The Colchester Road that I know
Is full of young nurses aglow;
Not one is a dog
And they leave me agog,
With a feeling of tightness below.
--- Anon

When Debbie takes care of my hose
In the regular Ying and Yang pose,
It leaves both of my hands
For her mammary glands,
While my tongue goes to work on her rose.
--- Anon

Because today is Virgin Day,
I'll stay down here, out of the way.
Until you call for,
Something more hard-core,
To tend to your trouser affray.
--- Anon

The surgical nurse, Miss McCall,
Is competent, lovely and tall.
She is negative toward
A chase in the ward,
But welcomes pursuit in the hall.
--- VOL 6

Thanks, Nurse, I'm feeling much better
(Lovely things there in your sweater).
My poor fleshy tube
Just needs a good lube;
Please help me to make it wetter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Subliminal phantasmagoria
Of nurses like Gladys and Gloria,
Can leave one defenceless
To utterly senseless,
Conditions of lustful euphoria.
--- Peter Wilkins

You glide like a dream 'round the room,
While my heart it goes boom-titty-boom.
And the glorious sight
Of your uniform tight,
Causes willy to harden and bloom.
--- Peter Wilkins

I'm silently watching the sweet
Little nurses pass by on the street;
But alas and alack,
Seems I haven't the knack,
For not one's fallen down at my feet.
--- Anon

The ladies in virginal white,
Who roam in the wards late at night,
Although they're a dream,
And are not what they seem,
They're not virgins and not very tight.
--- Archie

I salivate, slobber and drool
At Emily, barely left school;
A nursing assistant
Who give me persistant
Unruly tumesence of tool.
--- Peter Wilkins

Now, I just came to work in a place
With Nurses right there in my face.
I'll test them all, too;
There's more than a few,
If Matron will get off my case!
--- Archie

That limerick will lead you off-base;
What was said, was not quite the case.
He's having such fun;
He'd get some work done,
If Matron would get off on his face.
--- Marlene Lewis

Pull up the sheets, she's drawing near
With a quart-sized injection. Your fear
Is her inspiration.
Here comes penetration!
I think she's abscessed with your rear.
--- Cyber Wizard

There was this mortician, DeWitt,
A low and unprincipled shit.
He speadeagled a nurse
On the floor of the hearse,
And didn't regret it one bit.
--- Armand E Singer 59

Will you fondle me under the sheet,
While I play with your boobs and your neat
Little buttocks? I pray
We can do it today;
Will you give me this one little treat?
--- Peter Wilkins

So dextrous a doctor was he,
His technique was something to see.
'Till nurse Dowd, a virgin,
Cried out, "Oh, my surgeon!
You poked the wrong organ in me!"
--- Anon

There once was an eager young nurse,
Who felt that she had to rehearse,
Every sexual joy,
Every hot little ploy,
To succeed in becoming perverse.
--- Isaac Asimov

I'm sure that we're both here by fate.
I'm going to ask her for a date,
(Could do a lot worse
Than this cheery nurse)
Right after she's checked my prostate.
--- Anon

We nurses are portrayed as flirts,
Wearing sussies and little white skirts.
But it's scrubs that I wear;
No spike heels, so there!
(Well, maybe for certain perverts.)
--- Cheryl

Young Katie and Sue are two nurses
Who earn from their patients wild curses,
By shaving their pubes
And poking in tubes,
While singing some very rude verses.
--- Archie

"My poor back," said the man, "I did twist it,
And my sex life, for years I have missed it."
The doc's nurse, young in years,
Heard his story in tears,
So she stood on her head and he kissed it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1912

On Saturday mornings, I loves
To visit Nurse Deborah Doves;
It's worth every pound
For the sight and the sound
Of her snapping on surgical gloves.
--- Peter Wilkins

All right, Mister Big, get 'em off!
No shyness! Come on! Let's just doff
The shirt, pants and shoes...
Silk underwear too!
Now head to the side and let's cough.
--- Nurse Doves

