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It is true that we're quite intellectual; There once was an old William named Healey Your attitude warrants a smile, Odin the bardling averred, (Auden and Isherwood - minor British poets)
There was a strange poet named Sean, I wish the ribald you'd embraced, Rhyming is such a great joy, A poet gets up out of bed Griped Alphonse, the underfed poet, A cashier is tempted at times The ex-Irlandais that hight Hackett A man was not such a good poet; The mad poet, I confess, was Tilson, As I write this, it's terribly late, A blade from the city of Kent There's no call for your rhymes, neat and dapper? I have ached for some verse with a soul, Please do not chase them away. Example: One Jeffrey Beeton And, now we have plenty of room And finally, without any crap, I too, cringe at some of the entries, Lady J, we must not be so crass; I too, cringe when I read something dumb, To be fair though, allow me to say "In a life so lacking in condiment William Blake was an artist of power, Today I became very flustered Old Baso, who wrote some haiku, Prostitute our fine art just for dough? There once was a man name of Al. I remember once taking a gander I'm saddened to hear that Al died; Al, you've slipped away in the night; That's two now for whom the bell tolled -- The peers I regarded as brainy, (rewrite of start of Alan Ginsberg's Howl)
My government will be majestic, There once was a doctor called Seuss Ms Edna St. Vincent Millay There was an old Bishop, quite sweaty, For TP, poets prepare one and all; There was a wierd spectre called Joyce There's a poetic wit, Larry Wilde, There was a young man from Green Bay, Some people may think it's a con, We don't care one whit (Mayor Frank Jordan of S. F. on need of permit for poetry)
Send pics of your girlfriends sans pants, Please proofread this issue for free, Oh Bob, it would be quite grand, For an aging, medalioned, old voyeur, On my license it's stated quite clear A geezer with limericks would fiddle Sometimes slang for a sailor is "gob" Since early spring I've crept at snailish crawl, Thomas Stearns Eliot stated Yes, I write with a quill as you see, "Poor mariner, ruined and wrecked, A mariner, beard white as hoar, In days, when still young and precocious, But now, as a very old man, You see how this boring preamble, So please gentle reader, reverse, This sailor says: "Tids, once I sails, At grammar these sailors are dense, The ship she was called Mary's Dream, The helmsman, he aimed it at Dublin,
Our poetical skills quite effectual.
But even a genius
Is ruled by his penius,
So we mostly write stuff that is sexual.
--- MrMalo
From whose pen music flowed rather freely;
But to friends, 'twas the terse
And quite secular verse,
He composed even more freely, really.
--- Keith MacMillan 13a
And mine is now stretching a mile.
In limerick or prose,
Everyone knows
That anything serious is vile.
--- Alan Chilver
His muse was the bum of a bird.
And his lesbian wife
Would finger his fife,
While Fisherwood waited as third.
--- L0269
Who cared not who he laid upon.
But she gnashed a tooth loose
When he called her abstruse:
A gal so far out, she was gone.
--- G0020a
Than send me reply so straight-laced.
It just ain't much fun
As when it is done
With a shit-eating grin on your face.
--- Chris Papa
Some creative prowess employ,
Creditable art,
"Gee, look Mom, how smart,
The talent of your girl or boy."
--- Chris Papa
To type out a poem in his head.
I'm really not crazy,
But sometimes too lazy
And write on my pillow instead.
--- Anon
"I'm poor as a church mouse and know it;
I tell you I'm missin'
A pot I can piss in,
Or window out which I can throw it.
--- Armand E Singer 39
To pilfer some quarters and dimes;
A poet, however,
When not feeling clever,
Is apt to adopt others' rhymes.
--- LaDonna Jones P8503
Attempted to purloin Joyce's jacket
But the Godly J. Quinn
Forestalled him in sin
And purloined Hackett's hindpart to smack it.
--- Ezra Pound to Joyce P9510
If a rhyme was apparent, he'd blow it.
Any reader could see
What the word ought to be,
But the silly man, he'd never be aware of it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who's written more verses upon
A subject so crass,
He will now risk his ass,
And not hide with the shield of ANON.
--- Anon
I'll arise in the morning at eight,
But I'll be up all night,
For once I start to write,
I've an unending need to create.
--- Anon
Was paid for this ditty one cent:
"I'm afraid Walter Mitty
Has spayed little kitty,
And made itty-bitty repent."
--- Lims Unlimited
And you can't afford paper or wrapper?
For the poetic soul,
Broke, on the dole,
There's always the wall in the crapper.
--- Donald Dimock A
And I hearby do ask for a poll.
Answer please, yes or no:
Should the lame writers go?
Ten to one voting yes is my goal.
--- LadyJ
It may seem like a strange thing to say,
But sometimes the worst
Will bring out a burst
Of great writing the very next day.
--- John Miller
Whose posting served strongly to sweeten
This newsgroup (then slow)
For he irked us all so,
We wrote great stuff to prove him a cretin.
--- John Miller
For some newbies to grow and to bloom.
Even your stuff and mine,
Ain't so hot all the time.
Let's let others shed light in the gloom
--- John Miller
MrMalo'd have no one to rap.
No need for explaining,
He's most entertaining,
When a lamer falls into his trap.
--- John Miller
But we shouldn't be limerick sentries.
I know some are the shits;
They can't all be smash hits.
We should welcome and educate newbies.
--- S C Saint
We can't kick them out on their ass,
Out into the cold night,
Just because they can't write.
Some, like you, are not mentally fast.
--- Chris Bolivar
But to judge them, I shall not succumb.
For when I stand in glory,
I'm sure part of my story
Will have moments when I too, was a bum.
--- Chris Bolivar
I agree with your assessments today.
It's just simpler for me
To apply "delete" key
And cast those lame writings away.
