Your speaking of ovine pursuits,
And bad-mouthing my Scottish roots,
But some Scots do say,
To get a good lay,
Stick the hind legs inside of the boots.
--- Les Stewart

Ever wonder why kilts are oft' found,
As a Scots' most preferable gown?
Why dress up so scant,
Wearing skirts 'stead of pants?
It's the zippers, sheep run at its sound.
--- Anon

Green's the sod, and cold's the clay,
When I first tupped an ovidae.
A shepherd's life
Without a wife,
Leads many a lonely Scot astray!
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9711a

Cybercelt's sure in love with his sheep,
And a number of them he does keep.
"They're the joy of my life,"
He said to his wife,
"And with them, I'll continue to sleep."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I once knew a Scotsman named Barney,
Who looked a lot just like Art Carney.
He sure loved his sheep,
Awake or asleep;
I tell you now, that is no blarney.
--- T Arnold

A Scottish farmer (I swear this is true),
Spied a neighbor he thought that he knew.
So through the barbed wire,
He yells in great ire,
"Hey, MacCleod, get off of my ewe!"
--- Anon

Mick J. moved to Scotland, it's true!
Liked sheep, so he bought one or two.
The fellow next door
Hopped the fence, tried to score.
"Hey, McCloud! Get offa my ewe!"
--- Anon

He wandered the hills in his skirt;
With all of the sheep he did flirt.
But he put his pole
Into the wrong hole.
"Ouch!" said the sheep. "Damn, that hurt!"
--- Faerie

There was a Scots Highlander who
Would shout, "Yoohoo to you, you ewe you!
Could you, sweet ewe,
Do with a screw?
Should you, please do, you know who!"
--- John Chastaine T9711

There was a wee Scot named McHumper;
In winter (when life ain't no bumper)
He'd go out to the fold,
In the wet and the cold,
And pull on a nice wooly jumper.
--- Dick Slimer T9712

Scotsmen screw sheep? Such surprise!
Whoever said that told you lies.
'Cause up at Balmoral,
They like their sex oral--
You can't pull the wool over their eyes.
--- Shakes Younger Bro T9711

That boy must of been ruttin',
If after a hog he was struttin'.
A Scot in full dress
Could have showed him, I guess,
The easiest way to fuck mutton.
--- Faerie

A Scotsman whose name was McLauren
Had a peculiar tilt to his sporran.
It seems in his sleep,
He was buggering sheep,
With objects obscene and quite foreign.
--- T9711

A Scotsman who now lives in Sutton,
Loved sheep -- they sure did push his button.
He'd take a fine lamb,
His cock in would ram,
And shag it until it was mutton!
--- Rick Limer T9711

In Scotland the sheep are quite blue,
Melancholy, and sad, 'cause it's true.
The men want to shag us,
Then turn us to haggis;
What shit in the life of a ewe.
--- CyberCelt T9711

Now Laddie, no more of your lip.
You'll pay very dear for that quip.
And what is so wrong
With using your dong
To make an effective sheep dip?
--- SFA

Some Scots are known to fuck sheep;
A whole flock of ewes they might keep.
None of this "Chicken Flu"
For a Scotsman will do.
It's "Sheep Fever" that makes those men weep.
--- Faerie

"Why wear a kilt?" asked a young nipper.
"Surely pants would be a lot hipper."
Said the Scot, all smiles,
"It's because, for miles,
A sheep can be hearing a zipper."
--- Les Stewart

McLeod, a Highlander true
With the sheep had a technique quite new.
This canny wee Mac
Threw the sheep on its back,
So to kiss her whilst having a screw!
--- Cyber Celt T9711

To write limericks 'bout Scotsmen and lambs,
Here are a few things you can cram:
Clean the sheep out of silt,
Then whip up your kilt,
And always spray pecker with PAM!
--- John Chastaine T9711

St Kilda of people's devoid;
To visit I'd be overjoyed.
They left for the main-
Land but sheep still remain,
All waiting by me to be toyed.

