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There was a young girl from Bengal
Whose parents had gone beyond recall.
She inherited the throne;
Lots of property she'd own.
For her stress she'd use Paracetamal!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was a young lady of Warwick
Who lived in a castle historic.
On the damp castle mold
She contracted a cold,
And the doctor prescribed paragoric.
--- Anon

The doctor, for old spinster Keefile,
Prescribed a young man for life gleeful.
By the druggist 'twas filled
And Miss Keefile was thrilled;
She came running right back for a refill.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1356

A dumb country druggist named Trillin
Misspelled that famed cure "peniscillin";
Now out in the sticks,
Folks fear it kills pricks,
And users are scared or unwillin'.
--- Armand Singer

I once knew a girl named Gwen,
Who was fat as a hog in a pen.
But she died today
In a very thin way,
Heart attack, you guessed it, Phen-fen.
--- MrMalo

An ancient Cape Codger named Shawn
Claims he still gets a wicked hard-on
And keeps his young bride
Very well satisfied,
With the aid of a pill called Upjohn.
--- A N Wilkins P9107

PLACEBOS for those who are ill,
Or find taking drugs a real thrill,
May bring effects fine
Or cause a decline;
The ways of Ye Olde Sugar Pill.
--- Chris Papa

The jungle is really exotic.
Don't go there in case you're neurotic.
You can't drink the water
A probably oughter
Take plenty of antibiotic.
--- Doctor's Doggerrel P9007

In the thirties, the word was "out back."
We were poor and we lived in a shack.
No jobs could be had,
As the times were real bad.
The Depression was stopped by Prozac!
--- Al Willis T9711

Prozac is the answer I think;
(I refuse to succumb to the drink.)
I must curb all these verses
'Bout doctors and nurses,
And probably talk to my shrink.
--- Peter Wilkins

A rheumatic old man in White Plains,
Who will never stay in when it rains,
Has a home full of drugs
Kept in little brown jugs;
And that's all he gets for his pains.
--- Anon

The teacher now has a new ploy
For youngsters who tend to annoy;
For fussin' and fidgetin',
Prescribe them some Ritalin
And cure them of being a boy.
--- F R Duplantier

A newly found Latin inscription
Refers to a learned Egyptian,
Who at age CCX
Still indulged in wild sex,
After taking a secret prescription.
--- John Ciardi

You resent obscene pharmacy prices,
Even though you are in a health crisis?
It's fate's assignation
With your generation.
It's your privilege to make sacrifices.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0312

There once was a fellow named Ray
Who said in utter dismay,
"I really don't follow....
How can anyone swallow
The same pill three times a day.
--- Edwin J Weinstein P9601 X

There's a cough mixture scopalamine
And its equal has never been seen
'Twould make staid Tutankamen
Laugh and leap like a salmon
And his mummy hopscotch on the green.
--- James Joyce P9008

If you doctor yourself when you're ill,
You won't have to pay a big bill,
And nobody in white
Will wake you at night
To give you a damned sleeping pill.
--- A N Wilkins P9107X

The bed in my cave's a real sight;
Kate looks like she lost a shit fight.
And she's been a dill,
To take a sleeping pill
And a laxative on the same night.
--- David Miller

A girl I once knew in the shire,
Who really inflamed my desire,
By rubbing with Sloane's
My erogenous zones,
Which just about set them on fire.
--- Michael Horgan

If you suffer from germ warfare mania,
They've discovered a cure that'll tame ya';
Like a lamp with a genie,
They've found smallpox vaccinie
In a freezer in deep Pennsylvania.
--- Dr Limerick 03-28-02

There once were two brothers called Smith;
One said to the other, "What if
We could make a cough drop
That could a cough stop?
We'd be rich," said he, "in a jiff."
--- Edwin J Weinstein

A nubile young lass from Fairlawn,
Thought that sex was merely a yawn,
Till she took a big pill
From a Doc on West Hill.
Now she's swimming upstream to spawn.
--- Jim Weaver Collection X

