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For her passion, for years he was yearning, An eager young actress named Hartz, Three babes who had bodies sublime, A movie to see without fail, Said an ancient and prudish reviewer, A bombastic movie, "Con Air!" Why is stale popcorn so pricey? Said the actress, "So low I shan't dip!" Someone should place an embargo From Ben Johnson to Host Jerry Springer, (epicene - ambiguous sex, weak, not robust)
"I shall star," vowed a girl from Biloxi, 'Four Men on a Horse', critics say Of other films, there is no lack; Next "The Queen and I" in frocks frilly? Gay musical backers get kissed, Gay musical remakes for fruits Brokeback Mountain's so gay say others, Historical movies are dandy, 'Return of the Wind' never done. With the South in a hell of a jam, A small group of brave soldiers choose There was a young matron named Sally, An art house is where you will find A certain young fellow from Sorn With piston strokes long, smooth, and lazy, Mutilation is such a taboo, A lady director named Taymore, Lassie is never sassy. I'll do it for Art -- I'm no prude! It's never surprising to see Lost In Space had a casting alert: As the little brown creature was dyin', On the quest of the breadfruit, the crew This nature-film shows a lion Sans undies, stout Mrs. O'Malley There's a starlet who's still in her teens, I went to the Pet Sematary How grand that there's porn for the mob! On Earth it was man-hunting season; The scene in Detroit was not pretty. Off in Africa, I've found my roots; Queen Bess will guzzle vanilla Remember as kids, you'd be yawning, Everything then seemed much bigger. And if in the film there was kissing, So next came the interval break, This feast over, on with the show; It ended with something ethereal; So you'd have to go back there next week, Take a naked girl, eaten by sharks, While searching the heavens one day Stanley Kubrick, well he is the one Well, then let's try another of his; A lad with a gift like his pop's, One man with no friends and no backers, 'A Tale Of One City'-- it's dark. A young actress, with towering scorn, A little-known actor named Bob, Here's a recipe, simple and quick: If you want me to leave, it's no task; A boy saw the dead with his eyes, Although films have their niche and their nook, A theatre owner named Kyle A damsel ran over the ice Here's a new movie to view. Said a teacher with some indignation, Said a teacher with lots of elation,
While his want for her love had been burning;
Now he stood in the rain,
As she left on her plane,
And he knew she'd be never returning.
--- Cap'n Bean P0507
Let directors make free with her parts.
What else can you do,
When you're just twenty-two,
And not yet a name in the arts?
--- John Ciardi
Got their kicks fighting all sorts of crime.
With great camera tricks
Lifted from the Matrix,
The movie's a rocking good time.
--- Anon
Directed By A. Hill and Dale,
Depicts U.S. life;
Hits home like a knife,
Entitled 'The Check's in the Mail.'
--- Jane D Hughes P9012
"The cinema's now just a sewer;
In an X-rated scene,
A defunct sex machine
Let a neuter computer unscrew her."
--- Pierce Evans
Was bereft of all humor or flair.
But despite its detractors,
Gave three brainy actors
A rare chance to let down their hair.
--- Stargazer T9707
Why are sodas flat, nachos spicey.
And more to the point,
At the theater joint,
Why's the entertainment so dicey.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Said her manager, "None of your lip!"
Adding, "Don't be a prude!
You must do this scene nude,
And NOT say, 'Forgive me my slip!'"
--- Laurence Perrine P8401
On the voters who didn't pick Fargo.
I said, "Surely, you jest --
English patient? The best?
Tell me where did your taste for bizarre go?"
--- Larry Hollister
Epicene to a Latino lip-syncher.
What is the mode
For breaking the code?
The answer may be a humdinger.
--- Amy Taipale
"At Twentieth Century Foxi,"
And her movie career
Really prospered last year:
She's in charge of the mops at the Roxy.
--- Anon
Was squelched by the SPCA.
"Three men and no more!
But if you want four,
Four Men on Two Horses, you may."
--- Irving Superior P9012
I hear that they're now making a "Back
Passage to India."
