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Rumor has it, John's member's so small, 'Twas a SCREW, not a horse or house fly. Sea slugs, I've learned in Australia, "I will be back," said the starfish, "That's quite OK," said the old lecher, The Starfish looked, then said "It's sad, Said the lech to the young echinoid For the man of such talented wits! A venerable dame from Rangooser When amoebas feel like reproducing, There was a young artist named Royce, There was a young fellow named Jim, A slimy young worm in the making The worm, bless her soul, has both sexes He crawled into my bed last night. Young Jill, who had drunk too much cider, I've now got my pecker inside her; There once was a bottle of cider, This is the decider of deciders, They walk through the fields, hand in hand, Of hands they were equally paired, By Love, the young lady's empowered That love, oh so strong, back in Feb, She ate me, so the spider man's blame; My three fingers were bitten by spiders. There was a young lady named Schneider, There was an old woman from Glider, It fell in, in sexual elation, And though she let most men bestride 'er, For spider, the noise was astounding. The old woman's neck, he did seize, The man he had bitten was big, A libidinous pissant named Jack I put on my camera a bellows, If sex with a spider's your scene, The spiders of Eastern Tibet, (Arachnis Sistris christina)
Arachnids with jaws down below? The male Antechinus won't hide (Aussie marsupial carnivore - McW)
The queen, when a-swarm with her drones She needs only one act of sex; A perverse old scribbler, Vladimir, A biology professor named Caster There was a young lady named Mott, There was an Old Man in a tree, At the end of Dick's prick sat a flea, A termite was left by its mate, An entomologist, Tillie O'Tush, A nice preying mantis once said, A Queen said, "Here, have some royal jelly There was a young wingnut named Jeter A slug met a bug in a rug, The twiglet girl's caught her a catch; But during one evening of rash In Thailand the bugs are tremendous, To bee or not to bee's the thing. There once was a man from Japan, The spy that they called Mata Hari She purred like a well-tuned Ferrari A Mexican fisher, Leones, Fisherfolk in the I. of P. E. (Prince Edward Isle?) So blessed is the bi-phallic limpet: There once were a couple of slugs To the octopus, sex is no scoff. That octopussy sure is swell. An old misanthrope named McRoyster There once was a man of Cape Cod,
Girls can probably not see it at all.
He's had sex with a fly
And produced some small fry.
Miller maggots are learning to crawl.
--- James
With a mean bastard dad, that is why
They're a rambunctious crew;
They're learning to screw
And they won't even wait 'til you die!
--- John Miller
Are hermaphro, with cocked genitalia.
When a pair feels desire,
Both their penises fire.
If you were their lover, they'd nail ya.
--- Actaeon
(A curvy and leggy sea dish)
"We've only just met,
So we'll only pet,
Though undoing my bra's what you wish!"
--- Anon
For when you return, then I'll betcha
One feel of my tool,
You gullible fool,
You'll forget that I only just metcha!"
--- Anon
When all of me you could have had.
But now it's all off,
For how could I boff
A guy who is hung with one 'nad!"
--- Anon
"Elongate my elasmoroid"
She cried "You old shark
You're way off the mark
And 'nadless so I'm aneroid"
--- Anon
Do starfish babes really have tits?
Do they muff dive?
And constantly strive,
To search for a brassiere that fits??
--- Anon
Had a tapeworm that used to amuse her.
When she'd lie on the bed,
It would stick out its head,
And tickle her lollapaloozer.
--- G1308
There's no need for polite introducing.
With no touchy-feely
They conjugate freely,
Having wasted no time in seducing.
--- Alex Heydon P0406
Who tired of women and boys.
Said he with a sigh,
"I fear I must try
Alsatians for my sexual joys."
--- G1310
Whose wife kept a worm in her quim.
It was silly and smelly,
And tickled her belly,
And what the hell was it to him.
--- L0610
Found a gal he considered worth taking.
But she cried in despair:
"The Precambrian air
Is too stuffy; my neuron is aching."
--- Burger Rasmussen P0304
In his body, which sorely perplexes
Those of us mono-sexed.
Perhaps they, far from vexed,
Have more fun than a whorehouse in Texas
--- John Miller 0354
His arms around me felt so right.
There's one -- two -- three -- four
Oh, Hell! Then four more!
Damn spider woke me up in fright!
--- Anon
Was attracted one day to a spider.
This artful arachnid
Just copied what Jack did;
Got up and then got right inside her.
--- Professor
The rest of my life now, I'll ride her.
She'll stay on my dart
'Til death do us part.
My wife is a black widow spider.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Which house a bloody great spider.
It got bloody drunk
And slept with a skunk,
An experience previously denied her.
--- Anon
Where all of us who are outsiders
Get to ridicule you
And your arachnophile crew,
Because of the fact you fuck spiders.
--- Damen Stevens
Hand in hand, hand in hand, hand in hand.
A lover and lass
Amble through the long grass.
For spiders their love live is grand.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of hearts, for some other, foresweared.
They're joined, for to hold,
To live and grow old,
Together, two spiders, that cared.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As ever since loving first flowered.
Young love, though, is fleeting
And won't be repeating,
For soon the male lover's devoured.
--- Cyber Wizard
By May probably will ebb.
And once he's been downed,
Then a new love is found;
All waiting on her world wide web.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The whole procreation's in vain.
For had she shown tact
And enjoyed more the act,
She could well have had me again.
--- J Boehm
And that made my eyes open wider.
Molly's Delight said Doc Mills
Will cure all your ills.
Just soak all three fingers in cider.
--- Anon
Who often kept trysts with a spider.
