A party (he smirks), There once was a starving old poet, In honor of the Emerald Isle, For a verse not my own contribution Often cited, I have to agree; Since poorness in rhyming's my fetish, The poet must understand rhyme, A poet's wife uttered a curse: A struggling writer named Dave, That poets live long, filled with gumption, An old rhyming poet from Skye An anonymous poet online My penchant is writing light verse, I stop to think now and then; On romance, of bees and the birds; This evening I don't have the time Of steps there are twenty in all, Oh sod it, I think I'll stay here An old Nashville cowpoke named Frye, So few are the rhymes for Australia, Dad said, "Marsha, say it's not so! There was an old poet called Thomas, The point of the Great Chinese Wall, There once was a fine Irish lass, Advice from the Bard of the Okies: Her breasts are like white watermelons; "My dear," said a poet named Damature, An erudite lady named Treadwell Frenchmen make all the fine wines; Alfred Lord Tennyson, I would suppose, The need for a man to express Take pity on your local poet; As we deal in the dark, one and all, (Earl of Limerick, San Francisco, 16 May 1984)
This is file nhm
When an Earl talks to bankers in verse, (rebuttal to Earl of Limerick by J. Dundas Hamilton)
A poet is always contented; Anon., Idem., Ibid., and Trad. There once was a young man who said: A silver-tongued poet, quit oft While studying eudaemonisms, (eudaemonism - well being or happiness)
A writer of poetry in France, A perfectionist poet named Morris Enough women were usually fighting A poet, poor son of a bitch, A nutty old poet named Spence If you look very hard at the stuff in I'm trying this new thing I've found, Though the theme is open wide, Quite right. Singing rounds is so crass. There once was a poet of fame A pretty young lady from Crow Knob A poet named Hiram Q Pitt A tree death is sad -- I know it, She never used an obscenity That doogie he pens many verses A scum-loving poet named Hank There once was a poet named Kevin, Am I quick, witty, clever, urbane, A poet who starved in a garret Old Sydney the vicarage parrot, He's the air of a rhymer of words-- The court poet's stately recitals A cowgirl, name of Fat Harriet, My Dear Poet Laureate: Verse signed, The Queen
A poet who should have retired A terrible poet was Grimes. Up North, they think the word castle I bought a thick dictionary of rhyme.
The towel (I quit).
A wobbler (a fit),
The gauntlet (it's down),
A lifeline (don't drown!)
--- Doug Harris P0512Q
Who never could sell what he wroet.
He practiced austerity
For the sake of posterity,
But he left it not even one quoet.
--- John Ciardi
We give our news, Limerick Style.
But if you want Japanese
Poems about knees,
You'll just have to wait a wee while.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I adhere to a firm resolution:
If something is good
Then forward I would,
But never without attribution.
--- Island Singer TP9901a
This is fruit from the limerick tree.
But what makes me groan
Is that "author unknown"
Is quoted more often than me.
--- John Miller A
Explains why my brow is now fev'rish.
What I'd like to know --
How far can I go
Before my small public get peev'rish?
--- Irving Superior P8708
And use it in stanzas sublime.
The same goes for meter;
If she blows it, we'll beater,
For writing bad verse is a crime.
--- Anon
"You'd rather rhyme that fill our purse."
He husband said, mildly,
"Don't carry on, wildly --
You married for better or verse."
--- Cynthia MacGregor
To limericks, he was a slave.
But he never could sell,
And was broke as all hell,
Through his life, all the way to the grave.
--- Cap'n Bean
is a clearly misguided assumption.
An accurate prognosis
Is tuberculosis,
'Cause most of them died of consumption.
--- Richard Long
Reckoned old rhyming poets don't die.
Though without any doubt,
When the meter runs out,
Their rhyming would fade with a sigh.
--- Joe Guerin
Pens filthy pap, I opine.
But this trash about butts
And eager hot sluts,
Makes me laugh -- so it must be fine!
