There once was a man from Lancaster,
Who, while eating, had a disaster.
His bowels, well loaded,
Swelled up and exploded,
And filled his nice knickers with plaster.
--- Phil McCracken

An English prof faggot from Poland,
Had sundry things stuffed up his hole in
Hundreds of lengths.
Sure, one of his strengths
Is a masterful use of the colon.
--- Anon

There once was a virginal lass
Who was born in old Boston of Mass.
When they said "tea party"
She thought they said "part me,"
And showed everybody her ass.
--- Anon

Along came a wicked young lad,
Who saw her and soon became glad
To be the first one
To ream out her bum,
For he was the first that she'd had.
--- Anon

Atop the tea cart they did schtup,
Round and around like two pups.
"While there will you pour
Some cream, and what's more,
Be careful you break not those cups"
--- Anon

Said the host of this little soiree
Who, himself found a very good lay
In the lass's ripe bum,
With the creamy smooth tum,
Who herself was quite willing to play.
--- Anon

The whole time my pecker was in her
Am I thinking "Dear God! I'm a sinner!"
Hell no, what I'm thinkin'
Is "This ass is stinkin'.
I wonder what she had for dinner?"
--- Anon

To write a prescription, Doc Ben
Looked into his coat once again.
When he found a thermometer,
He was heard a kilometer,
"Tell me what silly ass has my pen?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2443a

A whorish young lady named Cass
Tried to make a young fellow of class.
When she showed him her stunt,
He called her a cunt,
And stuffed two dollar bills up her ass.
--- G1754

Old Harry, who with piles is cursed,
Last night passed a turd fit to burst.
His ass and his cries
Said that was the size
Of a hedgehog, emerging tail first.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Old Harry, on further inspection,
Said, "Next time, for my own protection,
I'll bypass the pain,
Avoiding the strain,
And birth me a turd by C-Section!"
--- Travis Brasell

Said Arnold to Arthur Hugh Clough:
"Why don't I instantly stuff
Your Amours de Voyage
Up my ass if it large,
But I don't think it's quite large enough."
--- Victor Gray

There was a young lady from Wheeling,
Who was out in the garden a-kneeling,
When by some strange chance
She got ants in her pants,
And invented Virginia Reeling.
--- L1595

A hard-hearted boy named Neil
Claimed he didn't know how to feel.
But when I put some ants
Down the back of his pants,
He suddenly learned how to squeal.
--- Anon

There was a buxom young lass,
Who went fishing one day for a bass.
One got loose
And went up her caboose,
And she said "This too will pass."

In the meadow Bill said to Miss Greer,
"I find tail delightful out here...
But now that I'm stroking
I hope you are joking,
When you scream a bug's crawled up your rear!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 699 A

Mr Hall ate his egg shells quite greasy,
Not feeling the slightest bit queasy.
They passed without fuss
Down his esophagus,
But their exit was not quite so easy.
--- John Pickersgill

There once was a girl from Tucker
Who wanted a canary to pluck her.
She squeezed her vaginer;
It flew out her hiner
And was killed by a runaway trucker.
--- Don

No worries, the doctor is here
To remove that large bug from your rear.
Is a quick surgery;
Trust me, Ulla, there's nothing to fear.
--- Anon

Poluncci became quite irate;
His ass in a terrible state.
His exit was blocked
By the spewage from cock.
Now he can't shit nor flatulate!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old fellow named Kling
Who fucked with a kink in his thing.
When screwing a tart,
She let go a fart --
He now wears the poor thing in a sling.
--- G2031

There was an old Bishop of Troll
Who tried to make love to a mole.
And that was just t'r'ble;
Turned out, 'twas a gerbil
Who completely had plugged up his hole.
--- Dennis M Hammes

In your rectum you keep a small zoo,
Some gerbils perhaps and a gnu,
Is all very well,
But gets to be hell
If they practice a round of Kung Fu.
--- Cheryl

