My name is George Gordon, Lord Byron, If Byron laid his half-sister Augusta, Of MacGonigle I have not heard; Shakespeare and Milton...sublime! With my dendrites fast slipping away, There's an Irishman, Arthur O'Shaughnessy -- If I could but write like O Nash, A rhymester named J Ogden Nash Although he may be out of fashion, Beware of the poems of Ogden; "Mr. Poe," said the Raven, "I trust There once was a young writer named Joyce (Ezra Pound said this rhymes in parts of New York)
Robert Browning infrequently misses (Spoonerism - Pippa Passes by Robt Browning)
There was an old poet named Frost The Bard of the North, Robert Service, On the road to Mandalay On the road where Manda lay Said Sam Coleridge, "This poem was the spawn Serious poems bore me; I've pondered the writings of Shelly, There was a young poet named Shelly Shelly's death - was it really his wish There was a young poet named Swinburne Swinburne--he of the multiple rhyme-- It still made Swinburne burn when in his prime.
The editors cried, "Resubmit!" T. S. Elliot is quite at a loss, "I'm depressed," said the laureate Ted Hughes; "I would doubt", said the Bishop of Balham, (De mortuis... - Never speak ill of the dead)
Said Tennyson, "Yes, Locksley Hall's 'Twas a trait of small Thomas Love Peacock's Young Kilmer said, "Dad, I can't see Bryant, nee William Cullen To get the Last Poems of Yeats,
This is file ndm
Aladdin was surely depraved. Said Jim Smith, a young lad from old Siam, "A book and a jug and a dame, (Here with a loaf of bread...)
An old poet called Omar cried, "Now A young writer of verses named Bough, Old Omar Kayahm loved to linger Recently I was taken aback "The finger that moves, having writ, "Fate's sure finger," said Khayyam, "doth spawn "Loaf of bread, jug of wine, and thee" Next morning, I tried once again, "I'll be luckier next time," I said, As I daintily wiped off the booze, Some booze with a friend by a tree "Though your singing, my dear, is divine," Are gentlemen living is Siam In days well before old King Fahd But this so-called bard, who was gaga, Well this is the tale that he told, Most famous of whom, Richard Burton, Now that verse was much worser than most, There once was a powerful sheikh, He did it without much compunction; Now Zaza, to save her kid sister, "Hang on, 'fore you get at my twat, And though the old fool wants to bang her, So each night he plays with his cock; This goes on for nearly three years, The wisdom of old Persion mystics, If you, man, are in the same boat, Your tale of the harem with stores enough Two Persians, Omar and Khayyam, The grit folk an' the puir do't, For they a' do't, they a' do't,
And my prick is as hard as cast iron.
Here alone I regret
I'm not with that coquette,
My sister who screwed like a siren.
--- A N Wilkins P8702
'Twas but to give the gossip columns lustre,
And should not nowadays, in practice,
From his poetry, distract us--
Get on with reading Manfred, will you, Buster?
--- G0804
As for skill, I won't take your word.
I'll seek out a book
And just take a look;
If he's rotten I'll flip you the bird!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And Chaucer, he too in full time...
But at five and a score,
Keats had written more
When stolen from us in his prime.
--- Tutta Gioia
And my anapests in disarray,
My rhymes ain't so pure.
This tells me for sure
I ain't Edna St. Vincent Millay.
--- Observer
On the chessboard of poets, a pawn is he;
Though a bishop or king
Would be rather his thing
To the fancy of Arthur O'Shaughnessy.
--- Dante G Rossetti
Old scribbles of mine I would trash.
I'd compose brand new stuff
Without fat or fluff,
But with wit, that would sparkle and flash.
--- Marc Davis
Used to write these brief verses for cash.
He was also a punster;
A world renowned funster,
And a writer with loads of panache.
--- Marc Davis
I've long had a consuming passion
For most every ditty,
Both funna and witty
That flowed from the pen Ogden Nashian.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Unwary old folks have been fogden.
There's so much balderdash,
It will make your teeth Nash,
And your ears will get mired down and bogden.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2732
You recall the dark night we discussed
That likeness of Pallas?