And this give you a twinge, a
New Shakespeare thing, "Romeo and Jack."
--- Tiddy Ogg
But the "African Queen"?...That's silly.
They'll improve "Guys and Guys",
And "Victor/Victor's" size,
With "Thoroughly Modern 'Big Willie.'"
--- David Miller
On the arse by producers who're pissed;
To buy some old score!
So kill them before
"Pokelahoma" is put on their list.
--- David Miller
Are pushing hard for new recruits;
"Kiss me Jake's" coming soon;
"Backside Story" in June;
And "Cats" will be called "Poofs in Boots."
--- David Miller
'Tis watched just by gays with their mothers;
And for John Miller's sake
A musical remake...
Seven Brothers for Seven Brothers.
--- David Miller
A saga from some foreign land, see.
But, shucks, they're so few
That it's making me blue,
But I'll wait for the sequel to "Ghandi".
--- Don Moore P9012
Though 'Gone With'...all time number one.
When Butler came back,
An impotent fact,
They can't have a horse-riding son.
--- Irving Superior P9012
Most felt Robert E Lee was the man.
But his dumb brother Frank
As a general, stank.
Rhett said, "Frank Lee? I don't give a damn."
--- Larry Hollister
A Mediterranean cruise.
They are slightly betrayed
By a pretty Greek Maid.
In the end it's the Germans who lose.
--- Arthur Deex P8409
Who went with her groom up an alley.
There was naught she could do; (She was shit out of luck,)
He was too young to screw. (The young boy didn't fuck.)
She muttered, "How Green Was My Valet."
--- G1604
All those films of less-popular kind,
Like a subtitled drama
Of some lonely farmer,
Whose Russian or crazy or blind.
--- Anon
Was an ardent devotee of porn;
The frontal displays that encountered his gaze
Encouraged this craze and assisted to raise
His rather inadequate horn.
--- Anon
Her chauffeur drove her nearly crazy.
When she gasped for "More!"
She got four on the floor
From this expert at 'Jiving Miss Daisy.'
--- Bob Giandomenico P9012
And explicit Sadism too.
In the Hollywood fashion,
We'll label it Passion,
So adults and children can view.
--- Virge
Thought she might try to get paid more.
Directing the Bard
Turns out to be hard;
She once worked for Disney -- need I say more?
--- Nicole Imbracsio
Her Cartier collar is classy.
She is cured of rabies;
Has pekinese babies,
And lifts her leg on Raymond Massey.
--- Jim Jambor P9012
She said, as she posed in the nude.
Not ashamed of her thighs,
But those perverted guys,
They covered the net with pics lewd.
--- Anon
A bad Sandler film on the marquee.
But how in the Hell
Did he sign on Keitel,
For this God-awful suck-ass movie.
--- Anon
"Get good actors, but don't lose your shirt!"
They did sign their will,
Found a penny but still,
When it came to the Dad, they got Hurt.
--- Larry Hollister
Instead of fussin' or cryin',
Told his two new-found friends,
The UNIVERSE is in
The belt of a cat named Orion.
--- Mystic
Finally gave their mean captain his due.
Then back to Tahiti
To pick up a sweetie,
And on to Pitcairn to screw.
--- Martin Wellborn P8409
This is file mnm
Hunkering down to dine,
Killing and peelin'
Snow White and an eland,
And those dwarfs...not on prime time!
--- Jim Jambor P9012
With both legs akimbo would dally.
Guys gawked and said, "Groovy!
She should make a movie
And call it 'Obscene Was My Valley.'
--- Bob Giandomenico P9012
Who's adept at removing her jeans.
And in X-rated flicks,
So accomplished with pricks,
That she steals all the pictures obscenes.
--- Anon
To bury my poor dead canary.
The spirits I heard --
They were flipping the bird
'Til he came back, much less stationary.
--- Larry Hollister
For the lonely sheepherder and gob,
For the impotent jerk
Whose penis won't perk,
For the pervert, the rapist, and slob.
--- G2380a
The thrill was the alien's reason.
