Why did H Higgins raise such a fuss, They tell you that memory plays tricks, Eliza sold flowers in the street, Back home, she gets thrown in the tub, And next, in a manner unchivalrous, He now tries to teach her to speak, ...He sends her off down to the docks, So now, e're her face gets too pocky, Whereat Lizzie wins the Gold Cup; For though he's the brain of a sieve, Now folks, I admit it has been Through details above, you may sift, Twenty thousand leagues under the C There was a young girl called Nicole, The characters odd of Sam Beckett, It's naughty young Lisa, I vow, It looks a ridiculous sight, 'Cept wee little Jimmy m'lad, Two tramps for Godot were waiting, The skilled stage electrician, Joe Mott, Here's a quote from an actress named Hart, While playing the lead role in Lear, On stage was a musical play. Of the girl on the swing, lemme sing; Said Oscar winner Sally McNair I'm cast to act nude in a skit, Then my dear, you had better not go, Or worse, when the cymbals have clashed, Well, now you're as nigh as astute The mallet that swung at the gong, An aspiring young actor called Kirk, Act two made conservatives frown There was no performance today;
This is file mom
An actor, though caught in his drawers, The quite shapely young actress, Voncielle, There once was an actress from Georgia, In one of the stage's great stunts, Said the quickwitted, bigbellied German, The show was an instant success; There was really no need to coerce a When Louis Quartorze's sun had set, The outlines of hands in the caves, The odd flying buttress supports, In Babylon where it was at, Sal Dali's weird mustache, it seems, Manet's "Lunch in Grass", a big deal, The bold strokes of Van Gogh appear H. Bosch was for fantasy art, Parthenon, whose long column stand Duchamps and a few of his pals, Picasso and Brazue looked anew The flat figures in two dimensions Adieu, to dear Art 105, When artists in wares do pretend Academy Awards, if you will, When Academy Awards are given out, When Academy Awards are given out This fellow just can't help resemblin' Watching "April in Paris" on screen, The planets were oddly aligned, We need to bring to the screen 'Apocalypse Now and Then' After eating baked beans, Arnold grinned "Brokeback Mountain" has made John campaign, "Brokeback" is off like a comet! Casablanca, for those on the lam,
Re: speech errors he thought ominous,
When as an act of faith
Many Brits drop the H,
But add Rs where they're superfluous?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0202
But they are a bunch of dumb pricks.
I saw My Fair Lady
With Iola...no Sadie,
Way back in about '66.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Though dirty she looked rather sweet,
Till old Henry Higgins
Came, showed her his big 'un,
And swept the gal right off her feet.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His housekeeper gives her a scrub,
While Henry keeps watch,
His hand on his crotch,
And is giving himself a good rub.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The takes her in a manner lascivious.
As does his friend, Charley,
Who roars like a Harley,
To her vain protestations, oblivious.
--- Tiddy Ogg
In Portuguese, Spanish and Greek.
And though she's half killed
With study, she's skilled
Enough so that after a week...
--- Tiddy Ogg
To rent out her pussy to cocks;
To foreign ship's crews,
Who'll ply her with booze,
And rubles, and doubloons,...and pox.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He takes her away from the dock. He
Takes her to the races,
At Ascot and places;
A bet she's the finest cock jockey.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The tart all the studs want to tup.
And now, total farce,
For some silly arse
Goes and weds her, the randy young pup.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To the strains of "The Street Where You Live",
His troth, it is plighted,
But soon ain't delighted
At all the diseases she'll give.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A long time that's passed since I've seen
That flick, but you'll note,
That this that I've wrote,
Is just what you'll see on the screen.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You'll not see a comma adrift.
You see, I'm endowed
With a feature I'm proud.
My memory's perfect -- a gift!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Known as middle, as deep as can be;
Paint Your Wagon's best bar
Song called Wanderin' Star
Was intoned by a Marvin called Lee!
--- Prof M-G TP9901
Who, after years, went on the dole.
She did not realize
That with her lovely eyes,
She'd make Broadway in a starring role!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Are dreary and dull but can't check it.
In bins and in sand,
They eternally stand,
And meaning and sense, why they wreck it.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
In front of that pantomime cow;
Behind in a lather
Of sweat, is her father
Who's tempted to give her a plough.
--- Anon
On stage in the brilliant light;
But all of the kiddies,
And little old biddies,
Are cheering with all of their might.
--- Anon
Who's driving his family mad,
By shouting out shrilly,
"That cow's got a willy!"
In spite of a smack from his dad.
--- Anon
The dullness of life demonstrating.
The boredom so bad,
They easily had
The audience participating.
--- Nicol Mackintosh
Loved a Burlesque Stripper named Dot.
He could light up a patch
Just the size of her snatch,
With his carbon-arc, irised-down spot.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
Who was quizzed on her X-rated start:
"Since the star's giant prick
Measured three inches thick,
I began with a challenging part!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
And actor (decidedly queer)
Found vast satisfaction
Whenever the action
Directed was, 'Enter from rear'.
--- Norm Storer P9712a
On a swing, o'er the audience did sway
A girl. There were roars,
Just one time, of applause,
She'd left off her panties that day.
--- Anon
Showed off a lil' estatic zing;
In the spotlight's glare,
Soft hair in the air;
My bird! Lil' bush-tit takes wing!
--- Anon
My innermost thoughts I must bare.
To be perfectly fair,
This Oscar I share
With my boobs and my round derriere.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
However, I'm nervous a bit,
Because my huge cock
Will dangle and knock
Around in the orchestra pit.
