillan A101C
On each sweet little lassie about.
All day long he's pursuing
His vicarious screwing--
No wonder at night he's worn out!
--- G2405
He's always short of spondalez
And often bemoans
His lack of cojones
And eats only week-old tamales.
--- Anon
And its other use is to piss quick.
Read this at your peril,
'Cause if he goes feral,
He'll be intercontinental ballistic.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Photograph that he had, Mr. Cronely
Received a rude snub,
For the Lonely Hearts Club
Replied that they weren't quite that lonely.
--- A N Wilkins P8405
I just had to break up with Ralph.
He was nice to my lips,
But not those past the hips.
If only he'd ventured more south!
--- Anon
It seems that their sex life expired.
So he switched her, at forty,
For two twenties, so sporty,
But he was for two-twenty not wired.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2335
Let all of the girls have a feel.
But the night he was wed,
His bride dropped down dead,
'Cause none of his things turned out real.
--- Spike Mulligan
Of whom it was said, "What a geek".
For pussy he pined,
But no one so kind
Would give the relief he did seek.
--- Anon
Who consented to go on a date.
He was much younger,
But oh, such hunger.
Granny smiled and could hardly wait.
--- Anon
Even though she was much older.
He kept his eyes closed
While pussy he nosed,
Dreaming of girls young and colder.
--- Anon
Are men with that agile mentality
Who are simply terrific
In the thing non-specific,
And are expert in vague generality.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2673
Have almost no charm, no mystique?
The girls they have dates with
And want to be mates with,
Just turn them down, week after week.
--- Armand E Singer 339
"Babes today stay in great fighting shape;
Pocket pool is less fun,
But when all's said and done,
It's a whole lot less risky than rape."
--- Armand E Singer 234
Who face was all spotted with zits.
His pop-bottle glasses
Did scare all the lasses;
His britches sagged with fresh shit.
--- Mike Canada
And attempted to bugger the cat.
His clawed, shredded balls
Left stains on the walls,
And his arse made brown prints on the mat.
--- Mike Canada
This is file nql
As a lover proved quite ineffectual.
Now she rubs him with grease
Derived from fat geese,
To increase his low sexual potentual.
--- G2373
Boogers I like to eat -- now I'm couthless.
My gal has left me
The shell that you see --
I'm lost with out Ruth -- now I'm ruthless.
--- Gearhart
A-scrubbing in my little creek.
I thought I would never
Clean those tar and feathers.
I'm pristine, pure and now, meek.
--- Archie
Though we usually go to great pains
To love and take care of you,
An entire life ensnare you,
But you limp ones, now, your are our banes!
--- Jorna
Was too timid and bashful to ask;
But to any young broad
Who would fillet his cod,
He would speedily rise to the task.
--- Keith MacMillan 20b
Who wheezed, palpitated, and puffed,
Whimpered, "Geez, am I tired
From the kids I have sired,
And big-busted chicks I have stuffed."
--- Armand E Singer 821
Who could find no young lady to neck with.
He looked all around
But still not one found,
So all of them, he said, to heck with.
--- Chairman Steve a
Whose conduct was very peculiar;
He fed twenty sons
Upon nothing but buns.
They were too weak for sex the whole school year.
--- Edwardian Leer 089
As he grew up he found this name corny.
He was no Cornish hero,
In fact he's a zero,
He was tall, he was thin and quite scrawny.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Most yellow/red traffic lights ran;
Will pass on a curve;
Says "Oiving" for Irv;
Is UNDER when shit hits the fan.
--- Irving Superior P9404
Still waiting for life to begin.
His search for a piece
Had brought no release
And he wondered just where he had been.
--- Neal Wilgus P8302
Was continually putting on airs.
He wanted to be
In "Who's Who", you see,
But he wound up instead in "Who Cares".
--- Margaret A Murdock P9303
Doffed his hat from his sun-deprived dome.
While she waved with delight,
As she skipped to her flight,
And he crawled to his plane to go home.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q
Who screwed every woman he could.
Once he had them all,
His dick began to fall,
And now his name is 'Could'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"The topic's a hot one at that,"
Said the first, putting on his straw hat.
"Evidence had been forming
That this globe is warming,"
--- Carolyn Chase
Said, "Please don't take me for a fool.
If the temperature's rising,
It isn't surprising.
It goes up, then goes down, as a rule."
--- Carolyn Chase
Gulping water to stave off his thirst,
"But our excess pollution's
A new contribution;
For this reason, I fear the worst."
--- Carolyn Chase
Said the other, while tossing some dice,
"I'd much rather wait
Take a chance with our fate.
Till the bill is due, why pay the price."
--- Carolyn Chase
To find out what side really's more true.
Before more time passes,
Analyze all the gases,
And help figure out what to do.
--- Carolyn Chase
Of the Earth, so it's not a surprise
That the atmospheres of
Other planets above
Also interest them, so I surmise.
--- Sheila B
One might spot a bright borealis.
You cannot ignore a
Fulgent aurora,
Who brilliance could make the moon jealous.
--- Gary Hallock
Have given me cause to remember,
That although I'm depressed,
In a way, I've been blessed;
At least I've a month 'til December.
--- Emma Basingstoke
I can do without snow altogether.
When the geese fly due South,
I get down in the mouth.
I guess we're both birds of a feather.
--- Emma Basingstoke
The covers pulled over my head.
Avoiding the Winter,
The Frosty Tormenter,
And dreaming of Summer instead.
--- Emma Basingstoke
On the radio next to my bed,
"There'll be thunder and lightning
And hurricanes frightening
And hailstones as big as your head."
--- Anon
In the eerily gathering gloom
And I wondered if... "Sleet",
Said the voice, "I repeat;
There'll be sleet on this Sunday of doom."
--- Anon
"There'll be snow!", said the voice at my ear
"There'll be blizzards and rain
Moving upwards from Spain
And tornadoes the rest of the year!"
--- Anon
Well I hoped I was wrong and just dreamed
It; but no ... he went on,
"We're all doomed!! We're all gone!"
In a helluva panic he seemed.
--- Anon
Came great sobbings of utter despair.
"I'm so sorry", he cried,
Please forgive me; I lied,
For today will be sunny and fair."
--- Anon
The Pentagon trembles and shakes;
A wall starts to fall.
A large office grows small,
Jolt correcting promotion mistakes.
--- Joel D Ash P0410
Thought meteorologist fancy,
But knew he'd do better
To mimic belles-lettres,
And say he pursued aeromancy.
--- Anon
Was arrested, for by chance he might
Sell away the sun
Just for his own fun.
To prevent this, they kept him tied tight.
--- Bill & Sarah Murphy
An' ah cain't ask mah neighbors what's smokin'.
'Cause it's Mexican smoke,
Not the usual toke,
An' ah cain't hardly speak for the chokin'.
--- John Miller 0340
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