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An artist named Botticelli Far beyond all the girls of Pirelli, (Pirelli Tires puts out a girly calendar)
That famous old painter, Cezanne, The Impressionist, Claude O. Monet, I've looked very close in the hay A ten-sou grisette named Cecile, In a high-fashioned journal for queers, BACK FROM BOHEMIA And she became Yin, and he Yan.
When Gauguin was visiting Fiji Paul Gauguin, an impressionist meany, Mousieur Gauguin? He's gone to Tahiti. Gauguin got a native girl stewed Once Georges Pierre Seurat said to me, Said the Duchess of Alba to Goya, Said La Maja Desnuda to Goya, His neighbors would shout, "Hello, Dali!" The bird connoisseur J J Audubon That horny old rascal, Manet, There was a French painter, Matisse, What! Parted without even a kiss? A lively young thing from Bryn Mawr, Matisse, in a period of gloom, Michaelangelo Buonarroti An art dealer in France name of Maude Duane was quite charmed with Picasso, When he first viewed the works of Picasso, A curious artist, Picasso: Some say as Picasso got older, When Picasso was tender in years, When I see the Nudes of Van Rijn, Old Dutch Masters considered them fine, Some consider it crudity; Large ladies were painted by Rubens, Rubens ignored VICISSITUDE A painter named Salvador Dali The great artist Salvador Dali A doll duly diddled by Dali A certain young person of Mission, When a wealthy collector from Mission On a weekend with Countess de Bray, Said a famous old painter, Vermeer, The rumor was Whistler would sock her Lautrec, to a degree that was nth, Regardez-vous Toulouse-Lautrec, A horny old maid of Quebec The book stacks in a French biblioteque The painter Lautrec said, "J'accuse!" The Lautrecs' famous scion, Tolouse, There once was a whore from Quebec There once was a man from Quebec, I'm an aesthete, I don't wash my neck. It was Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec Have you heard about Toulouse-Lautrec? Toulouse-Latrec always sings In a brothel Lautrec said, "Yes quite, Said Toulouse-Lautrec with a yawn, A French tailor named Lautrec LaFoose, When asked 'bout his height old Toulouse The art dealer, tipsy on booze, DaVinci, the master of guile, The smile on the famed Mona Lisa I've never been one of those highbrows Leonardo da Vinci's last scrawls Said DaVinci, just finished with 'Lisa', Leonardo da Vinci? Why he's a A lusty young artist, Da Vinci, I've never been one of those highbrows
Painted a model named Nelly.
She slapped him, "Take that!
You've painted me fat.
I'm slim and I've been on the telly."
--- Anon
Are the females of S. Botticelli.
Each has porcelain skin,
And a pert pointed chin,
And erogenous body and belly.
--- I D M Morley
Fucked a hole in an old frying pan.
"I just love rough edges!
I fuck all the hedges,
And cats on the Island of Man."
--- G1213
When he found funds for food one Spring day,
Purchased a Kaiser Roll,
And then traded his sole
For the more risque catfish fillet.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0107
And I think I can truthfully say,
If phalli abound,
They chiefly are found
By Randog and not Claude Monet.
--- John Miller
Thus cautioned another jeune fille,
"Now Dali is jolly,
But watch him, by golly!
Or he'll stuff up your ass with an eel."
--- L1445
A layout by Dali appears.
It depicts a June bride,
With three breasts on each side,
Caressing a penis with ears.
--- G2467
Said a slant eyed young jade of Japan,
"I must study under Gauguin!"
Though he taught her at first,
Soon their places reversed,
--- L1443
He said, "Things are different here, e.g.
While Tahitian skin
Calls for tan, spread out thin,
You must slosh it on here with a squeegee.
--- Victor Gray P9002
Ditched his wife for a brown-skinned wahine,
Who said, "Too bad, Paul.
You're so big and so tall,
But you have such a undersized weenie."
--- William N Nesbit
Where the girls are so friendly and preety.
'E paints them tout bare,
With the lovely black hair,
And bodies so - how you say - meaty!"
