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Dear Rita will pay me a call Whenever there's a hurricane Wilma's no lady; it's true! Cape Coral said, "We've had enough!" Turbulent Hurricane Wilma, An anxious young lady named Tunney It's raining now in my home town; In Britain, the subject of weather They say we are facing a drought, The weather-forecaster in Rowe In Aurora a girl name of Alice After that I ignore weather shows; What to do when erratic wind blows? The weatherman's thoughts grandiose, His pronouncements proclaim heavy snows, A professor by the name of Heather Ballooning's an interesting antic -- Mother Nature, playing her tricks, This blizzard's so bad it's not funny! (Written during the Blizzard of 96)
If you're wondering, "How is the weather The trouble with meteorology, The storm at my window is nigh, I love looking up at the sky, They drift by, hypnotically slow, So fluffy and pure they appear, There was a young man of Quebec, If the temperature dropped in a hurry, The weather reporter Miss Lowe It's hotter than Hell, if you please; A trusting young woman named Astor The weatherman falters and flinches The weather in Limerick is great; They say, though, that Ireland's so green, Snows have plagued us with blankets and streaks, The smart groundhog who's famous as Phil My mum is wrapped in a wet sheet, This inconsequential refrain Umbrellas are useless for hail, We huddle together and frown The Empire grows once again; in There was an old lady from Dillow, Oh come now, dear friend, use your brain. My excuse, I should say, is exquisite: I'm lying here without a stitch; The temp is a hundred degree; Oh bugger the grapes, Carol dear; Out here in the desert we drool; It's almost as hot over here, I'll take you to one of the best Rain and lightning don't cause me to frown, Each winter the great Sioux Chief, Bear Paw, The cloudy skies had me depressed, Tossed by cold flakes as it snows, There's thunder and lightning around From the largest to small hometown street, The rains just keep coming. Won't go; The waters don't know where to go, I admit, England's weather's unique, It's true floods are causing great pains, 'Twas okay in days now gone by, A nudist by name Roger Peetie For weeks we've endured ice cold weather, Oh, please dear, don't come in your suit. I'm going to play in the snow, I've heard of snow blowers, that's true, That color of blue is quite nice.
This weekend, the first of the fall.
I don't have much urge
To indulge her wet surge --
I'd rather not meet her at all!
--- John Miller
Or even just a lot of rain,
The Pol grabs a mike
To bemoan broken dike
And to weave a self-serving SKEIN.
--- Norm Brust
South Florida she tried to screw.
'Cept for some electricity
In Marco's vicinity,
The blowhard was finally through!
--- Susan Arden
To Wilma, who thought she was tough.
We kicked her in the ass,
That cold-hearted lass.
You want some? Well we can play rough!
--- Susan Arden
Seen on the news might well thrill ya.
But what TV loon
Would go to Cancun,
Just to go there that he could film ya?
--- Jarmo
Called weatherman Jones and said, "Honey,
Tell me what is the weather,
And please tell me whether
It will be fourteen inches or Sonny."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2348
It's dreary and people feel down.
For twenty six days
We've seen no sun's rays.
A snorkel's required, lest we drown.
--- Meps N Barry
Brings colleagues and strangers together.
But one more refresher
On air and its pressure,
And I'm at the end of my tether.
--- Rory Ewins
But every time that I go out,
It's pouring with rain.
The forecaster's brain
Must have gone down the waste water spout.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Predicted one day it would snow;
When it started to hail,
He had to eat quail,
Because he had run out of crow.
--- Lims Unlimited
Talked only of life in a palace.
Other things she'd ignore;
She was just a big bore.
They called her Aurora borealis.
--- Tom Patton
I block out all the woes they disclose;
That turns out a mistake,
They predict an earthquake,
I just shake from my head to my toes.
--- Joel D Ash P0508
How to plan when the rain ebbs and flows?
Give the forecast a check,
Then exclaim, "What the heck!",
Because weather or not, no one knows.
--- Joel D Ash P0508
On he goes all about highs and lows;
But his forecast proves foggy,
His sunshine turns soggy,
He says, "Put on shorts" " but I froze.
--- Joel D Ash P0508
Though my windows expose sunshine glows;
It seems kind of funny,
Three days it stays sunny;
I should not complain I suppose.
--- Joel D Ash P0508
Had trouble putting letters together.
Her poor editor cried
When she upped and died.
Cause of death was the worst spell of weather.
--- Tom Patton P0108
Serene and relaxing, not frantic;
Unless a typhoon
Spoils your quiet afternoon,
And deposits you in the Atlantic.
--- Funfax Limericks
Has the whole Northeast in a fix.
They're out there right now
With shovel and plow.
'Tis "The Blizzard of Old '96".
--- Writerman
Can't go nowhere for love or for money!
So you'll find this old face
Near a warm fireplace,
Snuggled up close to my honey!
--- Robert Frosty
When mountains and clouds come together?"
The winds and the sleet
Knock you right off your feet,
If you're not held secure with a tether!
--- Limerick Man
Is nowdays blamed on chaology.
Last weeks butterfly-wing flaps...
Today surprise thunder claps,
And weather forecasters' apology.
--- Prof M-G T9710
As thunderheads rattle the sky.
Celestial strife,
Like an echo of life,
A chaotic cacophonous cry.
--- Lassies Lover TP9806
Watching cotton-wool clouds drifting by;
For they're constantly changing
Formations; arranging
Themselves into pictures on high.
--- Ardens
And though it's a cliche, I know
I see castles and towers
Ever changing for hours;
An amazing magnificent show.
--- Ardens
Like cotton balls, far or near.
Soft as a willow,
A cushy white pillow;
Strong winds make them soon disappear.
