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Since then I've been itching all over, How lucky you are, Juliette, Like chiggers ain't nasty enough, Hey look! Buzzing 'round me are rats! I'll swat those damn buggers right now; I understand your terrible plight; What's worse is Florida 'skeeters; Hordes of black flies appear in mid-May, They besiege every spot you expose; They elude every form of protection, Mid-June and the flies are still there; Under canopy's jungle growth we see A biologist watching the lair A miserable mite is the chigger But worse than the chigger's the tick, I've been bitten by chigger mites; This year the chiggers are bad, The chigger wars: Here's how to win 'em: Nail polish, yes someone told me, Nail polish works on the bites, 'Fore chiggers drive you any dafter, Sulphur you steal from some kid The only nail polish I had, For chigger itch, we have a cure With my ear as his snug habitat, A Myrtle Beach lifeguard named Dan Since small means will lead to great things, A heel fly badly off course So go ahead; be nancy nice, There was a nit-picker named Pitts The stuff in my blood must be rich, What's worse, is that I've rarely felt Now I know that there's nothing for free, No one pities the pesky mosquito; Who's the one man mosquitoes boycott There's a raspberry patch in my yard Mosquitoes I'll bravely attack, I'd gladly slap on soothing cream, The dress and the picking aren't hard; If you attack them with your sword, If my neighbors comprise the horde, Mosquitoes of Eastern Mauritius And guys, here's a warning for you: Mosquitoes, an outrageous pest-a-full, They waft in on midsummer breeze, In Africa it's even worse. There once was a 'skeeter named Clive; I went for a walk in the night May I be so bold and enquire The bite was made just on the thigh Well, that no doubt was no fun; So Wobbly, how is your life? Best friend, husband, Dad, they all died. A beggar fell down on his knees There was a young lady named Ray, As a child, I was troubled by nits, Mosquito, that PERNICIOUS pest, One short-lived cicada named Pete I'm partial to French frieed potatas; There once was a cat named Nick A Cincy cicada named Brown; There once was a cicada named Gus Invaded by Cicada Killers, There once was an intelligent cicada Admittedly, it's been quite a while There was a cicada named Sue
'Cause hidden in the grass and clover,
Were mosqitoes so mean,
Too small to be seen;
They even got me through my pullover.
--- Anon
Where it's only mosquitos that get
A nip of your skin --
The clover I'm in
Has chiggers who'd bite where you're wet!
--- Anon
Them fire ants is even more rough.
They bite AND they sting
(Nailed me on my thing)
Can't run around HERE in the buff!
--- Anon
Big as horses they are! Am I bats?
Am I nuts and insane?
No, I've seen them again.
They're not rats after all; merely gnats.
--- Peter Wilkins
Yes I'll squish them and squash them, I vow.
But they'll sure make a mess
When I splat them, I guess.
They're four times the size of a cow.
--- Peter Wilkins
The mozzies near us are a fright.
Much bigger than bees,
Bite harder than fleas,
A swarm makes you flee at the sight.
--- Helen
Have no sense of rhyming or meters.
But the squadron tactics
And fly acrobactics
Attacking nudist camps with picnic eaters.
--- Christopher Anton
You spray and you spray but they stay;
Despite what you smear,
They bite neck and ear,
No way will these pests go away.
--- Joel D Ash P0406
Those buggers they fly up your nose;
Despite what you swat,
There's still quite a lot,
Gnat woes from your head to your toes.
--- Joel D Ash P0406
And ignore the stuff sprayed for rejection;
They attack in a swarm,
Lovely days they transform;
Warm perfection they turn to dejection.
--- Joel D Ash P0406
In your garden you're vexed and despair.
Then they just disappear,
Clear air suddenly here;
Time of year the black plague is elsewhere.
--- Joel D Ash P0406
A particular blood-sucking specie --
Ephemeral fools
That wallow in pools,
Collected because they are greasy.
--- Anon
Was using a web to ensnare.
Exposed to the light,
They scurry with fright,
And shrivel with legs in the air.
--- Anon
Though the tiniest sand grain is bigger.
The son of a bitch
Can sure make you itch
And apply calomine by the jigger.
--- John Miller 0029a
Who bites through all skins, even thick.
Despite all your bitching
And undending itching,
The damn thing can still make you sick.
--- John Miller
On my legs and arms there are bites.
I itch and I scratch,
(I hope they don't hatch)
How do you get rid of this blight?
--- Carol
But if you dab on just a tad
Of plain sulfur dust,
Those critters will just
Stay off you, and hungry, and sad.
--- John Miller
Use sulfur that's powdered agi'n 'em.
Put some on your snatch
And then when you scratch,
Those scabs will have no chiggers in 'em.
--- John Miller
Paint drops of it on the bites, see.
So I gave that a try,
Hoping they would die,
And I would become chigger free.
--- Carol
But Vaseline smothers the mites
As quickly, and I
Would be glad to apply
It gently to numerous sites.
--- John Miller
And we have to pluck you off a rafter,
This simple rule might
Help you with your plight:
"Sulphur before, polish after"
--- John Miller
Whose chemistry set isn't hid;
Vaseline you will spy
There by the KY,
Or whatever you lubricate wid.
--- John Miller
Wasn't clear, but it's not so bad.
Now I'm covered with dots,
Of green and black spots,
I look like a Halloween ad.
--- Carol
In Dixie that works well for sure:
Get naked and run
Through afternoon sun,
Then lie down in fresh horse manure!
--- John Miller
I consider the plight of the gnat.
For this pest, shed a tear;
Expiration draws near,
And it's brief life will end with a "splat."