She found a strange bliss
In the hiss of her piss,
As it strained through the cobwebs inside her.
--- L0644
Who threw her leg over a spider.
The spider got mad,
And pulled out his tad.
"By God," said the spider, "I'll ride her!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Which gave the girl no consternation;
The web, if not septic,
May be contraceptic,
I'll leave it there for the duration.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When she'd had a few pints of cider;
Result: though much lovin',
No bun in the oven,
With a spermicide spider inside 'er.
--- Anon
Beat, battered and bruised by the pounding,
When he next saw the tip,
He took a big nip.
Horrorific, the screams kept resounding.
--- Goin2later
But something at once make him freeze.
She spread her legs wider
And out crawled the spider,
And strung a big web 'twixt her knees.
--- Jodi B
So spider a message did rig.
And like his mom, Charlotte,
He rescued the harlot
By writing a web, "Save the Pig!"
--- Jodi B
One time with a spider did shack.
You may get oddball kids
Sleeping with arachnids,
But Oh! those eight legs 'round your back!
--- G1258
This is file nqk
For close-ups of spidery fellows,
I saw jaws for flies
Of monstrous size,
And hairs of blood-reds, browns and yellows.
--- Anon
And I'm not saying that's how you lean,
I'd like you to show me,
I'm raring to go, see,
Which legs must I get in between?
--- Tiddy Ogg
Have cunts 'twixt each pair but one, yet,
That last gives you pause,
'Cause it's fitted with jaws,
So the games just like Russian Roulette.
--- Tiddy Ogg
If that is true, then it's a blow.
Your tale put me off;
She'd sure make me cough
So between those legs, I won't go.
--- Richard Jean
While looking for bride after bride.
He can't even choose --
He screws and he screws.
He mates even after he's died!
--- Archie
Gets poked with their eensy love-bones.
So pissed at the size,
(Some keepers surmise)
Attacks on them she soon condones.
--- Anon
So woe is to every drone ex.
She lays fertile eggs
While outside they beg,
And turn into bee nervous wrecks.
--- Anon
Was stroking a butterfly's femur.
"I prefer this," he said,
"To a lady in bed,
Or even a velvet-eyed lemur."
--- Edmund Wilson G1341
Had a project she knew would outlaster her.
For it was most complex.
Aimed at changing the sex
Of Drosophila melanogaster.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who inserted a fly up her twat.
And pretended the buzz
Was not what it was,
But something she knew it was not.
--- L0621
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, "Does it screw?"
He replied, "Yes, it do!
For honey, not money, you see."
--- Edwardian Leer 017
Suffering from fleaish ennui.
"I'm sick of Dick's prick;
Next time I'll hop quick
Into the muff of that sweet Rosalie."
--- Chris Kirchner
For its very odd habits of late.
It did things profane
To some old cellophane,
And who knows how much acetate.
--- Pierce Evans
Said, "It certainly wasn't my wish,
But some roaches and bees
And a family of fleas
Have all started a nest in my bush."
--- William N Nesbit P9702
"My dear husband, it's time that we bred.
He obliged with great passion
And thought, "This is smashin'!",
Till she started to chew on his head!
--- Friar TP9804
And quote me some Keats and some Shelley.
Then give me a dose
Of your pheromones close,
And brew a new brood in my belly!"
--- Tutta Gioia
Had a skeeter come land on his peter.
He said, "Goody, Goody,
I see me some booty!"
And probed it one-sixth of a meter.
--- Lims For Year - 01
And said, "Shall we cuddle and hug?"
And the bug replied, "Yes
But I have to confess,
I would rather we snuggle and fug."
--- Peter Wilkins
Her love-life's at last up to scratch.
Life's no longer dull for
She's met her a sulphur
Head male. She's at last met her match.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And passion-filled loving, A FLASH!
Quite settled the fate
Of poor twiglet girl's mate,
Who collapsed in a small pile of ash.
--- Peter Wilkins
Creeping in lines never-endous.
You can spray till you're blue;
They'll continue to chew.
Until extinct they do rend us.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Thus, should'st we all drone on, no sting
In tail, but one flight
And gaining great height,
To a short memoried Queen, bee'st King!
--- Archie
Who stuck his dick in a clam.
He said, with a whirl,
As he pulled out a pearl,
What a clever man I am!
--- Anon
A fisherman sailor did marry.
But it was much better
And got her much wetter
Astride of her dream calamari.
--- Donal McGill
Enjoying the slurping safari.
While tentacled groping,
It had Kimi-san hoping
To taste very hard calamari.
--- Randog
For live octopi would get bones.
He'd cut out the beak
And insert his deek,
As tentacles squeezed his cohones.
--- Anon
Find the sexiest things in the sea,
Like the softer, and moister,
Indigenous oyster --
Does every Malpequer agree?
--- Keith MacMillan 29a
Each rod is so long he must crimp it
Inside of his shell,
Where tightly they dwell
Until a female makes him primp it.
--- Actaeon
Indulging in intimate hugs;
Said one, "I'm called Doug."
Said the other, "Oh fug!
Doug, I only hug slugettes with jugs."
--- Peter Wilkins
His problem would task philosophes:
One of his legs
Can fertilize eggs,
But sometimes his mate jerks it off.
--- Actaeon
And blonde or brunette, who can tell?
She's just a bit inky
And fishfully stinky,
And changes her colour as well.
--- Anon
Spent most of his life in a cloister,
Because in his youth,
He'd attempted, forsooth,
To bugger the R's of an oyster.
--- G1276
Who attemped to bugger a cod.
When up came some scallops,
And nibbled his bollocks,
And now he's a eunuch, by God.
--- L0586
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