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Hard at work on the job was young Baird; We have learned of a lass from Greystokes, There was an Old Man of Madras, On your ass I'll spread the tan lotion, I'll massage you with oils aromatic A tart offered "For just a small sum, A buxom young miss from Cape Hatteras Said an innocent bowler named Crumm, A magician so learned and wise You'll love that soft feather, my lass. A Chinese massage, had for free, Lord Frederick Faversham-Finch I follow young mums as a rule, The babe throws out one of its toys, I've ice cubes concealed in my clothes, The dog's getting somewhat confused, She screeched that the alte cockers There was an old Scotsman of Fife There was a young lady of Russia, There was a young fellow named Brewster, There was a young lady named Spruce, Miss Smith, and old maid, was quite dour; It's because you are dull and obtuse, A lewd in Toulouse on the loose A young farmerette from Toulouse It may have been Wayne or been Shuster, There was a Young Lady of Portugal, There was a young lady from Brewster, I once knew a lady named Marian, She'd bend down to get them, we'd snicker, The librarian never got tired The sweet little tip or bribe, DOUCEUR, A ticklish young titter named Lucy Did I tell of the gal from St Paul, The bird's cooking, basted with juice, A nasty young joker named Bruce, A prim little miss down in Brewster, There once was a fellow named Proust, An airliner hostess from Tucson "I was geesed," cried attractive Miss Huntz. "I was geesed," said the girl, "at the fount." This shortage of cooks has produced, There was an old lady of Brewster, When it comes-a to a nice-a big behind, I was courting a girl in Nanoose, Isaac the famous seducer, (conduce - to bring together)
A curvacious young woman from Worcester There was a young fellow of Wooster A girl from Carlisle named Lucy There was a young matron of Cooser, A randy old Moose of Toulouse At Christmas a joker named Wise Taking leadership's something I fear, While tucked up in bed with some Proust, The Hungarian charm of young Drill, An avid bird-watcher named Rose, An incredibly lecherous rooster, Old Bernie, that high stepping rooster, An upset young lady cried, "Lex, There once was a young lad from Bantry, Oh! Mrs. Humby, Mrs. Humby (published 1882)
Then there was a man of Cathay. A Scottish lad was eyeing a lass. A sweet callipygian lass Some troops of the French Foreign Legion (callipygian - beautiful ass)
I enjoy making love to a dame Callipygious ladies are fine,
He was asked by a friend how he fared.
He replied, "At a loss --
I've been reamed by the boss,
And I felt that his nails were not pared."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1936
Who went out with a number of blokes.
When they patted her rear,
She cried out: "See here!
I won't stand for your sly, nasty pokes!"
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who sat on a cream-colored ass;
But it wouldn't have been
If he only had seen
That the lady was prone on the grass.
--- Edwardian Leer 086
With a firm circular motion.
But then it's your turn,
'Cause I don't want to burn,
In the heat of your love potion!
--- Anon
And finger-tip motions emphatic
From shoulders to bum
And from nipples to tum
And below 'til you're feeling ecstatic.
--- Anon
I'll allow you to tickle my bum."
Then she said, rather blunt,
"Hey, that was my cunt!"
"Well surprise, that wasn't my thumb!"
--- Marty
Was irked, because few men looked at her ass.
She packed and left home;
Now she's happy in Rome,
Where the men on the via all pat her ass.
--- Don Boen P8201
While massaging his fiancee's bum,
"My fingers, I know,
Are where they should go,
But what has become of my thumb?"
--- Anon A
Gave his audiences thrills and surprise.
A young girl's levitation
Received much approbation;
With his thumb up her ass she would rise.
--- Albin Chaplin
I promise that I won't harass
Your sphincter most Holy,
Though fingering it slowly
May lead to my tongue in your ass.
--- Anon
Is just what she needed, you see.
A prod in the taint?
She thought she would faint!
(I guess I raised way too much Qi.)
--- Jim Weaver Collection
At balls, like the dames he could pinch.
But one night he went wrong
When he pinched Lady Strong,
Who stood six foot eight, if an inch.