I viewed him as callous
And as solace provider, a bust."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0800
Whose diction was ribaldly choice,
And all his friends woes
Were deduced from his prose
Which never filled anyone's purse.
--- Ezra Pound
The target and earns himself hisses,
But I have to complain
That he's clearly profane
In writing that verse, Papa Pisses.
--- Anon
Who stopped by some woods and got lost.
Despite promises, so
He had miles to go
Before sleep, and he'd not even flossed!
--- Anon
Was poking a lady named Jervis.
She murmured, "Oh, Bob,
You do such a nice job,
But those snow shoes you wear, make me nervous."
--- Anon
Where the soldiers Manda lay.
Let the storm come up like thunder
(As they spread her legs asunder)
'Cause the men demand a lay.
--- Irving Superior P8805
Stands a witness there who'll say,
"Hit and runner,
Came like thunder,
From behind her," Rudyard K.
--- Irving Superior P8805
Of an opium dream. I was drawn
To write it all down,
But a clodpoll from town
Blundered in and the magic was gone.
--- A N Wilkins P8803
I feel that they're not written for me.
I once threw a welly
At a picture of Shelley;
I don't think that anyone saw me.
--- Richard Long
Who sat in his heighborhood deli
And pondered his life
While eating his wife
And bagels with kosher grape jelly.
--- Travis Brasell
Who much preferred bottom to belly.
He argued the former
Was tighter and warmer,
Though it does make the shooting stick smelly.
--- G2277
To be drowned 'midst Ilalian fish?
I certainly think
I'd dive in the drink,
If my parents had christened me Bysshe.
--- Bill Greenwell
Who swore: "May my soul and my skin burn!
The prospect appalls
Not a person whose balls
To bugger a Siamese twin burn."
--- G2279
Was a victim of nursery crime.
To make his little pinny stir
His nurse used to administer
Treatment so sweet and sinister
--- G0806
Thomas then had a snit fit.
"Re-write my Prufrock?
You can suck on my cock!"
They replied, "Just T.S., Eliot!"
--- Anon
When clubwomen bustle across
At literary teas
Crying, "What, if you please,
Did you mean by the Mill on the Floss?"
--- W H Auden
"Forty years on the throne, where's the muse."
Then inspired, he wrote
Of a three-legged stoat,
Disembowelling dead kangaroos.
--- Bill Wall
"If Tennyson ever had Hallam.
Such things are best hid.
Let's hope that he did
De mortuis nil nisi malum."
--- Terence Rattigan
A story that always enthralls,
For it comes down to this,
She gave him a kiss.
And then a good kick in the balls."
--- Victor Gray
And his brother to sink both their wee cocks
Into fish, snake, or bird,
But the tail they preferred
Was the one that made Thomas love peacocks.
--- G0805
Why we call forest 'virgin'." "The key,"
He replied, "to it all,
You ought to recall.
Only God can, you know, make a tree."
--- A N Wilkins P8409
Picked up one day an old skull 'n
Wrote Thanatopsis;
A dreary synopsis
Of thoughts 'bout the grave, really sullen.
--- TuttaGioia
You need not mug up on dates;
All a reader requires
Is some knowledge of gyres,
And the sort of people he hates.
--- W H Auden P8608
I was plucked from my lamp and enslaved.
The despotic young thug
Sought to fly on a rug.
You'd think he'd be better behaved.
--- Donna Lee Dom
"These bad poems show I'm no Omar Khayyam.
My poetical work
Makes me look like a jerk.
You can see what a stupid ass I am."
--- Ward Hardman
And a nice cozy nook for the same;
And I don't give a damn,"
Said Omar Khayyam,
"What you say, it's a great little game."
--- E M Robinson
I've found Paradise truly, and how!
I regret what I've said,
Stuff verse, wine, and bread!
I'll have thou and have thou and have thou.
--- J E C
Ate the Loaf, drained the jug, then yelled, "Thou,
Makest my life a mess,
Singing in the wilderness,
Hush, love, Thou'st spoiled Paradise enow."
