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If you smoke 'em, then get off the weed. I'm now in a hard convent bed. If I take Viagra, my dear, I will charge fifty dollars a pop, "Viagra is great!" smirked old Wooster; For years, there was no erection, Said the macho and virile Senor, I once tried Viagra for fun, With Viagra I'm back on the scene, He wanted to show his affection If, for Viagra, you have an Rx, It's Viagra thats done it for me; Although old Strom Thurmond could score, A tired old man named Deagra A special night it was YESTREEN. There's a certain old relic named Fish An elderly fellow named Buzz My deportment when young was sans flaws, I left girls with their hearts a breakin'. Do chestnuts still bloom by the river, There was an old man, Jeremiah, It seems in small groups of old boys, His skin's wrinkled up like a prune. He's crazier than any ol' loon, A ninety-year diehard from Norwich There was an old man who likes lims; There was an old man of Belfast By inflation young men are beset There are times I'm not sure of my age My body's a mish-mash of time lines; So, age is a relative score; I don't ride commuter-type trains There was an old man, eighty-eight, An octogenarian named Brady Said the octogenarian, Sid, At eighty an old man named Hugh Sadly, I fear that you are "Young men," said the hooker, "are rude, A decrepit old senior named Lew If affectionate pups you adore, Hardly a man's now alive Said a Geezer of seventy-four, Then a third codger added, "I'm great! Young Jerry was keen on theatricks John firmly believed that Christine, What he didn't know, the poor clown, The advantage John took of Christine, But alas and alack, this poor Dumbo, His Volkswagen driving was marred, But rather than spend beaucoup boodle, Though he lived, Chris, with desperate striving, Christine's praises are great and far-flung, On his one hundredth birthday, old Fritz I said to my doctor, "Please strive You've been bad, old grouch Ebeneezer! His somnambulant locomotion Even though I am now a Grand-dad, What hair there is has gone gray. There were two old fellows named Larch A sickly old codger named Hartz He thinks he can dance like Astaire Lord Percival Paddington Pride A citizen senior named Brad "It's ironical," said Mr. Gore, (BULLSHIT - McW)
At Codgerdom he has arriv, Come on, listen, you old foolish bean! "A man's getting elderly, Ted,
Cigarettes are just more than you need.
They achieved the disorder
That unhardened my boarder.
Viagra's now helping him seed.
--- Anon
Intravenous Viagra I'm fed.
She's made me the slave
Of her abnormal crav-
ings, God I'm so sore and so red.
--- Anon
My thing will stretch way out to HERE.
You can then rent me out,
For money, no doubt.
I think I have found a career!
--- Al Willis P9807
A bit more if the girl wants on top.
My expense will be ten;
I will then go again.
And I'll stay on the job till I drop.
--- Al Willis P9807
"To know I can come like I used `ter;
But far better than dreaming
Is to feel my wife creaming.
Yo Pfizer, once more I'm a rooster!"
--- Armand Singer
Which led to total rejection.
But thanks to Viagra
It feels like Niagara;
Now that's what I call perfection!
--- Anon
"I can take on young girls by the score."
As he started to scoff,
His Viagra wore off,
And he pointed straight down to the floor.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0310
But there's one thing that it has done.
I had a hard-on so thick,
People thought that my prick
Must weigh in at nearly a ton.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Randy as I was when just sixteen.
All day Sunday I'll ooze
Quite a bit of man juice;
Mr. Happy may burst at the seams.
--- Anon
To the woman he thought was perfection.
Costly gifts she declined.
He achieved peace of mind,
When she took his Viagra connection.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0303
Be prepared to write hefty checks.
The little blue pill
Can run up a bill,
But you'll smile as your budget it wrecks.
--- Norm Brust
Now my peckers as hard as can be.
No longer a chump,
I got rid of the pump,
But my fucking dick still doesnt pee!
--- Anon
The fact is, past eighty or more,
Though the spirit is willing,
That blood channel filling
Needs Viagra's help at the core.
--- Chris Papa
Has started up taking Viagra;
Now his vigorous dong
Is easily as strong
As the mightly old falls of Niagara!
--- Cap'n Bean P9807
In the sack, if you know what I mean.
The Viagra worked great
And I pleased my mate.
'Twas well worth those six bucks of green.
--- Chris Papa
Who will tell you that sex is his dish.
With a wink, he'll confess
To erotic prowess,
But in fact, he's confined to the wish.
--- Isaac Asimov
Bemoaned, "Age has its problems, it does.
I am no longer healthy,
Smart, handsome, and wealthy,
But then again, I never was."
--- Jerry Nordal P0111
And my prowess in sports drew applause;
I was steadfast and strong.
But, then, I may be wrong --
Is that lad who I wished that I was?
--- William Nesbit P0111
Faced all odds but was still unshaken.
Nothing ever fazed me.
Nothing ever dazed me.
It could be I am just mistaken.
--- Tom Patton P0111
With lilacs and pinks all a-quiver?
Will I be bolder
Now that I'm older
And beer-drinking has ruined my liver?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who promised one day to retire.
But after three days,
He comes back and says,
"Sorry lads, I'm a bit of a liar."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That logic gets lost in the noise,
For they lack real direction,
And don't talk of affection,
But brag about all of their toys.
--- Bob Birch P9812
His last hair will fall out quite soon.
His teeth are all rotten.
His ears stuffed with cotton.
He hums, but can't carry a tune.
--- Anon
But, he still has his silver spoon.
He has lots of money
So He is my honey
And we're getting married in June.
--- Anon
Consumed a whole tureen of porrich,
But his subsequent claim
Of the ten times he came
Hasn't ever been proved, to my knowlich.
--- Hugh Oliver A028A
When trying to write, his mind dims.
