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Right foot! lef foot! Hop light Loo,
Here am a fuss--dere am a muss! What am a nig to do?
Down de middle an' back again --
Keep de sugar out o' de rain,
Mind de aigs up de floor an'--hop light, Loo!

(from Virginibus Puerisque: A Second Rate Farce)
--- Rudyard Kipling P8903

So you like to dance, don'tcha know,
We'll put on one helluva show.
A two step is fine,
But lets not waste time.
I prefer the horizontal tango.
--- Anon

Hula's dance, and hips teasingly sway,
In their tropical sweet-smelling lei;
Of their island's glory,
The hands tell a story,
But if you watch their hands, then you're gay.
--- David Miller

A buxom young beauty named Beulah
Each night entertained with a hula:
'Twas rather risque
In a mild sort of way,
But she made quite a bundle of moola.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

A young hula dancer named Blake,
Was caught in LA in a quake.
She said, "I was frightened,
But my dance style, it heightened;
I learned sixteen new ways to shake."
--- Anon

Hawaii girls are worth many a dollar;
For them the white boys all holler.
A sweet little honey
Was Liliukalani,
But I love Kekuhikuhipuuonneonaaliiokohala.

(Keku.- Dr. Edith K-- authority on the hula, Univ of Hawaii)
--- Ed Wolfert P8208

A great hula dancer named Nelly
Could shimmy and shake just like jelly.
In part, 'twas because
She'd laugh like Santa Claus,
And both had the same kind of belly.
--- Warrick Elrod

There was a young girl of Missoula
Whose Lothario thought he could fool her,
As he moistened her lips,
Undulated her hips,
Just to teach her (he said) how to hula.
--- Keith MacMillan A074B

My daughter she dances the jig
On her head is a red, curly wig.
Her dress is quite glittery.
Her leaps make me jittery.
Irish Dance is her world, and it's big.
--- Megan Summers

There was a young lady named Jansen,
Whose Ma said, "I don't mind romancin'.
You're young. Have your fling.
But remember one thing:
When you stay out all night, keep on dancin'."
--- John Ciardi

A lady just asked him to dance
As she gazed at the bulge in his pants.
Embarrassed he frets
Then cooled his jets,
When she helloed, said my name is Lance.
--- Anon

The showgirls were taking a rest;
Their leader then made a request.
(With tongue in cheek)
"Line up cheek to cheek,
And then leave the stage two-abreast."
--- Al Willis P9708

John Francis Aloysius St Clair,
Thought himself as another Astaire.
His name up in lights;
One of Soho's new sights;
With his long name, he heats up the air!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young tinker of Turkey,
Whose rhythm at diddling was jerky.
At six-eight and four-four,
He was good, and no more,
But he really was great at mazurky.
--- L1551

There was a young lady named Dawes,
Went out to a dance without gloves;
Her ma said: "Amelia!
Should anyone feel ya,
He'll take you for one of them whores!"
--- Anon

A dancer whose name is Elaine
Loves to go out and dance in the rain.
When storm winds are gusty,
She gets wet and dusty,
So Elaine refrains from staining rain.
--- Anon

On a diet to cure him of gripes,
A priest ate the ripest of tripes,
Which altered him oddly.
He was no longer godly,
But a sprite who danced playing the pipes.
--- Espygrams P8410

An insatiable satyr named Bruce
Likes his women delightfully loose.
He finds them out dancing,
And twisting and prancing,
And puts them to very good use.
--- G0026

There was an exuberant 'coon',
Who invented a horrible tune
For a horrible dance,
Which suggested the prance
Of a half-epileptic baboon.
--- Punch 1919 (Bibby)

There was a young girl from Darjeeling,
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling,
Not a murmur was heard, (There was never a sound)
Not a sound, not a word, (For miles around)
But fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
--- L0285

A lady who read Sigmund Freud
Thought her genitals underemployed.
So she put in a stand
For the seven-piece band,
And held dances that we all enjoyed.
--- Anon