--- Anon
In the wilderness with his sweet singer;
She enjoyed Omar's wine,
Thought his loaf was just fine,
But she liked best his famed "moving finger."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8407
When my wife offered this neat wisecrack:
I'd asked, "Whom do you see
Most changed our poetry?"
She said, "Doubtlessly, Omar Kayak."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808
Moves on," said Khayam, "nor your wit
Nor your piety shan't
Divert it one scant
As it pokes out your eye -- you dumb twit!"
--- Arthur Deex P8804
Cogent tales made to reflect upon.
Thoughts today are not gelled
And the words are misspelled.
Do you wonder the finger moves on?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9709
I said to my lover passionately!
She spat in my face
And left in such haste,
I barely could speak, but said "Gee!"
--- Javabeane
With the alcohol clouding my brain.
"With this loaf and a jug,
Can I give you a hug?"
She thought I was going insane.
--- Peter W
"By omitting the passionate bread.
With this jug I am trying
To declare love undying."
She walloped me over the head.
--- Peter W
I thought "Hell, what is there to lose?"
So I dropped down a notch
And went straight for her crotch,
And got in her, right up to my shoes.
--- John Miller
Makes you happy and horny, you see.
But don't give me credit,
'Twas Khayyam who said it.
Give a try. It will cure your ennui.
--- Julia Strawn P8707A
Omar said, "and these verses are fine,
Though our favorite oasis
Is the best of all places,
You've neglected the bread and the wine."
--- A N Wilkins P8403
Was astonished to learn as I am
That a guy named Fitzgerald
Wrote the poem we herald
As The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.
--- Cyber Geezer
There lived an Arabian bard,
Who told of the delights
Of a thousand plus nights,
With a pop-tart called Sheherezade.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And does not know Baghdad from West Gaza,
Thinks Sheherezade
Is a name far too hard
To spell, so I'll call the bitch Zaza.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of a tale-telling female of old.
But who, unlike me,
Who tells you for free,
From scribbling, some blokes make much gold.
--- Tiddy Ogg
(Not Liz Taylor's cuckold, that dirt on
Whom's easily found.)
This bloke, Eastward bound,
On Arab scrawl, lifted the curtain.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Says I who uncommonly boast.
Get on with the tale,
Or you'll surely fail
To complete it, ere Erm wants warm toast.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who, each night, a virgin would take,
And have his foul way
Till dawn the next day,
Then kill them as daylight would break.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But face it, if you wanted conjunction
With cunt that's brand new,
Then you got to screw
Them thus, though folks say you dysfunction.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who's next on his list, says: "Hey mister,
I see you're well hung,
And I'm good with my tongue.
How 'bout it?" and he can't resist her.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I've something to say, not a lot.
I'll tell you the tale
Of Sinbad the Sail-
Or, 'cause plenty of time we still got.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To tup her, to screw her, to wang her,
He sits there, enthralled,
Till breakfast is called,
When she stops at a crucial cliff-hanger.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She is not getting out of her frock;
No, our cunning Zaza
Relates Ali Baba,
And mythical birds like the roc.
--- Tiddy Ogg
(A thousand and one nights, my dears.)
He then says he'll bed her
And not then behead her,
And happily they live for years.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I've studied to find the logistics,
To solve here the matter
Of feminine chatter,
And overcome cunning linguistics
--- Tiddy Ogg
Her yakking is getting your goat,
The answer, of course,
Is strike at the source:
She'll not talk with dork in her throat.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of one-night-stand ladies, sheiks whores enough,
Is as charmingly told
As that opus of old,
Composed by team Rimsky and Korsekov.
--- Scott C
Thought they were being subliam.
But they wrote tommyrot
In that damn Ruba'iyat,
'Bout how depressingly short our life ti'am.
--- Tutta Gioia
The blythe folk an' the sour do't,
The black, the white,
Rude and polite,
Both autocrat an' boor do't.
--- Robert Burns
The beggars an' the braw do't,
Folk that ance were,
An' folk that are--
And folk that come will a' do't.
--- Robert Burns