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When I saw my doctor today The doctors are casting aspersion A patient who kept getting worse There was a rough dude from Pine Bluff, One part of a Health Plan should be And also for AARP. I'm telling the NYPD.
My medical tab keeps on soaring; From the Colchester Hospital News No longer just flighty young bits, But then I read further, oh curses; "Oh shit!" mused psychiatrist Granged, There was a young girl in her bed This hospital sucks, without doubt! I'm sorry your hospital stay Some say that the man is a fool, There were some advocates who came It's a boil, not a cancerous lesion, The doctor works many long days, I was recently told by Doc Strume DD kids in PA get the shaft; In search of that Medicaid dollar, Medicaid has many a rule. The waiting list's gone through the sky, For ladies inherently sick, Lots of oxygen's good for the brain, The old woman who lived in a shoe Whenever procedures are slow, My personal health plan selects It was said that the demons did yield Clinton hopes all the old folks are hicks Clinton's backside got caught in a snare On Health Plans my first choice would be A mom found a DD provider; The Health Plan that still is the best-- There were some people from the state, If fibrillation your heart's meeting, Insofar as a cough's like laughing, It's time for families to band Eliminate hospital crime! Health insurance plans merit a squint On Health Plans, most planners agree, There once was a young man from Bud Our fine herbs are all angiospermous, It's a quarter past ten in the morn I have had my medical check The breast screening unit's come near, "In your local hospital, the van By volunteers MANNED, so they say. It's the yearly tit smashing I hate; If doctors have been turning you red His systolic was two hundred three; A CAT scanner slices and dices A cervical smear makes one blush. Alex went to the medics in pain, Dear Chuck paid a visit today "So Chuck, will you look at this chart? "Line 2. Now just concentrate, eh?" "Who's Fay?" "My assistant on duty." "Good heavens, dear Chuck, you're a star!" "A Budweiser! Yummy!" "OK; This is what the doctor does best. There was a tired surgeon named Ratzoff, A desperate hooker named Sheila An unsatisfied wife from Madrid My doctor's a comical cut-up. My doctor said, "No cigarette -- He then really gave me the blues,
I feared what the blood test might say;
But Doc said, "I assure you,
I most surely can cure you,
If your Health Insurance will pay."
--- Evelyn Bogen P9405X
On each payment stategy version;
See, what counts ain't our health,
But preserving their wealth;
They're practicing health care perversion.
--- Mark Levy P9406
Cried out, "I must go home now, nurse!
You've all done your best
And performed every test,
But I've come to the end of my purse.
--- Anon
Who claimed to be wirey and tough.
But when given a shot,
Believe it or not,
He'd faint, just like a cream puff.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
A humane apothecary.
One dollar a pill,
A budget can kill;
I'm speaking generically.
--- Irving Superior P9405
And if it's not ASAP.
If you do not RSVP,
While warning the NYSE.
Dear Hillary C.
--- Irving Superior P9405
It's reached levels that brook no ignoring.
My boss won't defray it
So I gotta pay it,
And my budget is taking a goring.
--- M Silverstein P0304
In the local gazette here last Tues:
They're bringing back matrons
To care for the patrons;
Those patients who're feeling the blues.
--- Peter Wilkins
When you feel like the ultimate pits,
But mature older lasses
With uniformed asses,
And double-sized matronly tits.
--- Peter Wilkins
Those matrons appear to be nurses
With masculine bits,
'Stead of comforting tits,
And experienced fingers and "purses".
--- Peter Wilkins
"It's no wonder my patient's deranged.
I was gone just a week,
But the HMO geek
Covering for me, medication changed."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9704
Who said, "It's not illness I dread,
But those terrible meals
They roll in on wheels,
Which give me a pain in the head."
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Wires and tubes have me trapped -- can't get out.
Plastic gourd's here for piss;
Hope to hell I don't miss!
And the nurses won't sit on my snout!
--- Allen Wolverton
Has filled you with so much dismay.
But look on the bright side,
Those tubes aren't stuck inside,
Your dick, so you could pee or play.
--- Carol
But some think his Health Care plan's cool.
It will, says the president,
Ensure every resident
Admission to medical school.
--- Paul Lusch P9405
To rekindle the family support flame.
But financial woes test
The best of the best,
And Medicaid drives us insane.
--- Claudia Zundel
And for treatment it just needs a squeezin';
So don't make such a fuss,
It's just great globs of pus.
For Blue Shield -- catastrophic diseasen.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9405
And three or four patients he lays.
But the real crowning glory
Of this happy story,
Is that no one but medicaid pays.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0506
And it certainly did make me fume,
"Health plans remit a bit
When we fail to admit,
So please leave my Energency Room."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9704
Help only with waiver - that's daft.
We must find a way
To help the state pay.
Could medicare be our life raft?
--- Joan Martin
To serve families, in city or holler;
We shook down some matches,
Taught our systems the catches,
To make caregivers' stresses much smaller.
--- Joyce Clemens
Its funding is in a big pool.
With the economy slowing,
Life expectancy growing,
Think of it as a community tool.
--- Sharon St Aubin
And the flexible funds have run dry.
Our community now
Milks the medicaid cow,
Says Agosta of HSRI.
--- Susan Yuan
There's a cure that will sure do the trick:
A few hours of soaking
And some fine friendly poking
From the nearest available prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2300
For without it, one could go insane.
And there's no disguise
For the look in their eyes,
When one's health has gone right down the drain.
--- David Axton
Was quite pregnant and soon would be due.
But her HMO said,
"Unless you're near dead,
Your maternity benefit's through."
--- Bob Birch X
They first have to ask HMO.
Where once you were king
And got everything.
You now have become a John Doe.