--- Arden
Who was frozen in snow to his neck.
When asked, "Are you friz?"
He replied, "Yes, I is.
But we don't call this cold in Quebec."
--- Rudyard Kipling
Causing your tackle to scurry,
Your balls to migrate,
And your dong to deflate,
You'd still be exciting, don't worry.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Forecast rain, hail, tornadoes and snow.
But her date was not scared,
He came fully prepared;
He was braced for the coming big blow.
--- Albin Chaplin
Any effort at all makes me wheeze.
When I thought she was wet,
It was nothing but sweat;
My balls have dropped down to my knees.
--- John Miller
Fell in love with a weather-forecaster.
But the day they were wed
They were rained out of bed
When a hurricane broke through the plaster.
--- Limber Limericks
When the voice on the phone is Miss Lynch's.
She expects it to blow
At least four in a row,
For a total of twenty four inches.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0447
No frosting, no snow as of late.
Quite pleasant I'd say,
On a rainy free day,
As the world passes by my front gate.
--- Mul
And Erm agrees; there she has been.
Somewhere there, each day,
The skies grow dark grey,
And rain comes, creating that scene.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file nkl
In our winter of drabs and of bleaks.
Did the shadow of Phil (Groundhog day)
Mean a month one-half still,
Or if no shadow, just six more weeks?
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Makes predictions for ending the chill;
But so much now depends
On the message he sends,
That a polygraph's needed until...
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Entreating my sis, the aesthete,
To be less effete
And sprinkle her feet.
This heat spell just makes me feel beat.
--- H Welchel
I'm writing awaiting my train;
The twenty-to-eight
Into London -- it's late
On account of the rain yet again.
--- Peter Wilkins
Which screams down like banshees from Wales.
We run helter-skelter
But cannot find shelter,
And almost fall onto the rails.
--- Peter Wilkins
Or curse as the rail beateth down;
It's half an hour late
Is the twenty-to-eight,
And I won't be surprised if we drown.
--- Peter Wilkins
These past days the proof of obtaining
Their aim; just one look out
The window leaves no doubt.
'Round here it's been constantly raining.
--- Ulla
Whose skirts would quite often billow.
One day on the street
She was raised off her feet
By the wind, and dropped in a willow.
--- Nithene
This weather report is insane,
For Hurricane Gilbert
(That name makes my ears hurt)
Should really be called Himmicane!
--- John Dohner P8811
A tornado paid us a visit,
Which as you might guess
Left a bit of a mess.
That's not a bad reason, now is it!
--- John Miller 0029
Threw off my clothes without a hitch.
And that's just as well
'Cause it's hotter than hell.
I'd have AC if I was rich.
--- Marlene Lewis
How quickly it dries-up the pee.
While it may be fine
For Champagne and wine,
The sweat is just pouring off me
--- Anon
The temperature's 100 F here.
And girlies are wearing
Those swimsuits so daring;
A fine view while supping my beer.
--- Anon
A hundred degrees is just cool,
'Cause when it gets hot,
Then a hundred is not
A reason to jump in the pool
--- Anon
But rarely with sunshine this year.
And now once again,
Here comes pouring rain;
A bar room tan, only, I fear.
--- Anon
Of pubs, Carol. They'll be impressed.
But swimsuits are banned,
They bring with them sand,
Besides, you would be overdressed.
--- Anon
But the icing that brings pilots down
Can cause such a fright
That after the flight,
You'll also find stains...but they're brown.
--- John Miller
Says, "I must screw many Sioux squaw;
Will shoot my hot arrow
In squaws' straight and narrow;
Squaws' screaming will bring on the big thaw!"
--- Anon
But today with sunshine we're blessed.
No coat and no sweater,
I do feel much better.
Today I can go out undressed.
--- Anon
Radiant smile-kissed with rose,
Back, my head's tossed
As the wily Jack Frost
Nips at the tip of my nose.
--- Jodi B
And it's making a terrible sound.
Well, the thunder sure is,
But the lightning goes "whizz"
As it bolts from my brain to the ground.
--- Peter Wilkins
Behind our doors, both races retreat.
But we can't blame the Klan;
It's that mean weatherman.
Who's forecasting more dog days of heat.
--- Anon
Now some of it's turning to snow.
In England and Wales,
We've had lots of gales.
The forecast? The same, don't you know!
--- Janet Barkaway
So most rivers just overflow,
Into valley and dale,
Where river banks fail,
Flooding houses and farms as gales blow!
--- Janet Barkaway
And far be it from me to critique.
Though is sure isn't Spain
Where the rain's on the plain,
Flooded hills are a sight poetique.
--- Ulla
Because of monsoonial rains.
The problem: the build-
Ers of houses have filled
With concrete the rivers flood-plains.
--- Tiddy Ogg
No carpets, no TV, Hi-fi,
So ground floor immersion
From river incursion,
Caused shrugs and a wait until dry.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Loved to dance when it snowed and was sleety.
But one chilly December
He froze every member,
But they thawed when he moved to Tahiti.
--- Arthur Deex P0107
So bitter that not even leather
Would keep out the cold.
But lo and behold,
Today all I need is a feather.
--- Carol
Just give me a jaunty salute.
I'm already bare,
And willing to share.
So, ready, take aim and just shoot.
--- Anon
Where I might go fast or go slow.
So snowmen beware,
I might try it bare.
I'll give an account, blow-by-blow.
--- Anon
But thought not they spoke thus of you.
If that is your game,
It's time that I came
In my snowman suit, though I turn blue.
--- Anon
But I don't want you cold as ice.
No, I want you hot.
My lips on the spot.
A couple of licks should suffice.
--- Anon
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