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The was an old man from Armagh, He stops as they walk to the car. A hasher named Kanga did find Most areas rural have mighty A genius, a man of renown, The sheepherder crooned to a ewe, Barbara, my dick swells in size; A bugger who buggered some sheep, The hardon of sheepherder Crewes, My love's gone; she left me today. Oh Tiddy, I bet you are gutted, Way out in the back-country roots, An oversexed young man named Hugh, There once was a shepherd named Sam, In New Zealand, it's really no news, I do now suggest you peruse A wog with a penchant for sheep A whore to whom I am endeared There once was a farmer named Hicks, A man who would visit the zoos, "When they poached my pet lamb," sobbed chef Ewing, In the spring when the sheep are a-ruttin', One night this pervsion stops, Prison didn't help him, I'm told; That was the day that he ran; Years of lust on the hoof took its toll; A lamb even Tiddy won't screw? Although it makes some people mad, The first time I made love to Cass, Much later, the farmer, Jim Cole, While screwing a lamb, shepherd Sam In Alaska, to improve his wild lamb, My first time was so sweet, A Muslim once lived in Iran, On his knees at the back of a sheep, Searching around for a pet? I have to admit, if I'd seen To suck the beast off, then she hasted, There was a young lad from Siam, That's true, and it leads me to weep; His kids knew the widower could, There was a sheepherder named Sam The farmer's sheep-tender each night There was a sheepherder named Sam The New Zealander darkly did glower The lion shall lie with the lamb; Passionate creatures do purr and coo, There was a young fellow named Ted "That's vile and disgusting," she said. Said Ted, "You may think I'm a creep; Punting one day on the Cam, (river in Cambridge) While gamboling with sheep in the grass, A shepherd was filled with concern, I'm sorry, I don't give a damn A shepherd at night missed his wife, There once was a shepherd from Hampshire, (prize winner in Canterbury Limerick Contest)
It's the horns that attract him, you see; Since I was knee-high-to-a-pup, A crippled old captain named Jed There was young man from Peru; Aye, Lassie, 'tis true what you state; There's locks on the box of old Jock's You know that that sweet woolly pelt There once was a young Scottish lad, There once was a Scotsman named Willy; Now Lilly just stood there and baa-d,
Whose girlfriend could only say "Baaa."
But she loved the ram better,
Left the old man a sweater,
And eloped off to Leamington Spa.
--- Jayne
"You are one in a million, you are."
A breeze starts to blow.
"I love you, you know."
The wooly-haired temptress says, "Baaaa".
--- Rory Ewins
He was in Paris with sheep on his mind.
So he tried a French ewe,
Filling the poor sheep with spew;
Her diarrhea making it a wonderous grind.
--- Anon
Practitioners of Aphrodite.
Techniques are arcane;
It needs science and brain
To get a sheep into a nightie.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Once got a sheep into a gown.
Then learned something new:
A gown-adorned ewe
Will bleat and wake up the whole town.
--- Travis
"Dear, out here with so little to do,
And no woman to mount,
Little ewe, I can count
On to ride without spending a sou."
--- Grand Prix Lim 581
I really do think you a prize.
I really love ewe
And the things that you do,
When at me you make those sheep's eyes.
--- Anon
Tried to bugger a ewe while asleep,
Who awoke with a start
And ripped a great fart.
Now he's covered in shit three feet deep.
--- Phred
Was one that he just couldn't lose.
He'd no girls to assault,
So perhaps one can't fault
His putting his dick to good ewes.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
It seems she could no longer stay.
She drove off with Jock,
And the rest of the flock,
To an abattoir Dorchester way.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Like right up the ass you've been butted.
I hope that Jock louse
In that slaughter house
Will find himself skinned and de-nutted.
--- SFA
Fucking sheep and not giving two hoots,
There is nothing they've found
To compare to the sound
Of a ewe, its back-legs in your boots.
--- Mike Dale
On the lookout for something to do,
Was heard to remark,
"If I had an ark,
I'd screw a young ewe or two."
--- Anon
Who for hellfire did not give a damn.
His religion was deep;
He fucked pregnant sheep;
And washed in the blood of the lamb.
--- G1158
To fornicate with buxom ewes.
With thirty million perhaps,
The problem for chaps
Is knowing just which one to choose.
--- CyberCelt T9711
This newsgroup with all its wild views.
You might find a whale,
A quail or a snail --
But mainly we're wild with our ewes.
--- H Welchel
Always waits till his flock is asleep.
Then straight for the dams,
Ignoring the lambs,
This wolf in sheik's clothing will creep.
--- Arthur Deex P8407a
Said, "You've licked the ewes, as I've feared!"
"You're wrong!" I said, sighing.
Said she, "Now you're lying --
There's great gobs of wool in your beard!"
--- Travis Brasell
Who used ewes for unusual tricks,
And went on at such length,
That he'd sapped all his strength,
By the time he had turned ninety-six.
--- John Ciardi
Was attracted to one of the ewes.
But the lamb with the fleece
Quickly yelled, "Help! Police!"
`t caused a bad case of the blues.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"They'd no idea what they were doing.
Perhaps they were looking
To screw up my cooking,
Instead they just cooked up my screwing."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9412
Old Hunter can be quite the glutton.
With his wife away.
In the fields he'll play,
Tryin' to get somethin' from mutton.
--- Jon Eubanks
When he's caught in the act by the cops.
Dejected and smelly,
Like wool and mint jelly,
They bust the poor man in the chops.
--- Jon Eubanks
On the work-farm old Hunter grew bold;
The warden was shocked
While checking the flock,
To discover a wolf in the fold.
--- Jon Eubanks
He was Hunter but the hunted man.
But his world was all rapture,
He evaded capture,
Living his life on the lamb.