His pencil is leadless,
He keeps getting legless,
And his stories are mostly from Grimms.
--- Archie
Whose active sex life was so vast,
He was glad he'd worked through
To a spry ninety-two,
When his lust was declining at last.
--- Isaac Asimov
And there's never a word of regret.
But as old age approaches,
There is naught but reproaches,
For deflation is man's greatest threat.
--- Al Chaplin P8705
'Cause it depends by the things that you gage.
Will you ask me my 'years'
Or how function my 'gears',
You'll get different answers, I'll wage.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My brain and my 'gears' like fine wines.
Age -- it improves 'em!
How sad I can't use'em --
'Cause my spine's ninety-eight and it whines!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It depends how you feel, nothing more.
My spine's 98,
My 'gears'- 10 + 8
The rest of me's about 34.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Because of the old men with canes
Who lift up our skirts
And claim to be flirts,
Believing that we have no brains.
--- Anon
Who expressed feelings that were irate.
There's even a rumor,
He'd no sense of humor.
I hope to not suffer his fate.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file ndl
Has made out his will at age eighty.
He lives with his sweetie
In far off Tahiti;
He won't die, if he apes Warren Beatty.
--- A Willis T9801
Who awoke feeling spry as a kid,
"One's as young as one feels;
I can jump, click my heels,
And not fall on my face." But he did.
--- Jamie Swafford
Began to chase ladies anew.
He went out and caught one
And he found it great fun,
But forgot what he next had to do.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8509
Out of touch; decay has gone far.
When kids are allowed
To say "Shit!" right out loud,
And you can't get a decent cigar.
--- John Miller
Impatient, demanding and crude;
But the old men," she said,
"Though they stink up the bed,
Give their gratitude-attitude latitude."
--- Lance Payne P8509
Engaged an old maid in a screw.
In a month, he said, "Doc,
There's a drip in my cock."
Said the doctor, "You're late but you blew."
--- Al Chapolin P8509
We are lusty old hound-dawgs for sure;
We will howl for some shagging,
With mangy tails wagging;
We'll lift our legs on your screen door!
--- Anon
Over age seventy five,
Grown older and wiser
And more a survivor
(And "glad-I'm-alive!"-er) than I've.
--- Arthur Deex P9801
"Can't pee without pain any more."
Said another old coot,
"I can't shit worth a hoot;
I guess we're not young anymore."
--- Bluebird TP9806A
No trouble when I urinate.
Every morning at seven,
With a shit straight from heaven.
But I don't seem to wake until eight.
--- Bluebird TP9806A
And expert at rabbit-in-hat-tricks,
But now, growing old,
He is only consoled
By remembering old Jerry-at-tricks.
--- Laurence Perrine P8509
At age twenty-two was pristine.
Yet this sleazebag of Hokum,
Seduced the poor Yokum,
By mooning and gestures obscene.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was her bad reputation in town.
For an olive she swallowed,
Was straight away followed,
By seven young men leaving town!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was not just penny-pinching, but mean.
For he fit her out snug
In a Volkswagen bug --
An "Iron Maiden"-like driving machine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Little knew that Christine was Columbo,
And determined to fix
The cad up for his tricks,
That is -- dice the dude like shrimp gumbo!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When the clunker blew up in his yard.
And he barely recovered,
When next month he discovered
Nitroglycerine on Chris' Visa card!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Johnny bought her another, (the noodle),
Then forced her with tears,
To drive twenty-five years,
And that's when she poisoned his strudel.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Dispatched him, through careful conniving,
In her German machine,
And he was last seen,
In old Blue with the cat, Blossom, driving!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's the word on the tip of each tongue,
That Chris Morely is neat,
And I needn't repeat,
That she's growing more sexy and young!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was engulfed in a media blitz.
When asked to be truthful
'Bout what made him so youthful,
He said "Whiskey and girls with big tits!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
To lower a bit my sex drive."
"At your age," he said,
"It's all in your head."
"Just lower it down to my priv's."
--- Martin Wellborn P8509a
You've fucked too many a skeezer.
Now you have a big rash
On your fat hairy ass!
Yuck! What a nasty old geezer!
--- Jennifer T9712
At night makes for quite a commotion.
Yet, the fun's there
(And some of his hair)
With the aid of a daily youth potion.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I still think I'm some Galahad.
I can hop on a steed
And go at top speed.
Will you hand me my new heating pad?
--- Al Willis
The play, is the thing, not the lay.
A come hither glance,
Affects not his pants.
The get up and go's gone away!
--- Larry Davis P8509
Who walked in a great freedom march.
The marched for sex freedom
But no girl did need 'em.
It was found they were all out of starch.
--- Albin Chaplin
No longer does frequent paid tarts:
Though he still feels desires,
Time has put out his fires;
He has too many non-working parts.
--- Armand E Singer 803
And claims to have once killed a bear.
He owns Delaware
And the French Croix de Guerre.
(I don't think the old boy is all there.)
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Liked a nubile young girl by his side.
He was past ninety years,
So the girl had no fears;
It just proved to his friends, he'd not died.
--- Warrick Elrod
To get fucked in old age would be glad,
But the Fates did decree
He must use it to pee;
He could not get it up like his dad.
--- Albin Chaplin
"How Father Time settles the score.
When a man's old enough
To know better, it's rough.
He just doesn't want to any more.
--- A N Wilkins P8509
Still he boasts of the powers he was give.
Claims he's strong as an ox,
(Well, that's true of his socks.)
And his memory is like a steel sieve.
--- Mary Sullivan P9808
So far none of the girls have yet seen
That you do as you preach,
'Cause they are out of reach
For a guy with ideas so obscene!
--- Anon
An octogenarian said,
"When he himself notes,
He stops feeling his oats
And starts feeling his corns then instead."
--- A N Wilkins P8509
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