I hear that your honey has skipped,
'Cause she says Cybe's better equipped;
Says he's younger than you,
And his tongue's longer too,
Plus you can't get your trousers unzipped!
--- Anon

There was a man from Kalamazoo,
Who didn't know what he could do,
About global affairs,
Or the flavor of pears,
So he lived in continual stew.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A devious young con from Madras,
Pursued a rich miser for brass.
He sent him some SPAM
As a token salaam,
And got thrown right out on his ass.
--- Mike O'Conner

I hope this won't sound too misogynous,
But I have them zones that's erogenous.
They're all in one place
And none near my face,
So maybe we're not so homogeneous.
--- Anon

An impatient young man of Altoona
Comes to climax, like others, but soona;
When meeting his date,
He can't seem to wait,
And will get all excited and roona.
--- Keith MacMillan A101A

A long drought has made Lightbulb twitch,
But it's his fault; he'd no right to bitch,
'Cause girls think it a joke
And're turned off by a bloke
Who is turned on by flick of a switch.
--- David Miller

There is a young fellow called Turley,
Who isn't that beefy or burley.
When aroused, he will squirm
Like and out-of-shape worm,
And pray that his bird will come early!
--- Chris Young

I once knew a girl who's named Joy;
She was entirely way too coy.
She went out one day
In a slatternly way,
And picked up a fourteen year old boy.
--- Anon

A man who can't handle the show,
Will find little reason to crow.
If she must have fun
Before he is done,
She'll just have to "go with the flow."
--- Frank

My wife said to me, "Where you been?
You left home one night on Halloween.
But now you want lovin'?
Your tea's in the oven;
It's twenty years old and it's green."
--- Anon

Though polite and "of pleasing demeanor,"
He's as tight as an unroasted wiener.
He'll deny you a loan
Without changing his tone.
His "demeanor" just means he get meaner.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503

There was a young man of New Haven
Whose potential would set women ravin';
But here's the sad fact:
In the midst of the act,
Without any warning, he'd cave in.
--- Isaac Asimov

An eager young fellow named Wade
Went out in the woods with a maid;
He came back alone,
And picked up the phone
And reported her lost. Or mislaid?
--- Limber Limericks

Cowboys are born without diapers,
Midst sagebrush and cactus and vipers,
So they have to be tough,
Which may be enough
To make them the world's loudest gripers.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

Returning from three days away,
She looked 'round and just had to say,
"You sat on your duff,
Stay away from my muff!
That isn't the way to get laid."
--- Anon

The toys were all over the floor;
The laundry was piled up and more.
The dishes, it's true,
Were a rare shade of blue
From mold-rot and poisonous spore.
--- Anon

And the smell that was coming off him!
A mixture of sweat, piss and gin.
"Stay away from my bed!"
She shrieked at his head,
While throwing a wood rolling pin.
--- Anon

He knew that he had been wrong;
He tried to appease her with song.
But found himself busted;
His pipes were all rusted
from drinking right out of the bong.
--- Anon

She worked herself into a snit,
A screaming, most devilish fit!
The babies were crying;
The plants started dying;
She told him, "Now look, this is it!"
--- Anon

She laid down the law to him then.
"You'll be living your life in the den!
If you don't get clean,
I am going to scream
Until only God will know when!"
--- Anon

He wanted to woo her with kisses.
She ducked, he only got misses.
"If you want your wishes,
You'll learn to wash dishes!"
Kicking hard where he usually pisses.
--- Anon

And so he has learned to comply;
At housework he's willing to try.
He's doing his best
Till he passes the test
And can once again taste her pie.
--- Anon

So guys, let me give you advice:
If you're hoping your girl will be nice,
Don't show off your power
By refusing to shower,
And indulging in bachelor vice.
--- Anon

If you wine too much, you get wobbly
And could lead to losing your jobbly.
A woman to be brave
Is just what I crave,
And to want me for more than my knobbly.
--- Anon

A hobbling hobo of Hoboken
Got busted -- that is to say broken;
He begged a car ride,
And when 'twas denied,
He asked the car man for a token.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509

And as for that chick from Regina,
Dan will never get in her vagina.
She says, "This here snot
Will stay out my twat,
I don't never have sex with no minah!"
--- Anon

There isn't a skill you have mastered,
(Except, I suppose, getting plastered).
You loaf 'round the house,
And you sponge off your spouse;
You're a blodger, you pitiful bastard.
--- Rory Ewins

There's one thing for which I do yearn;
It's lack does indeed make me burn.
My most secret wish is:
He'd help with the dishes;
Seems like something that he'll never learn!
--- Anon

An old chief from the banks of Zambesi
Always liked his sex once over easy.
His wife swears, in writing,
That's about as exciting
As a grueling game of Parcheesi.
--- Isaac Asimov

Young Ned was a champion lecher;
Shagged many a wife you can betcha.
Confronted one night
In glowing street light,
The sod sent me off on a stretcher.
--- Anon

Proud to be able and willing,
He blindly regarded life thrilling.
Then found it was blighted
By love unrequited,
His prophecy was self-fool filling.
--- Loren Fitzhugh

An oversexed fellow named Croup
Even tried to bugger the soup.
Then he reckoned to screw
All the knotholes and you
Know the pain from a sharp splinter group.
--- Fred Cohen P8504

Hold on just a minute there Hector,
You're pissing along the wrong vector.
Dont make me edgy
Or I'll give you a wedgie,
And shit in your pocket protector.
--- Anon

This is file nal

A man who works all day
Without time for fun or play,
His wits he dulls
As he sits and mulls,
Waiting for a lady to come his way.
--- Anon

There once was a lad Gary Peach,
To whom girls were out of his reach.
He had nothing to do,
But sit on the loo,
Dreaming about naked girls on the beach.
--- Anon

I bet that your dream is a wet one;
They're swimming like fish and you net one.
Stop dreamin you fool
And pinch off that stool,
And then get off your ass and go get one!
--- Anon

Though at driving you can't be surpassed,"
She tell me, "You finish too fast.
As applies to the prize,
Guys find 'twixt the thighs,
The best man, sir, finishes last."