--- Travis Brasell
For young lady trumpeter, Flo
May well catch your swell
In her instrument bell,
And try then to suck and not blow.
--- Tiddy Ogg
You may find your manhood real mashed,
And rendered much flatter
Than old pancake batter,
And hopes of fresh pleasures are dashed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As the girl who played fugues on her flute,
And who, with astonishment
Gave me this admonishment,
"Go stuff your long dong in your boot!"
--- Travis Brasell
Instead crushed his huge dangling dong.
That musical glitch
Uplifted the pitch
Of Travis's long schlong swan song.
--- RanDog
Says he's paid very well for his work.
When asked what's his forte,
He replies that it's naughty,
And looks at his co-star with smirk.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
As a man appeared wearing a gown.
Their faces turned grey
Because during the play,
Not only the curtain went down.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
But a couple who danced in the play
With trouble are flirtin',
'Cause in front of the curtain,
They're having their own matinee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
Went on lovemaking without a pause.
Though the husband cried, "Nay!"
He performed through the day
And finished to grudging applause.
--- Limericks for John P9710a
Changing costumes would publicly peel.
From this, one might assume
There was no dressing room.
Wrong, Voncielle just revealed with great zeal.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
Who thought she was Lucretia Borgia.
Hard times were the norm,
Till she took them by storm,
With a sex show that would have floored ja.
--- MrMalo
A pair of fine actors, the Lunts,
Played Lear in the nude;
But the audience booed --
And it was performed only once.
--- Norm Storer P9812
An adulterous playwright named Herman:
"I tickle them pink
With my feathers and ink,
And then I make love while they're squirmin'".
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P0309
It got wonderful praise in the press.
Big boobs and bare butts
Drove the male critics nuts,
Though the plot was a terrible mess.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0212
Young actress to stay and rehearse a
Scene loaded with sex,
Because what they did next,
Is why they both came and vice versa.
--- Pierce Evans
A new kind of painting we'd get'
Watteau and Boucher
Showed nobles at play
In very theatrical set.
--- Chris Papa
The piercing of aurochs with staves,
Were meant to kill time,
Surrounded by lime,
Awaiting the pass of cold waves.
--- Chris Papa
The thick heavy walls of all sorts,
Allowing arch tall
So more light can fall,
In churches' darkest inner courts.
--- Chris Papa
They built structures called ziggurat;
The temple assembled
In this day resembled
Crazy Frank Lloyd Wright's old hat.
--- Chris Papa
Was stuff of surrealist's dreams,
Where time pieces wilt
And Freudian guilt
Runs deep in the subconscious' streams.
--- Chris Papa
At time, produced art scandal real.
Fete chapetre rated.
With nudes quite updated,
That gave it a salacious feel.
--- Chris Papa
To bring all his subjects quite near.
It's too bad he flipped,
For the razor slipped
And sliced off his most famous ear.
--- Chris Papa
The painter who gave it good start,
The surrealists owe
A debt to this Joe,
Who played founding father's big part.
--- Chris Papa
At the top of Acropolis grand,
With large statue graced,
Minerva was placed,
To be seen by adoring band.
--- Chris Papa
Outdid the extreme surree-als,
With grins on their faces,
They hung in high places,
Old bikes and upturned urinals.
--- Chris Papa
At forms from unique point of view;
So ladies on stairs
Looked like broken chairs,
While animal horns up and grew.
--- Chris Papa
Recall deaths of kings and ascensions,
With two right, left feet,
Odd eyes on face neat,
Their singular artistic pretensions.
--- Chris Papa
The teacher did certainly strive,
To light up the class,
And to students pass,
The flame that keeps culture alive!
--- Chris Papa
To know just how the world should bend,
Even Picasso
Will find the Sargasso
Rises up to kick his ascend.
--- Chris Papa
Often do things that make one feel ill;
Making men seeming strong
Who could never go wrong,
But most are more like a daffodil.
--- Tom Patton P0305
Recipients narcissistically shout:
"Hey people, look at me!
I'm pretty as can be;
My performances you cannot live without."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0305
The female winners figuratively shout:
"Hey look, you country rubes!
Check out my legs and boobs;
I'm what your fantasies are about."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0305
A big oafish Soviet gremlin.
But abandon your grudge,
If you're Russian to judge,
For I hear he's the Creme-de-la-Kremlin.
--- Larry Hollister
Don't you wonder if Putman's so green,
'Cause the Scarecrow he was
In the Wizard of Oz,
Left some straw where his brains should have been.
--- Anon
When a man made a most bizarre find.
He found a small door,
That led straight to the core
Of a popular thespian's mind.
--- Anon
A Bible tale, both lewd and clean.
Patricidal strife,
A slice of life
With Jezebel sexy and mean.
--- Jim Jambor P9012
A 1991 Top Ten.
Himself with Brando clone
With gestures Corleone
And wears a torn T-shirt again.
--- Irving Superior P9012
In the gym on the bar where he chinned.
"Stop Schwartznegger," they gasped
As he noisly rasped.
He's a bad case of 'Brawn With The Wind'.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9012
'Gainst all cowboys who like Quiche Lorraine;
And to reach consensus,
John Miller AND Texas,
Watched it over and over again.
--- Anon
To view it would trash my aplomb. It
Would cause me to roam
To the old people's home,
To watch all the old ladies vomit.
--- Anon
Was where their real troubles began.
Poor Rick was misled;
His girlfriend was wed.
So he drank and said, "Play again, Sam."
--- Arthur Deex P8409