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The cicadas came up from the ground;
At first they made not a sound.
Then the din that they made
As millions of eggs laid,
Caused annoyance that was really profound.
--- Mary Woltermann

A cicada emerged from the dirt
And flew down a young lady's shirt.
Her lack of composure
Caused undue exposure,
Which Sheriff Leis deemed as overt.
--- Anne Taylor

I ate some cicadas for lunch;
I like their delicate crunch.
If it weren't for the sound,
I'd enjoy the year 'round.
I'll freeze some for later to munch.
--- Ginny Lawrence

There once was a cicada named Dave,
Who lived 17 years in a cave.
When he heard it was time
Finding girls he'd call thine,
He only found one, quite depraved.
--- Nancy Neal

One thing about cicadas I find
That really is blowing my mind:
The one thing I dread;
They fly into my head.
After all, they say love is blind.
--- Carla Richards

Cicadas are wonderful things
With orange on the edge of their wings.
They've beady red eyes
And fly in the skies
And every last one of them sings.
--- T R Halberstadt

When cicadas try to land on my face,
They are stopped by a barrier of lace.
My veiled hats out of style,
But welcome for a while,
For protection I'm glad to embrace.
--- Ruth Underwood

Seventeen years is so long to wait
But cicadas emerge on this date
With just once thing in mind;
They just want to find
Another nice cicada to mate.
--- Richard E Slaughter

There was a cicada named Ada
Who said, "I will vote for Ralph Nader!"
"You get a kick in the tush,
That's a vote for George Bush!"
Said a Democrat bird as he ate her.
--- Lee S Rosenberg

Cicadas make wonderful pets,
So get out your butterfly nets.
Find one to love dearly,
Although it is clearly
A flying cockroach with Tourette's.
--- Claude Prez

A babe seeking beach souvenirs
Once suddenly burst into tears.
When they asked her the reason,
She said, "I have fleas on
My ass and my boobs and my ears."
--- Larry Wilde

A wonderful fish is the flea,
He bores and he bites on me.
I would love, indeed,
To watch him feed,
But he bites me where I cannot see.
--- L1576

At dawn, we assembled, all three.
Awaiting, the dog, cat and me.
As we sat in the kitchen,
All scratching and itching;
The cause of our plight! It's a flea!
--- Franbo

Now Freddie the Flea was a whopper,
A truly magnificent hopper.
But when mixing a vault
With a back somersault,
That's when he became a real cropper.
--- Funfax Limericks

A meticulous man from McCutcheon
Had a small flea on his escutcheon.
When asked, "Why the flea?"
He replied, "Well, you see,
There wasn't much room to put much in."
--- Anon

A dog from Sri Lanka called Patch
Sat down on a tree stump to scratch.
But he found that the flea
Was not one, but three,
And the first of a very large batch.
--- Michael Palin

Do you see that big flea that's on me?
Bit my hand and my toe and my knee?
It's all over the place,
In my hair and my face.
Now I see that the flea is on thee.
--- John T and Donna Burt

The rare jumping feats of the flea
Are quite unimpressive to me.
For try as he can,
With his mighty span,
He can only get up to my knee.
--- Tony Burrell

Your knowledge of simple mathematics
Or Physics and maybe Hydrostatics,
Is poor, I surmise.
Considering its size,
Phenomenal its acrobatics.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There's a wealthy old man of Tabreez
With a maudlin affection for fleas.
He'll grin with delight
When they scratch him and bite
Him in places where nobody sees.
--- Thakeray

A flea that was caught at my house
Became a loved pet of my spouse.
The flea is now tame,
So she gave it a name,
And now it is called Mickey Louse!
--- Al Willis T9711

A flea crashed a big termite party.
Got drunk and was feeling quite hearty.
They thought he was good,
'Cause he smashed up their wood,
With help of a little karate!
--- Anon

