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The starlet could sing and could dance; Kate, aspirant actress, ain't smart, You want me to play a young tart?" I once saw a crime that was heinous -- The costume designer named Bruce The cast is renowned for its wit; To analyze dramatic cross-dressing Delsarte's good enough for the French. I hate everybody today; My acting career first began While at times I enjoy to annoy, The actress from Cambria Heights Sullivan said to Gilbert, "Perchance Roberto Benigni's ovation "This theater is a state landmark site." (from a Tourist Guide Book)
There once was a theater critic Archer said, "Don't ban that play!" My theatre is doing Joe Orton, Departing life's stage is John Gielgud; I once met a spirited young lesbian, The Bard says that Life's but a stage, The distractable actor Mack Clure, There was an old woman named Miller, An actress by name of O'Hart, That thespian wannabe Jerry There was a young lady named Fleager, The public brought Sarah to heel. A night at the Roxbury's fun! There was a gray actor named Grey, The Pantomime season is here! The principal boy is a girl, The principal girl is a pearl A man with a great pile of hair, The principal girl's father is rich, There's usually a villain too, It all works out in the end, The actress was greeted with boo's, Science can offer some tips There's a donor of lavish largesse The Shakespearean actor, Darque Hall, Don Reilly, the world's greatest actor! The producer's a bastard named Jay. Now Brian's a tightfisted bastard; A pretty young actress, a stammerer, I personally think Jeremy Brett On the public, did it ever dawn Television soap operas are seen Soap operas cling to the screen, Dion Boucicault may have been Pious town ladies fumed their outrage (the Deadwood Stage - McW)
"Take a bow," said the actor from Broadway. Well, how about Cruel Intentions? At times I couldn't fathom a word, The producer, Max, that day will rue, Said the orchestra leader, "Right on! In Boston they say the fuzz chose (Noh - traditional Japanese masked drama)
A fun-loving fellow named Slade Aristophanes wrote lots of plays; 'Twas Arsenic and Old Lace, the play, Brother of two sister dotties, Two old sisters and their old brother, Theatrical backers in nexus Not a rich man, Reb Tevye in truth, Once a little old lady, demure, The best ROMAN A CLEF An actor said, (plunging from view), The most hard up they'd been in their lives,
Her talents are seen at a glance.
To be in David's show,
She couldn't say no,
So soon he was into her pants.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0309
She thinks though, she's now made a start;
She met a producer,
Who tried to seduce her,
And showed her, she said, a big part.
--- Anon
Said the actress, "So when do I start?"
The director said, "Not
'Til I've plundered your twat,
And auditioned ten more for the part."
--- Peter Wilkins
The first act of Coriolanus!
Some mischievous joker
Picked up a hot poker,
Which really did not entertain us.
--- Kevin Hale
Designed the girls' costumes in puce.
He said no to Miss Dunne
Who said, "Let's have some fun!"
It's the stage hands he wants to seduce.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
They're convinced that the show is a hit.
They say, "Week after week,
We hit a new peak!"
But the audience knows that it's shit.
--- Bill Wall
And the way it keeps audiences guessing,
One can think of the molls
As G.I. Joe dolls,
A technique that some will be pressing.
--- J B Lawton
But to us, he is just not a mensch.
He's well-meant, but weird
And we are afeared
And the method gives off an odd stench.
--- Brian Carney
Those blue sunny skies have turned grey.
I can't give any more;
I can't live anymore;
I've written the end to my play.
--- Depressed
When lady producer, young Jan,
Saw my dong unfurled;
The best in the world
For the part of the Elephant Man.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With one drama term I won't toy.
Rhymes re: "Gaffer" and "Grip"
I may sometimes let slip,
With a ten foot pole for "Best Boy."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
Longed to see her stage-name up in lights.
"You will," said producer,
As he'd playfully goose her,
"As soon as I get in your tights."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
My dear Sir, if you'd not look askance,
I will mention to you
One more show we could do
As a sequel, 'Pinheads of Penzance'."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0211
For acting that turned concentration
Camps' ugliest strife
Into beautiful life,
Made him stand on his chair with elation.
--- Prof M-G
"The box office is just to your right."
"The first show is at ten."
Where's the room for the men?"
"Do you have any seats for tonight?"
--- Big Little Playboy Lims
Whose ribald reviews were mephitic. (stinking)
And referring to sexes,
He used only x's,
Because he was hermaphroditic.
--- Limber Limericks
The Wilde-men must have their say.
To you who would muzzle wit,
I say, Get over it!
I wish Jesse Helms felt that way.
--- Brian Carney
Who died long before he had oughten.
"What the Butler Saw"
Has laughter galore
And actors, their bare bodies flaunten.
--- Archie
His Hamlet made Shakespeare so feel-good.
In roles of the bard,
'Twas most often he starred,
Though his butler in "Arthur" was real good.
--- Prof M-G
That fancied herself quite a thespian.
The lines she rehearsed,
But she ad-libbed a verse;
That tale-spinning lesbian thespian.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And an audience unseen must guage
Whether we as poor actors,
Are tuned to the factors
That shape the world's narrow-guage cage.
--- Norm Storer P9712
Fell for the ingenue's fresh allure.
He reveals signs he pines,
For her curves and soft lines,
To the point his own lines are a blur.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
Who starred in a low-budget thriller.
The audience wept,
And nobody slept,
For she scared them more than the killer!
--- Tony
In movies had made a grand start.
Just by getting to know
Who was running the show,
And she often was made for the part.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2216
Was using a bike as a ferry.
She claims the Guinness
Record's her Binnis, (business)
But I think she was making merry.
--- SFA
Who was terribly, terribly eager
To be all the rage
On the tragedy stage,
Though her talents were pitifully meagre.
