"About Hollywood, somewhere I've read And fast food stores now have the knack Those same Big Macs we had last week; I reading that old Potter, Harry, The merchandise, now though, is utter A kid on a broomstick that flies, Hello there, Hello from a witch! About this game, of snatching your snitch; I suggest, thence, the ground where it's stable. Last night for the first time in a while, The film was that Harry Potter; Pure Fantasy -- that a boy, Potter, Not shown in the film, "Harry Potter", Allow me to hazard a guess; As for Mickey's wiz lesson, I caught her, Indeed, I have rather refined The commune dweller, Anthony Cotter, This boy went to live with his aunt He lived with them for some ten years, To Hogwarts school he was sent, He and his friends had adventures, Through a trapdoor they descended one night. And sadly our story now ends. Harry Potter's the one I like best, Harry Potter's magic affair The skill of a chacma named Turks (chacma - a baboon of southern Africa)
The artist, with his canvas and stand, A woman who painted, named Sue, "Art for Art's sake," he proclaimed. There was a young man from Des Moines, An old abstract painter, MacNeal, There once was this talented lass, There was a poor chap called Rossetti:
This is file mmm
Bleary-eyed, blithering, and blotto, I treasure my new Delacroix; A mincing young artist names Spacey There is a big artist named Val An artist called Donald McGill There once was an artist named Frank It was quite the best bird art they saw A painter of birds, Edward Lear, (Smithsonian, Sept 1981, on Lear as a painter of birds)
An Eskimo painter named Jude, There was an old he-wolf called Gambart; Said a cocky young artist named Wriston, There was a young woman from Stroud, Though his talent was not highly touted, A modern young painter from Hart Joe Louis, Jack Dempsey, or Ali-- Michelangelo, artist of feeling, The National Gallery of Art A talented woman named Stipples, Said Bob Squirrel's wife, with restraint, A mural he wanted to paint, A trompe l'oeil painter named Light Our favorite painter, Carrara, Grandma Johnson, while bombed on bad booze, A wildlife photographer came My aunt left me a Rembrandt and quaint A artist who lived in an attic, There once was a model, quite luscious, There was a young painter named Jake, Velasquez of Spain took a ship The quite waggish Dutch family Zelft An artist dipped pen into ink For his Campbell's Soup screen-prints, society's Beauty is in eyes of beholder;
That acting is easy," growled Fred.
"For people, they say,
Win an Oscar today
Who don't bother to get out of bed."
--- A N Wilkins P0211
Of getting on H Potters track:
Eye of newt, toe of frog,
And the hair of the dog...
Oh no, that's the standard Big Mac.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Took a bite, groaned, decided to peek.
There was too little meat,
The tomatoes deplet-
Ed. We left there, some good food to seek.
--- Hilde na Baeg
And don't find the thing a bit scary.
But it robbed me a night's
Or two's sleep, but not fright.
Kept me awake, interesting very.
--- Ulla
Ly mod; you can get Harry Butter;
Bike parts: Harry Cotters;
And fires: Harry Hotters;
And golfers can get Harry Putters.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And goblins and wizards and spies.
He's playing Quidditch,
With a cute little witch.
"Hermione, make this stick rise!"
--- Irish
How about a nice match of Quidditch?
I would sure like a quick
Ride on your broom stick.
Feel inclined to catch my Golden Snitch?
--- Ulla
For me there's one lingering hitch.
Acrophobic am I.
I don't want to die,
While trying to scratch my love itch.
--- Irish
I know that down there I am able
To make like old Fluffy,
And lap at your Muffy,
Three times as we make our own fable!
--- Irish
We went to the movies in style.
Sound blasted our ears;
Seats squeezed our old rears;
In fact there was scant cause to smile.
--- Tony Burrell
Our daughter said that we just gotter
Go in the first week,
To take the first peek.
Did we have fun? No, not a lotter.
--- Tony Burrell
Around on a broom could make hotter
A cauldron or two,
For its perfectly true
That he'll not touch a broom when he's gotter!