He toyed with the prey
That he chanced on that day,
Till the prey made him pay for his teasin'.
--- Darel
The crime rate had climbed above shitty.
So the cops built a droid
That went out and destroyed
All the evil that lurked in the city.
--- Anon
My most distant relations were beauts;
Papa Kunta Kinte
Left wise words for today;
"Don't run off, else dey cuts off yo' foots!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8409
In this super, high-budgeted thrilla'.
Errol Flynn as Lord Essex
Shows the court yes-sex;
Then all are et by Godzilla.
--- Jim Jambor P9012
And getting up well after dawning.
Then you'd put on your skates
And go with your mates
To the pictures on Saturday Morning.
--- Tiddy Ogg
On the screen you would see the huge figure
Of the outlaw, the rat,
(Bad guys wore the black hats.)
Facing Roy Rogers and his faithful Trigger.
--- Tiddy Ogg
All we lads would be booing and hissing,
With cat-calls and jeers.
Only in later years,
Did we realize just what we were missing.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And a rush for the kiosk we'd make.
As off we would dash,
To hand over our cash,
And popcorn or ice cream we'd take.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But now we had missiles to throw.
In the light of the screen,
Balls of paper were seen,
As sweet wrappers were madly let go.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Flash Gordon or some such material.
And we'd all sit there rapt,
As our hero was trapped
At the end, 'cause that pic was the serial.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For the outcome you just had to seek.
And in this rosy haze,
We remember those days,
As into our memories we peek.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Add another, shot dead by the narcs,
A mad killer or two,
A perverted fag screw,
And peddle for millions of marks.
--- G2502
In the merry old month they call May,
Spielberg found ET;
Was happy as can be,
But sadly, it then ran away.
--- Jerry Pool Tom Campbell
Who gave us 2001.
He bared many a butt
In that film Eyes Wide Shut,
But he didn't do Episode One.
--- Steve Schrader
His work, Clockwork Orange, well it is
A work of delight;
I could watch it all night.
That Stanley Kubrick sure is a wiz.
--- Steve Schrader
Sick and tired of tending the crops,
Joined an old geezer's crew
When he lost Aunt Beru,
And since then has been earning much props.
--- Anon
Fights off two or three hundred attackers;
Leaves the criminal creeps
Crushed and twisted in heaps.
Has he thought about joining the Packers?
--- Larry Hollister
The scenery eerie and stark.
The city, New York.
Condemned man must walk
As fast as he can--Central Park.
--- Irving Superior P9012
Said Shakespearean dramas were corn;
Likewise Shaw and O'Niell,
They just didn't appeal
For her talents lay mostly in porn.
--- Isaac Asimov P8401
Who sought an unusual job,
Auditioned and stole
The choice title role,
And worked in the movie: "The Blob."
--- Cyber Geezer
Take some Wiest and a pinch of Patric,
Stir in some side stories
And a couple of Coreys,
And voila! It's a vampire flick!
--- Anon
All you needed to do was just ask,
And I'd head out the door,
No longer to bore,
With my talk of that movie "The Mask!"
--- Steve Schrader
So they hired a shrink to advise.
At the end it's a shock
When we learn that the doc
Had some years ago met his demise.
--- Anon
I choose rarely to give them a look.
I resent their high price
And I know in a trice,
Some of them will come out as a book.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0007
Made love to his girl in the aisle.
He was a creature
Of a double feature,
So he did her again...in a while.
--- Thomas M Patton P9712
With footwork both fast and precise
Until she was free
Of Simon Legree
Whose treatment of her wasn't nice.
--- R J Winkler P8409
I wouldn't miss it, don't you!
Regards U.S. driving
And rules for surviving...
Its title is 'Up Your Kazoo'.
--- Jane D Hughes P9012
"I hate films on Sex Education.
I feel such a fool
When I show them at school.
Now they're asking for 'Birth of the Nation'!"
--- Arthur Deex P0506
"I just love films on Sex Education.
I think it's real cool
When I show them at school.
Next it's 'Debbie Does Grand Central Station'."
--- Arthur Deex P0506
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