The starlet could sing and could dance;
Her talents are seen at a glance.
To be in David's show,
She couldn't say no,
So soon he was into her pants.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309

Kate, aspirant actress, ain't smart,
She thinks though, she's now made a start;
She met a producer,
Who tried to seduce her,
And showed her, she said, a big part.
--- Anon

You want me to play a young tart?"
Said the actress, "So when do I start?"
The director said, "Not
'Til I've plundered your twat,
And auditioned ten more for the part."
--- Peter Wilkins

I once saw a crime that was heinous --
The first act of Coriolanus!
Some mischievous joker
Picked up a hot poker,
Which really did not entertain us.
--- Kevin Hale

The costume designer named Bruce
Designed the girls' costumes in puce.
He said no to Miss Dunne
Who said, "Let's have some fun!"
It's the stage hands he wants to seduce.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

The cast is renowned for its wit;
They're convinced that the show is a hit.
They say, "Week after week,
We hit a new peak!"
But the audience knows that it's shit.
--- Bill Wall

To analyze dramatic cross-dressing
And the way it keeps audiences guessing,
One can think of the molls
As G.I. Joe dolls,
A technique that some will be pressing.
--- J B Lawton

Delsarte's good enough for the French.
But to us, he is just not a mensch.
He's well-meant, but weird
And we are afeared
And the method gives off an odd stench.
--- Brian Carney

I hate everybody today;
Those blue sunny skies have turned grey.
I can't give any more;
I can't live anymore;
I've written the end to my play.
--- Depressed

My acting career first began
When lady producer, young Jan,
Saw my dong unfurled;
The best in the world
For the part of the Elephant Man.
--- Tiddy Ogg

While at times I enjoy to annoy,
With one drama term I won't toy.
Rhymes re: "Gaffer" and "Grip"
I may sometimes let slip,
With a ten foot pole for "Best Boy."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712

The actress from Cambria Heights
Longed to see her stage-name up in lights.
"You will," said producer,
As he'd playfully goose her,
"As soon as I get in your tights."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209

Sullivan said to Gilbert, "Perchance
My dear Sir, if you'd not look askance,
I will mention to you
One more show we could do
As a sequel, 'Pinheads of Penzance'."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0211

Roberto Benigni's ovation
For acting that turned concentration
Camps' ugliest strife
Into beautiful life,
Made him stand on his chair with elation.
--- Prof M-G

"This theater is a state landmark site."
"The box office is just to your right."
"The first show is at ten."
Where's the room for the men?"
"Do you have any seats for tonight?"

(from a Tourist Guide Book)
--- Big Little Playboy Lims

There once was a theater critic
Whose ribald reviews were mephitic. (stinking)
And referring to sexes,
He used only x's,
Because he was hermaphroditic.
--- Limber Limericks

Archer said, "Don't ban that play!"
The Wilde-men must have their say.
To you who would muzzle wit,
I say, Get over it!
I wish Jesse Helms felt that way.
--- Brian Carney

My theatre is doing Joe Orton,
Who died long before he had oughten.
"What the Butler Saw"
Has laughter galore
And actors, their bare bodies flaunten.
--- Archie

Departing life's stage is John Gielgud;
His Hamlet made Shakespeare so feel-good.
In roles of the bard,
'Twas most often he starred,
Though his butler in "Arthur" was real good.
--- Prof M-G

I once met a spirited young lesbian,
That fancied herself quite a thespian.
The lines she rehearsed,
But she ad-libbed a verse;
That tale-spinning lesbian thespian.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The Bard says that Life's but a stage,
And an audience unseen must guage
Whether we as poor actors,
Are tuned to the factors
That shape the world's narrow-guage cage.
--- Norm Storer P9712

The distractable actor Mack Clure,
Fell for the ingenue's fresh allure.
He reveals signs he pines,
For her curves and soft lines,
To the point his own lines are a blur.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712