A man with a circus of fleas
Taught them all to say "Thank you" and "Please".
And on one holy day,
He trained them to pray,
Kneeling down on their miniature knees.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Man's progenitor lived in the trees?
Believe it or not, as you please.
The world, incomplete,
Just didn't have DEET.
I'd bet that Adam did have fleas.
--- Frank Spectra

A EPIZOOTIC disease,
Which pets share with Man, if you please,
Results in great itching,
And incessant bitching,
All caused by those damned nasty fleas.
--- Chris Papa

A sailor named Oi, from Shanghai,
Trained six hundred fleas and a fly.
They'd do a great feat,
For tastes of the treat,
That ran like bearnaise down his thigh.
--- Anon

A fart gives the body much ease
Though bed mates it may not appease.
But on chilly nights
It burns up the mites
And ass-phyxiates all the fleas.
--- Anon a

Said a sweet friendly flea named Miss Mog,
To her boyfriend who was in a fog,
"Let us visit the zoo."
Said her friend, "I'm with you.
Shall we walk or shall we take a dog."
--- Michael F Ellis P8902

A fly and a flea in a flue,
Were caught, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee."
"Let us fly.", Said the flea,
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
--- Anon

Using Dick's balls as their boite,
Fleas have a happenin' spot.
They've plenty of fuzz
Adorned with dry spuzz,
And fresh sweat on tap when he's hot.

(boite - frog for night club - McW)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My small dog called Oscar, b'jeez,
Has picked up a few hundred fleas.
With powder and spray,
Those bugs I did slay;
My house is now clean, if you please.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A disgusting parasite without class,
The annoying flea's without surpass.
While gorging on blood,
She lays eggs on your rug
And then hangs around the cat's ass.
--- Marjorie Jensen P9205A

A dog that's infested with fleas,
Revengeful, will oftentimes sneeze.
Not only to wake them,
But also to shake them
From out of their homestead of ease.
--- Irving Superior P9403

This is file mfk

Tremendously bothersome fleas,
Descended from buttonwood trees
And bit pteroactyls
On their frontals and bactyls,
With fiendish attention to knees.
--- William K Alsop P8808

There was an old lady of Weasenham,
Whose bedclothes had too many fleas in 'em.
So she covered the sheet
With pollen of wheat,
Which made all the fleas in 'em sneeze in 'em.
--- Richard Murdoch

I once traind an army of fleas
To dine upon smegma and cheese.
Platoon twenty-four
Cleaned up an old whore.
I charged her the usual fees.
--- H Welchel

A pioneer settler named Adam.
When it came to fleas -- well, he had 'em.
Then he gave some to Eve,
So she threatened to leave,
'Cause she said the Good Lord forbad 'em.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401

An Italian named Sal Genovese
Was troubled a lot with black fleas.
They fill up his bed,
And infested his head.
And don't ask me where else, if you please!
--- Larry Wilde

I love all trees and buzzing bees,
And great things like the Seven Seas.
Everything global
Makes me feel noble,
But I still have a problem with fleas.
--- Ernest Lefever Lib Lim

There was an old man of Tralee,
Who was bothered and bit by a flea.
So he put out the light,
Saying, "Now he can't bite,
For he'll never be able to see."
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

A patient young maid from Dundee
Was training an obdurate flea;
When commanded to jump
He would sit on his rump,
Which made him much harder to see.
--- Lims Unlimited

Eating soup in a restaurant at Hyde,
A chap stared in horror and cried,
"Good gracious! Oh dear!
What's that fly doing here?"
"Looks like backstroke," the waiter replied.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

When fireflies are out, the night's full
Of sparkling lights; its a sight full
Of glitter and glow,
A twinkling show.
Fireflies have a way that's delightful.
--- Silvia S Crockett P0106

The Firefly, as all of you know,
Has a rear end renowned for its glow.
If nature allowed
Me to be so endowed,
I could outshine a Las Vegas show.
--- John Tomlinson

A low-down pub-crawler from Nottingham
Finds flies on the bar, and starts swatting 'em.
The bastard, the sod,
With paper, by God,
Plus knife he starts scraping and blotting 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 222