If you find a 'roo and you stick it
Up your ass with a fence made of picket,
Then add rhino and goose
And a goat that is loose,
You'd best hope they all don't play cricket.
--- Cheryl

There once was this lady who's Swiss,
Who went out to the lawn to piss.
A snake in the grass,
Then entered her ass,
And came out her hole with a hiss.
--- Anon

While swimming across the Zambezi,
I knew life would never be easy.
For down on my dick
Ten leeches did stick,
And the snake up my butt made me queasy.
--- Anon

A young student from Cambridge, Mass,
Once lusted after a young lass.
A long story short,
He wasn't her sort.
Now he sits with his thumb up his ass.
--- Phil T

There was this horney young lass,
Who like shoving things up her ass;
Odd pieces of lumber
And phallic cucumbers
And all during 9:30 Mass.
--- Anon

There was a young lady named Annie
Who slipped on a peel of bananny.
She saw stars of blue,
And every known hue--
The bananny flew up Annie's fanny!
--- G1975

There was a young girl of Pagonia
Who said to her man, "I will phone ya."
But something went wrong
For he waited so long,
That there grew from his ass a begonia.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0287

Tomorrow I travel to leeds,
But I won't take a packet of seeds,
In case I ingest
Them while getting undressed,
And I suffer a blockage of weeds.
--- Peter Wilkins

The farmer in me wants to say:
Spend an hour on a nice warm bidet.
If you give it a go,
With some miracle grow,
You might shit a stunning bouquet.
--- Cap'n Truth

I always leave carrots till last;
Merely etiquette I learned in my past.
Sure, I like them all right,
But its a horrible sight
When grandma pulls them out of her ass!
--- Deep Goat TP9807

This is file nlm

Cashews are a wonderful nut;
So nicely they fit up the butt.
But, if you please,
Try not to sneeze,
Else you'll get a terrible cut.
--- Anon

When Fred started farting like thunder,
He got quite concerned, and no wonder,
And he corked up his ass
So the gas could not pass--
Then he blew his whole backside asunder!
--- Michael Horgan

A friar of peculiar intent
Gave up pederasty for Lent;
But just to make sure
His resolve remained pure,
He pounded a cork in his vent.
--- Larry Wilde

There was a young man of Japan
Told his doctor, "I need a brain scan,
Because I can't crap
Unless I take a nap."
But the doc just prescribed him some bran.
--- Alexander Baron

There was a fruit lover named Schnieder;
Apples jammed up her butt did excite her.
She cried and lamented
When they hissed and fermented,
And dribbled out hot apple cider.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A maiden who dwelt in Nantucket
Had grabbed a large corncob to shuck it.
From its length and its girth,
Plus a spirit of mirth,
She chose in her "cornhole" to chuck it.
--- Anon

There once was a woman from Watton,
Who stuffed up her fanny with Cotton.
She went for a swim
With her husband named Jim,
And her fanny swelled up and went rotten.
--- Dean Colchester

There was an old man of Mongolia
Who suffered a strange melancholia.
He sat for long hours
And thought just of flowers,
Till there grew from his ass, a magnolia.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2196

From observing poor Raymond's weak act,
There's one thing I'm sure is a fact:
I made it my mission
To learn his condition.
It's a reversed alimentary tract.
--- Jeffry Wisnia

Hope this ends sweet Raymond's career,
(Suckling fools and chronicling small beer)
And he's so full of it,
He'll be choking on shit,
First victim of oral diarrhea.
--- David Miller

I think it is splendidly droll,
That our cephalorectal Jim Troll
Can insert his own foot
In his mouth, while he's put
His head in the depths of his hole.
--- Ward Hardman

With both ankle and head up his ass,
It is now an imposing crevasse.
He is offering tours
To well-heeled connoisseurs,
The Grand Canyon can never surpass.
--- Ward Hardman

