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A dental assistant named Floss A dental assistant named Floss Apart from the pain of the drilling, While filling her, you used a drill? But I thought that receptionist Joan, One limericking punster, forsooth, The dentist accepted my plate, So he took out a tool from his kit, So now when you gaze on my face, A dental assistant, Ms. Ross Ms Ross was ill used, it is plain. I watched a good movie of like; Then entered this babe called Chantel I had some teeth pulled yesterday; "Wisdom teeth" they are called, I think; It took a few good strong yanks; It's not nice to think that I know, The dentist was ever so kind. Now listen, I'm not sympathetic; The dentist saw your great bone, A dentist called Dr Bill Skilling, (So Bill cut her bill by a shilling.)
The dentist's receptionist/nurse A two-toothed old man of McKnight, A two-toothed old man of Mountcleft A two-toothed old man of Abroath When giving a lethal injection, Accidentally, my friend, Neil His wife's fruitcake wouldn't digest, With bad cold, I'll go right to bed, ANTITUSSIVES I'll take for my coughin', Each is a doctor of some speciality; A homophobic by the name of Ray The black salve that we had as kids, There was a hotshot Harvard coxswain, A lady from Okefenokee, A drug to block cannabis's high This pill lets me take a good dump. They buried today Mr Knapp; Don't put too much trust in that cortisone, The brain of my druggist is small. There once was a young city slicker The medical doctors of yore, A wise chinese druggist named Huan, These drugs -- well, they really don't work. What could an emmenagogue be? (emmenagogue - drug to restore or induce menstruation)
With drug makers, congress plays nice; Priapism will cause such an ache; The medic procedure still best-- Said a mournful old man from Larkhill, Hormone pills may have a few catches, Hypochondriacs, father and son, If you're nervous ascending the podium, "Though this medicine won't, I repeat, Liquid nitrogen's not very nice; First Viagra fixed slightly limp dicks, There was an old lady of Leicester, "Tranquilizers? I quit them," said Nate. When I on an old calendar look, I did what I could to unfeeze ya. For his MRI he lay suspended, A virgin was our sweet Lorraine. There was a gent for a while "I prescribe for myself now," said Rex, As the price of postage keeps rising, There was a young man who took pills, There once was a man from Dewayne;
Liked to fool around with her boss.
When the drilling was done,
They'd both have some fun,
But think of the money he lost.
--- Anon
Liked to fool around with her boss.
"I'll do you one time
For a buck ninety-nine",
These words on her butt were embossed.
--- Anon
My day at the dentist was thrilling.
Receptionist Joan
Was there on her own,
And jumped at the chance of a filling.
--- SFA
A much better tool could fulfill
The receptionist's dream,
To me it does seem
A drill is just plain overkill.
--- SFA
(And this is not generally known,)
To be a bit snooty,
And overly hirsutey
And unwilling to play "hide the bone".
--- Tom Allen
Made fun of my missing front tooth.
This bothered my soul,
So I filled up the hole
With a poultice of gin and vermouth.
--- Don Tidwell
And asked if I cared to wait.
I told him okay,
But I need it today,
To recoil from this terrible fate.
--- Don Tidwell
And advised that "This won't hurt a bit."
Then with plaster and glue,
He produced something new,
But whatever it was, didn't fit.
--- Don Tidwell
You'll know something is out of place;
It resembles a snout
'Cause the tooth sticks straight out,
And makes eating a social disgrace!
--- Don Tidwell
Was blowing the dentist, her boss.
He came with a jerk,
And said, "Back to work."
She said, "Just as soon as I floss."
--- Wiley a
The dentist is clearly a pain:
If Ms. Ross were workin'
On the good doctor's gherkin,
He should've come with her, or feign.
--- Ross
One where the dentist's a tyke.
With funny Steve Martin,
Those lips wide a-partin',
He couldn't (tho' tried) clog a dyke.
--- Anon
Wearing nothing but "Coco - Chanel".
She lay on his chair
As he, with great care
Positioned to root her canal.
--- Anon
Mouth swollen and hair in disarray.
The doctor was cruel
Pulling out that jewel
And that one there, three I do say.
--- Anon
The mouthwash I have sure does stink.
But a question, Doc,
Why not just a rock?
Its so much better out've the rink.
--- Anon
The tooth fairy must empty banks,
To line his pocket,
And not my rocket --
I'm not sure I should've said thanks.
--- Anon
But they weren't that bad, my dear Flo'.
They merely teethed,
Pain not quite seethed.
So out, did they really must go?
--- Anon
With his feet on my shoulders, combined
With the strength of a horse
And his pliers, of course,
He extracted my teeth and my mind.
--- Anon
You shouldn't refuse anaesthetic.
But you lay in that chair,
With your fixed lustful stare,
At his nurse with her charms so aesthetic.
--- Anon
As you stared at the lovely nurse Joan,
And pulled every one
Of your teeth, just for fun,
To warn you to leave her alone.
--- Anon
A pretty young maiden was drilling.
And in his depravity,
He filled the wrong cavity
With his very own brand of white filling.
--- Donald McGill
Was even a little bit worse.
For only a shilling
She'd suck out the filling
And donate to a sperm bank diverse.
--- John Miller
Overcome by a terrible fright,
When the left chanced to ache,
By an awful mistake,
The dentist extracted the right.
--- Arthur Deex P0411
Found himself terribly bereft.
When the right chanced to ache,
By an awful mistake,
The dentist extracted the left.
--- Arthur Deex P0411
Gave vent to a terrible oath.
When one tooth chanced to ache,
By an awful mistake,
The dentist extracted them both.
--- Anon
Executioners strive for perfection.
