The was an old man from Armagh,
Whose girlfriend could only say "Baaa."
But she loved the ram better,
Left the old man a sweater,
And eloped off to Leamington Spa.
--- Jayne

He stops as they walk to the car.
"You are one in a million, you are."
A breeze starts to blow.
"I love you, you know."
The wooly-haired temptress says, "Baaaa".
--- Rory Ewins

A hasher named Kanga did find
He was in Paris with sheep on his mind.
So he tried a French ewe,
Filling the poor sheep with spew;
Her diarrhea making it a wonderous grind.
--- Anon

Most areas rural have mighty
Practitioners of Aphrodite.
Techniques are arcane;
It needs science and brain
To get a sheep into a nightie.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A genius, a man of renown,
Once got a sheep into a gown.
Then learned something new:
A gown-adorned ewe
Will bleat and wake up the whole town.
--- Travis

The sheepherder crooned to a ewe,
"Dear, out here with so little to do,
And no woman to mount,
Little ewe, I can count
On to ride without spending a sou."
--- Grand Prix Lim 581

Barbara, my dick swells in size;
I really do think you a prize.
I really love ewe
And the things that you do,
When at me you make those sheep's eyes.
--- Anon

A bugger who buggered some sheep,
Tried to bugger a ewe while asleep,
Who awoke with a start
And ripped a great fart.
Now he's covered in shit three feet deep.
--- Phred

The hardon of sheepherder Crewes,
Was one that he just couldn't lose.
He'd no girls to assault,
So perhaps one can't fault
His putting his dick to good ewes.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

My love's gone; she left me today.
It seems she could no longer stay.
She drove off with Jock,
And the rest of the flock,
To an abattoir Dorchester way.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Oh Tiddy, I bet you are gutted,
Like right up the ass you've been butted.
I hope that Jock louse
In that slaughter house
Will find himself skinned and de-nutted.
--- SFA

Way out in the back-country roots,
Fucking sheep and not giving two hoots,
There is nothing they've found
To compare to the sound
Of a ewe, its back-legs in your boots.
--- Mike Dale

An oversexed young man named Hugh,
On the lookout for something to do,
Was heard to remark,
"If I had an ark,
I'd screw a young ewe or two."
--- Anon

There once was a shepherd named Sam,
Who for hellfire did not give a damn.
His religion was deep;
He fucked pregnant sheep;
And washed in the blood of the lamb.
--- G1158

In New Zealand, it's really no news,
To fornicate with buxom ewes.
With thirty million perhaps,
The problem for chaps
Is knowing just which one to choose.
--- CyberCelt T9711

I do now suggest you peruse
This newsgroup with all its wild views.
You might find a whale,
A quail or a snail --
But mainly we're wild with our ewes.
--- H Welchel

A wog with a penchant for sheep
Always waits till his flock is asleep.
Then straight for the dams,
Ignoring the lambs,
This wolf in sheik's clothing will creep.
--- Arthur Deex P8407a

A whore to whom I am endeared
Said, "You've licked the ewes, as I've feared!"
"You're wrong!" I said, sighing.
Said she, "Now you're lying --
There's great gobs of wool in your beard!"
--- Travis Brasell

There once was a farmer named Hicks,
Who used ewes for unusual tricks,
And went on at such length,
That he'd sapped all his strength,
By the time he had turned ninety-six.
--- John Ciardi

A man who would visit the zoos,
Was attracted to one of the ewes.
But the lamb with the fleece
Quickly yelled, "Help! Police!"
`t caused a bad case of the blues.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"When they poached my pet lamb," sobbed chef Ewing,
"They'd no idea what they were doing.
Perhaps they were looking
To screw up my cooking,
Instead they just cooked up my screwing."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9412

In the spring when the sheep are a-ruttin',
Old Hunter can be quite the glutton.
With his wife away.
In the fields he'll play,
Tryin' to get somethin' from mutton.
--- Jon Eubanks

