The Colchester Road that I know When Debbie takes care of my hose Because today is Virgin Day, The surgical nurse, Miss McCall, Thanks, Nurse, I'm feeling much better Subliminal phantasmagoria You glide like a dream 'round the room, I'm silently watching the sweet The ladies in virginal white, I salivate, slobber and drool Now, I just came to work in a place That limerick will lead you off-base; Pull up the sheets, she's drawing near There was this mortician, DeWitt, Will you fondle me under the sheet, So dextrous a doctor was he, There once was an eager young nurse, I'm sure that we're both here by fate. We nurses are portrayed as flirts, Young Katie and Sue are two nurses "My poor back," said the man, "I did twist it, On Saturday mornings, I loves All right, Mister Big, get 'em off! I've snapped to attention, Miss Doves, Oh Peter, old fellow, old chap, So what if they do? I make sure Twin nurses, young Kirsty and Kate, In uniforms virginal white, Though one of the gentlemen, Jim, Except for curmudgeonly Fred, Sometimes, I'm a sweet Southern belle, There was a young lady named Kitchener, To the Doctor's office he went.
This is file mll
"This looks like two squid on two bikes," An aneurysm operation Asked a patient who faced appendectomy, "The pain, Dr. Smith, is unbearable!" There was a young man from Kilkenny The hand surgeon's pecker was sick; Said a demented surgeon, Ben Dix, There once was a young man named Ennis An unscrupulous surgeon was queried The bachelor girl who gets plastered, A baby was born to Miss Gellicutt, My Doc is a really good egg. There was a short-kilted North Briton I think I am going to be sick; Said the Orthopedic surgeon Wedge, A surgeon with excellent vision A neurotic young playboy named Gleason Hard of hearing was Dr. Lambier. Confessed that great surgeon, George Pitt, "Ugly people," a surgeon reflected, When boys are quite young, circumcise them. The Savant has been under the weather; A man who could not bend to his toes, Bemoaned an old cockster named Bill, I'm going away. I'll be back. There was a young fellow named Ted, Katie Zeta-Jones, some surmise, No doubt is was all for the best, If you find that your funny-bone itches, He regrets the entire episode; On two crazy zoo hippopotami It is such a strange dichotomy, A very young surgeon named Hare, A surgeon, while sewing a suture
Is full of young nurses aglow;
Not one is a dog
And they leave me agog,
With a feeling of tightness below.
--- Anon
In the regular Ying and Yang pose,
It leaves both of my hands
For her mammary glands,
While my tongue goes to work on her rose.
--- Anon
I'll stay down here, out of the way.
Until you call for,
Something more hard-core,
To tend to your trouser affray.
--- Anon
Is competent, lovely and tall.
She is negative toward
A chase in the ward,
But welcomes pursuit in the hall.
--- VOL 6
(Lovely things there in your sweater).
My poor fleshy tube
Just needs a good lube;
Please help me to make it wetter.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of nurses like Gladys and Gloria,
Can leave one defenceless
To utterly senseless,
Conditions of lustful euphoria.
--- Peter Wilkins
While my heart it goes boom-titty-boom.
And the glorious sight
Of your uniform tight,
Causes willy to harden and bloom.
--- Peter Wilkins
Little nurses pass by on the street;
But alas and alack,
Seems I haven't the knack,
For not one's fallen down at my feet.
--- Anon
Who roam in the wards late at night,
Although they're a dream,
And are not what they seem,
They're not virgins and not very tight.
--- Archie
At Emily, barely left school;
A nursing assistant
Who give me persistant
Unruly tumesence of tool.
--- Peter Wilkins
With Nurses right there in my face.
I'll test them all, too;
There's more than a few,
If Matron will get off my case!
--- Archie
What was said, was not quite the case.
He's having such fun;
He'd get some work done,
If Matron would get off on his face.
--- Marlene Lewis
With a quart-sized injection. Your fear
Is her inspiration.
Here comes penetration!
I think she's abscessed with your rear.
--- Cyber Wizard
A low and unprincipled shit.
He speadeagled a nurse
On the floor of the hearse,
And didn't regret it one bit.
--- Armand E Singer 59
While I play with your boobs and your neat
Little buttocks? I pray
We can do it today;
Will you give me this one little treat?
--- Peter Wilkins
His technique was something to see.
'Till nurse Dowd, a virgin,
Cried out, "Oh, my surgeon!
You poked the wrong organ in me!"
--- Anon
Who felt that she had to rehearse,
Every sexual joy,
Every hot little ploy,
To succeed in becoming perverse.
--- Isaac Asimov
I'm going to ask her for a date,
(Could do a lot worse
Than this cheery nurse)
Right after she's checked my prostate.
--- Anon
Wearing sussies and little white skirts.
But it's scrubs that I wear;
No spike heels, so there!
(Well, maybe for certain perverts.)
--- Cheryl
Who earn from their patients wild curses,
By shaving their pubes
And poking in tubes,
While singing some very rude verses.
--- Archie
And my sex life, for years I have missed it."
The doc's nurse, young in years,
Heard his story in tears,
So she stood on her head and he kissed it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1912
To visit Nurse Deborah Doves;
It's worth every pound
For the sight and the sound
Of her snapping on surgical gloves.
--- Peter Wilkins
No shyness! Come on! Let's just doff
The shirt, pants and shoes...
Silk underwear too!
Now head to the side and let's cough.
--- Nurse Doves
On hearing those surgical gloves;
Now percy is yours.
(Though inside of your drawers,
He'd be done in a couple of shoves.)
--- Peter Wilkins
On Fridays Nurse Doves mops my lap
And ass, which she loves,
Then says, "These great gloves
On Saturdays, still have their 'snap'."