That Wendy's a bit of a flake;
My Wendy just plays with a drake.
But if she feels ill,
Instead of a pill,
She changes the drake for a snake!
--- Anon

While out with a Doctor of Physic,
He slipped me a strong analgesic.
I fell to the ground;
When I woke up I found
I was chained to a lamp-post in Chiswick.
--- Bill Wall

When your stamina's much less than more,
And you're old, feeble, infirm and sore,
But have scripts on your list,
You'll find the pharmacist,
At the far back of your huge drug store.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0204

Whatever the virus or ills,
We cure it by taking some pills.
Chemical fixer
Or fairy elixer,
There is gold in them thar refills.
--- Timothy Torkildson

A thalidomide baby was Pete;
He was born with arms incomplete.
But he did not lament
This most tragic event;
He could still beat his meat with his feet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1812

Old men who use well-hardened gums,
To nibble old women's ripe plums,
Should take my suggestion:
When they've indigestion,
Get quick relief by taking Tums!
--- Anon

Some turpinhydrate with codeine,
That stuff your lung system will clean.
It will fix your nose
And then help you doze.
Of course, it will turn your face green.
--- Marlene Lewis

A little old man from Racine
Was in line to get his vaccine.
Then he gave a yelp
And begged for some help --
The guy behind him was obscene!
--- Marlene Lewis

I always take plenty of vits,
Though some times, I think they're the pits.
In my gut they abound,
And go 'round and 'round,
And I always wind up with the shits.
--- Rocket3

In springtime, phlegmatic Monica
Decided she needed a tonica.
Doc prescribed a potion
Which increased her motion
To speeds which exceed supersonica.
--- John E Reith P9804

Shrink said she enjoyed feeling sad,
Which made her resentfully mad.
She went to G.P.;
"Take Zoloft," said he;
EUDOMONIA felt, she was glad.
--- Elois

This is file mrl

There was a prim lady from Chisick,
Who consulted a Doctor of Physic.
He tested her hormones,
And sexual performones,
Then prescribed her a strong aphrodisic.
--- Anon G0036

An adventurous couple named Zorn,
Once diddled and fucked till morn;
He thought he would try
His wife's Spanish fly,
And she took rhinoceros horn.
--- Ed Potts P8803

In New Orleans, a long time ago,
Lived a voodoo queen, Marie Laveau.
She could put in your stew
A foul-smelling roux,
To make your girl beg you for mo.
--- Al Willis P9807

If a love slave is your goal,
You'll be wanting to stiffen your pole,
By getting your kicks
With that voodoo mix.
Just remember to plug the right hole.
--- Arden

They say that that stuff, spanish fly,
Will make a girl hot, so pray, why
Won't liquidized bluebott-
Le moisten her twat?
It might, but I've not nerve to try.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Viagra did not do the trick;
Cialis made the poor fellow sick.
But he's sly as a fox,
Got a shot of Botox,
Took the wrinkles right out of his dick.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508

The doctor gave Sam some Cialis,
Which he took on vacation with Alice.
It works thirty-six hours
With new sexual powers;
Studly Sam wore the skin off his phallus!
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0506

I think that Sir Isaac was trite
His three laws of motion ain't right;
My new young friend, Alice
Pumps me with Cialis;
Once up, I don't come down all night!
--- Mark Levy P0406

There's a great shopping mall down near Dallas,
Where a foot doc treats corns or your callous.
Wendy will supersizes fries,
And 40 bucks buys
Cialis for a supersized phallus.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0406

Lady Amelia, down in the cabbages,
Said, "My husband has suffered life's ravages.
So instead, I'll give hardeners
To the junior gardeners,
Then they'll take me like a bunch of wild savages.
--- Tony Burrell

The HGH treatment's proceeding
In spite of my wife's startled pleading.
"Your root's bottomed out!"
She said with a shout.
Must be chemistry's finally succeeding.
--- Anon

Aphrodisiacal's the bustard.
I stuff with hot spices and mustard;
And for sweets I'll have Kate.
As a treat she's first-rate!
Covered with rhubarb and custard.
--- David Miller

