There's an emerald frog down the loo. All animals know what they're after; A lamb and a nudist called Mary, The sow could do nothing but grunt In a castle that had a deep moat There was an old man with a beard, When Constance first went to the farm, (unless seeing a cow pregnancy test, you'd not believe it)
"Mme Constaance, don't make yourself sick! Recover she did and was rallyin', She tried on the horse for a back, At rest in the vegetable patch, Iguanas, chameleons and frogs; When you buy some tinned food for a pet, I've sworn off of eating small fairies; Wibbly, Wobbly, Woo, There once was an eccentric of Metz, Even tiniest fleas' acrobatics Some fleas can jump twenty-foot walls, Despite what I posted before, The elephants always were swell, A cat, and a rat, and a snake, For mammals, their hair is ubiquitous, When we think of the dominant mammal, The hare was an arrogant beast, When encouraging livestock creation, Poor Chuck's been kicked out of his digs "I'm sorry, your honor, to worry "It is, Chuck, but sorry to say, "My mother and father disown "And she is as mad as a hatter So Chuck made his way all alone "A Dang something Goat Zone?" thought Chuck The door opened half an inch wide;
This is file mqk
Now Chuck has his very own bed For Chuck's never been on a farm [The notes on mosquitoes were small; This morning at quarter past ten At lunchtime he saw his first sheep; Oh look now! He's out in the grass, Hey Chuck! Ohmygod, it's too late! The last time we heard about Chuck "Oh Chuck", said his step-sister Joan, "So come, let's find Bessie the cow; "Good heavens!" cried Chuck in surprise, "No no; they're not bagpipes you fool; "Well pull them then! Aim for the pail", Too late; for young Bessie on cue A lawyer, a skunk, and a mouse: Said the skunk to the mouse, "My dear friend, Hey, mister, your barn door's ajar, In zoo class, Gus made a big fuss, Last year's census uncovered the strange From the moon-landing clip from Apollo, The tuna mom eats with her tea; Some countries are still hunting whales; Shark's fin and Rhino's proud horn... There lives a young girl in Uganda, I once knew a student named Sarah, There was a young lady named Sue A guru who lives near some willows There was a zoo keeper named Lew Said the snail to the tortoise: "You may "Well, well!" said the tortoise. "Dear me, In Hartford, Hereford and Hants, There's no need to live in remorse A saucy spider named Megs
Please beware ot the funnel-web who
Lies in wait by the door.
Snakes breed under the floor,
And your supper of shark could eat you.
--- Ruth Silcock
Good health and long lives and loud laughter.
Our relatives simian,
(Both males and the wimian),
Let their joy ring from the giraffter.
--- Cynthia MacGregor
On a path met a pig so contrary,
That to get anywhere,
They called in a bear -
A bare bear but nonetheless scary!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
While the bare bear attacked from the front,
While our girl and her lamb
(Who would soon be a ram)
Took turns in assaulting her cunt.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Lived a chicken, a duck, and a goat.
They wanted to go out
And wander about
But all they needed was a boat.
--- Anon
Whose habits truly were weird.
He lived with a cow,
A hen and a sow,
And a chimpanzee which he had reared.
--- William K Alsop Jr
A spectacle rife with alarm
Came into her view.
She screamed "Sacre Bleu!
A man with a cow for an arm!"
--- H Welchel
Why it's only the vet, Mr Rick!
Our here on the range
Ain't nothing that's strange!"
Said the boy with an ass for a prick.
--- H Welchel
Then spotted the young Arab stallion.
And faint she did not,
But ran to the spot,
And with his great weapon was dallyin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Then thought, "It's a belly I lack..."
She coaxed a fat boar
To augment her fore.
They melded, those three, in a stack.
--- H Welchel
Our Mme, quite red 'round the snatch,
Was heard to exclaim,
"This farm is to blame!
There's too many beasts to attach!"