--- Travis Brasell
She uses a pair from the store,
Hermetically sealed
On which nowt is congealed,
'Fore she snaps 'em and gives me what for.
--- Peter Wilkins
Had fun every Friday at eight;
For that's when they toured
The men's sugical ward,
In a rather inebriate state.
--- Peter Wilkins
And teasingly tiny and tight,
They'd wiggle and jiggle
Their bosoms and giggle,
While causing the geezers delight.
--- Peter Wilkins
Had never had inklings for quim,
The others would snuffle,
Kerfluffle or puffle
And shuffle with vigor and vim.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who sat there impassive in bed,
Avoiding the sight
Of their uniforms tight,
On account the poor bugger was dead.
--- Peter Wilkins
Wearing high heels and pearls, can you tell?
Soft-spoken, demure --
Not one thought impure --
It's a role at which I excel.
--- Kaylin
Who slipped on the quayside at Itchenor.
In spite of the pain,
She laughed like a drain,
When the surgeon inserted a stitch in her.
--- Anon
"Castrate me," said the young gent.
The Doc said, "I'm through,
Circumcision too?"
"Damn! That's the word that I meant."
--- John Futhey X
Said the surgeon of poor Michael Sykes.
As he held up the tumor,
(He loved stand-up humor
And could never resist open mikes).
--- Graham Lester
And my rehabilitation
Has left me averse
To writing any verse
While waiting each alleviation.
--- Irving Superior P9809
"What kind of a fee d'you expectomy?"
Said the doc, "Since your pulse
Indicates the results,
Any kind but a post-dated checktomy."
--- Ogden Nash P9002
"Yes, yes, Miss, I know it is terrible.
But to cure a broken heart
Is beyond a surgeon's art,
Or at least, since I'm married, unethical.
--- Lance Payne P8503
Who claimed that he didn't have any;
But the poor fellow lied,
They were way up inside,
And he had them brought down for a penny.
--- Harald S Green P8510
A tendon transplant did the trick,
Which he took from his hand.
His erection is grand,
But he can't get a hold of his prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3012
"I found a new way to get kicks.
Down at the library,
It gets kind of scary,
When I remove a book's appendix."
--- Tom Patton P9506
With lots of foreskin on his penis.
Said his girlfriend, a Jew,
"It's Bris time for you,
'Cause I don't want your foreskin between us."
--- Anon
About how his case outcomes had varied.
He said, "When it works,
I charge them their shirts,
But the serious problems are buried."
--- Nick D Kim X
And fears she'll be screwed by some bastard,
Should get her physician,
To make an incision,
And be doctored before she is mastered.
--- Anon
Delivered by means of a belly cut.
After sewing the patch,
The doc tickled her snatch.
She awoke and exclaimed, "You're indelicate."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G2693
I'd buy him a beer or a keg.
He incised my nose,
But I must disclose
That he charged me an arm and a leg.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who promiscuouisly sat on a kitten.
But the kitten had claws--
The immediate cause
Of that North Briton's abrupt circumcision.
--- G2714
There's a wart on the end of my stick.
As to how it got there,
I really don't care,
But the medic said, "Cut if off, quick!"
--- Mike O'Conner
"We now have no reason to hedge.
New techniques prove enough
To treat rotator cuff,
So have placed us on the cutting edge."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q
Was proud of his working precision.
His stitches and scars
He displayed in glass jars,
Or framed them (with patients permission).
--- P8302
Liked boys for no tangible reason.
A frontal lobotomy
Cured him of sodomy,
But ruined his plans for the season.
--- Anon
While operating on a brain that was queer,
He misheard lobotomy,
Thought he heard sodomy,
And fucked the guy in the left ear.
--- John Chastaine
"I hate to carve into a tit,
And as for a rectum,
It's worse to disect 'em;
They're apt to be full of dead shit."
--- Armand E Singer 880
"Would never feel sad or dejected
If they only knew
That like others, they too
Would make handsome cadavers dissected."
--- A N Wilkins P8503
I know you think that terrifies them.
It may make them small,
But there is a cure-all;
A doctor I know magnifies them.
--- Al Willis
His surgeon could pull him together.
He found that a hernia
Will rapidly turn ya
To thoughts that are light as a feather.
--- Limerick Savant
Told a surgeon the cause of his woes.
After a surgical binge
And a two-jointed hinge,
Now forward and backward he goes.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
"I tell you my nuts aren't for real:
I'd need a dry blotter
To soak up the water,
From lancing my huge hydrocele."
--- Armand Singer
My doctor is on the attack.
She's ripping out bits;
Recovery's the pits.
Excuse me -- I gotta go pack.
--- Marlene Lewis
Who had a radio put in his head.
Long wave or short,
He did it for sport,
And to improve his reception in bed.
--- Anon
Has had some dumb surgeon excise
From her bags of money,
And though it seems funny,
The bags she had under her eyes.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And hopefully she was impressed.
Let's hope her next move,
Is not to remove
Those bags that she has on her chest.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I suggest you try dropping your britches,
And go under the knife.
It could well save your life,
And it surely will keep you in stitches.
--- Limerick Savant
He lanced the poor man's sinus node.
"Boy what a goof!
And now the reproof:
The fellow is now pigeon-toed."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
They did a prefrontal lobotomy;
Both creatures complained
"Oh my, I'm debrained;
The vets have removed a whole lot o' me."
--- Armand E Singer 737
That there is just such a lot of me.
I must confess
That I should weigh less,
'Cause I lost weight with a lobotomy!
--- Waukesha Don T9801
Told Time what he'd done on a dare.
"I gave a lobotomy
To twin hippopotami,
Now one of them's running for mayor.
--- Anon X
In a kidney without any future,
Was composing a verse
To a registered nurse,
To buttress his effort to smooch her.
--- Lims Unlimited