'Twas Goeth who said, "Brains for molasses
Have those who think crimes upon masses
Are humor devoid;
Their minds are destroyed
From keeping their heads up their asses.
--- Travis Brasell

That old dirty troll, "Pervert Jim",
Stuck his head up his ass on a whim.
He's doubly immoral;
For him to give oral,
Someone else must now sodomize him!
--- Ward Hardman

If you're lost in a funk and, alas,
It's quite dark and you keep smelling gas,
Good heavens above,
You're not really in love,
You've just got your head up your ass!
--- Writerman A

But why should he loosen his stools,
By head and not soft'ning capsules?
Jim states (his own words),
"I lubricates turds,
With copious flows of my drools!"
--- Ward Hardman

Though larger and harder than boulders,
Jim's stools are soon hitting his shoulders,
And they stream past each ear,
As they exit his rear,
In quantities fit for Dutch polders.
--- Ward Hardman

There once was a man named Dinwiddie
Who thought he deserved the worlds pity;
Living in fear
With his head in his rear;
No wonder his outlook was shitty.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

What's worse than to be crushed by boulders,
Or choked by a fire when it smolders?
No doubt it is this:
A mister or miss
With ass firmly affixed to the shoulders.
--- Travis Brasell

Cranio-Rectal Syndrome,
When one's think-pot has found a new home,
Shoved up one's own ass,
Be they laddy or lass.
It's a medical term in my tome.
--- Anon

There once was a retard named Jim;
There was nobody dumber than him.
He would post on Usenet,
Since he lacked girls to pet,
And he never scored one bit of quim.
--- Ward Hardman

Jim loved to hear old Victor Herbert,
But he was a bit of a pervert.
So he found late night work,
As a gay soda-jerk,
Putting "cream" toppings on sherbert.
--- Ward Hardman

The story, please! How it came to pass,
That Jim smith got his head up his ass?
Just like a naked fat
African mole-rat,
He licked his rear for lunch. 'Twas so crass!
--- Ward Hardman

In the course of this tricky maneuver,
He licked so eagerly his manure,
He fell down, that poor "mole",
Driving head into hole,
Assuring endless supply of ordure.
--- Ward Hardman

My uncle's a jerk, says his wife;
With his head up his ass all his life.
While I'm clutching at straws,
Do you think this might cause
A quite shitty outlook on life?
--- Al Willis TP9807

Jim prances and flicks his limp wrist.
Perversions he's got, with a twist.
In place of male tools,
To loosen his stools,
He uses his head, not a fist.
--- Ward Hardman

But why should he loosen his stools,
By head and not softening capsules?
Jim states, his own words,
"I lubricate turds,
With copious flows of my drools!"
--- Ward Hardman

Though larger and harder than boulders,
Jim's stools are soon hitting his shoulders.
And they stream past each ear
As they exit his rear,
In quantities fit for Dutch polders.
--- Ward Hardman

"Dear doctor, I know it's a pain,
But my son's got his head stuck again.
Yes, I know that in sauce-
Pans it happens, of course;
But it's jammed up his wee sister Jane."
--- Anon

There once was a fellow named Scoop,
Who tried, but he just couldn't poop,
Till his newlywed bride
Got his grunties to slide,
With her hearty asparagus soup.
--- Cap'n Bean

Oh Doctor, he wailed, I can't bear it!
Again, said the Doc, You won't tear it.
So down the man stooped
And, red-faced, he pooped
And out popped a wee baby carrot.
--- Anon

For girls lacking anus or snatches,
Colostomy bags have some catches;
It could fuck their brain,
Tryin' to obtain
A cheap pair of high-heels that matches.
--- Anon

Quoth the coroner's jury in Preston,
"The verdict is rectal congestion."
They found an eight-ball
With a shoemaker's awl,
Halfway up the Major's intestine.
--- L1322

There was a young fellow named Martin,
Whose penis was painfully caught in
A ugly whore's butt,
Till the bloody old slut,
Expelled the damn thing by fartin'.
--- G2038