--- Warrick Elrod
'Round 8:00, when it's still fairly cool,
And not yet grown muggy;
With babe in a buggy,
And older kid walking to school.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Mum bends down to fetch it, what joys!
I oft get a view
Of a nice cheek or two,
It's time for my favourite ploys...
--- Tiddy Ogg
I hold 'em - and get kinda froze,
But then I can grope,
In the sure certain hope,
That she'll think that it's just my dog's nose.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As by some strange gals he's abused.
But each day with Fido,
That same journey I go,
'Cause most of those gals are amused.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Tried to knick her knockers.
With ribald snickers
They knocked her knickers
And kept rocking in the rockers
--- Jim Jambor P9103
Who had felt, in the course of his life,
Scores of well-rounded ends
Of the wives of his friends,
And likewise the friends of his wife.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,
No one heard such a scream.
She'd been goosed by the Archduke of Prussia.
--- Edwardian Leer 006 P9306
Who said to his wife as he goosed her.
"It used to be grand,
But just look at my hand;
You ain't wiping as clean as you used to."
--- L0674
Whose favorite thrill was a goose.
Just the sight of a thumb
Made her tokus all numb,
And her bowels got excited, and loose.
--- L0515
Her face in a frown, always sour.
Till some randy old rooster
Came along and he goosed her
And she giggled for nearly an hour.
--- John Miller 0052
You object to such fun as a "goose". ]
But despite all your growls,
A good goose loosens bowels,
Which proves that a goose has a use.
--- Grand Prix Lim 932
Gave fat-bottomed biddies the goose.
Said one with delight,
"My bowels have been tight,
But since gettin the goose, they're toulouse!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 188
At market did sell her produce.
As she selling did quicken,
A man asked for a chicken,
But all that he got was a goose.
--- Albin Chaplin
But whichever it was, it amused her.
When Shuster or Wayne
Clambered on to a plane,
And then got off at Gander and goosed her.
--- Hugh Oliver 22c
Whose ideas were excessively nautical;
She climbed up a tree
To examine the sea,
And was goosed by a branch horticultural.
--- Edwardian Leer 042
Whose ass was so nice that I goosed her.
But her panties were thin
And my finger slipped in;
It still doesn't smell like it used ter.
--- Kevin's Limerick Page
Who worked as our local librarian.
I quite often goosed 'er;
She'd scream and she used ter
Drop all of the books she was carryin'.
--- Anon
And hope for a glimpse of her knicker.
But no, she wore none,
Which gave us more fun;
She'd order us boys all to lick 'er.
--- Anon
(But you nearly caused her to get fired!),
Of your goosing and licking
And the times of your dicking,
Just think -- all the books you have sired!
--- Anon
Is meant to keep business deals looser,
But mostly, you see,
I am the goosee,
Rather than the one who is gooser.
--- Daniel Ford
Cried, "I'm not only ticklish, I'm goosey.
A thumb in my bum
Makes me peepee and come,
And does my cunt ever get juicy!"
--- G0119
This is file nnm
Who would swallow me up, balls and all?
One day when I missed her,
I fondled her sister,
And goosed her old mom in the hall.
--- Bob Birch
And eggnog is getting you loose;
If your woman is twitchin,
For help in the kitchen,
There's nothin' quite like a fat goose!
--- Anon
Used to greet all his friends with a goose,
'Till it came to a stop
In a handful of flop,
From some bowels that were terribly loose.
--- L0675
Claimed no man had ever seduced her.
Although she'd turned her back
To the entire pack,
There were many who more than just goosed her.
--- Pierce Evans
Who dreamed he was being seduced.
He woke in confusion,
But it was an illusion;
By a lump in the bed he'd been goosed.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Said, "Passengers given to goosin',
I slug in the snoot...
They may think goosin's cute
But it causes my morals to loosen.
--- Grand Prix Lim 613
Said her girl friend, "Now don't be a dunce.
The expression you've used
Is quite wrong. Please say 'goosed.'"
