In Santa Cruz, on Monterey Bay, Waking up to the sound of the rain, Ootside ma wee windy it's snawin'; The sun is ashinin' today; There was a snowman in the rain, A "Tornado Watch" we're now under; The weather today is amazing; A white Christmas the songs do extol; Today it's 100 degrees, Tonight here, my dear, it is hot So the temp went up a few degrees, Ms Oberlin vowed, for a buck, Too soon have I spoke of the weather. The snow that became freezing rain, Did someone out there call my name? The weather in Leiscester is grey; When on holiday once in Belgrade, A hot day, my uncle in town, Virginia's weather is truly the best, So I try to get out of here The weather reporter named Heather Said the boss of the girl's TV station, The Weather man said, "Oh, hello. The rooster on the roof quickly shows In Wyoming, wind does not blow. How the wind blows to and fro, When you mention "the wind", I don't think Gas bags infecting the air The professor procedes to instruct Here's a truth that applies without fail: A fat, lazy girl called Jill, Meterologist Al Nino is bad -- Is snow really white after falling? (1st rule of skiing - Don't eat yellow snow!)
This is file njl
Has our government quite lost its wits (Krauts trying to get rid of war debts)
When it comes to retiring accounts payable, The auditor carefully looks The auditor schemes and he counts, Come auto license renewal Some people there are with a bent The moral of many a tale, I will give to Group "A" charity, Thirty-five thousand bucks, what a score! (Nina's 99 Balloons prized at $35000 charity auction)
There once was a lady called Nina What a flaw in your make-up and mine Said long-confirmed celibate, Virge, An old Jobbing Gardner called Tod, What profiles on our coins (there are many) In Canada we have colorful money, A banker in Fairview called Sonny The foreign investor Gizzard We live in a time of recession; Kids today think an afternoon session, While stolling in Mayfair I found In the course of recurrent events You guys'll be changing your tunes, You may think your doubloons are great; If you really think that it's best, Some good friends of mine from L.A. I am weighing a shrewd proposition As an American I wish to say, The economy's starting to crawl, The Dollar is diving again, LUCRE, some folks like to mock it. If you "go with the flow" you will be Here's a pick-up line better than honey; There was a young fellow named Senna, To show you how gas prices soar
A sunset can take your breath away.
The colors are great,
Your senses elate
When the sky turns into night from day.
--- Travis Brasell
Yet again is a bit of a pain;
It's our culture to moan
'Bout the weather and groan.
Hope for anything else, you're insane.
--- Val Burns P0607
There's ower six feet oan ma lawn.
'Cause shoveling's a pain,
Ah'll be takin' a plane
And it's aff tae Las Palmas Ah'm gaun!
--- Francis K Young
The snow is ameltin' away.
That one single flower,
(Thanks to your warm shower)
Has bloomed into a sweet bouquet.
--- Anon
Felt so odd that he melted again.
After that he was wetter,
Although he felt better.
But he soon ended up down the drain.
--- Anon
There's plenty of lightning and thunder;
I'll go to my cellar
With Maggie the stellar
Old whore for a blow down asunder.
--- Travis Brasell
There's wall-to-wall sunshine a-blazing.
I wish you good cheer
With this glass of cold beer.
Now its back to my garden and lazing.
--- Peter Wilkins
The writers do not brave the cold,
To scrape and to clean
A windshield opaline,
In the wind when it's thirty below.
--- Azul
And I'm certainly not going to freeze;
The humidty's thick;
To my clothing I stick;
I can't even get cooled by the breeze.
--- Cap'n Bean P0609
And damp 'cause plain humid it got.
Now that would be good
If 'twere just my wood
Gettin' hot and damp in your twat!
--- Anon
And you've got the hot and sweaties.
And want a good screw,
But first please won't you,
Wash off that cock full of old cheese?
--- Anon
To have me, but it's just my luck
Today is the day
Her husband's away,
And it's too fucking hot for a fuck.
--- John Miller
On the bright side, it's bound to get better.
The snow is now falling;
The weather's appalling,
And my hands, they look like old leather.
--- Mul
Has power lines under a strain.
And soon, I am thinking,
('Cause my lights are blinking,)
A cold and dark night once again.
--- Carol
If so it's really a shame.
I'm buried below
All this fucking snow,
And it's made my brain go lame.
--- Jon Gearhart
Even greyer that yesterday.
So I'll paint the town red,
And then when I'm dead,
They'll think of me every day.
--- Anon
'Twas a hundred and three in the shade.
So I dived in the pool
And contrived to keep cool.
And though begged to emerge, there I stayed.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Perspiring most free from his crown.
On a bench there he sat,
And took off his hat,
On replacement he found a half-crown.
--- Anon
Be you in the east or the west.
But it's only this sweet
For maybe a week;
Too hot or too cold is the rest.
--- Karen
To the islands I love so dear,
In winter, for sure,
So I needn't endure
The blowy and snowy I fear.
--- Karen
Had a little pink spot on the nether-
Most part of her ass,
Which would speedily pass
From pink to blue, warning bad weather.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412
When found in a strange situation,
With his nose up the ass
Of the comely young lass,
"This is forecasting, not fornication."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412
Me corns hurt, so it going to snow.
Me arthritis pains,
So expect heavy rains.
And me tum says that winds will be low."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
All of the ways the wind blows.
Morning, noon, and night,
He is always right,
Though he never bleats, boasts or crows.
--- Al Cape Town
The residents want you to know
That Nebraska sucks
And it's full of schmucks.
Check the pattern of the airflow.
--- Marlene
Dragging the leaves as it goes.
Stirring the dust
And my skirt as it must;
Cold as a stab stiletto.
--- Azul
Of the weather, instead just a stink;
Cabbage and peas,
Baked beans and cheese,
Are the thoughts with the wind that I link!