There was an old woman named Miller,
Who starred in a low-budget thriller.
The audience wept,
And nobody slept,
For she scared them more than the killer!
--- Tony

An actress by name of O'Hart,
In movies had made a grand start.
Just by getting to know
Who was running the show,
And she often was made for the part.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2216

That thespian wannabe Jerry
Was using a bike as a ferry.
She claims the Guinness
Record's her Binnis, (business)
But I think she was making merry.
--- SFA

There was a young lady named Fleager,
Who was terribly, terribly eager
To be all the rage
On the tragedy stage,
Though her talents were pitifully meagre.
--- Edward Gorey

The public brought Sarah to heel.
Said "Sarah, to us you must kneel"
She said, "Not for me,
But for my family",
But her daughter said, "Mother, get real."
--- Brian Carney

A night at the Roxbury's fun!
Two idiots always undone
In their quest for a screw,
(A farce, it is true)
But you'll learn some home-truths 'ere it's done.
--- Sansuesi

There was a gray actor named Grey,
Who yearned to act in a play.
So he joined the cast,
But when he was asked
How he played, his reply was: "Oy vey!"
--- William K Alsop Jr

The Pantomime season is here!
To fill our hearts with good cheer.
Where men play some parts
All dolled up as tarts;
No wonder you think Brits are queer.
--- Bob Hunt

The principal boy is a girl,
With red ruby lips and a curl;
His legs sheathed in tights,
Reaching up to such heights,
That leaves my poor mind in a whirl.
--- Bob Hunt

The principal girl is a pearl
Of a girl, (red lips and a curl),
She falls in love
With number one above,
As the story begins to unfurl.
--- Bob Hunt

A man with a great pile of hair,
Plays a poor widow full of despair;
For her only son
Is girl number one,
Are you confused? Never fear...
--- Bob Hunt

This is file mpm

The principal girl's father is rich,
And to the poor widow does hitch;
His girl gets the son,
Yes, girl number one;
Oh, Life can be such a bitch.
--- Bob Hunt

There's usually a villain too,
Whom the audience can hiss and boo.
He's played by a man,
But quite spoils the plan,
When he shouts out, "I'm gay! Yoo-hoo!"
--- Bob Hunt

It all works out in the end,
(Provided the villain not bend),
And the last thing to do,
To each one of you,
A Merry Christmas to you I do send.
--- Bob Hunt

The actress was greeted with boo's,
For in hunger some green peas did choose,
And spilled them. Her deeded
Next entrance unheeded;
She missed both her peas and her cues.
--- Liam na Beag

Science can offer some tips
On actors emotional trips:
If you need to feel happy
(Despite feeling crappy)
Hold a pen with your teeth, not your lips.
--- J B Lawton

There's a donor of lavish largesse
Who once brought in a play in MS.
He found what it all meant
By the final installment
But poor Scriptor was left in a mess.
--- James Joyce P9008

The Shakespearean actor, Darque Hall,
Had refused to do accents at all.
Offered a handsome fee
To play Robert E. Lee,
Verily, he was quick on the drawl.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0304

Don Reilly, the world's greatest actor!
His art! His use of Max Factor!
This freshman sensation
Induces elation
Much better than my chiropractor.
--- Janet Whaley

The producer's a bastard named Jay.
The director's an ogre named Ray.
After much abuse, Sue
The lead female said, "Who
Must I screw to get out of this play?"
--- Michael Weinstein P9712a

Now Brian's a tightfisted bastard;
As Scrooge he is really typecasted.
If we get him alone,
He truly will groan,
For we'll leave him rudely dis-masted!
--- Archie

A pretty young actress, a stammerer,
Knew acting in theatres would damn her.
A Producer (film genius)
Engaged her as "Venus" -
The rest of the story's "en camera."
--- Eille Norwood

I personally think Jeremy Brett
The very best Sherlock Holmes yet.
I'm sad that he's gone;
I wanted to prolong
Those offerings from the PBS set.
--- Marty TP9807

