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There once was a man from Lancaster, An English prof faggot from Poland, There once was a virginal lass Along came a wicked young lad, Atop the tea cart they did schtup, Said the host of this little soiree The whole time my pecker was in her To write a prescription, Doc Ben A whorish young lady named Cass Old Harry, who with piles is cursed, Old Harry, on further inspection, Said Arnold to Arthur Hugh Clough: There was a young lady from Wheeling, A hard-hearted boy named Neil There was a buxom young lass, In the meadow Bill said to Miss Greer, Mr Hall ate his egg shells quite greasy, There once was a girl from Tucker No worries, the doctor is here Poluncci became quite irate; There was an old fellow named Kling There was an old Bishop of Troll In your rectum you keep a small zoo, If you find a 'roo and you stick it There once was this lady who's Swiss, While swimming across the Zambezi, A young student from Cambridge, Mass, There was this horney young lass, There was a young lady named Annie There was a young girl of Pagonia Tomorrow I travel to leeds, The farmer in me wants to say: I always leave carrots till last; Cashews are a wonderful nut; When Fred started farting like thunder, A friar of peculiar intent There was a young man of Japan There was a fruit lover named Schnieder; A maiden who dwelt in Nantucket There once was a woman from Watton, There was an old man of Mongolia From observing poor Raymond's weak act, Hope this ends sweet Raymond's career, I think it is splendidly droll, With both ankle and head up his ass, 'Twas Goeth who said, "Brains for molasses That old dirty troll, "Pervert Jim", If you're lost in a funk and, alas, But why should he loosen his stools, Though larger and harder than boulders, There once was a man named Dinwiddie What's worse than to be crushed by boulders, Cranio-Rectal Syndrome, There once was a retard named Jim; Jim loved to hear old Victor Herbert, The story, please! How it came to pass, In the course of this tricky maneuver, My uncle's a jerk, says his wife; Jim prances and flicks his limp wrist. But why should he loosen his stools, Though larger and harder than boulders, "Dear doctor, I know it's a pain, There once was a fellow named Scoop, Oh Doctor, he wailed, I can't bear it! For girls lacking anus or snatches, Quoth the coroner's jury in Preston, There was a young fellow named Martin,
Who, while eating, had a disaster.
His bowels, well loaded,
Swelled up and exploded,
And filled his nice knickers with plaster.
--- Phil McCracken
Had sundry things stuffed up his hole in
Hundreds of lengths.
Sure, one of his strengths
Is a masterful use of the colon.
--- Anon
Who was born in old Boston of Mass.
When they said "tea party"
She thought they said "part me,"
And showed everybody her ass.
--- Anon
Who saw her and soon became glad
To be the first one
To ream out her bum,
For he was the first that she'd had.
--- Anon
Round and around like two pups.
"While there will you pour
Some cream, and what's more,
Be careful you break not those cups"
--- Anon
Who, himself found a very good lay
In the lass's ripe bum,
With the creamy smooth tum,
Who herself was quite willing to play.
--- Anon
Am I thinking "Dear God! I'm a sinner!"
Hell no, what I'm thinkin'
Is "This ass is stinkin'.
I wonder what she had for dinner?"
--- Anon
Looked into his coat once again.
When he found a thermometer,
He was heard a kilometer,
"Tell me what silly ass has my pen?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2443a
Tried to make a young fellow of class.
When she showed him her stunt,
He called her a cunt,
And stuffed two dollar bills up her ass.
--- G1754
Last night passed a turd fit to burst.
His ass and his cries
Said that was the size
Of a hedgehog, emerging tail first.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said, "Next time, for my own protection,
I'll bypass the pain,
Avoiding the strain,
And birth me a turd by C-Section!"
--- Travis Brasell
"Why don't I instantly stuff
Your Amours de Voyage
Up my ass if it large,
But I don't think it's quite large enough."
