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Your speaking of ovine pursuits, Ever wonder why kilts are oft' found, Green's the sod, and cold's the clay, Cybercelt's sure in love with his sheep, I once knew a Scotsman named Barney, A Scottish farmer (I swear this is true), Mick J. moved to Scotland, it's true! He wandered the hills in his skirt; There was a Scots Highlander who There was a wee Scot named McHumper; Scotsmen screw sheep? Such surprise! That boy must of been ruttin', A Scotsman whose name was McLauren A Scotsman who now lives in Sutton, In Scotland the sheep are quite blue, Now Laddie, no more of your lip. Some Scots are known to fuck sheep; "Why wear a kilt?" asked a young nipper. McLeod, a Highlander true To write limericks 'bout Scotsmen and lambs, St Kilda of people's devoid; (St Kilda, off the coast of Scotland; no people since 1930)
On Saturday night, up on Mars, Said Leslie, a classy Scotch Lassie, There once was a Scot in a kilt, A limerick 'bout Scotsmen and sheep? Mid tall grassland sowers and reapers, A shepherd from Cheshire's soft hills Those tales of Welsh girls can't be true, Mike bought him a cow and a sheep. A lonely young shepherd from Crete Old shepherds most often are queer. A shepherd with schedules to keep, While the shepherd was tending his flock A lonely sheepherder from Texas There was a shepherd from Dundee; There were two young shepherds named Fox A cautious old herder named Heep A sheepherder said to a whore: A shepherd who came from Bangkok, There's a shepherd stuck out on the range A shameless sheepherder named Brown A shepherd, who had a prize flock, There was a sheepherder named Fretter A sheepherder out in Van Buren (Murrain - plague affecting animals)
Said the shepherd, "When we are alone, The shepherd was feeling quite blue, Here's something I've heard about sheep The sheepherder came with his knife I don't know what you men see in sheep! But sheep can be very appealing. A farm boy, with tastes eclectic, While some folks might find this revolting, When I was a tow-headed lad, I watched in amazement and shock; My Gramps, with the eye of a hawk, "A man," he said, "must do his chores From that day to this, my big knob So now, you must cease all your lurking. You know how to spin a good yarn, This city-boy has a different view, And somewhere a mother's heart shudders; My first time was such a fine treat It was my first time as I say, A New Zealand shepherd named Jock, If you think he's a musical bloke, When I speak of fiddle, you see, If you've followed along with me here,
And bad-mouthing my Scottish roots,
But some Scots do say,
To get a good lay,
Stick the hind legs inside of the boots.
--- Les Stewart
As a Scots' most preferable gown?
Why dress up so scant,
Wearing skirts 'stead of pants?
It's the zippers, sheep run at its sound.
--- Anon
When I first tupped an ovidae.
A shepherd's life
Without a wife,
Leads many a lonely Scot astray!
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9711a
And a number of them he does keep.
"They're the joy of my life,"
He said to his wife,
"And with them, I'll continue to sleep."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who looked a lot just like Art Carney.
He sure loved his sheep,
Awake or asleep;
I tell you now, that is no blarney.
--- T Arnold
Spied a neighbor he thought that he knew.
So through the barbed wire,
He yells in great ire,
"Hey, MacCleod, get off of my ewe!"
--- Anon
Liked sheep, so he bought one or two.
The fellow next door
Hopped the fence, tried to score.
"Hey, McCloud! Get offa my ewe!"
--- Anon
With all of the sheep he did flirt.
But he put his pole
Into the wrong hole.
"Ouch!" said the sheep. "Damn, that hurt!"
--- Faerie
Would shout, "Yoohoo to you, you ewe you!
Could you, sweet ewe,
Do with a screw?
Should you, please do, you know who!"
--- John Chastaine T9711
In winter (when life ain't no bumper)
He'd go out to the fold,
In the wet and the cold,
And pull on a nice wooly jumper.
--- Dick Slimer T9712
Whoever said that told you lies.
'Cause up at Balmoral,
They like their sex oral--
You can't pull the wool over their eyes.