(pole position is still important)
--- John Miller

There was a young lady of Sycamore
Who wanted her boyfriend to pricka more,
Indicating the last
Time he came much too fast,
And she didn't enjoy such a quicka more.
--- Hugh Oliver A094Aa

There was a young woman named Flo
Who liked to be tickled below.
Yet she couldn't abide it
When one fellow tried it;
"You fool," she exclaimed, "You're too slow."
--- Isaac Asimov

Consider the plight of poor Jim,
Who, when asked what girl was for him,
Said, "A tramp or a lady
'Twixt thirteen and eighty,
Dumb, smart, short, tall, fat or slim.
--- Ed Cunningham

A brilliant young chairman called Humph,
Who was always surrounded by bumph,
Kicked his legs in the air,
Ran a comb through his hair --
Which for him was a major triumph.
--- Kevin Hale Q

Your control of your tool is complete,
And your will's hard as steel or concrete.
Like the other men's, too
And the sky's always blue,
And you'll always put down the loo-seat.
--- Ulla

My true character I've been masking,
And in the bright Indian sun basking;
If more questions you ply,
In deep voice I reply,
"I'm normally lying. Who's asking?"
--- Anon

There once was a handsome young dude,
Who walked around in the nude.
He was not there to pray,
When he happened to stray
Into church...and that was quite rude.
--- Bob Birch P9804

The suit that he wore was quite cute.
I thought that I spied a cheroot.
But my eyesight was bad;
The gent was unclad;
He was wearing his own birthday suit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Are those old Birthday Suits still worn?
I got mine on the day I was born.
As growing has ceased,
The poor thing has creased,
And now it's all tattered and torn.
--- Tony Burrell

In fine leather there are creases galore;
Each one giving character, therefore
What if we regard those
Creases that life bestows
Proudly as the spoils of war.
--- Jenni Saqua

There was a young fellow from Luton,
Who walked down the street with no suit on.
"I may be almost bare,
But folks shouldn't stare.
I've got a well-placed bunch of fruit on!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

I find myself naked and wet.
I think I will for call for my pet.
Oh, doggie come here!
Hows about a beer?
Oh, doggie, calm down, please don't fret!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young fellow called Willie,
Whose behavior was frequently silly.
At the big UN ball,
Dressed in nothing at all,
He claimed that his costume was Chile.
--- Anon

A couple of brothers, the Beaners,
Lost all of their clothes at the cleaners;
They were forced to buy more,
So they walked to the store,
And they shopped while displaying their weiners.
--- Cap'n Bean P0108

A nudist, whose figure was crude,
Decided to dress like a dude.
He left for the city,
But said, "It's a pity
To have to disrobe to get screwed."
--- Julia Strawn P8709

When they asked a young fellow why he
Had come nude to a dance at Tralee,
He said, "Your invitation
To this celebration
Says 'Dress Optional' here, as you see."
--- A N Wilkins P8312

The world's in a state of unrest,
And folks hunker down quite distressed.
But I shall continue
In my normal venue
Of standing erect and undressed.
--- Travis Brasell

May I be the first volunteer
To show that I too, have no fear?
With you I'll undress
To relieve all this stress.
I'll also bring chilled wine and beer.
--- Carol

Your courage will be an example
To other cute lasses who'll trample
Through miles of tall timber
To suck on my member,
Like you do so leave them a sample.
--- Travis Brasell

Prince Alexi Dimitriev Rosov:
His tool unexpectedly goes off.
It would not be so bad
If he hid what he had,
But instead he takes all of his clothes off.
--- Mike Tice

There was a nude baker named Hyde,
With a shop by the water's high tide.
The sun was so strong
Before very long,
His buns were all burnt on one side.
--- Charles Crockford P9309a

At the nudist camp big Studsman Jed
Said, "Leapfrog's a game that I dread.
I'm called a low creep
For the note when I leap
I get stuck half way over, instead."
--- Grand Prix Lim 179

A postman whose notions were lewd
Went about on his route in the nude.
He said, "I'm a mailman
And to prove I'm a male, Man,
This method's convincing, if crude..."
--- Grand Prix Lim 288

This problem I've had for a while:
Old ladies walk more than a mile
To see me get nude.
I hate to be rude;
I strip just to see those girls smile!
--- Anon

A lusty young lad in the nude
Sighed to his woman, "I brood
Whenever you leave,
I groan and grieve,
For I miss the times that we wooed."
--- Clif Gauss P8401

"Clothing-Optional Club," they had said,
So I wore just a hat on my head.
But to my surprise,
They require shoes and ties,
And 'twas more than my face that turned red.
--- Bob Birch P0302

The career of a Fellow called Castor,
One day met with sudden disaster.
When he came into Hall
Wearing nothing at all,
And made a rude sign at the Master.
--- Anon

There was a young man from Detroit
Who would give to his brother his shoit.
When these brotherly varmints
Got all of his garments,
As a nudist he grew quite adroit.
--- Baxter Sperry P0111 P9803

He asked the nude pair what they meant.
Had they come there with evil intent?
"We came, we confess,
Within tent to undress,
But I'm sure there was no evil meant."
--- Laurence Perrine P8407