A Russian of twenty-two years
Teaching ballet, reduces to tears
All those girls with no flair
For the Steppes by declar-
Ing "Urals oh pathetic, my dears."
--- Peter Wilkins

Here's a slogan which didn't entrance
Many folks and most glanced it askance.
Conceived with a snicker
My old bumper sticker
Simply read, "Help stamp out Riverdance."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0012

I'm sure this is truly romance,
For whenever the tango we dance,
I feel full of emotion,
Despite the commotion
Occurring below in my pants.
--- Anon

My body feels flushed, yes it's true,
When being held tightly by you.
Hot breath on my cheek,
At my cleavage you peek,
The Tango's a musical screw.
--- Anon

The tap-dance is Archie's affliction;
He said, "It's a type of addiction...
I found it quite thrilling
To learn dance by killing
The cockroaches in my mom's kitchen."
--- David Miller

Terpsichore's dance scored a hit
With the media who reviewed it
As a wild expose,
Which was headlined this way:
"Topless Down in the Bottomless Pit!"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0209

There is music galore in my soul,
But at dancing I'm simply a troll.
I cannot foxtrot
Or do the gavotte,
And when others are rocking, I roll.
--- P8302

A danseuse named Irma McPower
Sang Gregorian chants in the shower.
While applying the soap,
She would think of the Pope
In his birthday suit, holding a flower.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Out on the dance floor, got an itch.
Couldn't scratch so I started to twitch.
The gal I escorted
Followed and contorted --
The trophy on the mantle now sits.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An exotic young lady quite kooky,
Once danced in a troupe of Kabuki.
When asked for a fuck,
She said, "Sorry, no luck:
I've got ants in my pants, but no nooky."
--- G2703

There was a young fellow named List
Who seized a young girl by the wrist.
She said, cease and desist,
But she could not resist,
And she learned of a new way to twist.

(twist - type of dance 1960's)
--- Albin Chaplin

There was a young person of France
Who had never attended a dance;
When he did so at last,
He said, "Dammit and Blast!"
Which was looked upon rather askance.
--- Anon

This is file mvm

The noted philosopher, Drew,
Two dancers observed in a stew.
His studied conclusion;
Although not quite a fusion,
A dance is a vertical screw.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1849

There once was a woman named Shirley,
Whom everybody thought of as squirrelly.
She danced on her toes,
With a ring in her nose;
Had a liking for men who were burly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I always enjoy dancing the samba,
Whilst coiling my hand 'round a mamba.
Gently I'll pull
Upon the stiff tool,
Before doing a little wham-bamba.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was an old woman in France
Who really had ants in her pants,
But when she would wriggle,
Her friends would all giggle
And think it some new kind of dance.
--- Warrick Elrod

The Russian ballet master, Boris,
A hero of show business lore is.
His schedule was tight
But by opening night,
He screwed every girl in the chorus.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

A young ballerina named Laverne,
Has a boyfriend who goes for the stern.
Her tutu he'll rustle
For the alimentary muscle;
A "grand jete" will give her a burn.
--- Bruce Thompson

On the other hand, John's genius falls
In a sector that really enthralls.
He designs the men's tights
That even under lights,
Betray NO hint of pecker or balls.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

Said the dancer, "Oh, golly, I wish m'cough
Didn't make everyone out here pish n'scoff,
But in the spotlight
My tights are so tight
That they jack the great pole of Baryshnikov.
--- Judson Jerome P8804

The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy
Performed by Big Bertha is scary;
The corps de ballet
Keeps some distance away,
For her boobs tend to catch the unwary.
--- Peter Wilkins

When leaping, the audience shudders;
On landing, the theatre judders;
But shutting one's eyes
Is considered unwise,
On account of the bounce of her udders.
--- Peter Wilkins