Uncle Switch grumbles, "Every time I
Take a swat at that bluebottle fly,
The smart little rotter
Gets ahold of the swatter,
And bops me right smack in the eye."
--- X J Kennedy P9705

"Hey, waiter, my soup's got a fly in,
And it looks like the poor fly is dyin'!
Will the Heimlich maneuver
Help him to recover?"
"I doubt it... well, not without dryin'"
--- Anon

"Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it!"
"With Vatican Soup that's a requisite!
You unzip the zipper
And out pops quite chipper,
A Latin-reciting young Jesuit!"
--- Tutta Gioia

"Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it!"
"That's because with the chef, you're a favorite.
But keep your voice down,
Don't spread it 'round town,
Or all will demand the same benefit."
--- Tutta Gioia

"Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it,
I think that the little chap's trying it.
I wish very much that
He had chosen hot fat,
And then, as you guessed, he could fry in it."
--- Professor

Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it;
I do hope that he doesn't cry in it.
It's already quite thin,
And with tears going in,
I would have to consider not buyin' it.
--- Professor

Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it!
Now it's not that I care a whit;
He's just swimming, that's all,
Doing the Australian crawl,
But I hope he doesn't decide to shit.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A fly that's unpleasantly near
Starts humming in your atmosphere.
Do not take a swing,
You'll miss the damn thing,
And he'll kamikaze your ear.
--- Irving Superior P9611

A young confused fly named McFallen,
Was arrested for gathering pollen.
The bee unions sneer
At this choice of career;
Procreation just wasn't his callin'.
--- Anon

"I fear there's a fly on the filet,"
Said a diner at an Inn Holiday.
"If there's a fee, I'll fly
To a martini dry
At the Hilton, where the bongs fee-play."

(please explain - McW)
--- R W Jackson P8711

"Hey waiter! My soup's got a fly in!
What a dumb place for to die in.
This ain't no damn joke;
He's doing breast-stroke,
'Cause the soups so hot that he's fryin'!
--- Oddo Von Schlong TP9901

Hey waiter, my soup's got a fly in it,
I think that the little chap's trying it.
I wish very much that
He had chosen hot fat,
And then, as you've guessed, he could fry in it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A fly said, "It's not very funny.
Bees live on nectar and honey.
Because I'm a fly,
From birth till I die,
I have to hang out in the dungy.
--- Anon

A whale has a wang like a totem,
And a skunk makes a stink when you've smote 'em.
But a moth often struts
'Bout the size of his nuts,
'Causae the gnat has a skimpier scrotum.
--- Hugh Clary

A fly said, "Now if you intend
To join me for supper, my friend,
Try the sugar and ham --
But keep off the jam,
Or you'll come to a real sticky end."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Old Hi had his eye on a fly.
He said: "I want you to die,
And I'll tell you what.
I'm going to swat
You BOP!, right out of the sky!"
--- William K Alsop Jr

In Brownsville, a cowboy named Tex
Has fun swatting flies with his sex.
Those knowing its length
And inordinate strength,
Say it gives flies disastrous effects.
--- Larry Wilde

There was a young fellow of Fareham,
Who said, "I hate flies. I can't bear 'em.
When I'm drinking my beer
And they come buzzing near,
I make funny faces to scare 'em.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

I'd better confess 'fore I die,
I tortured an innocent fly,
By removing its wings
And it's legs, of all things;
My excuse? I was only...so high.
--- Peter Wilkins

A tse-tse fly, wholly at sea,
Unsure whom to bite, you or me,
At last settled on you
Who then whacked him in two,
And the tse-tse fly now is a tse.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9409

Flies will spread much more disease
Than all of the world's many fleas.
If it is your intention
To aid in prevention,
Please keep yours zipped up, if you please.
--- Lichtman

An amoeba named Sam, and his brother,
Were having a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split their sides laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.
--- Anon


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