--- H Welchel
Hyenas and llamas and hogs;
Opossums and cats,
Gorillas and rats;
Koalas and monkeys and dogs.
--- Cap'n Bean P0402
You don't know what you'll actually get.
With a large appetite,
Eating all day and night,
You may simply get run into debt.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
My preference now is canaries
With occasional mice,
(I chomp on them twice)
And a pubis that hasn't got hairies!
--- Archie
A Meow, A Bark, And A Moo,
A Grunt and A Quack,
A scratch of my back,
A Fart, A Belch, and a Coo.
--- Anon
Who filled all his villa with pets,
Who filled all the floors,
Both windows and doors,
Which just leaves an outhouse for vets.
--- Leslie Johnson
Call for more than all known mathematics.
And who's yet seen the wizard
Who could fathom a lizard?
(Not to mention the habits of haddocks! )
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And skunks have a smell which appals.
The blue whale, of course,
Is hung more than a horse,
But it's moths have the tiniest balls.
--- Anon
Young Jimmy the clothes-moth has four...
"Four what?" you may ask.
'Fore you take me to task,
He had four-teen inch bollocks or more.
--- Anon
And the lions and tigers," said Mel.
"Though we just couldn't wait
Till they opened the gate,
The show never was good as the smell."
--- A N Wilkins P8711
Stayed friends for appearances sake.
But the snake asked the cat
If he'd eat up the rat,
To flavour the dinner he'd take.
--- Anon
Be it darker or fair it's infectious.
The fair ones like sun,
But the dark ones will run
For the daylight makes them too conspicuous.
--- Vertech Limerick Contest
Like the cat or the dog or the camel,
We know that their hair,
Be it darker or fair
Is specific to this type of an'mal.
--- Vertech Limerick Contest
He claimed he was "God" to a priest!
With a snarl and a glare,
Tortoise shot the hare,
And made some hare stew for a feast.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Handle mothers with care, not vexation.
Artificial or real,
It's still a big deal
To be subject to insemination.
--- David Morin
For befriending a couple of pigs.
He was taken to court
By his neighbors who thought
He was feeding them syrup of figs.
--- Anon
My neighbors by feeding them curry
And syrup of figs...
It's amazing that pigs
Can produce such a volume of slurry."
--- Anon
That I'll have to evict you today;
And your pigs will be taken
And sliced into bacon."
Cried Chuck, "But I've nowhere to stay."
--- Anon
Me; my granny's a vicious old crone;
All my uncles and aunts
Are now living in France;
So there's only my step-sister Joan."
--- Anon
And ..." "Stop!" said the judge, "All this chatter.
To Joan you will go ..."
"But ..." "I don't want to know.
Case dismissed. That's the end of the matter."
--- Anon
To the home of his step-sister Joan
Where she'd pinned up a note
Saying 'Dangerous Goat'
And another which merely said 'Zone'.
--- Anon
(For on long words he often gets stuck).
And while stood at the door
He was knocked to the floor
By what seemed like a twenty-ton truck.
--- Anon
"What's that bleating?" his step-sister cried.
Then she noticed poor Chuck
Lying down in the muck
And he groaned as she dragged him inside.
--- Anon
In his step-sister's tumble-down shed
Which he shares with a goat
Round whose neck is a note
That reads 'BUTTER' in letters of red.
--- Anon
And he might cause all sorts of alarm;
So the notes serve as warnings
'Case one of these mornings
He comes to some terrible harm.
--- Anon
Microscopic, I seem to recall.
But I'm sure they said 'BITE'
In a good enough light,
Though poor Chuck couldn't read them at all. ]
--- Anon
He encountered his very first hen
With a note that said 'PECK'
Round it's beak, and by 'eck,
So he did, and got bitten again.
--- Anon
In fact flocks of them half a mile deep.
But the one which appeared
Just a little more weird
Than the others was labelled 'BO PEEP'.
--- Anon
But he hasn't seen 'VICIOUS' alas.
