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The peahens of Colchester Zoo I took me a ride to the zoo A gorilla, in fact, I got hot. Steve Irwin sold sun oil to gays, (Steve Irwin, naturalist, kill by sting ray, 2006)
All Steve Irwin's family agree, (Aussie wildlife expert on TV, died 2006)
At Steve Irwin's zoo, nothing's finer Will Steve Irwin's parents, I wonder, The tigers of Colchester Zoo At the zoo with his youngsters, Phil Green I know of a horny boy, Matt, A vampire, for generations, A bat was just hanging around, This bat from a cave at Carlsbad Two vampire bats new to the cave, The brave one went out to explore. "Do you see that building out there?" The bat's half a rat, with veined wings, A scientist, down in the lab, The hippopotamus The zoo keeper makes quite a fuss Hermione Hippo is manic; An old hippopotamus said, If you hassle a girl hippopotamess, Well, I finally went to the zoo; A hedgehog said, "I'm feeling sickly. There once was a hedgehog called Matt We lay side by side on the grass; There was a young man from Mongolia The poor shrew has a miniature trunk A Fat-tailed Dwarf Lemur, in bed, Angwantibos, none should describe "Oh teacher, please tell me", said Doris, Many Lemurs eat tender bamboo. Deb, the activist, sure did agree The sea cow or grey manatee A Florida-type manatee Strange is the name of the manatee, A man with a mole on his member A male panda peed on the wall; Of the creatures which give our world cheer, A panda the zoo named Big Thing The sign by the cage of the panda As Wooster would oft say to Jeeves: There was an old panda of Perth Two pandas who lived in a zoo An abada stabbed at a crab (rhino) Do beware, I declare, the rhinoceros If you meet with the Indian Rhinoceros, A rhinocerous said, "I was born A strange-looking beast is the rhino, There was a huge rhino named Lorne (Ranger Rick magazine)
Ron was a vulgar rhinocerous. The whitest-of-white fur, so real, An Eskimo got quite a shock A rhinoceros rushing at Lorne There was a sick seal named Miss Rose (if stew = stewardess, this is dirty!)(Ranger Rick magazine)
The sloth's a slow, cumbersome beast, From a tree hung a queer three-toed sloth, Such odd-looking creatures are sloth; A double-toed sloth was so slowed Sloth, a deadly sin, lures one to woes, A species of manatee died The fat, it sure tasted quite sweet, A young man from Berwick-on-Tweed A poor thing had too many pets, (anagram heavy petting = paying the vet)
There was a big walrus named Lenny, A walrus who often wore musk,
Watch the cocks with a snigger or two'
And are oft heart to say,
As they sip their Earl Gray,
"I've seen bigger than that on a shrew."
--- Peter Wilkins
To have me a chimpanzee or two;
Gave up in the end;
No chimp would descend
For a pitiful Hominid screw.
--- John Miller
Her boyfriend, just eyeing her twat
Go gypped of his tail.
Why else would the male
Climb a sixteen foot wall and get shot?
--- John Miller
On Sydney's fine beaches and bays.
But no more sun lotion
Since folks got the notion,
It won't guard against harmful rays.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They'll bury him 'neath a gum tree;
That's near the zoo gates
And his Epitaph states,
"No saltwater croc will get me."
--- David Miller
That eating at their "Dingo Diner";
It's close to the den.
At feeding time then;
Watch out if you're dating a minor...
--- David Miller
Now bury him six feet "Down-under"?
Or have they agreed
For the two o'clock feed,
To charge as the stiff's torn asunder.
--- David Miller
Enjoy eating in saucers, they do.
For it helps them digest
Both the thighs and the rest
Of the bones of their keeper, poor Sue.
--- Peter Wilkins
Found them being incredibly keen.
Only one thing was sad:
"There are mammals here, dad, --
But where can the pappals be seen?"
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0309
Who played with a vampire bat.
With his dick in his hand,
His voice did command,
"Try sucking the blood out of that!"
