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In Santa Cruz, on Monterey Bay,
A sunset can take your breath away.
The colors are great,
Your senses elate
When the sky turns into night from day.
--- Travis Brasell

Waking up to the sound of the rain,
Yet again is a bit of a pain;
It's our culture to moan
'Bout the weather and groan.
Hope for anything else, you're insane.
--- Val Burns P0607

Ootside ma wee windy it's snawin';
There's ower six feet oan ma lawn.
'Cause shoveling's a pain,
Ah'll be takin' a plane
And it's aff tae Las Palmas Ah'm gaun!
--- Francis K Young

The sun is ashinin' today;
The snow is ameltin' away.
That one single flower,
(Thanks to your warm shower)
Has bloomed into a sweet bouquet.
--- Anon

There was a snowman in the rain,
Felt so odd that he melted again.
After that he was wetter,
Although he felt better.
But he soon ended up down the drain.
--- Anon

A "Tornado Watch" we're now under;
There's plenty of lightning and thunder;
I'll go to my cellar
With Maggie the stellar
Old whore for a blow down asunder.
--- Travis Brasell

The weather today is amazing;
There's wall-to-wall sunshine a-blazing.
I wish you good cheer
With this glass of cold beer.
Now its back to my garden and lazing.
--- Peter Wilkins

A white Christmas the songs do extol;
The writers do not brave the cold,
To scrape and to clean
A windshield opaline,
In the wind when it's thirty below.
--- Azul

Today it's 100 degrees,
And I'm certainly not going to freeze;
The humidty's thick;
To my clothing I stick;
I can't even get cooled by the breeze.
--- Cap'n Bean P0609

Tonight here, my dear, it is hot
And damp 'cause plain humid it got.
Now that would be good
If 'twere just my wood
Gettin' hot and damp in your twat!
--- Anon

So the temp went up a few degrees,
And you've got the hot and sweaties.
And want a good screw,
But first please won't you,
Wash off that cock full of old cheese?
--- Anon

Ms Oberlin vowed, for a buck,
To have me, but it's just my luck
Today is the day
Her husband's away,
And it's too fucking hot for a fuck.
--- John Miller

Too soon have I spoke of the weather.
On the bright side, it's bound to get better.
The snow is now falling;
The weather's appalling,
And my hands, they look like old leather.
--- Mul

The snow that became freezing rain,
Has power lines under a strain.
And soon, I am thinking,
('Cause my lights are blinking,)
A cold and dark night once again.
--- Carol

Did someone out there call my name?
If so it's really a shame.
I'm buried below
All this fucking snow,
And it's made my brain go lame.
--- Jon Gearhart

The weather in Leiscester is grey;
Even greyer that yesterday.
So I'll paint the town red,
And then when I'm dead,
They'll think of me every day.
--- Anon

When on holiday once in Belgrade,
'Twas a hundred and three in the shade.
So I dived in the pool
And contrived to keep cool.
And though begged to emerge, there I stayed.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A hot day, my uncle in town,
Perspiring most free from his crown.
On a bench there he sat,
And took off his hat,
On replacement he found a half-crown.
--- Anon

Virginia's weather is truly the best,
Be you in the east or the west.
But it's only this sweet
For maybe a week;
Too hot or too cold is the rest.
--- Karen

So I try to get out of here
To the islands I love so dear,
In winter, for sure,
So I needn't endure
The blowy and snowy I fear.
--- Karen

The weather reporter named Heather
Had a little pink spot on the nether-
Most part of her ass,
Which would speedily pass
From pink to blue, warning bad weather.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412

Said the boss of the girl's TV station,
When found in a strange situation,
With his nose up the ass
Of the comely young lass,
"This is forecasting, not fornication."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412

The Weather man said, "Oh, hello.
Me corns hurt, so it going to snow.
Me arthritis pains,
So expect heavy rains.
And me tum says that winds will be low."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