--- Jon Eubanks
He wore out both body and soul.
When he finally went,
He did not repent;
He happily died in the wool.
--- Jon Eubanks
I think you will find there are few
That Tiddy would scorn;
Perhaps the unborn,
Or one that's just been screwed by you.
--- Q
Sheep-bonking is not so bad.
If it pleases you,
You too can do ewe,
And the lambs will all call you da-a-a-ad.
--- Les Stewart
Was there, 'neath that tree; then alas
Her mom came that way,
And what did she say?...
Just bleated and nibbled the grass.
--- Anon
A truly most generous soul,
Suggested I munch
A succulent lunch...
Our Cass had become casserole.
--- Anon
Was seen, but did not give a damn.
He did not run in fright,
And he said, "I just might
As well hang for a sheep as a lamb."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1177
A sheep farmer stole a Dall ram.
The Feds came to call,
Found the farmer in the Dall,
And cuffed him -- he'd been on the lam.
--- Actaeon
With her mother there at my feet.
When asked one day,
What her mother did say,
I told them she let out a bleat.
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9711
This is file nkk
Before he got caught with a lamb.
Then he trembled with fear
When informed he was queer,
For the sheep, it turned out, was a ram.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The shepherd was getting in deep.
He said, "Gosh! What a breeze!
For I save the stud fees
And all of the lambs I can keep."
--- G1320
Dog? Cat? Bird? Which one should you get?
If you're male like I am,
You might try a lamb;
Those sheep give back more than they get!
--- Writerman
This event, it'd probably have been
Instead of orgasm,
An intense laughing spasm,
Disturbing my senses serene.
--- Anon
And cried "That's the best one I've tasted."
But once ain't enough
So for more of that stuff,
She cooked it, and thus was lambasted.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose sexlife was caught in a jam.
He loved them real small,
Cause they're more fun to ball,
So he went out and bought him a lamb.
--- Anon
But before we go losing much sleep,
It should be confessed
That ours get compressed,
When forced into over-young sheep.
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
But wondered if Abdulla would
Kill the last lamb for food
To feed his poor brood,
Though his sex life'd be over for good.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
Who studied the girls of Miss Pam.
When he viewed all her hags
He cried, "Who'd buy these bags?
I would rather be back with my lamb."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1178
Picked a lamb or a ewe sans invite.
'Cause the wool was still virgin,
The lambs needed urgin'.
This is known as the shepherd's delight.
--- Jane D Hughes P9111
For women he cared not a damn.
Though he often would screw
With a ram or a ewe,
He preferred to be sucked by a lamb.
--- Albin Chaplin
And said in a tone awful sour:
"It's a terrible scam
That the price of Prime Lamb
Has gone up to twelve-fifty an hour.
--- Spru
A lion I don't claim I am,
But find something woolly
And yes, Trav I'm fully
Prepared to go give it a ram.
--- Anon
When the opposite gender they woo.
And the Ram says it best
In his romantic quest,
Telling his mate, "I love ewe."
--- Guy Ben-Moshe
Whom Annabel wanted to wed.
She asked him one day,
But he said, "Go away!
I'm engaged to be married to Fred."
--- PeterW
You can't marry Freddy instead.
Your anatomy's wrong,
And you both have a dong;
So who will do what in your bed?"
--- PeterW
No longer this secret I'll keep.
I tell you no lie,
But Fred is no guy.
He's a beautiful amorous sheep!"
--- PeterW
I spied me a cute little lamb.
I scrambled ashore,
And aimed with my oar,
But it weren't a ewe, but a ram.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Jim Smith cries in anguish, "Alas!
Without my dumb strap-on,
I'm someone to crap on,
Unless rams deign to fancy my ass!"
--- Ward Hardman
For his ram with great passion would burn
And one day was found stiff
At the foot of a cliff
From failing to see the ewe turn.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9011
How big is that cock on that ram.
I just cannot do it;
Won't fuck it or chew it,
Though I much prefer mutton to ham.
--- Faerie
And sought out a ewe for his strife.
He groped in the dark,
And soon found his mark,
And the ram was his best friend for life.
--- Actaeon
Who got in a fix at a lamb shear.
For while shearing a lamb,
He got humped by a ram.
Now the seat of his pants is too damn sheer.
--- Ronnie Klasskin P8512
They are perfect for gripping while he
Thrusts his hard rocket
Into the eye socket;
When he squirts, he cries out with glee!
--- Jule
I've envied the life of a Tup. (Brit for ram)
'Cause give them their due,
They'd screw any ewe
Without even getting it up.
--- Anon
Once kept a dead ram near his bed.
His crew thought him queer
When stuffed up its rear,
But Jed was just using the head.
--- H Welchel
Found a sheep he was dying to woo.
He did and was hailed
Into court and then jailed,
For the sheep was a ram, not a ewe.
--- Anon
Sheep cloning, I must advocate.
They never nag us;
Where else the haggis?
And you'll nae find a cheaper date.
--- Les Stewart
Wife, stopping her from getting the pox.
Or possibly lambs,
For often she rams
The cocks of the flocks on the rocks.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is especially dear to the Celt.
From Dornoch to Dyfed
They're deeply belyved;
The sight would make any heart melt.
--- Anon
Whom lack of loving made sad.
So he did it with sheep
Because they were cheap.
Quoth he: "Ewes are really not ba-aa-aa-d!"
--- Karen B
'Neath his kilt he became a bit chilly.
So he buried his piece
In the warm fluffy fleece
Of his favorite sheep he called Lilly.
--- Kasodrac
While her body was being haa-d.
She though to herself,
Who the hell is this elf,
Who hold's himself in such high regaa-rd.
--- Arden
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