On the public, did it ever dawn
Whence the Show Biz saying did spawn?
Though it sounds romantic,
Refunding's a panic,
That's the reason "The Show Must Go On."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712

Television soap operas are seen
As quite endless installments of spleen,
Instead of the fun
Of true circus run --
The villians will never come clean.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8711

Soap operas cling to the screen,
And viewers forever are keen
To follow the plot,
Just to be on the spot
If the villain should ever come clean.
--- Al Willis P9701

Dion Boucicault may have been
(At least for New York's Irish scene)
Thought of as unfriendly,
But by his end, he
Was seen as a son of the green.
--- J B Lawton

Pious town ladies fumed their outrage
At the "Actress", young Jenny O'Sage,
Who did well and much good
Between Pierre and Deadwood,
While performing on that Wicked Stage.

(the Deadwood Stage - McW)
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712

"Take a bow," said the actor from Broadway.
"You were always supreme at the swordplay:
Except for the time
When you pinioned Lord Syme,
After cutting his cock off in horseplay."
--- Mike O'Conner

Well, how about Cruel Intentions?
It's cast had few abstentions.
The plot was great,
The crew first rate,
And the show was full of fun tensions.
--- Wersh

At times I couldn't fathom a word,
But I think Edward Albee inferred,
His emotional wrecks
Were confounded by sex,
In his Theater of the Absurd."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712

The producer, Max, that day will rue,
When he hired the naive ingenue.
The star says that he is
Disgusted 'cause she is
Seventeen and she's too young to screw.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

Said the orchestra leader, "Right on!
'Bout her age I just don't give a darn.
I don't mind her youth
And I'm so uncouth,
I don't care where I stick my baton!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212

In Boston they say the fuzz chose
To raid one of those Japanese shows
Given live on the stage.
It was all of the rage,
For the actors were wearing Noh clothes.

(Noh - traditional Japanese masked drama)
--- A N Wilkins P8312

A fun-loving fellow named Slade
Would play a cruel sort of charade:
He would mime a man doing
An incredible screwing,
And guests had to guess who got laid.
--- Armand E Singer 105

Aristophanes wrote lots of plays;
Just eleven survive, nowadays.
The Wasps and The Birds
(33,000 words)
And nine more (tally prone to delays).
--- Anon

'Twas Arsenic and Old Lace, the play,
That you spoke of this very day;
Favorite of mine,
Nephew sang a line,
"There's Happy Dale far, far away."
--- Larry

Brother of two sister dotties,
After one, two, or three toddies,
Looking very wan,
Just like old San Juan,
He charged up the hill over bodies.
--- Larry

Two old sisters and their old brother,
Went to Happy Dale or another
Mentally ill home,
Far, far from Rome,
Where they'd poison nobody's mother.
--- Larry

Theatrical backers in nexus
Said, "We'll prosper 'less maybe it wrecks us.
What the hell, anyway,
Let's produce the damned play:
"The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9205

Not a rich man, Reb Tevye in truth,
Being partial to gin and vermouth
Said, "It's not a disgrace
To aim for a high place.
So excuse me, I'm due on the roof."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0209

Once a little old lady, demure,
Said to G. B. Shaw, who was on tour,
"Only sugar and sumac,
Though the letter H both lack,
Begin with the SHU sound." Shaw said, "Sure."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0503

To hit the stage on old Broadway,
Disguised Clarence Darrow,
That straight legal arrow,
When 'Inherit the Wind' was a play.
--- Norm Brust

An actor said, (plunging from view),
"My career's gone downhill, it is true.
But there's many a trap
On the thespian map.
It's just a stage I'm going through!"
--- Doug Harris P0512Q

The most hard up they'd been in their lives,
The Athenians and the Argives.
What caused their undoing?
The boycott on screwing
By Lysistrata's union of wives.
--- A N Wilkins P8608