The rooster on the roof quickly shows
All of the ways the wind blows.
Morning, noon, and night,
He is always right,
Though he never bleats, boasts or crows.
--- Al Cape Town

In Wyoming, wind does not blow.
The residents want you to know
That Nebraska sucks
And it's full of schmucks.
Check the pattern of the airflow.
--- Marlene

How the wind blows to and fro,
Dragging the leaves as it goes.
Stirring the dust
And my skirt as it must;
Cold as a stab stiletto.
--- Azul

When you mention "the wind", I don't think
Of the weather, instead just a stink;
Cabbage and peas,
Baked beans and cheese,
Are the thoughts with the wind that I link!
--- Jayne

Gas bags infecting the air
With a stench so much harder to bear.
Political hacks
Who lie, spend and tax!
That wind from D.C. I'd beware.
--- Tutta Gioia

The professor procedes to instruct
How the nature of storms we duduct,
And he states winds will blow
From high pressure to low,
But the wind doesn't blow -- it is sucked.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2626

Here's a truth that applies without fail:
If you jog or you cycle or sail,
The wind's never blowing
The way that you're going --
In your face, never hard on your tail.
--- William N Nesbit

A fat, lazy girl called Jill,
Lived on a hill near Brill.
She'd sit on her trolley
And open her brolly,
And the wind would blow her up the hill.
--- Anon

Meterologist Al Nino is bad --
Swapping climates of Juneau and Chad.
The sign on his van
Says Weidoughiourx Man --
That's the worst spell of weather we've had.
--- Arthur Deex P9807a

Is snow really white after falling?
Sight of yellow is surely appalling.
We shovel and sweep it,
Try our best to heap it,
But the color is changed. Just galling!

(1st rule of skiing - Don't eat yellow snow!)
--- Oxymoronic Fem

This is file njl

Has our government quite lost its wits
In allotting such quarters to Fritz?
Would it not have looked better
While housing a debtor,
To alter its name to 'The Writs'?

(Krauts trying to get rid of war debts)
--- Beaumains (Bibby)

When it comes to retiring accounts payable,
I wish it were infinitely delayable;
For then I could keep
All the cash that I reap,
And add to my wealth day-by-dayable.
--- Anon

The auditor carefully looks
At spreadsheets, their crannies and nooks.
And just as a joke,
Gives the CFO a toque
To wear while he's cooking the books.
--- Arnie schoenbrun P0608

The auditor schemes and he counts,
As he enters the sums in accounts.
And he juggles so clever
That no person can ever
Tell what's his or is mine or amounts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2524

Come auto license renewal
For insurance, see your agent who'll
Aid in wise selection
Of no-fault protection.
Who will pay through the nose? You'll.
--- Dorman John Grace P9412

Some people there are with a bent
To save every dime and red cent,
But this rule does not stick
To a pussy or prick,
Which feels better when they are spent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1947

The moral of many a tale,
Is to be careful of things for sale.
They may seem real cheap,
But can get you in deep.
So next time forget it and bail!
--- George Apostol

I will give to Group "A" charity,
If the head man drives Chevies, like me.
If he drives a Ferrari,
Then I am, oh, so sorry,
And I'll check out the head of Group "B".
--- William N Nesbit P0107

Thirty-five thousand bucks, what a score!
For an hour of this clip, what a bore!
She don't show her hooters
And bit by bit, looters
Are returning TV's to the store.