--- Jayne
With a stench so much harder to bear.
Political hacks
Who lie, spend and tax!
That wind from D.C. I'd beware.
--- Tutta Gioia
How the nature of storms we duduct,
And he states winds will blow
From high pressure to low,
But the wind doesn't blow -- it is sucked.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2626
If you jog or you cycle or sail,
The wind's never blowing
The way that you're going --
In your face, never hard on your tail.
--- William N Nesbit
Lived on a hill near Brill.
She'd sit on her trolley
And open her brolly,
And the wind would blow her up the hill.
--- Anon
Swapping climates of Juneau and Chad.
The sign on his van
Says Weidoughiourx Man --
That's the worst spell of weather we've had.
--- Arthur Deex P9807a
Sight of yellow is surely appalling.
We shovel and sweep it,
Try our best to heap it,
But the color is changed. Just galling!
--- Oxymoronic Fem
In allotting such quarters to Fritz?
Would it not have looked better
While housing a debtor,
To alter its name to 'The Writs'?
--- Beaumains (Bibby)
I wish it were infinitely delayable;
For then I could keep
All the cash that I reap,
And add to my wealth day-by-dayable.
--- Anon
At spreadsheets, their crannies and nooks.
And just as a joke,
Gives the CFO a toque
To wear while he's cooking the books.
--- Arnie schoenbrun P0608
As he enters the sums in accounts.
And he juggles so clever
That no person can ever
Tell what's his or is mine or amounts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2524
For insurance, see your agent who'll
Aid in wise selection
Of no-fault protection.
Who will pay through the nose? You'll.
--- Dorman John Grace P9412
To save every dime and red cent,
But this rule does not stick
To a pussy or prick,
Which feels better when they are spent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1947
Is to be careful of things for sale.
They may seem real cheap,
But can get you in deep.
So next time forget it and bail!
--- George Apostol
If the head man drives Chevies, like me.
If he drives a Ferrari,
Then I am, oh, so sorry,
And I'll check out the head of Group "B".
--- William N Nesbit P0107
For an hour of this clip, what a bore!
She don't show her hooters
And bit by bit, looters
Are returning TV's to the store.
--- David Miller
Whose politics couldn't be greener,
But she couldn't match
Her underarm thatch
Which couldn't have been more obscener.
--- Donald McGill
When we go out to shop or to dine,
Makes an item appear
At $5 too dear,
But a bargain at $4.99.
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim
"It curbs all my urges to merge,
When I think of some honey
Grabbing chunks of my money,
And starting in earnest to splurge."
--- Armand E Singer 369
Found decimal currency odd.
As he thumbed through his purse,
He let out a curse:
"They're as like as 2p in a pod!"
--- Baxter Gill Blue Peter
Face the east like the Lincoln penny.
You can search day and night,
But none face the right.
I am sure you will not find any.
--- Tom Patton P9902
But for wives, it's not really funny.
We can not excuse
Saying we were confused
Taking 100 instead of 10, Honey?
--- Anon
Jacked off in the vault. Kind of funny!
When caught and asked why,
He said in reply,
"I wanted to come into money."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Strung C-notes together by the yard.
The foreign exchange
Didn't find it too strange;
His currency, also, was hard.
--- Anon
The media creates that impression.
It's no time to drink,
But to talk and to think,
And raise yourself from your depression.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
With a video game's, a tough lesson.
But so coddled and spoiled,
Never worried or toiled,
Could they ever survive a Depression?
--- Mary M Walker P9208
A young Hook, so I said, "Fool around?"
She said, "No hanky-panky.
No tricks with a Yankee,
The dollar's too weak vs the pound."
--- Theo Heller P9210
There is seldom heard very much sense;
Though the points in contention
Include those you mention,
The bottom line's dollars and cents.
--- Laurence Perrine P8607
When you witness all the girls' swoons,
And their licking of lips,
And swiveling of hips,
When they spy my roll of doubloons.
--- Cyber Wizard
Makes a nice piece of ass be your mate.
But don't slip them in,
'Til you've checked out the bin --
You don't know what some pieces have ate.
--- Cyber Wizard
I'll put my doubloons to a rest.
'Stead of doubloon dibbling,
My love I'm soon nibbling
On the tips of her sweet treasured chest.
--- Cyber Wizard
Bought into a gold mine, they say.
They expect a cash cow,
But it looks as though now,
They really just bought a cliche.
--- Monique de Plume TP9802
From a Mensan, a master logician.
A live bait shop, says he,
In Death Valley will be
A bonanza! There's no competition.
--- Don Moore P0106
We will use anything any way.
We are quite inventive.
Our greatest incentive?
'Cause we can and we're earning our pay.
--- Karen
So interest rates have to fall.
The way things are going,
No one will be owing;
Soon there'll be no interest at all.
--- Tony Burrell
A boy amongst Olympian men.
It dived off the board
And although the crowd roared,
It'll soon be down under the Yen.
--- Archie
Even as they plot to stock it.
It's filthy, I'm bound,
Especially when found,
Deep in another man's pocket.
--- Chris Papa
Oh so happy, delighted, and free.
Since changing to Euros
That adage now goes:
"You'd be wiser to follow the current, see!"
--- Anon
It's not clever, nor witty, nor funny.
But it works every time,
'Stead of 'Your place or mine?'
Try 'Want to help me spend some money?'
--- KJ a
Who was happy on finding a tenner.
But an unruly Scot
Who'd reached the same spot,
Said, "Ya touch that, I'll kill ya. Ya ken, eh?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So fast that we cannot keep score;
I pumped in ten bucks.
The clerk said, "Aw shucks!
Since pumping, you owe us ten more!"
--- Travis Brasell