--- Dennis Hammes
Was the use of the brooms to save bother.
But the magic is tricky;
Remember how Mickey
Rued the moment he had one fetch water.
--- Dr Limerick
Those brooms by themselves sweep the mess;
A wizard perk dandy
Especially handy
For debris from the game, Wizard Chess.
--- Dr Limerick
(How broom begat daughter on daughter.)
But I will confess
I don't use it on chess,
For it generates nothing but slaughter.
--- Dennis Hammes
My thoughts on "Wizard's Gambit Declined,"
For I watched a young master
Punch faster and faster --
Till the clock punched him out of his mind.
--- Dennis Hammes
Wore a beard; was allergic to water.
He could throw clay to suit;
He was soiled and hirsute;
Therefore he was the first hairy potter.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0305
And uncle, who said "But you can't
Be a wizard! Absurd.
If the neighbors all heard,
You aren't a wizard! You aren't!"
--- Hannah Potter
Far away from his natural peers.
Till one day he found out;
The secret was out,
And it confirmed his family's worst fears.
--- Hannah Potter
Where his happiest days were spent.
Different spells they learned
And potions they burned
And he found out what friendship meant.
--- Hannah Potter
Which lead to them getting detentions.
They agreed to stop prying,
Getting in trouble and spying,
Until something tested their intentions.
--- Hannah Potter
A Dark Wizard they were ready to fight.
They broke different spells
As legend now tells,
Until the enemy was in sight.
--- Hannah Potter
Harry Potter goes home with his friends.
His family is horrible,
Simply intolerable.
We'll see Harry when the summer ends.
--- Hannah Potter
And Hermione's cute, and the rest.
And Ron was a star;
I even liked Voldemar!
I just saw it, if you haven't guessed.
--- Willis Baddel
Made Ms Rowling a millionaire.
Are we pleased? You bet!
It's cleared our national debt,
And given a few quid to spare.
--- Tony Burrell
In painting is something that irks
Collectors today,
For his paintings, they say,
Look much like De Kooning best works.
--- A N Wilkins P8408
Has a palette and brush in his hand.
He'll paint what he sees;
A landscape with trees?
Perhaps the sea and the shore and sand.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Did all of her paintings in blue;
They were put on display
In a hall in Bombay,
And received an outstanding review.
--- Cap'n Bean
"I don't care if my canvas looks maimed!"
But one look at this mess
And the viewer will guess,
That, down deep, the man must be ashamed.
--- Anon
Whose artistry leaned to bare loin.
He peddled his pix
With digital licks,
'Til Big Brother reneged for some coin.
--- Anon
Was painting a pussy so real,
That while he was painting,
From desire he was fainting,
And he blew on the canvas, the heel.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1882
Whose paintings were judged as first class.
Although nobody knew
That each time that she'd screw,
She'd paint with a brush in her ass.
--- Anon
As a painter with many kicks met he--
With more as a man--
But sometimes he ran,
And that saved the rear of Rossetti.
--- Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Having paid his homage to Giotto,
He painted a nude,
Dreamed he got screwed,
And called himself Dear Uncle Otto.
--- G2263
It has me spellbound and in awe.
This full-figured nude
Has me in the mood
To wank till I rub myself raw.
--- Randog
Loved wearing girls' clothes, soft and lacy;
His muy macho daddy
Said, "Goddammit, laddie,
Your choice of street wear is disgracy."
--- Armand Singer P2006
The roughs and the prize fighter's pal.
The mind of a groom
And the head of a broom
Were nature's endowments to Val.
--- Dante G Rossetti
Gave tourists a holiday thrill,
Honeymooners and Vicars,
Buxom ladies in knickers,
And couples well over the hill.
--- DONALD MCGILL II
Who often got tanked when he drank.
The liquor pervaded
His mind and it faded.
And he kept on drawing a blank.
--- Observer
And painted by this guy. Jackdaw
Or Eagle, each flew.