--- Victor Gray
Who was out in the garden a-kneeling,
When by some strange chance
She got ants in her pants,
And invented Virginia Reeling.
--- L1595
Claimed he didn't know how to feel.
But when I put some ants
Down the back of his pants,
He suddenly learned how to squeal.
--- Anon
Who went fishing one day for a bass.
One got loose
And went up her caboose,
And she said "This too will pass."
--- Lynnd113@stratos.net
"I find tail delightful out here...
But now that I'm stroking
I hope you are joking,
When you scream a bug's crawled up your rear!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 699 A
Not feeling the slightest bit queasy.
They passed without fuss
Down his esophagus,
But their exit was not quite so easy.
--- John Pickersgill
Who wanted a canary to pluck her.
She squeezed her vaginer;
It flew out her hiner
And was killed by a runaway trucker.
--- Don
To remove that large bug from your rear.
A RECTAL-ECTOMY
Is a quick surgery;
Trust me, Ulla, there's nothing to fear.
--- Anon
His ass in a terrible state.
His exit was blocked
By the spewage from cock.
Now he can't shit nor flatulate!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who fucked with a kink in his thing.
When screwing a tart,
She let go a fart --
He now wears the poor thing in a sling.
--- G2031
Who tried to make love to a mole.
And that was just t'r'ble;
Turned out, 'twas a gerbil
Who completely had plugged up his hole.
--- Dennis M Hammes
Some gerbils perhaps and a gnu,
Is all very well,
But gets to be hell
If they practice a round of Kung Fu.
--- Cheryl
Up your ass with a fence made of picket,
Then add rhino and goose
And a goat that is loose,
You'd best hope they all don't play cricket.
--- Cheryl
Who went out to the lawn to piss.
A snake in the grass,
Then entered her ass,
And came out her hole with a hiss.
--- Anon
I knew life would never be easy.
For down on my dick
Ten leeches did stick,
And the snake up my butt made me queasy.
--- Anon
Once lusted after a young lass.
A long story short,
He wasn't her sort.
Now he sits with his thumb up his ass.
--- Phil T
Who like shoving things up her ass;
Odd pieces of lumber
And phallic cucumbers
And all during 9:30 Mass.
--- Anon
Who slipped on a peel of bananny.
She saw stars of blue,
And every known hue--
The bananny flew up Annie's fanny!
--- G1975
Who said to her man, "I will phone ya."
But something went wrong
For he waited so long,
That there grew from his ass a begonia.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0287
But I won't take a packet of seeds,
In case I ingest
Them while getting undressed,
And I suffer a blockage of weeds.
--- Peter Wilkins
Spend an hour on a nice warm bidet.
If you give it a go,
With some miracle grow,
You might shit a stunning bouquet.
--- Cap'n Truth
Merely etiquette I learned in my past.
Sure, I like them all right,
But its a horrible sight
When grandma pulls them out of her ass!
--- Deep Goat TP9807
This is file nlm
So nicely they fit up the butt.
But, if you please,
Try not to sneeze,
Else you'll get a terrible cut.
--- Anon
He got quite concerned, and no wonder,
And he corked up his ass
So the gas could not pass--
Then he blew his whole backside asunder!
--- Michael Horgan
Gave up pederasty for Lent;
But just to make sure
His resolve remained pure,
He pounded a cork in his vent.
--- Larry Wilde
Told his doctor, "I need a brain scan,
Because I can't crap
Unless I take a nap."
But the doc just prescribed him some bran.
--- Alexander Baron
Apples jammed up her butt did excite her.
She cried and lamented
When they hissed and fermented,
And dribbled out hot apple cider.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had grabbed a large corncob to shuck it.
From its length and its girth,
Plus a spirit of mirth,
She chose in her "cornhole" to chuck it.
--- Anon
Who stuffed up her fanny with Cotton.
She went for a swim
With her husband named Jim,
And her fanny swelled up and went rotten.