--- Anon
Would visit at southern plantations.
When told with regrets,
That he couldn't bring pets,
He replied, "All my bats are relations!"
--- Anon
Upside down, with his head toward the ground.
He'd fly into the night
Like a fluttering kite,
And eat bugs when the sun had gone down.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0106
Got lost on the roof helipad.
Too close to the rotor,
His personal motor
Now function on just one gonad.
--- Marlene Lewis
One timid and one awfully brave.
To stay or to go?
'Cause how would they know
Where to find the blood that they crave?
--- Anon
He came back all covered in gore.
"The blood that you've got
It looks fresh and hot!
Where'd you get it, and is there more?"
--- Anon
"The black one? Is that the place where
You got the supply?
You have a good eye!"
"Not really," brave said with a glare.
--- Anon
So it flaps and it craps and it clings.
But, ashamed of half-sparrow
Ancestral bone marrow,
It won't let us hear when it sings.
--- David A Brooks Q
Would put flying mice on his slab,
And to each fit a blade
To ensure that they made
A kill; bats were able to stab.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Has bigger lips than us;
Be glad you're not
The little tot
That hippo parents buss.
--- Limber Limericks
Over the zoo's hippopotamus.
For if it gets sick,
Its hide is so thick,
The veterinarian is bound to cuss.
--- Sam Chen
Her desires put the males in a panic.
Underwater what's seen
Is a journalist's dream,
With a scoop that could rival Titanic.
--- Val Burns P0609
As the zookeeper patted his head,
"It isn't much fun
When your butt weighs a ton,
And your head is as heavy as lead."
--- Limber Limericks
She'll leave you, for sure, innalottamess.
Please know, if you do,
You will know it's of you,
That observers cry sadly, "Godwottamess!"
--- David A Brooks Q
It is something each person should do.
You'll see the big hippo
All shiny and drippo,
And it gives him a chance to see you.
--- Limber Limericks
Please, why does my skin feel all prickly!"
His girls said, "Hard lines.
It's only your spines."
And she stroked them -- but then drew back quickly.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
On account of his being quite flat.
When he ran out of luck
'Neath the wheels of a truck,
He made just the tiniest splat.
--- Anon
That's me and this ex-convent lass,
When a wandering mole
In search of a hole
Got stuck up her tight little ass.
--- Michael Horgan
Said, "Who's dug this ruddy great hole here?"
Up popped an old man.
He said, "It's me, Dan.
I'm chasing a bloody great mole here."
--- Michael Palin
That it uses to scavenge for junk;
A pursuit most essential
When storms are torrential,
And everything edible's sunk.
--- David A Brooks Q
With the father of hangovers, said,
"My very large rudder
Makes most females shudder,
And now I've acquired a fat head."
--- Gerry Hamill
As part of the Pongidae tribe:
They're lemur-like creatures
With differing features
From Pongos -- to this, all subscribe.
--- R J Winkler P8408
"What kind of a beast is the loris?"
Said her teacher, from Braemar,
"It's the Indian lemur,
I fancy it's mentioned in Horace."
--- Langford Reed
So would I and why not? Wouldn't you?
It's a nourishing stalk;
Needs no knife and no fork.
You just break a piece off and then chew.
--- Rory Ewins
This is file mrk
That the manatees ought to be free.
So she sneaked in the zoo,
And released one named Hugh,
For the good of Hugh Manatee.
--- Kirk Miller
Spends most of its time in the sea.
But in tropical rainstorms
It suffers from brainstorms
And hangs upside down in a tree.
--- Anon
Was bit in the ass by a flea.
The resulting loud howl
Was heard by Colon Powell,
And the Pope in far-off Italy.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q
Who're not afflicted with vanity.
They don't care how they look
When their picture is took,
(Which for ladies amounts to insanity).
--- Macsam
Said, "It's been there since September;
How it got there, who knows,
Nor do I suppose
The shrew up my ass will remember."
--- Jarmo
To make it seem he's six feet tall,
He does a handstand
To employ his gland,
Which actually, is rather small.