(St Kilda, off the coast of Scotland; no people since 1930)
--- Tiddy Ogg

On Saturday night, up on Mars,
Four Scotsmen were screwing in cars,
Three lambs and a ewe;
Pretty rhythmical too;
With always three bleats to the baas.
--- Friar TP9802

Said Leslie, a classy Scotch Lassie,
"The lads say I've got quite a chassis.
But to spruce up my bleat,
If I want to compete --
And the rams think I'm too big and sassy!"
--- John Miller

There once was a Scot in a kilt,
Who'd do any sheep that'd stand stilt.
A fleece he was shagging,
His balls they were dragging,
And he was in up to the hilt!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A limerick 'bout Scotsmen and sheep?
It's a task that isn't too steep.
A Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am,
With a nice highland ram;
Just lift the kilt and shove it deep!
--- John Chastaine T9711

Mid tall grassland sowers and reapers,
In a land of highlander sheep keepers,
How does our friend Sam
Find a little lost lamb?
"Very satisfying," by jeepers.
--- Res Ipsa a

A shepherd from Cheshire's soft hills
Was always looking for thrills,
Till a sheep he molested
Loudly protested,
And sent him the veterinary's bills.
--- Anon

Those tales of Welsh girls can't be true,
There's very few Blodwyns will do
A job satisfactual,
And make men ejactual;
That's why all the Welshmen like ewe.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Mike bought him a cow and a sheep.
Said he, "Tell me wife, not a peep.
I'll milk me fine cow;
Me sheep I'll somehow
Find use when me wife's fast asleep."
--- Travis Brasell

A lonely young shepherd from Crete
Thought he was being discrete.
When the rest went to town,
His robe, it came down;
The whole island heard the flock bleat!
--- Matt Trepal

Old shepherds most often are queer.
The whole female sex, they do fear.
They spurn marriage beds,
Preferring instead,
To bugger their sheep from the rear.
--- Anon

A shepherd with schedules to keep,
Has trouble getting to sleep.
So at the end of the day
When he hits the old hay,
He starts out by cunting his sheep.
--- Actaeon

While the shepherd was tending his flock
He was reading the ewes "Dr. Spock".
But before the day's end.
He complained to his friend
"That talk about Spock is a crock!"
--- John E Mayhood

This is file njk

A lonely sheepherder from Texas
Doesn't know what conventional sex is.
He will grab for release
Anything that has fleece,
Caring not what the sex he selects is.
--- Pierce Evans

There was a shepherd from Dundee;
Thoughts of sex would fill him with glee.
In the hills there they keep
Hundreds of sheep,
Roaming the countryside free.
--- Mushroom

There were two young shepherds named Fox
Renowned for the size of their cocks.
When at home, in bad weather,
They would both fuck together --
In nice weather they fucked with their flocks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1137

A cautious old herder named Heep
Said, "What ye have sowed shall ye reap;
As I'm fearful of AIDS
I lay no men nor maids:
I service and recommend sheep."
--- Armand E Singer 817

A sheepherder said to a whore:
"I don't buy me cunt in a store.
For I bugger me sheep--
They're clean and they're cheap,
And they don't make me Old Faithful sore."
--- G1345

A shepherd who came from Bangkok,
Used to dabble in watered-down stock.
His peculiar perversion
Was total immersion
Till he drowned all the sheep in his flock.
--- John Ciardi

There's a shepherd stuck out on the range
With a malady wondrously strange,
For he slept with his flock,
Till he found out his cock
Had been badly affected by mange.
--- G1307

A shameless sheepherder named Brown
Admits he get moody and down,
So he slides his huge pole in
Some wooly sheep's colon
And rides the poor bugger to town.
--- Armand E Singer 929

A shepherd, who had a prize flock,
Believed it might improve the stock,
If he rogered each one,
So he started at dawn,
But by noon he had ruptured his cock.
--- Michael Horgan

There was a sheepherder named Fretter
Who said of his wife, "I'll forget her.
Though there's much to be said
For a lady in bed,
I must say that a sheep is much better."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1138

A sheepherder out in Van Buren
Lost half of his flock with the murrain.
Quoth the state veterinary,
"You ought not to carry
Them live spirochetes of your'n."