--- Shakes Younger Bro T9711
If after a hog he was struttin'.
A Scot in full dress
Could have showed him, I guess,
The easiest way to fuck mutton.
--- Faerie
Had a peculiar tilt to his sporran.
It seems in his sleep,
He was buggering sheep,
With objects obscene and quite foreign.
--- T9711
Loved sheep -- they sure did push his button.
He'd take a fine lamb,
His cock in would ram,
And shag it until it was mutton!
--- Rick Limer T9711
Melancholy, and sad, 'cause it's true.
The men want to shag us,
Then turn us to haggis;
What shit in the life of a ewe.
--- CyberCelt T9711
You'll pay very dear for that quip.
And what is so wrong
With using your dong
To make an effective sheep dip?
--- SFA
A whole flock of ewes they might keep.
None of this "Chicken Flu"
For a Scotsman will do.
It's "Sheep Fever" that makes those men weep.
--- Faerie
"Surely pants would be a lot hipper."
Said the Scot, all smiles,
"It's because, for miles,
A sheep can be hearing a zipper."
--- Les Stewart
With the sheep had a technique quite new.
This canny wee Mac
Threw the sheep on its back,
So to kiss her whilst having a screw!
--- Cyber Celt T9711
Here are a few things you can cram:
Clean the sheep out of silt,
Then whip up your kilt,
And always spray pecker with PAM!
--- John Chastaine T9711
To visit I'd be overjoyed.
They left for the main-
Land but sheep still remain,
All waiting by me to be toyed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Four Scotsmen were screwing in cars,
Three lambs and a ewe;
Pretty rhythmical too;
With always three bleats to the baas.
--- Friar TP9802
"The lads say I've got quite a chassis.
But to spruce up my bleat,
If I want to compete --
And the rams think I'm too big and sassy!"
--- John Miller
Who'd do any sheep that'd stand stilt.
A fleece he was shagging,
His balls they were dragging,
And he was in up to the hilt!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's a task that isn't too steep.
A Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am,
With a nice highland ram;
Just lift the kilt and shove it deep!
--- John Chastaine T9711
In a land of highlander sheep keepers,
How does our friend Sam
Find a little lost lamb?
"Very satisfying," by jeepers.
--- Res Ipsa a
Was always looking for thrills,
Till a sheep he molested
Loudly protested,
And sent him the veterinary's bills.
--- Anon
There's very few Blodwyns will do
A job satisfactual,
And make men ejactual;
That's why all the Welshmen like ewe.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said he, "Tell me wife, not a peep.
I'll milk me fine cow;
Me sheep I'll somehow
Find use when me wife's fast asleep."
--- Travis Brasell
Thought he was being discrete.
When the rest went to town,
His robe, it came down;
The whole island heard the flock bleat!
--- Matt Trepal
The whole female sex, they do fear.
They spurn marriage beds,
Preferring instead,
To bugger their sheep from the rear.
--- Anon
Has trouble getting to sleep.
So at the end of the day
When he hits the old hay,
He starts out by cunting his sheep.
--- Actaeon
He was reading the ewes "Dr. Spock".
But before the day's end.
He complained to his friend
"That talk about Spock is a crock!"
--- John E Mayhood
This is file njk
Doesn't know what conventional sex is.
He will grab for release
Anything that has fleece,
Caring not what the sex he selects is.
--- Pierce Evans
Thoughts of sex would fill him with glee.
In the hills there they keep
Hundreds of sheep,
Roaming the countryside free.
--- Mushroom
Renowned for the size of their cocks.
When at home, in bad weather,
They would both fuck together --
In nice weather they fucked with their flocks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1137
Said, "What ye have sowed shall ye reap;
As I'm fearful of AIDS
I lay no men nor maids:
I service and recommend sheep."
--- Armand E Singer 817
"I don't buy me cunt in a store.
For I bugger me sheep--
They're clean and they're cheap,
And they don't make me Old Faithful sore."
--- G1345
Used to dabble in watered-down stock.
