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A mathematician named Hensill A nervous young fellow named Dwight Some prudes think this is a repository, To the doctor went old lady Castle, A man from Southern Nantucket A professor of math named "Old Ben" If you find that you're in a rush, A dunce had a bowel so impacted A lady of joy and adventure A construction worker thought it a howl, A young man from famed Chittagong, I once knew a kinky young lass, Young Sandra found, lying in the dirt, The novelty grew a tad weary; Off to the hospital she rushed The doctor tried getting it out Then he came up with this great idea There once was a slumlord named Max, The fat lady thought it was wry "You're lucky," said wise Doctor Phil. Last weekend we treated a Quaker; A masochist living in Kabul, A fiendish old fossil named Fife There was a young fellow so queer, He swallowed a watch, did Paul Tasses; There once was a young man of Cuba I fitted my dog with a cork, There once was this dude from New Yawk, "Yee-ikes!!" bellowed old farmer Giles, There was an old man of Korea, There was a young girl from Dundee, Our dear Jessica loves a good joke! An old Irish peer called Lord Seamus There was a wee young Irish lass, Pharaoh, a hard-working stork, There once was a girl from New York, A dependable fellow named Phipps A theater faggot named Tim There once was a girl named Gloria. One day a coalminer was shovelling coal, The pole joined the shovel and hook that was stuck, A bishop passed by with a very nice crook, The demons in Hades flocked round him with glee, The doctor who served old King Cole, A vigorous fellow named Bert, We've missed you here, Miss Annie; In Butte lived a fellow named Knute The legs, as the body's main prop, Let's all watch our Molly O'Hare, A talented young girl from St Blass, A weird circus freak loved the lights, In Zurich old clockmaker Chase How Emily so liked her money. I'm here in technology class; Yelled a lady who lived in Toronto, "Remind me, dear," said Sir John Keith, A lovely young swimmer named Nancy, The man is undoubtedly rare, It's absolutely uncanny, With me, the same thing is true; A light-fingered lady from Ayr (father of Tony Davie, Scots limerick collector)
There once was a brothel in Brussels, The asses you pass on the street There once was a fellow from Brussels The man who does water the grass, The derrieres in a bordello
Suffered feculence quite large and tensile.
But the fellow, no fool
When he voided his stool
Worked the problem out with a sharp pencil.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9107
Thought a goose in his sleep impolite;
So he covered his ass
And made an impasse
Against things that go bump in the night.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Of crudeness, a semen depository.
They say we offend: "Oh,
Please use innuendo."...
What use an Italian suppository?
--- Anon
And he stuffed up her ass with a tassel.
When she asked him the reason,
He replied, amidst wheezin'
"I have plugged up the leak in your ass'le."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1196
Took a shit in a big rusty bucket.
He got wedged in that pail,
An embarrassing tale...
It was only a fart that unstuck it.
--- Anon
Had made love to hundreds of men.
His quick solution
To colon pollution?
Work it out with a paper and pen!
--- Anon
And you're colon just will not flush,
Don't sit and linger;
Just used your old finger;
It's quicker than laxative mush!
--- Anon
That not even flatulence acted.
He took a large knife
And endangered his life,
When his excrement, he then extracted.
--- Gearhart
Was fucked by a pervert named Bencher.
When he left, she had gas
And a pain in the ass,
Till the doctor removed Bencher's denture.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0786A
To address women with language most foul.
Till a dyke on a bike
Took a dislike...
There's now a beer can in his bowel.
--- Cruelty Jones T9710a
Worked hard at stool and worked long.
He felt a hard mass,
Obstructing his ass,
Then shit and cried, "I shit a gong!"
--- L1602
Who loved to shove things up her ass;
If you studied her crap,
You would find bits of scrap,
Such as ornaments made out of brass.
--- Michael Horgan
A cellphone with vibra alert.
Before she would sleep,
She'd push it in deep,
And orgasm until it hurt.
--- Anon
Her palms grew a little too hairy.
So this little lass
Pushed it up her ass,
And she developed dysentery.
--- Anon
Embarrased, her rosy cheeks blushed.
"Which cheeks?", do wonder ...
The ones way down under.
The others got just a tad flushed.
--- Anon
With fingers, and even his mouth.
The phone wouldn't budge.
Amidst all that sludge,
He couldn't get it to move south.
--- Anon
And asked "How did it get inside 'ya "
"Like this", she replied --
(Her ass opened wide)
And out fell the phone, I won't lie t'ya.
--- Anon
Who didn't patch leaks, much less cracks.
He tried to evict
A Celt and a Pict.
They went up his ass with an axe.
--- Anon
When they took the prescribed MRI
They found no disease
But two sets of keys
Eight dimes and a server for pie.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505
"We'll give you a castor oil pill,
And the money you pass
From out of your ass,
Will help you to pay our huge bill."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505
At first I thought, "He's a faker!"
But our X-Ray showed he
Had obviously
Drunk a cocktail, along with the shaker.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505
Like rubbing his balls in the pool.
Think that's bad? It was nothing.
He was once caught out stuffing
His ass with nails and steel wool.
--- Robert Elliot
Stuffed old razorblades up his wife.
He leered: "She's quite cut up,
And is does rust her butt up,
But it certainly simplifies life!"
--- G2332
Who nightly would drink lots of beer,
Then he'd pee in the grass
With beer cans up his ass,
Bent over to show off his rear.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9506
So tender and sore now his ass is.
He grunts and he strains...
The result of his pains?
At last there's success as time passes.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who buggered himself with a tuba.
Impaled on the horn,
He looked most forlorn,
Regretting he'd not used a goober. (peanut)
--- Pierce Evans
Then went to the zoo for a walk.
