His friends are fierce warriors that fight; Bend closer and hear how they sing! Reciting great songs to their Queen, And made of thin bark is their hive; And let you, dear hive, have small doors; They sing as they march, the whole mass, Celeestial expressions of light, This treasure they watch and protect; Now lions have courage and claws, Below; the great star-speckled sky, The night is approaching, go home! Though daylight is vanishing soon, A bumblebee happened to pass He jumped up; his eyes with tears wellin' 'Round here, it's the fire ant that crawls Big Bumblebee Bob was up-ended. Poor Bumblebee Bob was then caught. As he rose from the hood of the Lexus, A honeybee drone's cousin was A cow eating grass on the lawn, Said a fellow, much dafter than me, There once was a boy of Baghdad, There was a young lady of Ulva, (halva - sesame seed and honey confection)
There once was a bee name of Ringer, A careful beekeeper from Sydenham There was a young apiarist, Clive, I would give quite a bit of real money A procession of young PhD's There was a young brave named Cochise, A lazy bee, loaded with money, In Wagontire once lived a man Each morning old beekeeper Clive And Clive, as routinely he does,
This is file mhk
I once had a date with a ferret, At the ocean, a fellow named Lee, Make sure there are no bees a-dwelling. There once was a man from Nantucket; He would stick it wherever he'd please, "Oh, Shall I compose thee a sonnet? A man who feared insects, named Paine, A short-sighted spider named Wally, Once a careless bee-keeper named Norm In Yachats there lived a young couple A bee-keeper, tending his bees, A hornet was starting to cry A crazy beekeeper named Clive, There was a young girl of Dundee There was an old man of Dumfries A wasp in a hospital bed There was a young farmer named Lee, A bumblebee happened to pass A long-nosed old person of Dee I see you're recovered from fire But that chair you are on is unstable; You'll have to be careful, my dear, I can see from your 36 B's My estate has a large apiary; Maybe I should invite two fliers I'm sorry. Your pain I should kill. "I can't even do it alone, There once was a man from Tralee, I think that I'll never see, A wasp said, "Karate's for chicks. "You have bees," she said, "in your alveary." There was an old person of Zug There was a young lady of Whitby I was sailing on the lakes of Nieuwkoop,
They carry sharp spears that do bite.
Some wait for a sign,
Then chase from behind,
Avenging their friends with great spite.
--- Matthew Montchalin
At home they must dance in a ring,
And celebrate honey,
The summer when sunny,
And the feeling of wind on their wing.
--- Matthew Montchalin
They tell of the things that they've seen,
The treasures they've taken,
The times they're mistaken,
The lilies they've harvested clean.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Of this they don't take or deprive.
For when tending their place,
Or when taming their race,
Those walls are things needed to thrive.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Small hole, beyond which, great stores.
Good workers lined up,
Awaiting with luck,
Their honey, they haul as their chores.
--- Matthew Montchalin
(But some hives, I've heard) live in the grass,
Or under the ground,
And there is their town,
As least until tamed, long at last).
--- Matthew Montchalin
Extracted from flowers in flight,
They lay it within
And station their men
In chambers inside, out of sight.
--- Matthew Montchalin
It glimmers in rays which reflect,
From walls light admitting,
And windows tight slitting,
To hold for hard times they expect.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And Bees their inscrutable laws,
But compared to them both,
How can we but note,
How humble we are with our flaws.
--- Matthew Montchalin
The Bee will find flowers and pry,
And take out some drops,
While humans raise crops,
And tired, lean back and just sigh.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Retreat, little bee, to your comb.
As farmers lock gates,
Your Queen tracks the dates
And places you've traveled and flown.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And shepherds will drive by the moon,
The little bee must
Get home before dusk,
To sleep in his own little room.
--- Matthew Montchalin
A pair making love in the grass,
And yes, folks, you guessed
He wasn't impressed,
And stung the poor bloke on the ass.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And cried: "See the lump he's made, Helen."
She murmured, "Yes Rick,
Should have stung your wee dick;
That thing surely needs further swellin'".
--- Tiddy Ogg
Down the crack of your ass to your balls,
While Helen just clings
As you writhe to the stings,
And your dance has her climbing the walls.
--- John Miller
His engines no longer suspended.
The force of his landing
Had left poor Bob standing
On up, not his down, as intended.
--- Eric Hinds
He had not done all that he ought.
His stinger retracted,
His butt would have acted
Like springs and sprung him from the spot.
--- Eric Hinds
Big Bumblebee Bob checked the nexus
Of stinger erectus,
And bumblebee rectus,
And rubbed his sore Solar-Perplexus.
--- Eric Hinds
The one girl he wanted to buzz.
When asked why and who
He decided to woo,
He answered to both, "Just bee-cuz."
--- Actaeon
Ate a bee that was sitting thereon.
Said the bee, "I will rest,
Then I'll sting her with zest!"
When the bee woke, the cow was long gone.
--- Albin Chaplin
'All day long I shall mimic a bee.'
But although he spent hours
Buzz-buzzing round flowers,
He couldn't make honey for tea.
--- Funfax Limericks
An inquisitive sort of a lad,
Who said, "I will see
If a sting has a bee."
Call the doctor! (He found that it had.)
--- Anon
Who kept a pet bee in her vulva.
Her lover, called Jock,
Was stung on the cock,
So to soothe him she bought him a halva.
--- T Johnson
Who, each Spring, was a bit of a swinger.
He'd rise up and say,
"Let me lead you astray!
But mind you watch out for my stinger!"
--- Kitty Litter
Protected his bees with a lid on 'em.
He said, "It's not nice
If they're eaten by mice,
But I really just cannot get rid of 'em."