(Nina's 99 Balloons prized at $35000 charity auction)
--- David Miller

There once was a lady called Nina
Whose politics couldn't be greener,
But she couldn't match
Her underarm thatch
Which couldn't have been more obscener.
--- Donald McGill

What a flaw in your make-up and mine
When we go out to shop or to dine,
Makes an item appear
At $5 too dear,
But a bargain at $4.99.
--- Laurence Perrine Lib Lim

Said long-confirmed celibate, Virge,
"It curbs all my urges to merge,
When I think of some honey
Grabbing chunks of my money,
And starting in earnest to splurge."
--- Armand E Singer 369

An old Jobbing Gardner called Tod,
Found decimal currency odd.
As he thumbed through his purse,
He let out a curse:
"They're as like as 2p in a pod!"
--- Baxter Gill Blue Peter

What profiles on our coins (there are many)
Face the east like the Lincoln penny.
You can search day and night,
But none face the right.
I am sure you will not find any.
--- Tom Patton P9902

In Canada we have colorful money,
But for wives, it's not really funny.
We can not excuse
Saying we were confused
Taking 100 instead of 10, Honey?
--- Anon

A banker in Fairview called Sonny
Jacked off in the vault. Kind of funny!
When caught and asked why,
He said in reply,
"I wanted to come into money."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

The foreign investor Gizzard
Strung C-notes together by the yard.
The foreign exchange
Didn't find it too strange;
His currency, also, was hard.
--- Anon

We live in a time of recession;
The media creates that impression.
It's no time to drink,
But to talk and to think,
And raise yourself from your depression.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Kids today think an afternoon session,
With a video game's, a tough lesson.
But so coddled and spoiled,
Never worried or toiled,
Could they ever survive a Depression?
--- Mary M Walker P9208

While stolling in Mayfair I found
A young Hook, so I said, "Fool around?"
She said, "No hanky-panky.
No tricks with a Yankee,
The dollar's too weak vs the pound."
--- Theo Heller P9210

In the course of recurrent events
There is seldom heard very much sense;
Though the points in contention
Include those you mention,
The bottom line's dollars and cents.
--- Laurence Perrine P8607

You guys'll be changing your tunes,
When you witness all the girls' swoons,
And their licking of lips,
And swiveling of hips,
When they spy my roll of doubloons.
--- Cyber Wizard

You may think your doubloons are great;
Makes a nice piece of ass be your mate.
But don't slip them in,
'Til you've checked out the bin --
You don't know what some pieces have ate.
--- Cyber Wizard

If you really think that it's best,
I'll put my doubloons to a rest.
'Stead of doubloon dibbling,
My love I'm soon nibbling
On the tips of her sweet treasured chest.
--- Cyber Wizard

Some good friends of mine from L.A.
Bought into a gold mine, they say.
They expect a cash cow,
But it looks as though now,
They really just bought a cliche.
--- Monique de Plume TP9802

I am weighing a shrewd proposition
From a Mensan, a master logician.
A live bait shop, says he,
In Death Valley will be
A bonanza! There's no competition.
--- Don Moore P0106

As an American I wish to say,
We will use anything any way.
We are quite inventive.
Our greatest incentive?
'Cause we can and we're earning our pay.
--- Karen

The economy's starting to crawl,
So interest rates have to fall.
The way things are going,
No one will be owing;
Soon there'll be no interest at all.
--- Tony Burrell

The Dollar is diving again,
A boy amongst Olympian men.
It dived off the board
And although the crowd roared,
It'll soon be down under the Yen.
--- Archie

LUCRE, some folks like to mock it.
Even as they plot to stock it.
It's filthy, I'm bound,
Especially when found,
Deep in another man's pocket.
--- Chris Papa

If you "go with the flow" you will be
Oh so happy, delighted, and free.
Since changing to Euros
That adage now goes:
"You'd be wiser to follow the current, see!"
--- Anon

Here's a pick-up line better than honey;
It's not clever, nor witty, nor funny.
But it works every time,
'Stead of 'Your place or mine?'
Try 'Want to help me spend some money?'
--- KJ a

There was a young fellow named Senna,
Who was happy on finding a tenner.
But an unruly Scot
Who'd reached the same spot,
Said, "Ya touch that, I'll kill ya. Ya ken, eh?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

To show you how gas prices soar
So fast that we cannot keep score;
I pumped in ten bucks.
The clerk said, "Aw shucks!
Since pumping, you owe us ten more!"
--- Travis Brasell


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