I've snapped to attention, Miss Doves,
On hearing those surgical gloves;
Now percy is yours.
(Though inside of your drawers,
He'd be done in a couple of shoves.)
--- Peter Wilkins

Oh Peter, old fellow, old chap,
On Fridays Nurse Doves mops my lap
And ass, which she loves,
Then says, "These great gloves
On Saturdays, still have their 'snap'."
--- Travis Brasell

So what if they do? I make sure
She uses a pair from the store,
Hermetically sealed
On which nowt is congealed,
'Fore she snaps 'em and gives me what for.
--- Peter Wilkins

Twin nurses, young Kirsty and Kate,
Had fun every Friday at eight;
For that's when they toured
The men's sugical ward,
In a rather inebriate state.
--- Peter Wilkins

In uniforms virginal white,
And teasingly tiny and tight,
They'd wiggle and jiggle
Their bosoms and giggle,
While causing the geezers delight.
--- Peter Wilkins

Though one of the gentlemen, Jim,
Had never had inklings for quim,
The others would snuffle,
Kerfluffle or puffle
And shuffle with vigor and vim.
--- Peter Wilkins

Except for curmudgeonly Fred,
Who sat there impassive in bed,
Avoiding the sight
Of their uniforms tight,
On account the poor bugger was dead.
--- Peter Wilkins

Sometimes, I'm a sweet Southern belle,
Wearing high heels and pearls, can you tell?
Soft-spoken, demure --
Not one thought impure --
It's a role at which I excel.
--- Kaylin

There was a young lady named Kitchener,
Who slipped on the quayside at Itchenor.
In spite of the pain,
She laughed like a drain,
When the surgeon inserted a stitch in her.
--- Anon

To the Doctor's office he went.
"Castrate me," said the young gent.
The Doc said, "I'm through,
Circumcision too?"
"Damn! That's the word that I meant."
--- John Futhey X

This is file mll

"This looks like two squid on two bikes,"
Said the surgeon of poor Michael Sykes.
As he held up the tumor,
(He loved stand-up humor
And could never resist open mikes).
--- Graham Lester

An aneurysm operation
And my rehabilitation
Has left me averse
To writing any verse
While waiting each alleviation.
--- Irving Superior P9809

Asked a patient who faced appendectomy,
"What kind of a fee d'you expectomy?"
Said the doc, "Since your pulse
Indicates the results,
Any kind but a post-dated checktomy."
--- Ogden Nash P9002

"The pain, Dr. Smith, is unbearable!"
"Yes, yes, Miss, I know it is terrible.
But to cure a broken heart
Is beyond a surgeon's art,
Or at least, since I'm married, unethical.
--- Lance Payne P8503

There was a young man from Kilkenny
Who claimed that he didn't have any;
But the poor fellow lied,
They were way up inside,
And he had them brought down for a penny.
--- Harald S Green P8510

The hand surgeon's pecker was sick;
A tendon transplant did the trick,
Which he took from his hand.
His erection is grand,
But he can't get a hold of his prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3012

Said a demented surgeon, Ben Dix,
"I found a new way to get kicks.
Down at the library,
It gets kind of scary,
When I remove a book's appendix."
--- Tom Patton P9506

There once was a young man named Ennis
With lots of foreskin on his penis.
Said his girlfriend, a Jew,
"It's Bris time for you,
'Cause I don't want your foreskin between us."
--- Anon

An unscrupulous surgeon was queried
About how his case outcomes had varied.
He said, "When it works,
I charge them their shirts,
But the serious problems are buried."
--- Nick D Kim X

The bachelor girl who gets plastered,
And fears she'll be screwed by some bastard,
Should get her physician,
To make an incision,
And be doctored before she is mastered.
--- Anon

A baby was born to Miss Gellicutt,
Delivered by means of a belly cut.
After sewing the patch,
The doc tickled her snatch.
She awoke and exclaimed, "You're indelicate."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2693

