"Your cholesterol's way too high --
Stop eating fried foods, or you'll die!"
So I quit like he said;
I eat veggies instead --
(Or at least, I usually try!)
--- Kaylin X

I've tried to do my doctor's bidding,
But he's gone too far -- I'm not kidding!
The thing he said next
Was "You must give up sex!"
This time, it's the doctor I'm quitting!
--- Kaylin X

Immortality, there's no denying,
Would certainly be satisfying.
So now and forever
I vow to endeavor
To continue to live, or die trying.
--- Jerry Nordal P2005

There once was a man with a groan,
Who produced such a melodious tone,
That folks far and near
Would at his bedside appear,
While he trumpeted his passage of stone.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

A doctor who lived in Marseilles
Invented a new kind of X-ray.
You've heard of Cat Scan?
Well this brilliant man
Has developed 'Le Scan Pousse'.
--- Arthur Deex P8306

A young soldier from North Adelaide,
Went to courses to learn some first aid.
A hero he ain't;
At times he felt faint,
Passing out on his final parade.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

A vicious old doctor named Boggs
Made love potions out of broiled dogs
And leeches and vultures
Plus various cultures
Of germs from the recta of frogs.
--- Armand E Singer 286

The medicine man was a hoot.
He was wearing his birthday suit.
He served me roach tea,
And he waved some gris gris.
Then he boldly displayed his big root.
--- Al Willis TP9806

I feel sorry for young Dr. Dow.
Our ladies won't go to him now.
When examining the parts
Of Mrs. Ray Hartz,
He should have said "Hmmmm" and not "Wow!"
--- John Ciardi X

The man who writes fuck is a jerk;
He's suspected of having a quirk.
But the doctor is great
For he writes copulate,
And is paid very well for his work.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2134X

The prostate's a funny old gland
And to check it the doc puts his hand
Into surgical gloves;
Then a finger he shoves
Up you...What? (I'm not feeling too grand.)
--- Peter Wilkins

The farther that the finger goes,
The more you'll begin to suppose
If you had a chance
At classical dance,
You'd stand higher yet on your toes.
--- Frank Fazed

I'm glad I don't have one of those,
But we have it much worse I suppose.
Every three years
We have vaginal smears;
Quite unpleasant as fingering goes.
--- Jane

A cervical smear's not so great.
But consider my poor husbands state;
Without medication,
If he starts urination,
At noon, he can't finish till eight.
--- Jane

Now my husband's a handsome old stud,
But due to said prostate, his pud
Needed good old Viagra.
Now it flows like Niagara.
He certainly's not any dud!
--- Jane

My husband's a hunk, you can bet,
But he read what I wrote on the net,
'Bout the trials of his pud.
Now my name is mud,
And my conjugal rights I can't get.
--- Jane

Well now, with a little reflection,
You might come to see the connection.
How you would be feeling
Had he come here squealing
Of your recurring yeast infection?
--- Tiddy Ogg

Indeed I'd be quite ill at ease
To see posts of my pussy disease.
But he has displayed
Shots of us getting laid,
And some other obscene jpg's,
--- Jane

Now that sure sounds pretty dumb,
Your nude pics in the hands of us scum.
What were you thinking?
You must have been drinking!
Reckon you might send me some?
--- MrMalo

An American guy, Cyrus Flood,
Made his income from selling his blood.
At a recent transfusion
He caused some confusion;
All they found in the syringe was pure mud.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There was an old Doctor named Couie,
Who said to his patients, "J'ai vouie
To cure all your ills
Without any pills;
You just think yourself well -- that's the new way!"
--- Bob Scott

Though devoid of all sensual stroking,
You ought to be used to the poking
And all the tit squeezing;
Though not very pleasing,
One day just might keep you from croaking.
--- MrMalo

An A.M.A. doctor named Bruce
Tells patients to try self-abuse.
"It helps your celerity,
Improves your dexterity,
And no chance you'll sire a papoose."
--- Armand E Singer 314

There once was a doctor who said,
"Far too many sick folk die in bed.
There's no deadlier place
And to rescue the race,
I suggest using armchairs instead."
--- Towanbucket

A performance artiste name of Hannah,
Did her gig with a metallic banana.
With it in position,
She'd show the condition,
With the help of a fluoroscope scanna'.
--- Peter Wilkins

I once knew a religious nurse,
Who kept holy water in her purse.
When giving sponge baths,
She'd risk patient's wrath,
When from purse some HW she'd asperse.
--- Norm Brust

There are some R.N.'s, I confess,
About their patients, they couldn't care less.
They only got their degree
To catch an M.D.
And thus become an MRS.
--- Kaylin

A medic who served at Fort Ord
Had earned the Great Bushwhacker Sword.
Right after Pearl Harbor,
They made him a barber
Up in the maternity ward.
--- P8305

Fred's catheter tubing hung down,
Off the bed, barely clearing the ground.
Then his nurse, Cindy-Lou,
Hooked the tube with her shoe.
Fred's yell was heard all over town!
--- Betty Ann Cassano

When working at home, there are few
Real distractions apart from the view
That I have of the street,
Watching nurses petite
Go to work and return from it too.
--- Peter Wilkins

They seem to get younger each day,
As they giggle and walk with a sway
Of their hips in their short
Little uniforms taut...
But it's "Hi Gramps!" I fear they may say.
--- Peter Wilkins

A mysterious visiting nurse
Made all of her rounds in a hearse;
If a patient had died,
She could give them a ride.
'Twas believed that she carried a curse.
--- Cap'n Bean P0211

DEBRIDEMENT of source of infection
Relies on injury detection,
And nurses, not bride,
There at the bedside
To reduce some pain with injection.
--- Daniel Ford