--- Anon
Witty and pithy and terse.
Limericks that rhyme
Pop out all the time.
That's my unnatural poetic curse.
--- Harry Rubin P9108
While writing, I put down my pen.
Then I start to reflect;
I wind down, what the heck!
And forget to start thinking again.
--- Al Willis
The poet is crafting his words.
So how does he choose?
He prays to his muse,
And they droppeth from heaven like turds.
--- Peter Wilkins
To send in another new rhyme.
My brain is quite dead
And I'm going to bed,
If the stairs I can manage to climb.
--- Anon
And they start at the end of the hall.
Because of the whiskey,
I'm not feeling frisky,
But think I can manage a crawl.
--- Anon
And open another cold beer.
Then sleep on the table
As far as I'm able,
And wait till my headache is clear.
--- Anon
Finding faces in clouds rolling by,
Noted T. H. H. Caine,
E. A. Poe and M. Twain,
And wrote "Ghost Writers In The Sky."
--- Cyber Geezer
It's doubtful that I can regalia.
But I'll persevere,
To Webster adhere
Or else go Down Under, a failia.
--- Irving Superior P8611
Writing poems about Billy Blow!
Just be a lady
Don't write poems shady!"
"Shit! Dad, I just go with the flow!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who at first, showed a great deal of promise.
But slowly his verse
Became worse and worse,
And he never got much worse than psalmes.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was a place for their poems to scrawl.
Sure, it was needed,
But it's been superceded
With the advent of the pay toilet stall.
--- Anon TP9804
Who sometimes wrote limericks so crass;
With curly red hair
(Yes! even down there!)
And long legs clear up to her ass.
--- Kaylin Brandon
"I might as well move to the Smokies;
Among these hayseeds
Most nobody reads,
And couldn't tell dactyls from trochees."
--- Armand E Singer 654
Her growth parallels Mt. St. Helens
(And if I rhyme vagina
With South Carolina,
I'm as bad as the rest of you felons.)
--- Dick Potts P8602
"You'll find that I am not an amateur.
So grab hold of your toes
And I'll fuck you in prose
And then in iambic pentameter."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0676
Was firmly convinced that she read well;
Though at prose she's no amateur,
Iambic pentameter,
She never could get through her head well.
--- Alsops Foibles
Germans drink beer out of steins.
When the Irish drink ale,
Their minds become stale
And the Jews write their poetry lines.
--- Anon
Must be resting today in repose.
Shelly was drowned,
But this I have found:
Old poets don't die -- just decompose.
--- Richard Long
His elation or deepest distress,
Drives pencil to paper;
Turns pen into rapier;
And keep the wits whetted and dressed.
--- Lassies Lover TP9806
It's preferable few people know it.
His income is small,
Or not there at all.
His clothing is likely to show it.
--- Anon
There's a maxim I seem to recall,
That with confidence states,
As the dollar gyrates,
From the higher, the harder they fall.
--- Earl of Limerick P8406
Later speeches can only get worse.
Leaving scansion (analysis) apart,
If we don't touch your heart,
I hope you will unbutton your purse.
--- J Dundas Hamilton P8406
Through poetry, fantasy's invented.
But the long ago bard
Had to memorize hard,
Until paper and pen were invented.
--- Elizabeth Santos
Wrote much that is morally bad:
Some ballads, some chanties,
All poems about panties--
And limericks, too, one must add.
--- Anon
"The poets most frequently read
Are most of them linked
By being extinct;
So clearly it helps to be dead."
--- Richard Long
Lured a score of young girls to his loft.
First to visit the bard
No doubt found it hard,
But the rest, it is said, had it soft.
--- John Miller 0128 a
Plus B.A. -- "Restrainment of Jisms"
Essays must not include
Any words crude or rude.
Can you help me with some euphemisms?
--- Jplea
Once she met a publisher called Hans,
He liked what he saw,
Said he'd like to see more.
She said, "When you put on your pants!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
One night went berserk right before us.