--- Edward Gorey
Said "Sarah, to us you must kneel"
She said, "Not for me,
But for my family",
But her daughter said, "Mother, get real."
--- Brian Carney
Two idiots always undone
In their quest for a screw,
(A farce, it is true)
But you'll learn some home-truths 'ere it's done.
--- Sansuesi
Who yearned to act in a play.
So he joined the cast,
But when he was asked
How he played, his reply was: "Oy vey!"
--- William K Alsop Jr
To fill our hearts with good cheer.
Where men play some parts
All dolled up as tarts;
No wonder you think Brits are queer.
--- Bob Hunt
With red ruby lips and a curl;
His legs sheathed in tights,
Reaching up to such heights,
That leaves my poor mind in a whirl.
--- Bob Hunt
Of a girl, (red lips and a curl),
She falls in love
With number one above,
As the story begins to unfurl.
--- Bob Hunt
Plays a poor widow full of despair;
For her only son
Is girl number one,
Are you confused? Never fear...
--- Bob Hunt
This is file mpm
And to the poor widow does hitch;
His girl gets the son,
Yes, girl number one;
Oh, Life can be such a bitch.
--- Bob Hunt
Whom the audience can hiss and boo.
He's played by a man,
But quite spoils the plan,
When he shouts out, "I'm gay! Yoo-hoo!"
--- Bob Hunt
(Provided the villain not bend),
And the last thing to do,
To each one of you,
A Merry Christmas to you I do send.
--- Bob Hunt
For in hunger some green peas did choose,
And spilled them. Her deeded
Next entrance unheeded;
She missed both her peas and her cues.
--- Liam na Beag
On actors emotional trips:
If you need to feel happy
(Despite feeling crappy)
Hold a pen with your teeth, not your lips.
--- J B Lawton
Who once brought in a play in MS.
He found what it all meant
By the final installment
But poor Scriptor was left in a mess.
--- James Joyce P9008
Had refused to do accents at all.
Offered a handsome fee
To play Robert E. Lee,
Verily, he was quick on the drawl.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0304
His art! His use of Max Factor!
This freshman sensation
Induces elation
Much better than my chiropractor.
--- Janet Whaley
The director's an ogre named Ray.
After much abuse, Sue
The lead female said, "Who
Must I screw to get out of this play?"
--- Michael Weinstein P9712a
As Scrooge he is really typecasted.
If we get him alone,
He truly will groan,
For we'll leave him rudely dis-masted!
--- Archie
Knew acting in theatres would damn her.
A Producer (film genius)
Engaged her as "Venus" -
The rest of the story's "en camera."
--- Eille Norwood
The very best Sherlock Holmes yet.
I'm sad that he's gone;
I wanted to prolong
Those offerings from the PBS set.
--- Marty TP9807
Whence the Show Biz saying did spawn?
Though it sounds romantic,
Refunding's a panic,
That's the reason "The Show Must Go On."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
As quite endless installments of spleen,
Instead of the fun
Of true circus run --
The villians will never come clean.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8711
And viewers forever are keen
To follow the plot,
Just to be on the spot
If the villain should ever come clean.
--- Al Willis P9701
(At least for New York's Irish scene)
Thought of as unfriendly,
But by his end, he
Was seen as a son of the green.
--- J B Lawton
At the "Actress", young Jenny O'Sage,
Who did well and much good
Between Pierre and Deadwood,
While performing on that Wicked Stage.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
"You were always supreme at the swordplay:
Except for the time
When you pinioned Lord Syme,
After cutting his cock off in horseplay."
--- Mike O'Conner
It's cast had few abstentions.
The plot was great,
The crew first rate,
And the show was full of fun tensions.
--- Wersh
But I think Edward Albee inferred,
His emotional wrecks
Were confounded by sex,
In his Theater of the Absurd."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
When he hired the naive ingenue.
The star says that he is
Disgusted 'cause she is
Seventeen and she's too young to screw.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
'Bout her age I just don't give a darn.
I don't mind her youth
And I'm so uncouth,
I don't care where I stick my baton!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
To raid one of those Japanese shows
Given live on the stage.
It was all of the rage,
For the actors were wearing Noh clothes.
--- A N Wilkins P8312
Would play a cruel sort of charade:
He would mime a man doing
An incredible screwing,
And guests had to guess who got laid.
--- Armand E Singer 105
Just eleven survive, nowadays.
The Wasps and The Birds
(33,000 words)
And nine more (tally prone to delays).
--- Anon
That you spoke of this very day;
Favorite of mine,
Nephew sang a line,
"There's Happy Dale far, far away."
--- Larry
After one, two, or three toddies,
Looking very wan,
Just like old San Juan,
He charged up the hill over bodies.
--- Larry
Went to Happy Dale or another
Mentally ill home,
Far, far from Rome,
Where they'd poison nobody's mother.
--- Larry
Said, "We'll prosper 'less maybe it wrecks us.
What the hell, anyway,
Let's produce the damned play:
"The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9205
Being partial to gin and vermouth
Said, "It's not a disgrace
To aim for a high place.
So excuse me, I'm due on the roof."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0209
Said to G. B. Shaw, who was on tour,
"Only sugar and sumac,
Though the letter H both lack,
Begin with the SHU sound." Shaw said, "Sure."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0503
To hit the stage on old Broadway,
Disguised Clarence Darrow,
That straight legal arrow,
When 'Inherit the Wind' was a play.
--- Norm Brust
"My career's gone downhill, it is true.
But there's many a trap
On the thespian map.
It's just a stage I'm going through!"
--- Doug Harris P0512Q
The Athenians and the Argives.
What caused their undoing?
The boycott on screwing
By Lysistrata's union of wives.
--- A N Wilkins P8608
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