--- Stanley J Sharpless
And convinced her to pose in the nude;
When her father espied her
With the artist astride her,
He yelled, "Now you're screwed, blewed and tatooed!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8312
"The purpose of Art is to free
Up the spirit of man,
To ascend if it can."
And he stated that most pointedly.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0201
"Do some pictures to hang in my foyer."
So he painted her twice,
In the nude to look nice,
And then in her clothes to annoy 'er.
--- Wynford Vaughn-Thomas A
"I'll admit that you are my employa;
But I came here to pose.
Not to hole up and hose;
To a model, such antics annoya!"
--- Gramd Prix Lim 999 P9703
Whenever he'd eat some tomale.
He'd share his steamed lobster
With a Mafia mobster,
And then spend the night with his collie.
--- Anon
Has exposed, to the world, all he'd thought upon.
He had researched and painted
Every species acquainted
And there's hardly a kind he'd not gnawed upon.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
While buggering a boy on the Quay,
Was attacked by a crick
In the tip of his prick.
"Merde!" he cried, "Quick! Baume Bengue!"
--- L1444
Remarked as he plugged his fat niece,
"You claim it feels awful
And I know it's unlawful,
But for Chrisakes DON'T call the police!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 54
Pray, what is the meaning of this?
I declare it's not fair!
I shall tear out my hair,
And next time, I'll be done by Matisse!
--- X A M
Was raped by an ape in the Bois.
Picasso appeared,
He coughed lightly and leered,
"Carajo! C'est Matisse, par ma foi!"
--- L1447
And obsessed with dementia and doom,
Did describe in detail
His traumatic travail
As he tried to reenter the womb.
--- Phil Cannibal P9012
Spent most of his life on his body,
Or lying or kneeling
Too close to the ceiling
On a scaffold too far from the potty.
--- Pangolin TP9901
Bought a Monet with which she was awed.
With passion exuded,
"The frame's not included?"
On the basis of that she claimed fraud.
--- Tom Patton
A cubist who made him groan basso
At rectangle slits,
And roundest of tits,
And several views of one asso.
--- H Welchel
A Spanish art critic cried, "Ah, so,
Contortion, distortion,
And want of proportion,
Lead one to inquire, Que paso?"
--- Bob Giandomenico P0205
His voice was remarkably basso,
His balls were both cubic,
His hair was all pubic.
Some thought him a bit of an ass hole.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
His use of abstraction grew bolder,
When looking how faces
Were scattered all places:
Seems art's in the eye of beer holder!
--- Jon Gearhart
He considered some other careers
While reading reportage
Of imminent shortage
Of models with eyes in their ears.
--- Cyber Geezer
When I see how lucious their skin,
How languid they lie;
If no guards are by,
Then I climb the wall and crawl in.
--- Irving Superior P8312
Whether posed sitting down or supine.
His nudes seemed content
Albeit corpulent
When painted by Rembrandt van Rijn.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
Still others think it is lewdity.
Yet Renoir and such
Contributed much
To promoting the art of nudity.
--- Macsam
And though he did not paint their pubens,
Big tits on display
Meant with percy I'd play,
Till juices spurt out of my tubens.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file mlm
And painted another soft nude,
Considered wisely
Each zaftig-sizely
As very artistic, not lewd.
--- Chris Papa
Was stopped by a harlot in Bali.
So he made a cheap deal,
And he fucked her, the heel,
As she hung from a post in the alley.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0674
Grew rich on other men's folly.
The stuff he did paint,
Would make a ghoul faint,
But sold like the best yuletide holly.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Cried, "Criminy, Man! That was jolly!"
In nine months labor pains
Made her scream as she strains,
"That diddle with Dali was folly!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 51
In a sadly befuddled condition,
Confused picture and song,
And declared to a throng,
That 'The Lady in Red' was by Titian.
--- Anon A
Asked an expert, "Is this a real Titian?"
What did the guy say?
To the owner's dismay,
He said, "No. It's a real repetition."
--- A N Wilkins P8508
We beguiled a most tedious day,
By sketching a penis,
On a Titian Venus,
And a beard on a nude by Monet.
