The cicadas came up from the ground; A cicada emerged from the dirt I ate some cicadas for lunch; There once was a cicada named Dave, One thing about cicadas I find Cicadas are wonderful things When cicadas try to land on my face, Seventeen years is so long to wait There was a cicada named Ada Cicadas make wonderful pets, A babe seeking beach souvenirs A wonderful fish is the flea, At dawn, we assembled, all three. Now Freddie the Flea was a whopper, A meticulous man from McCutcheon A dog from Sri Lanka called Patch Do you see that big flea that's on me? The rare jumping feats of the flea Your knowledge of simple mathematics There's a wealthy old man of Tabreez A flea that was caught at my house A flea crashed a big termite party. A man with a circus of fleas Man's progenitor lived in the trees? A EPIZOOTIC disease, A sailor named Oi, from Shanghai, A fart gives the body much ease Said a sweet friendly flea named Miss Mog, A fly and a flea in a flue, Using Dick's balls as their boite, (boite - frog for night club - McW)
My small dog called Oscar, b'jeez, A disgusting parasite without class, A dog that's infested with fleas,
This is file mfk
Tremendously bothersome fleas, There was an old lady of Weasenham, I once traind an army of fleas A pioneer settler named Adam. An Italian named Sal Genovese I love all trees and buzzing bees, There was an old man of Tralee, A patient young maid from Dundee Eating soup in a restaurant at Hyde, When fireflies are out, the night's full The Firefly, as all of you know, A low-down pub-crawler from Nottingham Uncle Switch grumbles, "Every time I "Hey, waiter, my soup's got a fly in, "Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it!" "Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it!" "Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it, Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it; Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it! A fly that's unpleasantly near A young confused fly named McFallen, "I fear there's a fly on the filet," (please explain - McW)
"Hey waiter! My soup's got a fly in! Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it, A fly said, "It's not very funny. A whale has a wang like a totem, A fly said, "Now if you intend Old Hi had his eye on a fly. In Brownsville, a cowboy named Tex There was a young fellow of Fareham, I'd better confess 'fore I die, A tse-tse fly, wholly at sea, Flies will spread much more disease An amoeba named Sam, and his brother,
At first they made not a sound.
Then the din that they made
As millions of eggs laid,
Caused annoyance that was really profound.
--- Mary Woltermann
And flew down a young lady's shirt.
Her lack of composure
Caused undue exposure,
Which Sheriff Leis deemed as overt.
--- Anne Taylor
I like their delicate crunch.
If it weren't for the sound,
I'd enjoy the year 'round.
I'll freeze some for later to munch.
--- Ginny Lawrence
Who lived 17 years in a cave.
When he heard it was time
Finding girls he'd call thine,
He only found one, quite depraved.
--- Nancy Neal
That really is blowing my mind:
The one thing I dread;
They fly into my head.
After all, they say love is blind.
--- Carla Richards
With orange on the edge of their wings.
They've beady red eyes
And fly in the skies
And every last one of them sings.
--- T R Halberstadt
They are stopped by a barrier of lace.
My veiled hats out of style,
But welcome for a while,
For protection I'm glad to embrace.
--- Ruth Underwood
But cicadas emerge on this date
With just once thing in mind;
They just want to find
Another nice cicada to mate.
--- Richard E Slaughter
Who said, "I will vote for Ralph Nader!"
"You get a kick in the tush,
That's a vote for George Bush!"
Said a Democrat bird as he ate her.
--- Lee S Rosenberg
So get out your butterfly nets.
Find one to love dearly,
Although it is clearly
A flying cockroach with Tourette's.
--- Claude Prez
Once suddenly burst into tears.
When they asked her the reason,
She said, "I have fleas on
My ass and my boobs and my ears."
--- Larry Wilde
He bores and he bites on me.
I would love, indeed,
To watch him feed,
But he bites me where I cannot see.
--- L1576
Awaiting, the dog, cat and me.
As we sat in the kitchen,
All scratching and itching;
The cause of our plight! It's a flea!
--- Franbo
A truly magnificent hopper.
But when mixing a vault
With a back somersault,
That's when he became a real cropper.
--- Funfax Limericks
Had a small flea on his escutcheon.
When asked, "Why the flea?"
He replied, "Well, you see,
There wasn't much room to put much in."
--- Anon
Sat down on a tree stump to scratch.
But he found that the flea
Was not one, but three,
And the first of a very large batch.
--- Michael Palin
Bit my hand and my toe and my knee?
It's all over the place,
In my hair and my face.
Now I see that the flea is on thee.
--- John T and Donna Burt
Are quite unimpressive to me.
For try as he can,
With his mighty span,
He can only get up to my knee.
--- Tony Burrell
Or Physics and maybe Hydrostatics,
Is poor, I surmise.
Considering its size,
Phenomenal its acrobatics.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With a maudlin affection for fleas.
He'll grin with delight
When they scratch him and bite
Him in places where nobody sees.
--- Thakeray
Became a loved pet of my spouse.
The flea is now tame,
So she gave it a name,
And now it is called Mickey Louse!
--- Al Willis T9711
Got drunk and was feeling quite hearty.
They thought he was good,
'Cause he smashed up their wood,
With help of a little karate!
--- Anon
Taught them all to say "Thank you" and "Please".
And on one holy day,
He trained them to pray,
Kneeling down on their miniature knees.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Believe it or not, as you please.
The world, incomplete,
Just didn't have DEET.
I'd bet that Adam did have fleas.
--- Frank Spectra
Which pets share with Man, if you please,
Results in great itching,
And incessant bitching,
All caused by those damned nasty fleas.
--- Chris Papa
Trained six hundred fleas and a fly.
They'd do a great feat,
For tastes of the treat,
That ran like bearnaise down his thigh.