This is file mol

I worked as a nurse in I C U;
Debridement I dreaded to do.
The patient would scream
Just like a bad dream,
As I cut away skin and goo!
--- Maggie

We'd soak them in Ivory Snow,
And they looked upon us as Foe.
Burn victims so sad,
They thought we were bad!
Mean nurses...they thought we were so!
--- Maggie

That job convinced me, you see,
To burn is a nightmare for me.
I'll never forget
Each victim I met;
That fate...I would not rather be!
--- Maggie

To care for those stricken with gout,
To soothe the fear and the doubt.
'Twas her ambition, she
Always wanted to be
A nurse, but it didn't pan out.
--- VOL 6 x

The nurses, I say, make it shorter;
It's plain that they're just out of order.
They shave all your parts
(And that really smarts!)
And always with very cold water.
--- Al Willis x

But here is one thing that is worse,
If to medical things you're adverse:
Quite a sensation.
Insertion is... well, Good Night Nurse!
--- Irish

When I was a young nurse's aide,
I made sure that the beds were all made.
With a face staying deadpan,
I emptied each bedpan,
The passed out the warm lemonade.
--- Naomi J Kahn

"The thrill of my life," said Miss Ghant,
"When I think of it, it makes me pant.
Memories of that thrill
Remain with me still.
An enema by my cross-eyed aunt!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P9011 x

The patient in Room 201
Was not having very much fun.
The big nurse was so rough
With the enema stuff,
He now has a very sore bun.
--- Julia Strawn P8812

Brunhilde, a Munich-born nurse
Has occasion to do the perverse
To princes and rubes
With her enema tubes.
They call her the Teutonic Curse.
--- LaDonna Jones P8503

A medical student named Jones
Learned all about all of the bones;
The muscles, the senses,
The nerves, and the menses,
And the nurses' erogenous zones.
--- Laurence Perrine P9409

Most nurses, however exquisite
Their virginal looks, are explicit
'Bout bodily functions
And sexual conjunctions.
I wonder, please tell me, why is it?
--- Peter Wilkins

Little Bob has just a small fetish;
With nurses he's just slightly pettish.
He fantasizes of hips
And ruby red lips,
With smiles that are down right coquettish.
--- Anon

Said the clergyman once to the nurse,
"I prayed that things wouldn't get worse.
But my thoughts were not Holy
When you stuck in that Foley
And I struggled to stifle a curse."
--- Jeff Purser x

Being sound of both mind and of body,
Though a little bit feeble and dotty,
I leave all my money
To that sweet little honey,
The nurse who helps me to the potty.
--- Anon

When the monitor showed runs of V-tach, (tachycardia)
The nurse gave Joe's sternum a whack.
With a look of surprise,
Old Joe opened his eyes.
Then he said, "My, it's good to be back!"
--- Betty Ann Cassano

I anticipate early bloodclotting,
Stat Heparin...inject quite alot in
'Til red-river is thinned
And bloodthoughts are finned
To surf the brainwaves -- not get caught in.
--- Judy Grimes P9912

Nurse, I imagine you stripping
And feel that my pulse is a-skipping
A beat, and my breathing
Is heavy. I'm seething
With lust; can you guess what I'm gripping?
--- Peter Wilkins

I'm steaming because of the heat
And I'm making a tent of this sheet.
Will you strip off your gown
And come bounce up and down
On my meat till my treatment's complete?
--- Peter Wilkins

There was an old nurse named Jane,
Who wasn't terribly sane.
She had a strange vice;
She gave enemas of ice,
Which made all the patients complain.
--- Robbi

Young nurses can give the impression,
Because of their chosen profession,
Of being au fait
In an intimate way
With a gentleman's private possession.
--- Peter Wilkins

With nurses you can't take a chance
Because they can sure tell at a glance,
The state of your health,
The size of your wealth,
And what's going on in your pants.
--- Archie x

A nurse motivated by spite,
Tied her infantile charge to a kite.
She launched it with ease
On the afternoon breeze,
And watched till it flew out of sight.
--- Edward Gorey

We can't let your fleshy tube ruin --
It's okay -- I know what I'm doin' --
In your situation,
Some light lubrication
Will soon have you pitchin' and wooin'.
--- Kaylin

To ease your fleshy turmoil,
I'll warm up this sweet-smelling oil.
Then apply it, like so --
Gosh, look at it grow!
This moment we don't want to spoil.
--- Kaylin

"Who am I?" asked Jeff the Charge Nurse.
"Each day now it seem a bit worse.
I stand up to pee:
A male I must be,
With wallet and never a purse."
--- Archie

Nurse Jeff into Archie's room barged;
"The tests show your cock is enlarged,
So I'm here to treat
Your poor swollen meat,
And afterwards, you'll be discharged!"
--- Travis Brasell

A nurse of miserable meanness
Was told the prescribed intravenous
Was always for healing
And not to leave reeling.
The pricks she would prick on the penis.
--- David A Brooks

Nurses in the hospital hall
Are clearly ignoring your call.
Though they hear you quite well,
When you tickle your bell,
They seem to be having a ball.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

I once met a naughty young nurse,
Who let me scrape blade 'round her purse.
She said, "All is fair,
I know you hate hair."
In fact I felt none for the wurst.
--- H Welchel

Appendectomy patient, James Dare,
Asked a nurse-aide to shave him down there.
She put up resistance
By keeping her distance.
She knew what lay waiting down there.
--- David A Brooks

Now tell you I must, of Nurse Maud,
The scourge of the surgical ward;
She'll feed you foul potions,
Apply stinging lotions,
And give painful tugs to your cord.
--- Tiddy Ogg x

And then mini-skirted Nurse Shuler;
When she's near you, you can't keep your cooler.
But she'll see your tent
Pole arise, then's hell-bent
On slapping it down with a ruler.
--- Tiddy Ogg