It proved quite unsavory,
'Cause down by the aviary,
It blew, and near smothered the stork.
--- Anon
Who plugged up his ass with a cawk.
He said with great wit,
"I don't give a shit,
And each day it gets harder to walk."
--- Writerman
As he slipped climbing over the stiles.
How he shouted and wailed
As he sat there impaled,
With a fence-post eroding his piles.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who developed severe diarrhea.
He cried out, "Alas!
I must cork up my ass!"
And he found that a true panacea.
--- Anon
From her fanny there grew a plum tree.
No one ate the nice fruit,
To tell you the truth,
Because they knew it came from her rooty-toot-toot.
--- G1494
How she loves to bring joy to us folk.
So let's fix that damned whore
With a splintery oar,
When we'll give her dumb ass a deep poke.
--- Ward Hardman
Inserted large things in his anus.
When a telegraph pole
Went right up his hole,
He really became rather famous.
--- Anon
This is file nkm
With a Christmas tree stuck up her ass.
"I really don't mind me
Having pine in my heinie,
But the tinsel is giving me gas!"
--- Violet T9712
Was delivering a baby in York.
It pooped in its diaper;
The stork had no wiper,
And so he inserted a cork.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305
Who said she'd accept no one's dork.
Then along came a queer,
Who stuck it up her rear;
Now she guards both her holes with a cork.
--- John Miller 0326
Worked hard at his job drilling strips.
And more points did amass
With a broom up his ass,
For while working, he swept up the chips.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2228
Impaled his ass on a limb.
He thought that the wood
Would really feel good,
'Cause it packed his fudge to the brim.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who cavorted nude in the floria.
She once sat on a stump,
It penetrated her rump,
And the sensation was one of euphoria.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When a shovel was shoved right up in his hole.
The doctor inserted a bloody great hook,
But in no time at all, that also was stuck;
Then a pole-vaulter came with a fifteen foot pole.
--- Professor
Someone thought of a rope to be pulled by a truck.
The rope was inserted but it was too thick,
So to make some more room they removed balls and prick.
Now the miner, castrated, could not give a fuck.
--- Professor
They used it to poke in a well greased young duck.
They used a young duck for lack of a goose,
But nothing they tried would get the things loose.
Constipated, he died -- now that's awful bad luck
--- Professor
And with flaming hot tridents they soon had him free.
Tools must always be hot, the correct shape and size
To astonish, amaze, amuse, and sir, prise!
Girls, choose your tools carefully -- why not choose me.
--- Professor
Who constantly called for his bowl,
And his three wretched viols,
Said he'd never have piles,
Because he was a perfect asshole.
--- A N Wilkins P8308
Was attracted by every new skirt.
Oh, it wasn't their minds
But their rounded behinds,
That excited this loveable flirt.
--- L1375
Your rhymes were always uncanny.
Now that you're back,
Before you unpack,
Will you show us your fanny?
--- Les Stewart
Who would romp in his bare birthday suit.
Though lacking in class,
He had a nice ass,
And that was his best attribute.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Are essential to stand, walk, or hop;
And they've been so designed
That when seen from behind,
The bottom, you'll find, is on top.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9706a
Whose tummy is pleasingly bare.
As she crosses the sand
Her butt wiggles and
The boys do nothing but stare.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0305
Could twirl tassels affixed to her ass.
The slightest cheek twitch,
And they'd spin like a bitch;
She'd stop them with a short blast of gas.
--- Anon
Said, "I fantasize wonderful sights!
Like wire-dancers with class,
Showing lots of bare ass,
Dressed in tutus without any tights.
--- Ann Gasser P8711
Improved on the clock commonplace.
He made one of fine brass
With two feet and an ass,
In the place of two hands and a face.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1987
She stuck it to her body with honey.
She'd roll and she'd play
In the greenbacks all day;
As a sight I'd say it's quite funny!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Prof's reading about methane gas.
As the topic's real boring,
I'm busy ignoring
That guys cute adorable ass.
--- Anon
To her husband, "Now Harry, come pronto!
I've left my behind
Exposed to the wind; (Exposed for mankind;)
Now do what you will, if you want to."
--- Jeff Wisnia
"As soon as I've finished my teeth,
To take down this glass
And examine my ass,
From behind and of course, from beneath.
--- L1453
Wore a bikini bottom quite chancy.
The fish of Bonaire
Watched her cute derriere,
And the sea fans all tickled her fancy.
--- Anon
Who can stare at a bare derriere
And be so unimpressed
With a fanny, undressed,
That his flag doesn't wave in the air!
--- Grand Prix Lim 548 G0431
From teens right up to my granny,
When a female walks by,
My magnificent eye
Immediately zooms to her fanny.
--- MrMalo a
I look at their bottom like you.
But I must confess
I'd stare at their breast
If they'd undo a button or two.
--- Chris Bolivar
Had a certain intuitive flair
For unpicking the stitches
Of gentlemen's britches
And leaving their fundaments bare.
--- Cedric T Davie
Whose girls all appeared to wear bustles.
But the truth is, one finds,
That their ample behinds
Are simply great gluteous muscles.
--- Norm Storer P0506
Often heat up your genital meat.
Though you know you can't screw 'em,
It's a great joy to view 'em;
For us ass-men, it's life's greatest treat.
--- G0462
With a fondness for women in bustles.
He was quite distressed
When he found they were dressed
In a way that showed off no ass muscles.
--- Robert Elliot
Walks around slowly, showing his ass.
Well, I suppose
It's the size of his hose
That brings cheers from all those who pass.
--- Anon
Caused P. Herman Gribble to bellow:
"Hey, Joe, do you see
What I see around me?"
Said Joe, "Sure I see, but I'm YELLOW!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 93
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