One night this pervsion stops,
When he's caught in the act by the cops.
Dejected and smelly,
Like wool and mint jelly,
They bust the poor man in the chops.
--- Jon Eubanks

Prison didn't help him, I'm told;
On the work-farm old Hunter grew bold;
The warden was shocked
While checking the flock,
To discover a wolf in the fold.
--- Jon Eubanks

That was the day that he ran;
He was Hunter but the hunted man.
But his world was all rapture,
He evaded capture,
Living his life on the lamb.
--- Jon Eubanks

Years of lust on the hoof took its toll;
He wore out both body and soul.
When he finally went,
He did not repent;
He happily died in the wool.
--- Jon Eubanks

A lamb even Tiddy won't screw?
I think you will find there are few
That Tiddy would scorn;
Perhaps the unborn,
Or one that's just been screwed by you.
--- Q

Although it makes some people mad,
Sheep-bonking is not so bad.
If it pleases you,
You too can do ewe,
And the lambs will all call you da-a-a-ad.
--- Les Stewart

The first time I made love to Cass,
Was there, 'neath that tree; then alas
Her mom came that way,
And what did she say?...
Just bleated and nibbled the grass.
--- Anon

Much later, the farmer, Jim Cole,
A truly most generous soul,
Suggested I munch
A succulent lunch...
Our Cass had become casserole.
--- Anon

While screwing a lamb, shepherd Sam
Was seen, but did not give a damn.
He did not run in fright,
And he said, "I just might
As well hang for a sheep as a lamb."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1177

In Alaska, to improve his wild lamb,
A sheep farmer stole a Dall ram.
The Feds came to call,
Found the farmer in the Dall,
And cuffed him -- he'd been on the lam.
--- Actaeon

My first time was so sweet,
With her mother there at my feet.
When asked one day,
What her mother did say,
I told them she let out a bleat.
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9711

This is file nkk

A Muslim once lived in Iran,
Before he got caught with a lamb.
Then he trembled with fear
When informed he was queer,
For the sheep, it turned out, was a ram.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

On his knees at the back of a sheep,
The shepherd was getting in deep.
He said, "Gosh! What a breeze!
For I save the stud fees
And all of the lambs I can keep."
--- G1320

Searching around for a pet?
Dog? Cat? Bird? Which one should you get?
If you're male like I am,
You might try a lamb;
Those sheep give back more than they get!
--- Writerman

I have to admit, if I'd seen
This event, it'd probably have been
Instead of orgasm,
An intense laughing spasm,
Disturbing my senses serene.
--- Anon

To suck the beast off, then she hasted,
And cried "That's the best one I've tasted."
But once ain't enough
So for more of that stuff,
She cooked it, and thus was lambasted.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young lad from Siam,
Whose sexlife was caught in a jam.
He loved them real small,
Cause they're more fun to ball,
So he went out and bought him a lamb.
--- Anon

That's true, and it leads me to weep;
But before we go losing much sleep,
It should be confessed
That ours get compressed,
When forced into over-young sheep.
--- Tiddy Ogg Q

His kids knew the widower could,
But wondered if Abdulla would
Kill the last lamb for food
To feed his poor brood,
Though his sex life'd be over for good.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310

There was a sheepherder named Sam
Who studied the girls of Miss Pam.
When he viewed all her hags
He cried, "Who'd buy these bags?
I would rather be back with my lamb."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1178

The farmer's sheep-tender each night
Picked a lamb or a ewe sans invite.
'Cause the wool was still virgin,
The lambs needed urgin'.
This is known as the shepherd's delight.
--- Jane D Hughes P9111

There was a sheepherder named Sam
For women he cared not a damn.
Though he often would screw
With a ram or a ewe,
He preferred to be sucked by a lamb.
--- Albin Chaplin

The New Zealander darkly did glower
And said in a tone awful sour:
"It's a terrible scam
That the price of Prime Lamb
Has gone up to twelve-fifty an hour.
--- Spru