"But," said Huntz, "I was goosed more than once."
--- Isaac Asimov
Said her friend, "Pray try to surmount
Your mistakes. I've deduced
What you want's, the word 'goosed'."
But she freezingly said, "I can count."
--- Isaac Asimov a
More kitchen-wise males that it used,
Like that man of Galantry,
Who, leaving the pantry,
Remarked, "Well, my cook is goosed!"
--- Anon
Who would mutter whenever I goosed her,
"You're loosing the knack,
And you're missing the crack,
'Cause it don't feel as good as it use-ter."
--- Isaac Asimov
If you try-a some samples you find
That-a pinch and-a feel
Will make-a da girl squeal,
But atsa something she no really mind.
--- Larry Wilde
But she thought I was much too obtuse.
It was just my bad luck
That I gave her a duck --
What she wanted, I think, was a goose.
--- John E Mayhood P0900
Will meet a young lass and conduce her,
To let him get fresh
With her quivering flesh,
But if there isn't time, he'll just goose her.
--- Anon
Was outraged when a passer-by goosed her.
She said, "I'm no prude,
But the fellow was rude.
Such behaviour is not what I'm useter."
--- Edward Leer
With the tact of a strutting old rooster.
When a girl near him bent
To retrieve a dropped cent,
He just quick stepped behind her and goosed her.
--- Isaac Asimov
One day became all over goosy.
Although it seemed strange,
She got used to the change,
And by Christmas was really quite juicy.
--- Michael Palin
Whose spouse would do nothing but goose her.
While he watched through a crack,
She bared for a black,
And, boy!, did that bugger seduce her.
--- G0553
Loved to give giddy girlies the goose.
Though of germs highly sceptic,
He would use antiseptic
Before his thumb went into use.
--- G2533
Thought to give his dear wife a surprise.
'Twas a big Christmas goose,
But her bowels were loose;
The surprise was on Wise, we surmise.
--- Al Chaplin P0302
When I see my competitors' leer.
It's just what I dread,
Being one step ahead
Of the pack, coming right up my rear.
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0309
I was suddenly and violently goosed.
When I turned around,
To my horror I found
Barb Courtland with corsets unloosed!
--- Bill Wall
Gives gals who love goosing a thrill.
Before thumbing their bum,
He warms up his thumb,
So the goose is all thrill and no chill.
--- G0963
Was bent over, adjusting her hose.
She forgot about Mike
Along on the hike;
Now she knows where the wild goose goes.
--- Anon
Was arrested for ardor in Worcester.
He had not been let loose,
Since an indignant moose,
Swore that, given a boost, he had goosed her.
--- Cyber Geezer
Was accused by a chick that he goosed her.
If she knew the truth
Of his ill-spent youth,
She is lucky he hadn't seduced her.
--- Shelby Forrest
Please for once get your mind off of sex!
Of all my anatomy
You pick on the prat o' me...
And it's starting to show its effects."
--- Grand Prix Lim 285
Who followed Sweet Kate to the pantry.
He did this to find
How she moved her behind,
And whether she'd ants in her pantry.
--- Irene Livingston
(Oh, how can your kisses so numb be?)
If your face is so fair
Thats exposed to the air,
How beautifully white must your bum be.
--- G0365
Who said to a lady one day,
"I've got nothing in mind,
Except your behind,
And that in a very big way!"
--- G0288
His thoughts were not pure, but were crass.
"I like 'em full breasted,
And this one's flat chested,
But she does have one hell of an ass!"
--- Anon
Used to drive the boys wild; it was crass.
When they asked her, "How come?"
She replied, "With my bum:
It's not only mass, dears, it's class!"
--- Anon
Were sent to a tropical region.
Arriving they viewed
All girls in the nude,
And said they were all callipygian.
--- Philo Logue P8312
With a fine callipygian frame.
I'll admit if I must
To some lust for the bust,
But the feeling just isn't the same.
--- Anon a
Especially when I've had some wine;
Both Rubens and I
Just cannot see why
One might spurn such sirens supine.
--- Chris Papa
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