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In Egypt the locusts would eat An amourous youth from Atlantis (see the mating technique of the praying mantis)
Two spiders were noisily playing; There once was a Monarch in black I don't mean to seem too obtuse, A moth was intent on his flight, Said the moth as he sniffed at the camphor, I've smoked hairy spiders and slugs; Not meaning a vermin's derision, In the bug versus human war, My landlord, he should be arrested; Some nature, concerns chief executive; (moth populations down in Britain)
An insect collector, displaying A Mexican cowered there, foetal. As the dog days of August approach, Those who compose dirty poems, She screamed as she opened the door, But when we're all gone from this Earth, There was an old farmer of Goshem To tap-dance is Archie's affliction, Said the groom to his best man, "That's torn it: I have never been fond of herbaria, Somewhere in the forest primeval I once asked this realtor Marie: They would, if they could, eat my wood, A large swarm of zealous termites I once had a fully trained moth "Hey, waiter my soup's got a fly in! Cicadas and crickets abound; There was a young lady named Menzies,
(Min-gis) A wasp on a nettle said, "Ooh! A lethargic young track star named Schwartz, I said to a bug in the sink, "Don't be silly," I said. "That's no sea. Every time I do my crossword, It may be the ants or the bees These colonies may be a kind The ancient township of Onider A scientist studying ants, A naughty young lass from Key Largo She should have just swallowed some ants At a picnic near Toulouse in France, A riot was caused in Big Sur Wherever they've bushes of lilacs, There is one way to get rid of ants, "Pissante" where you come from, perhaps; Dear Nephew; We're in the Antilles. There once was a man from Brazil 'Twas a wonderful night for romance, She called him a sex maniac pest; While waking one day, my old hound In the kitchen, ants came through the crack, There once were a grasshopper and ant One of my favorite rants, A jolly good ploy for romance: What a wonderful beast is the ant! It was fun, with the cloth on the grass, So that's how you came by a daughter; The ant basketball team made a vow I followed a trail of red ants A guy took his gal for a walk; Pins and needles, red ants and a mite; Millions of ants marched along, Of honey, what makes it so sweet? He ferries it home without spilling, For winter, he makes then some wax,
The cotton, the corn, and the wheat;
Then rise in the air
And defecate there
And thus was the cycle complete.
--- Irving Superior
Removed an Amazon's pantis
And dragged her to bed.
She cut off his head,
But he carried on just like a mantis.
--- C Vita-Finzi
Their mom came and gave them a flaying.
She said, "Stop that riot!
You have to be quiet!
A mantis is here and he's praying!"
--- Anon
Who ended up on a plaque.
So when people saw her,
They ooed and they ahed her,
For her beautiful orange and black.
--- Garrett Landon
But incubating some orange juice,
I one day discovered
That therein hovered
Maggots the size of a moose.
--- Anon
Said, "I know I'm dying tonight.
But that will be great
If I've found me a mate;
That last second sex -- dynamite!"
--- Anon
I don't know why I'm here, but I am for
Some things that are sweet
And very good to eat,
But camphor I don't give a damn for.
--- John Samoila
I've snorted dung beetles off rugs;
I've injected bees,
I've popped many fleas...
I should've just said no to bugs.
--- David Miller
But they're ruder with every collision;
Like the felo-de-se
On my windshield today,
Right smack in the line of my vision!
--- Anon
We can draw on a chemical store.
'Cause though we're bigger
You've got to figure
Their number is ten zillion more.
--- Monique de Plume
My place is completely infested!
I try and I try
But those buggers won't die;
The poison just won't be digested!
--- Kevin Drizen T9711
He's issued an urgent directive.
The cause of decreases
In Death Heads Moth's species,
Is moth balls now seem ineffective.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His pets to a friend, was heard saying:
"You may chat to the bees,
And the ants and the fleas,
But not to the mantis--he's praying."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
When asked was he scared, said a leetle,
And there in the corner
A murderous horner!
Yes -- a rhinoceros beetle!
--- Anon
Summer heat can afflict man or roach.
But one I saw today,
Scavenged cooly away
In a sleek, air conditioned roach coach.
--- Prof M-G TP9807
Those ignominious gnomes,
They deserve castration
Or humiliation
And roaches invading their homes!
--- Writerman
"There are roaches, dead on the floor."
"These didn't survive;
There are some still alive!"
He said, "But then who's keeping score!"
--- Ron Sartain
And of humans there's less than a dearth,
It's the insects, instead,
As some others have said,
Who'll be breeding for all they are worth!
--- Anon
Who would spray on his crops and would slosh 'em,
To leave no bugs alive,
But if some did survive,
He would stomp on the beasties and squash 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2599
He said, "Its a type of addiction....
I found it quite thrilling,
To learn dance by killing,
The cock-roaches in my mom's kitchen"
--- David Miller
I've been stucng on the cock by a hornet,
Right under my prepuce,
And it hurts like the deuce,
But the sting's out -- the hornet's withdrawn it."
--- G2059
Or the rubbish inside of terraria,
Or of make-believe ferns,
Or wax fruit in epergnes, (glass and silver centerpiece)
Or of termites in glass termitaria.
--- Limber Limericks
The termite, mosquito, and weevil
Beget and beget
From Maine to Tibet,
And no one can cause their upheaval.
--- Limber Limericks
Please find some New York realty!
She showed me a dive,
Complete with a hive
Of housewarming termites for free.
--- Anon
Those termites in my neighborhood.
When they have their sex,
Those fecund insects,
I hope they us Planned Parenthood.