The lion shall lie with the lamb;
A lion I don't claim I am,
But find something woolly
And yes, Trav I'm fully
Prepared to go give it a ram.
--- Anon

Passionate creatures do purr and coo,
When the opposite gender they woo.
And the Ram says it best
In his romantic quest,
Telling his mate, "I love ewe."
--- Guy Ben-Moshe

There was a young fellow named Ted
Whom Annabel wanted to wed.
She asked him one day,
But he said, "Go away!
I'm engaged to be married to Fred."
--- PeterW

"That's vile and disgusting," she said.
You can't marry Freddy instead.
Your anatomy's wrong,
And you both have a dong;
So who will do what in your bed?"
--- PeterW

Said Ted, "You may think I'm a creep;
No longer this secret I'll keep.
I tell you no lie,
But Fred is no guy.
He's a beautiful amorous sheep!"
--- PeterW

Punting one day on the Cam, (river in Cambridge)
I spied me a cute little lamb.
I scrambled ashore,
And aimed with my oar,
But it weren't a ewe, but a ram.
--- Tiddy Ogg

While gamboling with sheep in the grass,
Jim Smith cries in anguish, "Alas!
Without my dumb strap-on,
I'm someone to crap on,
Unless rams deign to fancy my ass!"
--- Ward Hardman

A shepherd was filled with concern,
For his ram with great passion would burn
And one day was found stiff
At the foot of a cliff
From failing to see the ewe turn.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9011

I'm sorry, I don't give a damn
How big is that cock on that ram.
I just cannot do it;
Won't fuck it or chew it,
Though I much prefer mutton to ham.
--- Faerie

A shepherd at night missed his wife,
And sought out a ewe for his strife.
He groped in the dark,
And soon found his mark,
And the ram was his best friend for life.
--- Actaeon

There once was a shepherd from Hampshire,
Who got in a fix at a lamb shear.
For while shearing a lamb,
He got humped by a ram.
Now the seat of his pants is too damn sheer.

(prize winner in Canterbury Limerick Contest)
--- Ronnie Klasskin P8512

It's the horns that attract him, you see;
They are perfect for gripping while he
Thrusts his hard rocket
Into the eye socket;
When he squirts, he cries out with glee!
--- Jule

Since I was knee-high-to-a-pup,
I've envied the life of a Tup. (Brit for ram)
'Cause give them their due,
They'd screw any ewe
Without even getting it up.
--- Anon

A crippled old captain named Jed
Once kept a dead ram near his bed.
His crew thought him queer
When stuffed up its rear,
But Jed was just using the head.
--- H Welchel

There was young man from Peru;
Found a sheep he was dying to woo.
He did and was hailed
Into court and then jailed,
For the sheep was a ram, not a ewe.
--- Anon

Aye, Lassie, 'tis true what you state;
Sheep cloning, I must advocate.
They never nag us;
Where else the haggis?
And you'll nae find a cheaper date.
--- Les Stewart

There's locks on the box of old Jock's
Wife, stopping her from getting the pox.
Or possibly lambs,
For often she rams
The cocks of the flocks on the rocks.
--- Tiddy Ogg

You know that that sweet woolly pelt
Is especially dear to the Celt.
From Dornoch to Dyfed
They're deeply belyved;
The sight would make any heart melt.
--- Anon

There once was a young Scottish lad,
Whom lack of loving made sad.
So he did it with sheep
Because they were cheap.
Quoth he: "Ewes are really not ba-aa-aa-d!"
--- Karen B

There once was a Scotsman named Willy;
'Neath his kilt he became a bit chilly.
So he buried his piece
In the warm fluffy fleece
Of his favorite sheep he called Lilly.
--- Kasodrac

Now Lilly just stood there and baa-d,
While her body was being haa-d.
She though to herself,
Who the hell is this elf,
Who hold's himself in such high regaa-rd.
--- Arden