But when bedward with her retiring,
She'll straddle and pump you untiring,
And the feel of those jugs
Surrounding you mug's
Pure heaven, until you're expiring.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I hope I shall meet my demise
'Twixt heavenly jugs of the size
Of Bertha's; if not,
I shall muff-dive her twat
And get blissfully crushed 'tween her thighs.
--- Peter Wilkins

A dancer of ballet called Joe,
Was so under-developed below,
That on matinee nights,
He would stuff down his tights
A courgette and two melons for show. (type of zuchini)
--- Peter Wilkins

A retired ballerina named Gwen
Took up her vocation again,
But her technique had gone
And her famed 'Dying Swan'
Expired like a rather sick hen.
--- Ron Rubin

A young ballerina named Ann
Danced like a soft feathery fan;
But when she leaped and rose,
She'd land, not on her toes,
But smack on her pink tutu-ed can!
--- Evelyn Bogen P9404

The manager of the ballet
Has girls at his call night and day.
The chorus girls wail
"What a waste of fine tail!
The manager, Boris, is gay!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

I wanted to dance in Coppelia
In the corps de ballet de l'Australia;
I looked good in my tutu,
But they turned me down, due to
It's revealing my male paraphernalia.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8611

Of Agib, who amid Tartaric scenes,
Wrote ballet music while in his teens;
His gentle spirit rolls
In a melody of souls,
Which is pretty, but I don't know what it means.
--- Archie

The costume designer, John, quits;
Can't design a girl's costume that fits.
He's new to the game,
But should know, just the same
Ballerinas don't ever have tits.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

The ballerina tripped on to the stage;
On her face there were traces of rage.
She works many hours
For bunches of flowers,
But she can't get a raise in her wage.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There once was a dancer named Harry,
And the boys are just what made him merry.
He would dance, Christmas Day,
The Nutcracker Ballet,
In the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lady named Mary;
On her feet she was light as a fairy.
She developed her flair
For toe dancing on air,
And at times it could be rather scary.
--- Warrick Elrod

Performing a ballet, young Chris
Had to lift up a sweet little miss;
With his face and his nose
Up her tutu, his hose
Split his tights with a glorious HISSSSSSS!
--- Peter Wilkins

The audience cheered as he spun
Her around on the tip of his tongue;
And the orchestra too
Stood to better their view,
While the critics said "Ballet good fun."
--- Peter Wilkins

They bowed at the finish politely,
While Chris held her buttocks real tightly,
And finished her off
With a doggy-style boff --
A performance repeated twice nightly.
--- Peter Wilkins

In a large ballet troupe, since the crew
Has learned that a dancer named Drew
Is the father of twins,
Why is he all grins?
They've nicknamed the guy 'pas de deux'.
--- A N Wilkins P8508

Although it's a form of disguise,
My tutu does not match my eyes;
I wear it for ballet,
Especially for Sally,
Who can't keep her hands off my thighs.

When I choose to attend the ballet,
I prefer one that's based on a play.
It tells a story in
Terms TERPSICHOREAN,
Sometimes sad, but more often gay.
--- Norm Brust

A young ballerina named Page
Once got in a terrible rage.
As she danced, still upset,
An irate pirouette,
She screwed herself into the stage.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

In the front row, a man used to passes,
Sat near to the coy ballet lasses.
They wore so few clothes,
That he pitied their woes,
And covered them all with his glasses.
--- Line Lost Lims P0509

At the end of each magnificent production,
To dramatize the heroine's abduction,
The ballerina is hit
And falls down in a split,
As the curtain falls to hide her seduction.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

At this VERY part the manager's chief function,
Which he carries out without compunction,
Is to rush to her side,
As the pain she'll abide
And rock her back and forth, breaking suction.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605

There was a young cashier of Calais,
Whose accounts, when reviewed, wouldn't tally.
Soon his boss smelt a rat,
For he's furnished a flat,
And was seen every night at the ballet.
--- Explosion of Lims P0409

Joe dated a young ballerina
Who's muscles just couldn't be leana;
She did a ciseaux
On the balls of her beau,
He calls himself now Josephina.
--- Anon


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