--- William N Nesbit P9611
Likes to grind a gal's rind on the sand.
When gnats are about,
He'll not take it out,
Which accounts for the bites on his can.
--- Larry Wilde
The downfall of tyrants and kings,
It must be the gnat
Is the true autocrat;
The fate of the world on its wings.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Found the nose of a lone cowboy's horse;
The horse took offence
And thither and hence
Flew the cowboy with words rather coarse.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
And be like a girl full of spice.
But difference, not sameness,
And genius, not lameness,
Makes a man not afraid to kill lice.
--- Anon
Who picked every trifle to bits.
He spent efforts immense
On most trivial events,
And he even found nits on the nits.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2748
For the female mosquito (the witch!)
Finds apparent delight
In every bite,
That makes me squirm, suffer, and itch.
--- David Lauridsen
The annoying small bites when they're dealt.
Several hours go by,
Then appears on my thigh,
A ridiculous large itchy welt.
--- David Lauridsen
But I'll gladly pay a small fee,
Or draw enough blood
To feed the whole brood,
If the damned things would just let me be.
--- David Lauridsen
This is file mgk
Nobody calls him pobrecito.
When he comes around,
People swat till they pound
Him as flat as the thinnest Tostito.
--- Vassar Smith P9609
And avoid like a smoking smudge pot?
When he's in sight,
They stay in flight;
His name is Babe Ruth, King of Swat.
--- Tom Patton P9611
That seems to have acquired a guard.
Picking berries in a dress
Has caused me distress;
The mosquitoes bit my butt hard.
--- Marlene
On their legs with my sword I will hack.
But, upon my word,
I expect a reward
For protecting your likable back.
--- Nik Synytskyy
To make swellings more slender and lean.
But of insects, beware,
They love your derriere,
And the buggers that bite are so mean!
--- Mushroom
What's hard is the bite of the "guard."
Picking in the nude,
Besides being lewd,
Would invite mosquitoes to my yard.
--- Marlene
It will likely attract a great horde.
If it's mosquitoes,
Protect your magnetos;
For certain your sword will be gored.
--- Marlene
You may wish to take your reward
With Jean or Candi
With Lynn or Mandy,
On the green grass in my backyard.
--- Marlene
Find female pudenda delicious.
When girls reach the height
Of orgasmic delight,
They alight with a bite that is vicious.
--- PeterW
If in Eastern Mauritious you screw,
When you get an erection,
Use thicker protection;
You don't want them biting you too.
--- PeterW
Arrive in midseason ESTIVAL,
To buzz in my ear,
And also, I fear,
Enjoy a happy blood festival.
--- Chris Papa
Enjoying themselves as they please.
With many a bite,
Throughout the warm night,
And may leave you with West Nile disease.
--- Chris Papa
Malaria is their dreaded curse.
Mankind's salvation
Is eradication,
By whatever means suitably terse.
--- Chris Papa
He found his way into a bee's hive.
He stood out plain as day
And it is safe to say,
That he is no longer alive.
--- Anon
And stood as I gazed at the sight.
Then I slapped as I groaned
And found that I owned
My very own new sandfly bite!
--- Archie
As you wandered about in the mire,
Dit it bite on your thigh?
Or not quite so high?
Or god forbid, was it higher?
--- Wobbly
But grew to the size of a pie.
Whenever I scratched,
The itch stayed attached,
So I'm now just an itchy old guy!
--- Archie
It's bad enough having one.
I've been known to bite;
(No complaints though in sight)
I nibble and bite, then I run!
--- Wobbly
You rarely join in with this strife--
Is this due to work
Which I try to shirk,
Or simply through being a wife?
--- Archie
Do you think I just broke down and cried?
I have (not a rumor)
My good sense of humor,
And I've taken it all in my stride.
--- Wobbly
Thanked the lady who gave him some cheese.
"If I can repay,
I'll do it some day,"
But he'd already given her fleas.
--- Anon
Who was quick in the use of a spray.
Whether crawling or flying,
She'd not give up trying.
She hoped they'd not last out the day.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Which I caught when I stayed at the Ritz.
We moved to the Savoy,
Where a rogue saveloy (dried sausage)
Leapt up and thrilled granny to bits.
--- Bill Wall
Who, if in DEET you won't invest,
Will, with gleeful spite,
Get at you with bite,
Injecting with virus Nile West.
--- Chris Papa
Delivered his song, short and sweet.
A bird, whizzing by,
Picked him off on the fly
And rated him bon appetit.
--- Jamed Egart
I'll happily eat stewed tomatas.
But I think it takes nerve
For a hostess to serve
Chocolate covered cicadas.
--- Roger Honebrink
Who ate all or at least took a lick.
He ate a cicada;
"Tastes like rutabaga.
I hope it doesn't make me sick."
--- Peggy Williams
He didn't dig up, he dug down.
He dug right through the earth,
Took a bend toward Perth
And popped out near Australia's Bridgetown.
--- Bill McCormick
Who flew into the front of a bus.
And he said with a grin,
"I'd do it again,
But right now I just don't have the guts."
--- Mike Scott
That dig great big holes like well drillers,
The shipping dock's closed,
'Til they are disposed.
They gave all the truckers the chillers.
--- Anon
Who was very interested in data.
So he went to college
To gain some more knowledge,
And came out a phi kappa beta.
--- Walter Cool
That we've seen red-eyed creatures so vile.
But let me be terse,
Things could be a lot worse;
Cicadas don't carry West Nile.
--- Kurt Bofinger
And yes, he was a boy, too.
But instead of hating,
His body was mating,
And now there are slews of Sue II's.
--- Carolyn McClary
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