--- Marlene Lewis
The shy panda's the gentlest, I fear. (bullshit - McW)
So it isn't surprising
That now they're devising
To burn its last forest next year.
--- David A Brooks
Met his counterpart, known as Ling-ling,
And her he did woo
As they chewed on bamboo;
Such is the magic of Spring!
--- Ismite
Brought tears to the eyes of Amanda:
"It's ways are like Steve's,
'Eats shoots and leaves.'
-- But that tongue makes my Ex's seem blanda."
--- John Miller
"The panda's a thug. It bereaves
The wife of the waiter
Who's served it and later
Skedaddles; it eats shoots and leaves.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who'd been gay and so full of mirth.
He really was stunned
When the World Wildlife Fund
Said he was the last panda on Earth.
--- Bob Mornington
Seemed never to know what to do.
When it came time to mate,
They just didn't relate,
But had fun enough eating bamboo.
--- Warrick Elrod
With its fabulous horn, but a grab
From a claw at its nose,
Made the rhino suppose
That the forecast for dining was drab.
--- Anon
Whose temper is truly atroceros!
So do not, for Pete's sake,
Ever stupidly make
An obstroperos 'noceros croceros!
--- David A Brooks Q
You might think he just looks preposterous.
But how would you like
A nose with a spike?
It would make even Ghandi ferocerous.
--- Anon
With low self-esteem. I'm forlorn.
Though I've got lots of brawn
And one hell of a yawn,
I can't seem to blow my own horn."
--- Ann Gasser P9406
Who horn is quite prized by the Sino.
I asked one, with a smirk,
"Does this stuff really work?"
He limply replied, "Oh, my no."
--- Macsam
Who loved to eat snacks in the morn.
He had one clever quirk--
As he left home for work,
He had doughnuts stacked high on his horn!
--- Ray Driver P9109
His behavior was awfully preposserous.
His language was crude,
His manners were rude;
He drank coffee out of his saucerous.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305
And the eyes, burning black with such zeal;
This babe's plight is urgent,
So the call is resurgent
To rescue the new baby seal.
--- Ystap TP9802
When a seal that he carved out of rock
Grew bored of just basking
And, not even asking,
Maliciously bit off his cock.
--- Hugh Oliver 114b
Made him wish he had never been born.
But Lorne held his ground
With his reason profound;
A dilemma with only one horn.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who went to a doctor she knows.
He advised the young seal,
"Eat a well-balanced meal."
So she balanced a stew on her nose!
--- Ray Driver P9109a
Who exhibits no haste, in the least.
But when hornet invasion
Upsets the occasion,
He streaks off like lightning well greased.
--- David A Brooks Q
Who to move was exceedingly wroth.
But up in the tree
He spied him a she,
And combined the best features of both.
--- W S Baring-Gold
They're not often seen in Arbroath.
That's because the cold
Might weaken their hold
As they hang upside-down by their toath.
--- Peter Wilkins
By a triple-toed sloth in his road,
That at once there arose
Such a tangle of toes,
That each of them had to be towed.
--- Lims Unlimited
And such cause and effect some claim, shows.
Although there are six more
There is one thing for sure,
Sloth's the one which has two or three toes.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0503
Up where the cold icebergs do slide.
How man did feast
On that poor polar beast,
When cutting the fat from its hide.
--- Matthew Montchalin
When rendered, from heat to its feet,
Or flippers or fins;
And none are seen since,
We did so much more than just greet.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Kept a very strange thing on a lead.
He was never seen
To give it a clean
Or anything else it might need.
--- Michael Palin
But such special care did they get.
Their doc he was getting
Lots of heavy petting.
That's how she would pay for the vet.
--- Tom Myers
Whose whiskers were better than any.
He could sit for a pose
And wrinkle his nose,
And eat more blubber than many!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was obsessed with the shine of each tusk.
Like a stone gathering moss,
He would wake up and floss,
From the first light of dawn until dusk.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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