(Murrain - plague affecting animals)
--- L0659

Said the shepherd, "When we are alone,
I caress her erogenous zone,
While I blow in her ear.
But I harbor this fear:
Is she my real true love or a clone?"
--- William N Nesbit P9705

The shepherd was feeling quite blue,
And he didn't know quite what to do.,
With sheep he'd not dare,
'Cause he thought Tupperware,
Was what Rams wore to tupper the ewe.
--- CM

Here's something I've heard about sheep
From a shepherd who flocks while we sleep.
On the edge of a cliff,
They'll be pushing back if
You are ramming it home nice and deep.
--- Anon

The sheepherder came with his knife
To slaughter a sheep for his wife.
Said the sheep, "Why you freak,
It was only last week
That you promised to love me for life."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1154

I don't know what you men see in sheep!
Why not let the poor innocents sleep?
That's why they say, "Bah!"
And call for their Ma-a-a.
It's enough to make anyone weep!
--- Edwina Leer

But sheep can be very appealing.
They don't moan of headaches and feeling
Too tired for humping.
And while you are pumping,
They don't talk about painting the ceiling.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A farm boy, with tastes eclectic,
Screwed a ewe at a pace that was hectic.
It wasn't for passion,
He screwed in this fashion,
But the fence that he screwed through, electric.
--- Anon

While some folks might find this revolting,
Us farm boys enjoy 'lectric jolting;
It charges our yens
When we're humpin' hens,
And helps those ol' gals when they're molting.
--- Anon

When I was a tow-headed lad,
I peeked at my old gramps and dad,
Through slats in a stall,
And I can recall
The grins on their faces they had.
--- Travis Brasell

I watched in amazement and shock;
They boffed an old ewe from the flock;
That ewe hushed her bleating
As they kept repeating
Those thrusts with their cocks hard as rock.
--- Travis Brasell

My Gramps, with the eye of a hawk,
Caught me in my stupified gawk;
He said to me, "Trav,
It's time that we have
Our first southern gentlemen's talk."
--- Travis Brasell

"A man," he said, "must do his chores
With girls, whether spouses or whores;
A man has a duty
To every live cutie
Who walks on two legs,...or on fours!"
--- Travis Brasell

From that day to this, my big knob
Has faithfully done a good job
With everything feminine,
Though I prefer women in
Lieu, 'cause they all love to scob.
--- Travis Brasell

So now, you must cease all your lurking.
Get busy with what you've been shirking.
No more hesitating;
The 'girls' are awaiting;
It's time, as a man, you start working.
--- Travis Brasell

You know how to spin a good yarn,
But you've spent too much time in the barn,
'Cause you'd rather choose
What growls, bleats, or moos,
And for women, you don't give a darn.
--- Observer

This city-boy has a different view,
About what a fellow should do
With his sexual desire,
I'll just quench my fire
With a good-looking woman or two.
--- Observer

And somewhere a mother's heart shudders;
She thinks men are boats without rudders.
All guys are accursed
And you are the worst,
'Cause you have no respect for udders!
--- Observer

My first time was such a fine treat
Right there in my car's backseat.
I still remember
That night in September,
That soft sweet way you did bleat.
--- Gearhart

It was my first time as I say,
But this trick I did learn one day
From my dear old dad.
He said, "Listen lad --
This keeps them from getting away!"
--- Gearhart

A New Zealand shepherd named Jock,
Had a talent that no one could mock.
For here is my riddle,
How a tune from his fiddle
Kept that smile on the face of his flock.
--- Sambo Didley

If you think he's a musical bloke,
Then you're definitely on the wrong stroke.
Confusing, my Dear?
Well it all becomes clear,
When I let you all in on the joke.
--- Sambo Didley

When I speak of fiddle, you see,
Think phallic, mot musical key.
No Amati, no Strad;
In a jock strap it's clad,
His instrument of ecstasy.
--- Sambo Didley

If you've followed along with me here,
The finale is now getting near.
I'll set up the stage
For his raging rampage,
And the curtain is raised with a cheer.
--- Sambo Didley