Yes it's Sidney; a fully
Grown bad-tempered bull. (He
Should run if he values his ass.)
--- Anon
For he's flying right over that gate
With his pantaloons shredded.
Just look where he's headed;
A dung heap; oh, such is his fate.
--- Anon
He was lying face down in the muck
Of a dung heap, poor fool;
He'd been tossed by a bull
Name of Sidney. What rotten bad luck.
--- Anon
"It would seem I can't leave you alone
For a minute or two
Without finding that you
Have been injured; you're accident prone."
--- Anon
She needs milking around about now."
"C O W?" "Yes",
She said. "Does that spell Bess?"
He said. "Yes", she said, knitting her brow.
--- Anon
"She's enormous a helluva size.
Is she Scottish?" "Why yes,
Chuck; but how did you guess?"
"It's those bagpipes", he said, "'tween her thighs."
--- Anon
They're her ... never mind, sit on this stool."
So he sat himself down
And he looked with a frown
At the dangly bits all labelled 'PULL'.
--- Anon
Said his step-sister swigging her ale.
So he took a deep breath
And he yanked them to death;
"Not so fast!" shouted Joan, "Watch her tail."
--- Anon
Hoist her tail in the air and went "Moo."
What came next left Chuck vexed
And a trifle perplexed
At the warm squelchy mess in his shoe.
--- Anon
Together were sharing a house.
Said the mouse to the skunk,
"I can't live with this funk!
"Let's evict him and rent us a louse."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I agree this arrangement must end.
But evicting a lawyer?
We'd surely be sorrier
Than if we had pissed in the wind."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The livestock's escaped a bit far.
Though I recognize most
'Tween you, me, and the post,
I don't know what all of those are!
--- Anon
His eyes sadly gazing at us,
"I can see why a camel
Is known as a mammal,
But not so that dumb platypus."
--- Vertech Limerick Contest
New constituency of Lagrange;
Seven women, three men,
Plus two roosters, one hen,
And a single white dog with the mange.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Hippopotamus subtitles follow;
"For an animal, that
Was a very small splat.
But for animals, one giant wallow!"
--- Prof M-G TP9901
On the can states it's "Dolphin Friendly."
But I cannot see
Just how this can be
When we're stripping their food from the sea.
--- S&M
Shark carcasses dumped minus tails.
Extinction in motion;
Stop raping the ocean.
Yet still slaughter ships set their sails.
--- S&M
From the Tiger the penis is torn.
Nature lies bleeding;
Man keeps on breeding,
Infecting the Earth with his spawn.
--- Tutta Gioia
Who keeps, in the country, a panda;
And at home in Kampala
She has a koala --
I honestly don't understand her.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As haughty as Scarlett O'Hara.
She said, "Pandas are rare,
And duckbills are rare,
And coelecanths even rarer.
--- Monique de Plume
Who panty-hose held a whole zoo:
Ten piggys, an ass,
That was really first class,
Two calves and a big pussy, too.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8802
Has odd looking blankets and pillows.
He sleeps in the hills
Upon porcupine quills,
Under blankets of old armadillos.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who knew every beast in the zoo;
The rhinoceros and elephant,
Preposterous, though relavent,
But he never knew what was a gnu.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2670
Find it hard to believe what I say;
You will think it absurd,
But I give you my word,
They fined me for speeding today.
--- Oliver Herford
How defective your motor must be!
Though I speed every day,
Not a fine do I pay;
The police cannot catch me, you see!"
--- Oliver Herford
I shot an elephant in my pants.
Then an antelope came by
With a tear in his eye,
Saying kill me but spare all the ants.
--- Anon
For two can live cheaply, of course.
Choose a partner with care
And you'll sing, I declare,
Like the sparrow who shares with a horse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8212
Was proud of her eight hairy legs.
"Though I've only got two,"
Said her chicken friend, Pru,
"I can cackle, and fly, and lay eggs."
--- Funfax Limericks