The drug folks are planning to ship
Their impotence cure with this tip:
"Please swallow this pill.
If you chew it, you will
Wind up with a stiff upper lip."
--- Dick Menkes X

There was a young nurse called Maxine,
Who invented a fucking vaccine.
She ingested the lot
Direct in her twat;
Now she goes and she comes like a dream.
--- Peter Stowmarket

The sex-habits of Tiffany Wong
Implied all kinds of liquids (some strong-
Smelling chemical stuff
Which, applied to her muff,
Made her clit grow extraordinary long).
--- Anon

Viagra? I read that and smirked;
It's oysters I eat to get perked.
(I ate a full dozen,
But I admit, cousin,
That only a half-dozen worked!)
--- Anon X

"You heard of Dante's Parideeze?
Well, my tits are a heavenly squeeze!
Flick a pert nip,
While you I unzip,
And gulp down your Cantharidies."
--- Anon

Viagra, Levitra, Cialis
Do wonderful things for the phallus
But the damned HMO
Says, "Pay for it NO!"
Those rats treat my phallus with malice.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501

A middleaged man of McGill,
Much afraid he was over the hill,
Came once more with his hand
And some extract of gland,
Plus a strenuous effort of will.
--- Keith MacMillan 49b

I've tried eye of newt, cobb of corn,
But still, I confess, I'm forlorn;
My half-hard erection
Is far from perfection,
Must I grind up my Dad's rhino horn?
--- Mark Levy P9808

She was losing libido, she feared;
Toward a new kind of treatment she steered.
The testosterone patch
Gave new life to her snatch,
But it gave her a moustache and beard.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0501

A foolish young yokel from Skye,
Procured a vial of Spanish Fly.
He had a hot date
And he just couldn't wait --
He drank up the whole bottle dry.
--- H Welchel

Later on, at the corner drug store,
He showed Doc a cock, red and sore.
He begged for some balm --
'Twas for his left arm --
The girl never came to the door!
--- H Welchel

There was a young fellow of Burma,
Whose betrothed had good reason to murmur.
But now that he's married he's
Been using cantharides,
And the root of their love is much firmer.
--- Aldous Huxley L0013

I would ask these drug fellows to try
One more formula I'd like to buy.
For I'm still awaiting
That boon to men's dating,
The breakthrough they call Spanish Fly.
--- Irish

Spanish Fly is irritant noxious,
Makes genital burning obnoxious.
Intern with young turk,
Of him made short work;
Ejactio praecoxious.
--- Daniel Ford

Spanish Fly? Now here's what I think:
It's a powder you put in a drink
To aid with amour.
(She'll act like a whore)
If you use it on her, you're a fink.
--- Arden

They say it will make the gals hotter;
You'll soak up their sweat with a blotter.
If you'd like some fun --
A smack on the bum --
Spanish Fly comes with a big fly swatter.
--- Frank Fazed

Although I've been called quite the nipper;
Of some things, others are hipper.
I'll ask if I may
If you'll only say
Does Spanish Fly come with a zipper?
--- Puff Adder

Testosterone poisoning's bad;
Affects guys and makes them go mad.
Their thinking is skewed
Or is the word "screwed?"
It's reasoning via gonad.
--- Marty X

A sleazy old doctor from Lima
Sold me some brand new Uprima...
Popped two 'neath my tongue,
My member upsprung,
But the swelling was due to edema!
--- Anon

My fashion-sense needs to be hipper
Like that of a Chippendale stripper.
So tell me, (I'm dumb)
Does Spanish Fly come
With buttons, velcro, or a zipper?
--- Bluebird

Your birthday's no cause for dejection.
See your doctor and get an injection.
Have a shot in the ass,
Then a good looking lass
Will give you a normal erection.
--- A N Wilkins P8612

Red-faced is our hero, Tom Brown;
His problem has brought him renown.
He took an injection
To aid with erection --
His rod, now rock hard, won't go down.
--- Armand E Singer 784


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