--- Dean Colchester
Who suffered a strange melancholia.
He sat for long hours
And thought just of flowers,
Till there grew from his ass, a magnolia.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2196
There's one thing I'm sure is a fact:
I made it my mission
To learn his condition.
It's a reversed alimentary tract.
--- Jeffry Wisnia
(Suckling fools and chronicling small beer)
And he's so full of it,
He'll be choking on shit,
First victim of oral diarrhea.
--- David Miller
That our cephalorectal Jim Troll
Can insert his own foot
In his mouth, while he's put
His head in the depths of his hole.
--- Ward Hardman
It is now an imposing crevasse.
He is offering tours
To well-heeled connoisseurs,
The Grand Canyon can never surpass.
--- Ward Hardman
Have those who think crimes upon masses
Are humor devoid;
Their minds are destroyed
From keeping their heads up their asses.
--- Travis Brasell
Stuck his head up his ass on a whim.
He's doubly immoral;
For him to give oral,
Someone else must now sodomize him!
--- Ward Hardman
It's quite dark and you keep smelling gas,
Good heavens above,
You're not really in love,
You've just got your head up your ass!
--- Writerman A
By head and not soft'ning capsules?
Jim states (his own words),
"I lubricates turds,
With copious flows of my drools!"
--- Ward Hardman
Jim's stools are soon hitting his shoulders,
And they stream past each ear,
As they exit his rear,
In quantities fit for Dutch polders.
--- Ward Hardman
Who thought he deserved the worlds pity;
Living in fear
With his head in his rear;
No wonder his outlook was shitty.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Or choked by a fire when it smolders?
No doubt it is this:
A mister or miss
With ass firmly affixed to the shoulders.
--- Travis Brasell
When one's think-pot has found a new home,
Shoved up one's own ass,
Be they laddy or lass.
It's a medical term in my tome.
--- Anon
There was nobody dumber than him.
He would post on Usenet,
Since he lacked girls to pet,
And he never scored one bit of quim.
--- Ward Hardman
But he was a bit of a pervert.
So he found late night work,
As a gay soda-jerk,
Putting "cream" toppings on sherbert.
--- Ward Hardman
That Jim smith got his head up his ass?
Just like a naked fat
African mole-rat,
He licked his rear for lunch. 'Twas so crass!
--- Ward Hardman
He licked so eagerly his manure,
He fell down, that poor "mole",
Driving head into hole,
Assuring endless supply of ordure.
--- Ward Hardman
With his head up his ass all his life.
While I'm clutching at straws,
Do you think this might cause
A quite shitty outlook on life?
--- Al Willis TP9807
Perversions he's got, with a twist.
In place of male tools,
To loosen his stools,
He uses his head, not a fist.
--- Ward Hardman
By head and not softening capsules?
Jim states, his own words,
"I lubricate turds,
With copious flows of my drools!"
--- Ward Hardman
Jim's stools are soon hitting his shoulders.
And they stream past each ear
As they exit his rear,
In quantities fit for Dutch polders.
--- Ward Hardman
But my son's got his head stuck again.
Yes, I know that in sauce-
Pans it happens, of course;
But it's jammed up his wee sister Jane."
--- Anon
Who tried, but he just couldn't poop,
Till his newlywed bride
Got his grunties to slide,
With her hearty asparagus soup.
--- Cap'n Bean
Again, said the Doc, You won't tear it.
So down the man stooped
And, red-faced, he pooped
And out popped a wee baby carrot.
--- Anon
Colostomy bags have some catches;
It could fuck their brain,
Tryin' to obtain
A cheap pair of high-heels that matches.
--- Anon
"The verdict is rectal congestion."
They found an eight-ball
With a shoemaker's awl,
Halfway up the Major's intestine.
--- L1322
Whose penis was painfully caught in
A ugly whore's butt,
Till the bloody old slut,
Expelled the damn thing by fartin'.
--- G2038
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