He just flew off his perch
In his desperate search
For the ONE perfect rhyme for THESAURUS.
--- Evelyn Bogen
To sleep with a poet named Whiting,
"But what I need instead
Is a typist," he said,
"Who can really decipher my writing."
--- A N Wilkins P8511
Must refrain, if he happens to itch,
From an action so crass
As scratching his ass,
For his "culture" is keeping him rich.
--- Pearl B. Sheridan
Nonsensical verse did dispense.
But when he was delirious,
All his poems were serious,
Yet his nonsense was what made most sense.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2801
This book, which is known as a Puffin,
You'll very soon know it's
Been written by poets
For money, of course, not for nuffin.
--- E O Parrot
Combining these words into sounds.
Rhyming the lines
Is troubling at times,
But at least I'm not speaking in rounds.
--- Anon
The meter must be in stride.
A word misplaced
Will bring disgrace,
From the readers on the other side.
--- Anon
I tried it, with young Susie Bass.
By the start of line three
She was on top of me,
And I disappeared up my own ass.
--- Anon
Who could not remember his name,
So he had it all planned
Wrote it there on his hand,
But it smudged when he jacked off and came.
--- Bob Birch P0605
Says, " Writing a poem is a slow job;
Although I'm quite clever
It took me forever
To think of a good rhyme for snow job!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
Got into a bit of a snit,
When his lines wouldn't rhyme
A great deal of the time,
And the words just did not seem to fit.
--- William K Alsop Jr
For it's taken a long time to grow it.
But there's a lesson to learn,
Though inner fires burn,
Zoologists cannot be poets.
--- Anon
Writing about masculinity.
Rhymes made with rudeness,
Crudeness, or lewdness
Simply disturbed her serenity.
--- Dick Ford
Of cock, cunts, cum and curses.
He's more o.c.d., [obsessive-compulsive-disorder)
Than you or than me;
Much more, I'll need nurses or hearses.
--- Anon
From lucrative filth never shrank.
He once penned a low ode
To a turd-filled commode
And laughed all the way to the bank.
--- Armand E Singer 162
Who penned limericks until ninety-seven.
He said with a sigh,
"Perhaps when I die,
I'll be able to quote them in heaven."
--- Anon
Prolific, and far-from-mundane?
I'll admit it; it's true;
I'm much slicker than you,
Though you probably think me a pain.
--- A N Wilkins P8604
Tried to trade his best verse for a carrot.
The grocer read out loud
As he roared to the crowd,
"I could get better lines from my parrot."
--- Cyd
Declined to write verse for a carrot,
But often wrote loads
Of rambunctious odes,
In return for a bottle of claret.
--- Peter Wilkins
One whose rhymes are, shall we say, for the birds.
I think you may know him,
For he wrote this poem--
Judged "worst" in the Guiness Book of Records.
--- Ken Leonhardt P9110
Flattered him and the court to their vitals.
There the dukes, earls, and counts
Flocked in noblest amounts,
And even the poems had titles.
--- Laurence Perrine P8308
Told her boyfriend she just wouldn't marry yet.
Her ambitions lay
Writing cow poems all day
And becoming a Poet Lariat.
--- Herkin
On one's birthday is commonly terse;
But your paper was blank --
Does this mean that you rank
With the Modern, Post-modern, or worse?
--- Paul Wigmore
Was arrested for having conspired
To hunt out of season
For rhyme without reason,
With poetic license expired.
--- Cyber Geezer
His verses were awful at times,
Like: Some people's houses
Are swarming with mouses.
He'd say: 'That's a good one -- it rhymes.'
--- Funfax Limericks
Is a word that will rhyme with asshole.
They think that tone
Will not rhyme with scone,
Which causes most poets a hassle.
--- Richard Long
Thought that I'd have an easier time.
But to rhyme "Kayak"
This book suggests "zwieback".
Now the plot is my problem most prime.
--- June Sullivan P8505