They do a good job,
With an alcohol swab
On the site to prevent an infection.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
Took his wife's estrogen pills.
They shriveled his dick
And grew him some tits,
So he changed his name to Lucille!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And George split from his prick to his chest,
When in misery he downed
An antacid he found,
Without waiting till it effervesced.
--- A N Wilkins P9302
With aches, pains, and feelings of dread.
ANTITUSSIVES I take
To help bad cough break,
Clear nose, but they blow off my head.
--- Chris Papa
But won't take too many too often.
Strong Whiskey I'll pack,
So when hit by that hack,
I am not carried off in a coffin'!
--- Gary
They prescribe all these pills for a fee.
If I take all these pills,
Will they cure all my ills,
Or are they gradually killing me?
--- Dad
Had a pain that would not go away.
While the doc insisted,
He strongly resisted
The use of the salve named Bengay.
--- Tom Patton P0900X
We use on our necks 'cause it rids
Small kids of those bumps
Resembling mumps;
Our jaws looked like twin pyramids.
--- Anon
This is file msl
Who learned steroids can be a toxswain.
He pumped up his crew,
Whose pectorals grew.
But all those young bulls are now oxswain!
--- Anon A
Awakening sullen and poky,
Had chocolate toffee
With chicory coffee
And suddenly felt okey-dokey.
--- Cyber Geezer
Will be hard to get folks to apply;
My suggestion serious:
Get school cafeterias
To put it in 'taters and pie.
--- Dr Limerick
This one here took ten pounds off my rump.
No hayfever ills,
And one of these pills
Even gets my bum ticker to pump.
--- Irish X
He did not take his pills, the poor chap.
The old guy left a note
By his pill bottle -- wrote:
"I can't remove the child-proof cap!"
--- Travis Brasell X
And don't ever apply to the naughty zone.
When all else is lost,
Preserve at all cost
From cortisone the naughty old bawdy zone.
--- Conrad Aiken X
It would not impress or enthrall.
I think it absurd
That he had not heard
Of a real cyber virus at all.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose pulse would occasionally flicker.
He was one of those lugs
Whose dependence on drugs
Caused a glitch in the niche of his ticker.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Their LUCRE pursued without lore;
They pushed from their rostrums,
Their patented nostrums
And potions in ways we'd deplore.
--- Nick Lanyon X
Was awarded a prize by the Khan,
For a sexual depressive,
To calm thoughts obsessive;
It is now known as Upjohn's Down John.
--- Anon
Some drugs will just make me berserk.
They give me bad dreams;
Nothings is as it seems;
That I take them at all, is a quirk.
--- Marlene
The word doesn't mean shit to me.
Might be an emir
In need of a beer,
Or men quite agog at an "E".
--- Larry Davis
Of the pie each one gets his own slice.
"Just fund our campaigns
And no one complains,
And we'll pay your exorbitant price."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0407
It's more than any man can take.
Should it happen to you
Here's the right thing to do;
Take a dose of that drug called SILAIC.
--- Tom Patton
Drink plenty of liquids and rest.
But hospitals shun
'Cause if you're in one,
They'll get you with their I.V.S.
--- Irving Superior P9704
"Each morning I take a green pill.
It gives me bronchitis,
The gout and gastritis --
But without it I'm sure I'd be ill."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Giving girls hot flushes in patches;
But my friend who's a shrink
Said, "Sigmund Freud would think
Your inner-child's playing with matches."
--- David Miller
Are Mr and Master McDunn.
Every day, for their ills,
They take dozens of pills,
And they rattle like mad when they run.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Make sure that you've balanced your sodium,
Comb your hair, zip your fly,
Look 'em straight in the eye,
And swallow a brace of Imodium.
--- John E Mayhood X
Really cure you," declared Dr. Wheat,
"I'm prescribing it next,
Since it has side effects
Which I actually know how to treat."
--- A N Wilkins P8511X
In fact, it is colder than ice.
Applied to the toe,
It hurts, don't you know.
A treatment I wouldn't want twice!
--- Joy Clare
Now SmithKline Inc. adds to the mix.
Though intended to rhyme
With disease named for lyme,
Their new product is called Lymerix.
--- Lilsil2
Whose numerous ailments obsessed her.
She found no allure
In an M. and B. cure,
And sedatives simply depressed her.
--- Ian T Mackenzie
"My doctor had said they'd be great.
But he and I parted
When I found that I'd started
Being pleasant to bastards I hate."
--- A N Wilkins P9107X
I, MATERIA MEDICA took.
Back in 1950
When it was real nifty,
'Cause then 'twas a very thin book.
--- Chris Papa
I even supplied aphrodisia.
But you made a mistake;
You decided to take
That large glass of Milk of Magnesia.
--- Al Willis P9707
Quite embarrassed and somewhat offended.
For he had not been told
The device would be cold,
Opensided and he, open-ended.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9803
On hearing of honeymoon "pain,"
Was so full of fright
On her wedding night,
Decided to use Novocain.
--- Irving Superior P8803
Who seemed a bit dull and senile,
'Til he threw out the jug
That held his new drug,
And now can strut out in grand style.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
"Although my wife strongly objects,
I've developed some skill
And have found me a pill
Which has nothing but strange side effects."
--- A N Wilkins P9107
I would not find it too surprising
If they started to use
Some opium glues
For soothing and tranquilizing.
--- Ann Gasser P9011
To cure his all manner of ills.
Though the label said not,
He took the whole lot;
Now he's dead. But he has no more ills.
--- Richard Long
A terrible sickness he feigned.
He did what doc said,
But then OD'd his med,
And he died in a great deal of pain.
--- Anon
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