His peculiar perversion
Was total immersion
Till he drowned all the sheep in his flock.
--- John Ciardi
With a malady wondrously strange,
For he slept with his flock,
Till he found out his cock
Had been badly affected by mange.
--- G1307
Admits he get moody and down,
So he slides his huge pole in
Some wooly sheep's colon
And rides the poor bugger to town.
--- Armand E Singer 929
Believed it might improve the stock,
If he rogered each one,
So he started at dawn,
But by noon he had ruptured his cock.
--- Michael Horgan
Who said of his wife, "I'll forget her.
Though there's much to be said
For a lady in bed,
I must say that a sheep is much better."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1138
Lost half of his flock with the murrain.
Quoth the state veterinary,
"You ought not to carry
Them live spirochetes of your'n."
--- L0659
I caress her erogenous zone,
While I blow in her ear.
But I harbor this fear:
Is she my real true love or a clone?"
--- William N Nesbit P9705
And he didn't know quite what to do.,
With sheep he'd not dare,
'Cause he thought Tupperware,
Was what Rams wore to tupper the ewe.
--- CM
From a shepherd who flocks while we sleep.
On the edge of a cliff,
They'll be pushing back if
You are ramming it home nice and deep.
--- Anon
To slaughter a sheep for his wife.
Said the sheep, "Why you freak,
It was only last week
That you promised to love me for life."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1154
Why not let the poor innocents sleep?
That's why they say, "Bah!"
And call for their Ma-a-a.
It's enough to make anyone weep!
--- Edwina Leer
They don't moan of headaches and feeling
Too tired for humping.
And while you are pumping,
They don't talk about painting the ceiling.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Screwed a ewe at a pace that was hectic.
It wasn't for passion,
He screwed in this fashion,
But the fence that he screwed through, electric.
--- Anon
Us farm boys enjoy 'lectric jolting;
It charges our yens
When we're humpin' hens,
And helps those ol' gals when they're molting.
--- Anon
I peeked at my old gramps and dad,
Through slats in a stall,
And I can recall
The grins on their faces they had.
--- Travis Brasell
They boffed an old ewe from the flock;
That ewe hushed her bleating
As they kept repeating
Those thrusts with their cocks hard as rock.
--- Travis Brasell
Caught me in my stupified gawk;
He said to me, "Trav,
It's time that we have
Our first southern gentlemen's talk."
--- Travis Brasell
With girls, whether spouses or whores;
A man has a duty
To every live cutie
Who walks on two legs,...or on fours!"
--- Travis Brasell
Has faithfully done a good job
With everything feminine,
Though I prefer women in
Lieu, 'cause they all love to scob.
--- Travis Brasell
Get busy with what you've been shirking.
No more hesitating;
The 'girls' are awaiting;
It's time, as a man, you start working.
--- Travis Brasell
But you've spent too much time in the barn,
'Cause you'd rather choose
What growls, bleats, or moos,
And for women, you don't give a darn.
--- Observer
About what a fellow should do
With his sexual desire,
I'll just quench my fire
With a good-looking woman or two.
--- Observer
She thinks men are boats without rudders.
All guys are accursed
And you are the worst,
'Cause you have no respect for udders!
--- Observer
Right there in my car's backseat.
I still remember
That night in September,
That soft sweet way you did bleat.
--- Gearhart
But this trick I did learn one day
From my dear old dad.
He said, "Listen lad --
This keeps them from getting away!"
--- Gearhart
Had a talent that no one could mock.
For here is my riddle,
How a tune from his fiddle
Kept that smile on the face of his flock.
--- Sambo Didley
Then you're definitely on the wrong stroke.
Confusing, my Dear?
Well it all becomes clear,
When I let you all in on the joke.
--- Sambo Didley
Think phallic, mot musical key.
No Amati, no Strad;
In a jock strap it's clad,
His instrument of ecstasy.
--- Sambo Didley
The finale is now getting near.
I'll set up the stage
For his raging rampage,
And the curtain is raised with a cheer.
--- Sambo Didley
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