--- Funfax Limericks
Who took a queen bee for a drive.
When asked, "Does she sting?"
He said, "No such thing,
She's always been known to beehive.
--- Langford Reed
If we didn't need bees to make honey.
Those bees, Africanus,
Can just kiss my anus;
Those welts on my butt are not funny.
--- Al Willis
Was attacked by a column of bees.
With BA's and MA's,
They fled in a daze
And only crept back by degrees.
--- Laurence Perrine P8311
That once had a fetish for trees.
When he finally got laid,
He disturbed the poor maid
By insisting on checking for bees.
--- Greg
Bought most of his quota of honey (should be her - McW)
And carried it back
To his hive in a sack,
That was black and undoubtedly runny.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who harvested honey by hand.
Except for the stingers,
He hurt all his fingers
While giving each bee a small brand.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Awakes at a quarter to five,
And checks his sweet honey
To see if her cunny
Still houses his swarm in her hive.
--- Anon
Inserts his old tongue in her fuzz,
To taste his sweet honey
That makes him some money,
And give his sweet honey a buzz.
--- Anon
Thus earning the Order of Merit.
For dating a bee,
I got the V.C.
Which my offspring will some day inherit.
--- Bill Wall
He got stung, on his butt, by a bee.
But he got some relief,
Even though it was brief,
Just by dipping his ass in the sea.
--- Cap'n Bean
I'm sure, sir, you don't need me telling
Of bee sting reaction,
But girls' satisfaction
May well be increased by the swelling.
--- Anon
If anything moved he would fuck it.
So great was his yearning,
He wasn't discerning,
And didn't care much where he stuck it.
--- Anon
And he even tried knot-holes in trees.
But he got a big shock
When he stuck in his cock,
And excited a nestful of bees.
--- Anon
I worship thy hair, and what's on it.
It's not what I said;
There's no bug on thy head,
So no need for a bee in they bonnet."
--- Rory Ewins
From fucking a girl would abstain,
Till he looked, if you please,
For hornets and bees
By poking her twat with a cane.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2907
Told a fly in his web of its folly.
But his victim you see
Was a Japanese bee;
When it stung him, it said, 'Velly solly.'
--- Tony Broome, Christchurch
Found himself unprepared to perform,
Face to face while alive,
Yet confronted the hive;
It was truly the qualm 'fore the storm.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Whose beehive gave them lots of trouble.
The were stung in the eyes
And then again, twice,
And now, through the swelling, see double.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Was unable to stifle a sneeze;
He blew all the drones
Down under the stones
And the workers way up in the trees.
--- Lims Unlimited
And sobbed: Tell me please why do I
Have a sting in my tail?
With women I fail.
I can't even pick up a fly.
--- Anon
For ten quid stuck his dick in the hive.
But then he got stung
In more ways than one,
'Cause his mate only coughed up for five.
--- Phil T
Got stung (guess where?) by a bee;
Your guess is fine,
If you have a foul mind,
If not, it is someplace you see.
--- K P Bahadur P0107
Who was stung on the nose by some bees.
He uttered loud cries
As it swelled to the size
And the color of ripe Edam cheese.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Was buggered and soon would be dead.
He said, "I blew my chance;
I attempted to dance,
And stung my own asshole, instead!"
--- Anon
Who was stung when he sat on a bee.
Lee cried out: "Ouch!
For this I can vouch:
Getting stung in the butt's not for me."
--- William K Alsop Jr
A pair making love in the grass,
And yes, folks, you've guessed,
He wasn't impressed,
And stung the poor bloke on the ass.
Got stung on the cock by a bee.
When it swelled like a ball,
He could not see at all,
So he dunked it in very hot tea.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
And alarms and are filled with desire,
For your underwear's off
For another great boff.
(Horniculture is all you desire!)
--- Peter Wilkins
You'd better get up on this table.
It's just the right height
When I'm standing upright,
And I'm upstanding right to my navel.
--- Peter Wilkins
Of the sun on your petals. So here
With a regular motion,
I'll rub on this lotion
And please do the same for my spear.
--- Peter Wilkins
That my stroking is starting to please.
Will you brace yourself, dear,
For I'm aiming my spear --
And I'm...OW! It's those damn bloody bees!
--- Peter Wilkins
You would do well to be wary.
You were always well hung,
But since you're been stung,
You're outstanding (although temporary).
--- Ericka
To land and be breast vampires.
Perhaps those bees
Could give me two C's,
Which I've often heard you admire.
--- Ericka
Please sit on this hummock, quite still.
Let me see your poor spear --
(Still swollen, I fear)
Get Up! It's a fire ant hill!
--- Ericka
I guess that's the fate of a drone.
And I have just seen
The cutest danged queen.
That sure sucks," I heard the bemoan.
--- Anon
Who stopped on the road for a pee.
He made a mistake
Prolonging the shake,
Because he was stung by a bee.
--- Anon
A poem as fine as a tree.
But then I'll never hear
A poem so queer,
As the sound of a trapped bumble bee.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I don't need to learn any kicks.
When I'm in a fight,
I'm always all right.
Kicks need legs -- and I have six.
--- Anon
I was more than a little bit leery,
'Til she kindly replied,
"Not the hollow inside
Of your ear, but a beehive, my dearie."
--- Tim Alborn
Who was found on all fours on the rug:
When they said "You've a fit!"
He replied "I've been bit,
And I'm morally sure it's a bug!"
--- Rudyard Kipling P8903
Who had the bad luck to be bit by
Two brown little things
Without any wings,
And now she's uncomfy to sit by.
--- Lewis Carrol
Or rather being towed by a rope,
As the wind was quite still;
Not even a swill
Would set the sails in a good scope.
--- Anon