--- Anon
Though bed mates it may not appease.
But on chilly nights
It burns up the mites
And ass-phyxiates all the fleas.
--- Anon a
To her boyfriend who was in a fog,
"Let us visit the zoo."
Said her friend, "I'm with you.
Shall we walk or shall we take a dog."
--- Michael F Ellis P8902
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee."
"Let us fly.", Said the flea,
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
--- Anon
Fleas have a happenin' spot.
They've plenty of fuzz
Adorned with dry spuzz,
And fresh sweat on tap when he's hot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Has picked up a few hundred fleas.
With powder and spray,
Those bugs I did slay;
My house is now clean, if you please.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The annoying flea's without surpass.
While gorging on blood,
She lays eggs on your rug
And then hangs around the cat's ass.
--- Marjorie Jensen P9205A
Revengeful, will oftentimes sneeze.
Not only to wake them,
But also to shake them
From out of their homestead of ease.
--- Irving Superior P9403
Descended from buttonwood trees
And bit pteroactyls
On their frontals and bactyls,
With fiendish attention to knees.
--- William K Alsop P8808
Whose bedclothes had too many fleas in 'em.
So she covered the sheet
With pollen of wheat,
Which made all the fleas in 'em sneeze in 'em.
--- Richard Murdoch
To dine upon smegma and cheese.
Platoon twenty-four
Cleaned up an old whore.
I charged her the usual fees.
--- H Welchel
When it came to fleas -- well, he had 'em.
Then he gave some to Eve,
So she threatened to leave,
'Cause she said the Good Lord forbad 'em.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
Was troubled a lot with black fleas.
They fill up his bed,
And infested his head.
And don't ask me where else, if you please!
--- Larry Wilde
And great things like the Seven Seas.
Everything global
Makes me feel noble,
But I still have a problem with fleas.
--- Ernest Lefever Lib Lim
Who was bothered and bit by a flea.
So he put out the light,
Saying, "Now he can't bite,
For he'll never be able to see."
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
Was training an obdurate flea;
When commanded to jump
He would sit on his rump,
Which made him much harder to see.
--- Lims Unlimited
A chap stared in horror and cried,
"Good gracious! Oh dear!
What's that fly doing here?"
"Looks like backstroke," the waiter replied.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Of sparkling lights; its a sight full
Of glitter and glow,
A twinkling show.
Fireflies have a way that's delightful.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0106
Has a rear end renowned for its glow.
If nature allowed
Me to be so endowed,
I could outshine a Las Vegas show.
--- John Tomlinson
Finds flies on the bar, and starts swatting 'em.
The bastard, the sod,
With paper, by God,
Plus knife he starts scraping and blotting 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 222
Take a swat at that bluebottle fly,
The smart little rotter
Gets ahold of the swatter,
And bops me right smack in the eye."
--- X J Kennedy P9705
And it looks like the poor fly is dyin'!
Will the Heimlich maneuver
Help him to recover?"
"I doubt it... well, not without dryin'"
--- Anon
"With Vatican Soup that's a requisite!
You unzip the zipper
And out pops quite chipper,
A Latin-reciting young Jesuit!"
--- Tutta Gioia
"That's because with the chef, you're a favorite.
But keep your voice down,
Don't spread it 'round town,
Or all will demand the same benefit."
--- Tutta Gioia
I think that the little chap's trying it.
I wish very much that
He had chosen hot fat,
And then, as you guessed, he could fry in it."
--- Professor
I do hope that he doesn't cry in it.
It's already quite thin,
And with tears going in,
I would have to consider not buyin' it.
--- Professor
Now it's not that I care a whit;
He's just swimming, that's all,
Doing the Australian crawl,
But I hope he doesn't decide to shit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Starts humming in your atmosphere.
Do not take a swing,
You'll miss the damn thing,
And he'll kamikaze your ear.
--- Irving Superior P9611
Was arrested for gathering pollen.
The bee unions sneer
At this choice of career;
Procreation just wasn't his callin'.
--- Anon
Said a diner at an Inn Holiday.
"If there's a fee, I'll fly
To a martini dry
At the Hilton, where the bongs fee-play."
--- R W Jackson P8711
What a dumb place for to die in.
This ain't no damn joke;
He's doing breast-stroke,
'Cause the soups so hot that he's fryin'!
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901
I think that the little chap's trying it.
I wish very much that
He had chosen hot fat,
And then, as you've guessed, he could fry in it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Bees live on nectar and honey.
Because I'm a fly,
From birth till I die,
I have to hang out in the dungy.
--- Anon
And a skunk makes a stink when you've smote 'em.
But a moth often struts
'Bout the size of his nuts,
'Causae the gnat has a skimpier scrotum.
--- Hugh Clary
To join me for supper, my friend,
Try the sugar and ham --
But keep off the jam,
Or you'll come to a real sticky end."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
He said: "I want you to die,
And I'll tell you what.
I'm going to swat
You BOP!, right out of the sky!"
--- William K Alsop Jr
Has fun swatting flies with his sex.
Those knowing its length
And inordinate strength,
Say it gives flies disastrous effects.
--- Larry Wilde
Who said, "I hate flies. I can't bear 'em.
When I'm drinking my beer
And they come buzzing near,
I make funny faces to scare 'em.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
I tortured an innocent fly,
By removing its wings
And it's legs, of all things;
My excuse? I was only...so high.
--- Peter Wilkins
Unsure whom to bite, you or me,
At last settled on you
Who then whacked him in two,
And the tse-tse fly now is a tse.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9409
Than all of the world's many fleas.
If it is your intention
To aid in prevention,
Please keep yours zipped up, if you please.
--- Lichtman
Were having a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split their sides laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.
--- Anon