--- Anon A
"I refuse to paint nudes from the rear;
The reason's quite practical
And totally tactical:
It is damned hard to draw a true sphere."
--- Armand E Singer 283
And when she stood up he would knock her.
When neighbors complained,
The good man explained,
"My mother, the Dear's off her rocker."
--- Irving Superior
To Moulin Rouge's posters brought tinth.
So when he disappeared,
He was, the owners feared,
Conspicuous by his absinthe.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0608
Though at first glance, an ambulant wreck.
He could fuck once a week
A la maniere antique,
And once in a while a la Grecque
--- L1446
Was robbed and was raped by Lautrec.
And he raped her so well
That she said to him, "Hell,
You can fuck me again, here's a cheque."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0307
Have strewn floor tiles which serve as a deck;
Only five feet in height,
With the flooring not tight,
Have resulted in Toulouse Lautrec.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
When his trousers some sought to abuse.
What exactly was meant
When the crowd would comment,
"These pants are becomming 'Toulous'."
--- Ed
Went out to a club for some booze.
The pissoirs at the club
Were too high for his nub,
So Toulouse had to pee on his shoes.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
Who had a French painter on deck.
"Your thing's so petite,"
She said, fondling his meat,
"I'll bet you're too loose, Lautrec."
--- David Miller
Whose tool was not quite up to spec.
Though he blamed the ill-fit
On the gals he was with,
All the gals called him "Too Loose, Lautrec!"
--- Ashamed T9801
As for sex, why I just hunt and peck.
Who cares about gender,
Provided it's tender
And you're the too Touleuse-Lautrec?
--- Conrad Aiken
Who once said to his mom, "What the heck!
Since my stature is short,
I'll make painting my sport.
And my style will of course be low tech."
--- Donald R Moore
Though at first flush, an ambulant wreck.
He could hitch up his nuts
And follow his putz
Into twitchets, right up to his neck!
--- G0638
When he starts out on one of his flings.
Unconcerned with his lackages,
He knows that small packages,
Like his, always come in good things.
--- Arthur Deex P8303
When you told me I could, you were right.
You stood me on a chair
And proved right then and there,
That I'd be up to it all night!"
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9205
"I had better be going, it's dawn.
Please accept my warm thanks,
These ten sous and four francs
For so cleverly putting me on."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9205a
Made such errors he cooked his own goose.
The coats never were right,
The vests always too tight,
And the trousers? Well, they were Toulouse.
--- Warrick Elrod
Said, "Really I've nothing to lose...
'Cause while on my feet
I'm muff-high, it's neat,
And in bed! What a place for a snooze!"
--- Tutta Gioia
This morning was blowing his fuse.
He told his mistress, Dinah,
"I've christened your vagina,
Lautrec 'cause I find it Tolouse"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0409
Gave Mona that mystical smile.
To capture her eye,
He unzipped his fly
And played with his pecker - What style!
--- Dick Buenger P9006
Has long been a bit of a teaser.
Perhaps Leonardo
In a fit of bravado,
Made as if he were going to squeeze her.
--- Stanley J Sharpless
Who adore Leonardo, and why browse
The works of da Vinci,
Since painting his wench, he
Omitted her lashes and eyebrows.
--- Q
Mirror fashion on lavatory walls,
And discovered today
Near the Vatican say:
".sllab ym htiw ereh deyalp asiL anoM"
--- Peter Wilkins
"I think I'll hop over to Pisa.
I hear there's a steeple
Where grin-sickened people
Can climb, lean and puke without visa."
--- Joseph Kesselring P8312
Remarkably potent old geezer.
His skilled sexual quirks
But well-satisfied smirks
On his models, e.g., Mona Lisa.
--- Isaac Asimov
Had a model both lovely and flinch-y.
She was always distressed
While she was undressed --
But she gained immortality, din't she?
--- Norm Storer
Who adore Leonardo, and why browse
The words of da Vinci
Since, painting his wench, he
Omitted her lashes and eyebrows.
--- Hugh Clary
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