--- Chris Bolivar
I confess I am smitten with wonderment
At the curious neatness,
And the 'lightness and sweetness'
With which Q. has smacked Hackett's fundament."
--- Ezra Pound P9510
A mystic, a poet, a tower,
Who held in his hand
The infinite sand
Of eternity; England's wild flower.
--- Rory Ewins
In finding a rhyme for a bustard.
Change its name to canary;
It's become necessary.
I tried but I can't cut the mustard.
--- Al Willis P9802
Was not fussy or prissy like you.
He could be quite lewd,
Or touch on the crude...
He pined to taste pleasure anew.
--- Anon
Mr. Willis, your thought pains me so!
(In a century or two,
I'm pretty sure you
Will be enshrined with me next to Van Gogh!)
--- John Miller A
Though too old to nail him a gal,
His potent lim rhymes
Fucked me up many times
With laughter. And miss him I shall.
--- H Welchel
At a column by Ms. Ann Landers.
Al wrote of his twins,
Of the out and the ins,
And how much of his time they demander.
--- Arden
Both ends of the spectrum he plied.
With rhymes penned at ease,
Two big mags with P's,
Pentatette and Penthouse, replied.
--- Frank
This is file ngm
With the limerical muse taken flight.
Perhaps bye and bye
We'll meet in the sky
Where the meter and rhyme's always right.
--- John Miller
His lims were often solid gold --
We'll miss our old pal --
May you rest in peace, Al --
Hope nobody else leaves our fold!
--- Kaylin
Are starving, hysterical, zany.
Their clothing is gone,
Through black streets at dawn,
They seek a mad fix, clear or rainy.
--- Anon
In matters both foreign, domestic,
And laws legislated
Will be formulated
A-A-B-B-A, anapestic.
--- Ed Potts P8501
Whose grip on reality was loose.
He saw giant cats
In oversized hats.
His books reeked of substance abuse.
--- Virge
Kept all of her suitors at bay.
She plied them with verses,
Ignoring the curses,
But never a romp in the hay.
--- Armand E Singer 238
Who mumbled in Swedish and Yeti.
But analysts found
If they twisted his sound,
It came out as pure Ferlinghetti. (Beat Poet SF, '60's)
--- Dennis M Hammes
Writing on paper, on scraps and the wall.
But oh no, not I,
I write on the fly,
And Christ! Those fuckers are small!
--- Anon A
Rearisen from Monasterboice.
His whole occupation
A walking negation
Of all his acquaintances' choice.
--- Gogarty P9311
Who limericks are somewhat defiled
With subjects like Jesus
And venereal diseases.
They should be kept from your child.
--- E C W P82
Who awoke with a sense of dismay,
To find in his bed,
A girl who had read
All of Edna St. Vincent Millay.
--- John Ciardi
This new plan that I've hit upon.
But I'll now take the credit,
When you don't know who said it;
I changed my name to Anon.
--- Richard Long
For poetry by permit.
Let the verse flow free
From the beach to the sea
And uphold the tradition of Ferlinghetti.
--- Mayor Frank Jordan P9305
And limericks when you get the chance.
Make sure that your copy
Is not getting sloppy,
And edit these shots of my manse.
--- Irish
But Golly, how rude can I be?
For limerick donation
Your grand compensation:
A year of our rag is on me!
--- Irish
Our rhymes to be read through the land,
Mixed up with pudenda
Of various genda,
In a tome to be read with one hand.
--- Irish
You're nearly as smart as my lawyer.
I feel like a jerk,
Still going to work,
While Penthouse editors play Tom Sawyer.
--- Irish
"This guy is poetic right here."
So give him some lenience
In his blatant disobedience
To the rules of good grammar, he's an artificeer.
--- Anon
Until he went to the hospital.
Now I'll be dadburned
If he hasn't returned,
Although "Why?" is a puzzling riddle.
--- Cyber Geezer
And in England a "toff" is a "nob".
But it's not appropo
Among those whom I know
To presume to call Robert Frost, Bob.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0604
To finish this stone fence good neighbors call
Good. Now the winds the stately birches bend
And I have miles to go before I end,
Someone there is who doesn't love a wall.
--- Anon
That April's the month that he hated,
But apparently May
Was largely okay.
(His monthlies, perhaps, had abated.)
--- Norm Storer P9812
Since word processors all attack me.
Good enough for Mark Twain,
I then fain to retain,
And use what's user friendly to me.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0011
Are you wiser from taking your trek?"
"Yes I learned not to cross
Any old albatross
That happens to poop on my deck!"
--- Lassies Lover
Accosted me at the church door.
No, not that old matelot,
His story's old hat, lo,
I've told that fool's story before.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I tackled such things albatrocious,
When I'd time to dally,
And rhyme supercalli-
Fragelisticexpialidocious.
--- Tiddy Ogg
My wit's gone, I'm failing to scan.
My brain cells are crumbling;
I'm drooling and mumbling,
And scan and rhyme have gone to hell.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is becoming a tiresome ramble.
I must prove beyond doubt
That my mind's up the spout,
As my grey matter starts to unscramble.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To line 1 similar verse,
That first line or two.
And while you so do,
I'll go off and fondle my nurse.
--- Tiddy Ogg
From Swansea, down there in South Wales,
We all kiss Myfanwy,
The scrubber, and then we
Casts off on our venturesome trails."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And speak always in present tense.
It makes reading hard,
So if you'll beg my pard-
on, I'll edit the rest, to make sense.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Myfanwy like, broad in the beam.
She's rigged fore and aft,
With considerable draught,
As the wind whistled through every seam.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But his eyes, due to booze, were a-troublin',
So she veered south sou'east,
Till the gale at last ceased,
But the sea, through the hull, now was bubblin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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