--- Irving Superior P9704
A charm that protects against hex;
An apple a day
Keeps the doctor away;
And plenty of good holesome sex.
--- Laurence Perrine P9405
After the Exorcist took the field.
In view of his success
His fee claim he did press;
'Twas denied by Blue Cross and Blue Shield.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0608
Who will frall for his lies, oh so slick.
Clinton tells them "Beware!
Dole will rob Medicare!"
Then too late they'll find out it's a trick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When he promised to save Medicare.
Seniors gave their support.
The ball's now in his cort.
But I doubt our old folks have a prayer.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The plan that outlaws the TV --
Those needles they stick
To make you more sick,
With sleep coming haphazardly.
--- Irving Superior P9405
Someone, she thought, to stand beside her.
Before she could say what,
They just took their cut
And told her they wouldn't provide her.
--- Sean Swindler
This is file mpl
Let grandpa and grandma attest--
Will cure half our ills
And cut half our bills;
TWO ASPIRINS...DRINK LIQUIDS...AND REST.
--- Irving Superior P9405X
Who said budget cuts are our fate.
But we all got together
And ruffled some feathers,
And we showed those big bullies the gate!
--- Anon
And you'd keep the feeling fleeting,
It is my impression
That a coughing session,
May restore the usual beating.
--- Daniel Ford
The thoracic pressure is graphing.
Much higher each time,
The cough/laugh is prime
Resuscitation telegraphing.
--- Daniel Ford
Together and make their demands.
We're citizens too,
No different from you.
Remember, United We Stand!
--- Kim Labbe
For a cent cost, they bill you a dime.
And even worse still,
The negative thrill,.
"Wake up, Sir, It's sleeping pill time."
--- Irving Superior P9405
And far more, so peruse the fine print.
When they read, "WE DO CARE"
It translates, "Don't you dare
Bill us! On reimbursements we stint."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9709
Expensive...and who'll pay the fee?
The only sure bet
Is who will forget
Democracy's motto -- WHY ME?
--- Irving Superior P9405
Who gave up a pint of his blood,
And then he said,
"To make it red,
Just filter out all of the mud."
--- Lims Unlimited
And are poured on you out of a thermos.
If you'll kindly stay placid,
While enduring the acid,
They'll remove what is left of your dermis.
--- Anon
Of the twenty-first day that young Dawn
Has been pushing and panting
And wailing and ranting;
Will Timothy ever be born?
--- Anon
On all those things below my neck.
The doc took my blood
But that was a dud;
Bloodletting just makes me a wreck.
--- Anon
And my wife got a note saying, "Dear
Madam, Will you come
And then we can pum-
mell you, as we should every year."
--- Tiddy Ogg
By keen volunteers is manned;
We won't hurt you much,
As your bosoms are crushed;
It's a pain that most people can stand."
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'll apply for the job right away.
And if they are hurt,
They'll need comfort and nurt-
uring. Why, for that I would pay.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It looks like cow tongue on a plate.
My heads twisted around;
I can't make a sound.
(Reminds me, I'm nigh a year late.)
--- Karen
From embarrassment, toes to head,
At half the cost ladies,
I'd be happy as hades
To squeeze you and poke you instead.
--- MrMalo
Diastolic was forty. The fee
For this blood pressure spread
Was a stroke in the head,
On account of the too-wide BP. (blood pressure)
--- Carol June Hooker
Your innards. Those magic devices
Us X-rays to see
Your insides in 3-D,
While a cat scanner's useful for mices.
--- Anon
To wish that the doctor would rush,
We lie on our backs.
They say, "Just relax,
While I stick my big tool up your brush."
--- Nini Poo
He was limping and using a cane.
They asked how he felt,
He replied "How much gelt?"
He received a cheap shot in a vein.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
To the eye-doctor two miles away.
No, it's not 'cause of sex
That he thinks he needs specs,
For he's kept his mind off it since May.
--- Anon
Read the letters. When ready, please start
At the top if you may."
Chuck looked up and said, "A?"
"Why that's great Chuck; it proves that you're smart."
--- Anon
Beaming broadly dear Chuck said, "O K."
"Why your eyesight's not bad",
Said the doctor, "Now lad;
Will you tackle line 3? Hello Fay."
--- Anon
"She's nice." "Yes she is; she's a beauty;
But Chuck, will you read
Me line 3." "Yes indeed;
Hello Fay." "Hello Chuck." "You're A Q T."
--- Anon
"O I M M I?" "Chuck, that's too far;
That's line 5. I implore
You, please read me line 4."
"N E B R?" "Of course here, you are."
--- Anon
If line 6 you can read me today
You may go; but remember,
Come back in November."
Or guess L B C N U A?"
--- Anon
He waits 'til you're partly undressed
And with a hand that's like ice,
He doesn't think twice,
As he places it onto your chest.
--- Edwin J Weinstein P9601 X
Who practice was cutting fat pratzoff;
Ectomized the vast rear
From old lady McBeer,
And cried, "What a job...I'm glad thatzoff!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 353 P8305X
Ran ads in the Cleveland Pain Dealer:
"From belly to knees,
Girl wracked with disease,
In need of an able faith healer."
--- Armand E Singer 327
Took fertility pills, that she did --
An action constructive
But all too productive;
Now she has to do in her ninth kid.
--- Armand E Singer 521
When he's gotten a woman's bare butt up
On his table; he'll frown
And stroke her soft down
Until he's gotten his own you-know-what up!
--- Lance Payne P8305
That's the worst habit that you can get!"
So in a fit of choking,
I did quit smoking --
But he wasn't through with me yet.
--- Kaylin X
When he insisted on, "No more booze!"
He started me thinking,
And so, I quit drinking --
But then I heard him accuse:
--- Kaylin X
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