--- Al Willis
Went to mass on Saturday nights.
On the pews they did feast,
Then they nibbled the priest,
And devoured three poor acolytes.
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9402
Who'd swim like a fish in Scotch Broth.
To end his routine,
He'd fart "God Save The Queen".
Has anyone here got a cloth?
--- Bill Wall
There's several and they're fast multiplying."
"Have a Caesar's instead,
All the flies will be dead.
Our salads contain Malathion.
--- Prof M-G
They make a euphonious sound,
On a warm, steamy night,
While the moonlight is bright,
As our summertime's zenith is crowned.
--- Cap'n Bean P0209
Said her aunt with a gasp,
"Why, my dear, that's a wasp!
And your holding the end where the sting is!"
--- Anon Punch 1928 (Reed)
We're in the right state, me and you.
We've got to sort out
What this is about.
Please tell me -- who gets to sting who?
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Ran a three-minute mile, say reports.
This remarkable gait,
Which caused year-long debate,
Was the work of a wasp in his shorts.
--- Anon
"Are you taking a swim or a drink?"
"I," said the bug
"Am a sea-going tug.
Am I headed for land, do you think?"
--- John Ciardi
This is file mik
It's a sink." "A sink it may be,
But I'd sooner, I think,
Be at sea in a sink,
Than sink in the sea, sir," said he.
--- John Ciardi
I'm asked for a worker type word.
Maybe I am dense,
Even lacking in sense;
They want it with six legs -- you heard!
--- Archie
Or termites, all in colonies.
The drones and the workers;
Those bugs are no shirkers;
They go till they fall to six knees.
--- Karen
Of multiple bodies/one mind.
Could be the stinks
Of pheromone links;
They might be psychicly inclined.
--- Karen
Is famed for its apples and cider.
You must come to terms
With little green worms,
And her little green family beside her.
--- VOL 11
Was working on two or three grants.
An ant farm on a shelf
Crashed down on himself,
And so he had ants in his pants.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Wondered just how far her beau'd go.
So she pulled down her pants;
It was covered with ants,
And they ate 'most all of his cargo.
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
And some laxative with them, perchance.
Then in no time at all,
When nature did call,
She'd have spiders and ants in her pants.
--- Professor
Young Jacques, with his pants full of ants,
Cried, "It's insects, not sex
That give me these effects!"
As the ants in his pants bit his nance...
--- Grand Prix Lim 866
By the genital itch in the fur
Of a lady with ants
In the crotch of her pants,
Who screwed dozens without a demur.
--- G0527
I crawl underneath and I lie lax.
But if under plants
Are millions of ants,
Then comfort becomes what my lie lacks.
--- Irving Superior P9803
If you've failed with the poisons, perchance.
Take the male of the species
And paint him with feces,
And I know this will kill all romance.
--- Anon
Lord knows what we'll hear from those chaps.
But down here in Texas,
The critters that vex us,
Are PISS ANTS inside our chaps.
--- John Miller
Named after the island ant hillies.
With everything ants,
Must close now, Unc Hans,
'Cause one of them's now up Aunt Tillie's."
--- Irving Superior P9411
Who liked to sit on an anthill.
He was sitting one day,
When he exclaimed "Hey!";
An ant had bit one of his pills.
--- Anon
He whispered to her at the dance.
They went out to the grass,
But things came to pass,
When he suddenly took off his pants!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Told him to give passion a rest.
He felt like a fool
As he raced for the pool.
He'd chosen to sit on an ant's nest!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Demolished a huge wood ants mound,
And therein found cash!
Alack and alash,
All chewed; only fragments were found.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So the homeowner tried to fight back.
The Formica he sprayed;
Their advance was delayed.
Then the ants made a counter attack.
--- Kirk Miller
Who got married on a tomato plant.
But the whole thing went wrong
For the grasshopper's long
And the poor little ant said, "I can't!"
--- Neal Wilgus P8203
With regard to government grants,
The sexual study
(Get this old buddy!)
Goes to them what have ants in their pants.
--- Hideout
Take girls to the forests of Hants
Or possibly Dorset;
Be casual, don't force it...
Just shout, "You've got ants in yer pants!"
--- Anon
Those who call it a pest best recant.
Lifting ten times its weight,
Don't you reckon that's great?
And just look at it dragging that plant!
--- David Morin
And secluded, so it came to pass
That more than just ants
Got into her pants --
My girl is a bonny young lass!
--- John Miller
Just a roll in the hay as you oughter.
Next time you romance,
Keep your ants in your pants.
Even I would have liked to have caught her.
--- Reqluq
To get better but didn't know how.
It just wasn't right
To be lacking in height.
What they needed was tolerance, now.
--- Kirk Miller
From North Alabama to France,
And found that it led
Direct to a bed,
They'd built years ago in my pants.
--- Travis Brasell
They sat on the grass just to talk.
They scratched at their pants,
They'd sat down on some ants;
Passers-by stopped to giggle and gawk!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
They sting and stab, tingle and bite.
As bad as that's been,
It worse because then
They're awake for the rest of the night.
--- Anon
All chanting a unionist song.
Kill one of our race,
And ten take its place.
We'll be in your house before long.
--- Anon
How does the small bee use his feet
To dance upon flowers,
And fly through May showers,
While shaking his wings to the beat?
--- Matthew Montchalin
Like farmers haul wheat for the milling,
Unloading his bag
In storerooms that sag,
In rooms upon rooms for the filling.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And carefully james in some cracks,
For building that comb
That circles his home;
It's good to store honey in stacks.
--- Matthew Montchalin
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