My Doc is a really good egg.
I'd buy him a beer or a keg.
He incised my nose,
But I must disclose
That he charged me an arm and a leg.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a short-kilted North Briton
Who promiscuouisly sat on a kitten.
But the kitten had claws--
The immediate cause
Of that North Briton's abrupt circumcision.
--- G2714

I think I am going to be sick;
There's a wart on the end of my stick.
As to how it got there,
I really don't care,
But the medic said, "Cut if off, quick!"
--- Mike O'Conner

Said the Orthopedic surgeon Wedge,
"We now have no reason to hedge.
New techniques prove enough
To treat rotator cuff,
So have placed us on the cutting edge."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q

A surgeon with excellent vision
Was proud of his working precision.
His stitches and scars
He displayed in glass jars,
Or framed them (with patients permission).
--- P8302

A neurotic young playboy named Gleason
Liked boys for no tangible reason.
A frontal lobotomy
Cured him of sodomy,
But ruined his plans for the season.
--- Anon

Hard of hearing was Dr. Lambier.
While operating on a brain that was queer,
He misheard lobotomy,
Thought he heard sodomy,
And fucked the guy in the left ear.
--- John Chastaine

Confessed that great surgeon, George Pitt,
"I hate to carve into a tit,
And as for a rectum,
It's worse to disect 'em;
They're apt to be full of dead shit."
--- Armand E Singer 880

"Ugly people," a surgeon reflected,
"Would never feel sad or dejected
If they only knew
That like others, they too
Would make handsome cadavers dissected."
--- A N Wilkins P8503

When boys are quite young, circumcise them.
I know you think that terrifies them.
It may make them small,
But there is a cure-all;
A doctor I know magnifies them.
--- Al Willis

The Savant has been under the weather;
His surgeon could pull him together.
He found that a hernia
Will rapidly turn ya
To thoughts that are light as a feather.
--- Limerick Savant

A man who could not bend to his toes,
Told a surgeon the cause of his woes.
After a surgical binge
And a two-jointed hinge,
Now forward and backward he goes.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

Bemoaned an old cockster named Bill,
"I tell you my nuts aren't for real:
I'd need a dry blotter
To soak up the water,
From lancing my huge hydrocele."
--- Armand Singer

I'm going away. I'll be back.
My doctor is on the attack.
She's ripping out bits;
Recovery's the pits.
Excuse me -- I gotta go pack.
--- Marlene Lewis

There was a young fellow named Ted,
Who had a radio put in his head.
Long wave or short,
He did it for sport,
And to improve his reception in bed.
--- Anon

Katie Zeta-Jones, some surmise,
Has had some dumb surgeon excise
From her bags of money,
And though it seems funny,
The bags she had under her eyes.
--- Tiddy Ogg

No doubt is was all for the best,
And hopefully she was impressed.
Let's hope her next move,
Is not to remove
Those bags that she has on her chest.
--- Tiddy Ogg

If you find that your funny-bone itches,
I suggest you try dropping your britches,
And go under the knife.
It could well save your life,
And it surely will keep you in stitches.
--- Limerick Savant

He regrets the entire episode;
He lanced the poor man's sinus node.
"Boy what a goof!
And now the reproof:
The fellow is now pigeon-toed."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

On two crazy zoo hippopotami
They did a prefrontal lobotomy;
Both creatures complained
"Oh my, I'm debrained;
The vets have removed a whole lot o' me."
--- Armand E Singer 737

It is such a strange dichotomy,
That there is just such a lot of me.
I must confess
That I should weigh less,
'Cause I lost weight with a lobotomy!
--- Waukesha Don T9801

A very young surgeon named Hare,
Told Time what he'd done on a dare.
"I gave a lobotomy
To twin hippopotami,
Now one of them's running for mayor.
--- Anon X

A surgeon, while sewing a suture
In a kidney without any future,
Was composing a verse
To a registered nurse,
To buttress his effort to smooch her.
--- Lims Unlimited