He penned nonsense too!
Kids loved this old bearded lead drawer.
--- Doug Harris P0604
For limericks was known far and near.
But this handsome owl
And assorted fine fowl
Show Lear in his other career.
--- P8303
To achieve just the right Arctic mood,
(A device quite artistic
But close to sadistic)
Stands his models on ice in the nude.
--- Armand E Singer 137
Beware of him if thou a lamb art,
Else thy tail and thy toes
And thy innocent nose
Will be ground by the grinder of Gambart.
--- D G Rosetti
"There is only one thing I insist on;
I can stand contradictions
That insult my convictions,
But I'd kill if my paintings got pissed on."
--- Armand E Singer 669
Whose artistic skills did her proud.
She thought it not rude
To paint in the nude,
And soon drew a sizeable crowd.
--- Richard Long
"The price is three dollars", he shouted.
I'd offered him two,
But since that won't do,
He sat by his easel and pouted.
--- Tony Davie Collection
Was giving a lecture on art;
"When painting what ain't,"
He said, "you need paint,
A brush, and a good running start."
--- Lims Unlimited
If ever you met in an alley,
Whenever he's through,
Your face will change to
A Pablo..., or Salvatore Dali.
--- Irving Superior P9309
Is known for his Vatican ceiling.
The Pope saw some faults
In its featureless vaults
And said, "Paint it over. It's peeling!"
--- Rory Ewins
Is a place rather close to my heart.
There's Rembrandts to see,
And admission is free,
So skinflints can go, for a start.
--- Anon
In the art world, created some ripples,
With the paintings she made
Every time she got laid,
With a brush she attached to her nipples.
--- Cap'n Bean P9902
When he dipped his long tail in some paint,
"You can crack nuts with ease,
And you're good climbing trees,
But the world's greatest artist, you ain't."
--- Funfax Limericks
Of a landscape, both rural and quaint.
But he's not a Vermeer,
He'd bedaub and besmear;
But alas, Jackson Pollock he ain't.
--- Anon
Depicted a cunt stretched and tight.
It looked so damn real, it
Was like he could feel it.
He came all alone at the sight.
--- Armand E Singer 442
Depicted a brilliant tiara
On the nethermost part
Of a brazen young tart --
Now what will he paint on, tomorra?
--- James Montgomery
Painted "Pecker Attacking Large Cooze."
Said she, "It ain't quaint,
But I just had to paint
One the greeting-card people can't use."
--- G2269
To the great outdoors in a plane.
He set up his gear
To a thunderous cheer,
Took one picture and went home again!
--- Photogs Book Smiles P0507
Stradivari -- Boy did I faint!
I rushed them to town
To a dealer renowned,
But Stradivari, he said, didn't paint.
--- Friar
Received news that made him feel ecstatic.
His style, colours, and verve
Hit a patron's raw nerve;
Fame after that was axiomatic.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Especially cute when she blushes.
To be painted would please her,
Though the artist would tease her
And tickle her tush with his brushes.
--- Anon
Who squeezed on his palette madder lake,
And cerulean blue,
And black and white too,
A real mix of colors that would make.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
To see all the East in one trip.
But a cheap whore in Tiflis
Gave him crabs, clap, and syphilis,
And he henceforth mixed paints with the drip.
--- G1954
Left strange records behind them in Delft,
When they gave the same name
To each new-born who came,
So the painter's called Vincent the Twelfth!
--- J Maynard Kaplan
And drew a lush nude in a mink...
Then drooled, "Were you real,
I feel that you'd feel
Hot to do what you'd think I would think.
--- Grand Prix Lim 451
Wild about Warhol. In quiet he's
Wishing that Heinz
Had inspired his designs;
He'd have 57 varieties.
--- Bill Greenwell
Even Beardsley made some parts bolder.
Thus the viewers eye
Could see humor wry;
Thus Aubrey's lines tawdry won't moulder.
--- Daniel Ford